“Locked and forgotten” - the not so fun frustration

Locked and forgotten = ignoring >> resentment

Locked >> Frustration
Teasing >> Stimulation
Frustration + Stimulation = Submission & Service (flrjoy.com)

 

This is something I am trying to do. My wife wants me to apply her nail polish to her feet which is such a turn on.
She also wants back massages again this drives me wild.
I will not do these things for her unless she agrees to me wearing my cage whilst doing these things for her.
She still does not insist or ask me to wear my cage which is something I would like so I need to withhold things she wants.
I do hope that she will want me to lock up and serve her as it is what I want, she knows it yet still will not.
I know to be patient but I would appreciate more control from my wife and then I would happily do everything she asks for.

 

Hear, hear. Everyone's different. Some people crave being branded, etc., etc. You do you!

Peace.

 

Is plain old low libido a "medical issue"? Sure is common as we all age.

I would add
- Your sex life is broken and you've been roommates for so long that her remembering her intention to tease you is difficult for her.

Intentions are easy. We all have many that we hold and yet completely fail to make real.

And then there are the inhibitions from being sexless for so long. We're both incredibly inhibited. We've forgotten how to lust for the other. I don't remember what it feels like to be inside her. We have the intention to have PIV sex, and I wear the cage while we attempt to get there, but old, comfortable habits die hard.

Peace!

 

I'm glad that is true for you, but please don't generalize. There are plenty of reasons a couple cannot have "wild hot sex" past 30. There are plenty of reasons a couple doesn't make "wild sex" a priority. Want to know some? Just ask.

 

True, been there, done that. But in retrospect, it was a mistake not to attack that issue with all my might. Humans have a huge gift. We have passion. Our lives can be filled with it. I never want to lose it again.

 

Not wanting to make it a priority is an option everyone has. But can’t (other than health)? Yes, I would like some examples?

 

There are classes out there for women to restore their libido and/or to learn to orgasm. It is too sad to miss out on one life's greatest experiences.

 

Posit: Sex is a hobby. Debate. So a couple or one partner in a couple may not have the combination of time and interest in sex.

One partner’s gradual exploration down the rabbit hole of darker and darker fantasy, fueled by porn, may make mutually satisfying sexual encounters difficult. Ask me.

Past trauma may make sex unappealing (for example, dirty), or make a person unable to be vulnerable enough to get turned on and enjoy it.

One partner may have acquired a physical appearance that repulses the other (weight, lack of hygiene, sloppy appearance).

And, of course, many couples as we age simply grow apart. Lack of deep love - treating your partner as someone you are obliged to say married to, but do not enjoy the company of - drives a wedge into the relationship, and sex is the first thing to go. So while that may not be “a reason a couple over thirty cannot have wild sex”, it is the most common way couples mature, and it is tantamount to one. Waving it off as not a reason trivializes how extremely difficult it is to maintain a loving marriage, much less a loving AND sexually active one.

Peace.

 

I’m going to put trauma under the health exception, while being clear the it is not a obstacle that cannot be overcome for everyone. I’m not minimizing any of the challenges you reference. However all but the trauma that you list comes down to how you prioritize sex in your personal life. No judgement here, full stop.

 

I agree with you but obviously it's not always so simple. But sometimes life isn't simple. I'm getting some, so I'm happy, but I have friends who don't. And I don't understand how they stay sane. It's not that they don't care. They want it bad, their spouse is just not interested. And I don't know if there are serious health issues or if it's just some kind of lack of desire on the part of the spouse. So trying not to judge, but to my friends, I feel, "Look you guys are married. This person desires sexual intimacy and hasn't had it in fucking years. Don't you care about their needs? They want it with you. Don't you appreciate that?" But none of my business, and obviously it's not always simple. But this is big stuff and shouldn't be trivialized with a ho-hum, I tried, just not interested.

 

Debate all you like the OP has never returned.

 

I brought it up one time maybe two times that locked and forgotten was bad for the arrangement, so I asked if she liked me locked or not, her answer was a simple yes, and she instructed me that it was going to stay locked. That was definitely positive reinforcement for sure.

 

If you have to convince her to agree that caging you and keeping the key either on a chain on her ankle or on a nice necklace is a good thing and if you can demonstrate how that changes you to her benefit in a big way you have started on the right track …. If you’re on the wrong track … start over.

 

It seems to me the problem you are really speaking about is her lack of interest in anything sexual. Otherwise, you wouldn't consider yourself "forgotten".

I just ready a short blog post that I find to be very helpful. It describes what I have found successful in my marriage.

 

I understand. It comes down to how "legalistic" (dogmatic? literal?) we want to be about "can".

Just like how legalistic we want to be about "need" as in "I really, really, really need an orgasm! Please!!"

Peace!

 

I've discovered in my own experience that I don't need orgasms but I do need intimacy. I think many other men on this site have found they can live without orgasms thus they are locked permanently. ( I just prefer to enjoy them from time to time. )

 

You are correct life is not simple. But it’s also not a dress rehearsal.

 

Your absolutely correct. You also don’t need companionship, friendship, housing exercise, hobbies etc. etc, It’s your life, live it.

 

One day it finally clicked for me: Mrs. KyDave has a much shorter release cycle than I envisioned.

At first I tried to talk her into making me wait longer. Then she explained that she likes to please me as much as I do her. She added that it's not any diffent than me "getting off on getting her off." So for us, chastity isn't measured in weeks or months.

We measure it by how deeply we connect irrespective of the cage. In that sense, the cage is an ever present reminder of exactly from whom I should look for physical pleasure. I am so blessed to have a wife that embraces both my chastity and the pleasure she gets from "finishing" me.

This is far and away from the OP's circumstance. For us, the whole chaste adventure is about wide open communication and a mutual desire to love and serve the other. I don't have any direct advice for the OP. If I felt the way he does, I would put the cage in a drawer for a few weeks and talk in great detail about what we both want and expect form male chastity.

If we came to a complete understanding of each other and agreement about there "terms," so to speak, then I'd put it back on.

If we didn't both get to the same page about it, I'd sell it on eBay and just love her like I vowed to do at our wedding. Your milage may vary.

 

Great story! I'm grateful my wife gets off on my orgasms too!