How to make husband realize that chastity is not just about sex rather a way of life (FLR)?

You need to be consistant and not waver from what you say. If you tell him no release from chastity for 3 days, you need to stick with that, no matter how much he whines or begs. Let him know there are consequences for not following your lead. I doubt, since is currently an alpha male, he is going to agree to stretching out across your knee at first, but after a few days of being locked, you will find he will be a lot more willing to do what you request from him. Be firm in your convictions. If he breaks you down once, he will try again.

 

I find this subject fascinating.....
My slave is oh so submissive when we play ( and he is getting all that he wants ) but out of the bedroom and in "real life " is where the hard bit starts.
He is very difficult to keep in the zone.
I would like him to wear his collar and device with nothing else but we have kids.
I know that he finds all of the chastity/dominance very horny but I want to take things further and feel that this lack of commitment (which is how I see it ) outside of our playtime undermines me.
The trouble is I am now a Mistress, it is "in" me and now always will be. He was the one that started all of this so he had better shape up or Mistress will start getting more than dominant....

To your plight;
I agree that you must stick to your rules at all times.
Never stray from your path
Be sure of what you want
Make everything clear to him
Go for what you desire, he is the sub
Tease and play with him, make him feel wanted
Be strong and dominant, it IS in you to be the Mistress you desire

I think I had better take a bit of my own advice lol !!
Good luck and crack that whip !!

 

To start with things never turn out as they do on all the forums and in articles about chastity etc everyone is different and no one method works with all relationships. As it was something he suggested first you have the advantage of knowing it is something that excites him so use that to your advantage, inform him of how long you want him in the device (be realistic) at the start and dont make too big a deal of any problems encountered for a while as things bed in. If you find he is as you fear just expecting this to be an add on leading up to sex for him you will need to make him aware that it is not and that if he wants you to take a role in this then he must stick to certain requirements you set for him. If he whines and tries to get out of the agreement let him out of the device but tell him first if you do that will be the last time you indulge him in his fantasy. Many here will tell you how hard it is to keep up the wearing of a device and being submissive after the initial excitement of starting playing is but it would be so much worse to then be released and told it would never happen again.

 

To your plight;
I agree that you must stick to your rules at all times.
Never stray from your path
Be sure of what you want
Make everything clear to him
Go for what you desire, he is the sub
Tease and play with him, make him feel wanted
Be strong and dominant, it IS in you to be the Mistress you desire

I think I had better take a bit of my own advice lol !!
Good luck and crack that whip !!

Delightful and dead on, Mistress Deborah. As a sub, we begin by expecting too much. The real lesson is realizing our need to be controlled as much during the hum drum times as well as when we are feeling "frisky". Once our Mistress establishes Her control and makes it clear that Everything is about Her wishes, Her pleasure, and Her control. we adapt and learn. Our real training is simply learning what we do is all about HER, and not us.

 

In my very humble opinion, I suggest you lock him up for a period of 3 - 4 weeks. as everyone else has said you must be strong and not waiver, if he is anything like me he will beg and cry to be released . You must stand firm it is the only way he will learn about submission and control.

 

I'd go further. I'd make it about 6 weeks, and if you've not already done so measure him up for something metal (e.g. MM) a.s.a.p. A good solid period of frustration and nothing he can do about it makes an ideal "breaking in". And make him know you've got him by the balls.

 

But HE asked for it first!

 

Just read this: http://www.tpe.com/~altarboy/nt080109.htm
The initial 'break in' period should be (at least) 3 months, better is 1 year. After that you can choose his routine. Good luck!

 

Mistress Deborah

I know I am not in the zone.
I am trying hard - I am collared today as you know - I am wearing knickers today not pants as you know.
I will try my best ...
I hope I can shape up as you put it - but worry on how much you expect...

wanchine

Breaking "in" or what has been suggested above for long periods I think is very risky - you could end up putting him off it totally - surely it would be better to do a short burst - give him the reward - lock him up again and then not tell him when its coming off? The most frustrating time is when you have no end time set?

Best Wishes
Slave Phil

 

If he has never worn a chastity device before then you must make sure that he is properly shaved before putting it on him. I would further suggest that for the first few occasions you keep it to a relatively short period of him wearing it, say 1-2 days, gradually increasing the time. A device can be really uncomfortable the first few times and if you and he are sincere about it, you will not want to put him off it permanently.

 

First of all, welcome to the site, Wanchine!!!

My advice for the first week? Lock it on and don't take it off.

Of course, the same could apply for the second, third, and fourth weeks as well. After a month or so, I'd be willing to bet your hubby will begin to get the general idea. LOL

 

I agree with Lady Germaine. Make it a week but give him a lot of feedback. Toy with him, be a flirt, and give subtle tease. Tell him how good it will feel when he does get unlocked. Have fun and see if it is what the two of you really want. There will be time down the road to get more serious.

My hubbie would absolutely love it if I told him when he would be released, and put him on a schedule. The fact is, I don't want a scheduled release for him. I have no idea what I'm going to feel like on Dec. 9 at 10PM. I like the idea of keeping him guessing. Will it be tonight or ???

And a warm welcome.

 

I agree L, it's the best way

 

I agree too.

 

Not knowing creates the most wonderful sense of dependence and devotion in me. And having to abide and endure at the mere whim of one's Lady creates a genuine dynamic of humbled submission.

Tonight...tomorrow...next week...next month...next? (shiver!)

 

Hello Wanchine,

Firstly I'd like to say not to worry about your husband being an alpha male. I'm an alpha male and my partner loves this, especially as I am her bitch. She gets a real kick off seeing what she is able to reduce me to.

Secondly there are many good post on this page. I would however, in regard to the initial denial length, edge on the side of caution at first. After as little as a few days he will be climbing the wall and begging for release. I agree with charles, you do not want to put him off. Besides it should be something that is fun and personal to just you two, take it ease and enjoy it.

 

For us, it works because we separate how we act when together from how we act when we're not. Just because he's "alpha" doesn't mean he needs to change who he is in general, just how he interacts with you. He should be mindful of your wishes, desires, and needs; he should always put them first.
To me, that kind of acting isn't necessarily D/s. It's chivalrous, gentlemanly, and proper. Only in recent history (western history) have men been pressured by society to objectify and dominate women within a relationship and in general. There was a time when men were expected to be 'manly' as in brave, assertive, and powerful; yet when returning home to their wives be gentle, caring, vulnerable to their love. To me, this is the ultimate of manliness. To be strong as a man, yet willing and able to be vulnerable to their wife/gf/Mistress/etc. and to please her in anyway she desires.
I also feel that puts a lot of responsibility on the female in the relationship to ensure the emotional and psychological well being of her man. Telling your husband to serve you in the ways you desire isn't selfish as long as it serves a purpose other than the obvious: an opportunity for him to prove his devotion to you and when (or if) he does well, he is fulfilled by your affirmation that he has pleased you.
Now add chastity to that equation. Just another way for him to prove himself to you.
Naturally this is just my opinion and my take on a good way for relationships to work. Just one of an endless list of possibilities of how a relationship could be.
As far a "breaking" him, a serious conversation about your expectations and goals should do. IMO, he should be willing to give this a try for nothing else but to make you happy. His tendency to be dominating is something that can change within your relationship if that is what you wish. But he should understand that just because you wish him to take your lead doesn't necessarily mean he has to change who he is, just how he is with you.
In my relationship with my GF, I must constantly work at being the best man I possibly can for her. There are things I need to change about how I act/react now that we are together. Constant communication and feedback is a good thing for any relationship, D/s or otherwise. If that communication loop is already established in your relationship, a journey into FLR and D/s is worth exploring and working towards together. However, taking a fantasy and forcing reality on it too quickly may prove to be a disaster. Much time and effort will most likely be needed.
As with anything posted in a forum, a grain of salt is recommended. If the shoe fits, as they say. If not, hopefully the lingering presence of my two cents on the interwebs will be of use to others in the future