Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Thank you for your kind words @bondinchas ! I've found the captions on this site incredibly helpful - not because most of them really do it for me but because they're a little window into corners of the male psyche, or at least MyPete's mind, that I wouldn't have discovered so easily otherwise. I wanted to try to give something back, hence these captions of mine. I'll try to post a few more over the coming days - doing them is a lovely respite from family bickering... ;-) Sal

 

We're on our own again, at last. It was lovely seeing family and friends, but a bit full-on. We've been teasing eac other a lot over the last few days, which has been a nice distraction. There was an absolutely brilliant moment yesterday when one of the neighbours called by with her dog on her way out for a walk. She said something to MyPete about animals needing exercise whatever the weather. I said that it would be cruel to keep your pet cooped up without any exercise. And of course, poor thing, he's not to know when you have it in mind to release him. The neighbour was scratching the dog's ears but I looked straight at MyPete and held his gaze until he looked away. I know it sounds mad but that was one of the most powerfully erotic moments of the year.

Last night, I could tell he was about as frustrated as he can be. Even though there were still people around, I could see he was mentally undressing me. I went and changed into the baggiest pullover I could find, and I could tell he got the message - which was exciting too. Last night we had people staying and there sin't much privacy (or at least, soundproofing) so we just cuddled and I fell asleep with my hand on his cage.

This morning, we were finally alone. I unlocked him and we had a lovely long shower together and he pointed out that we were both desperate and needed to come. He was right about that but he was going to have to go out soon so I said that it would be better to wait until we had more time - maybe tonight or tomorrow. He looked crestfallen but accepting. Then I did an evil thing. I said that what I meant was that it would be better for him to wait, whereas I definitely needed some release right away. He thought I meant that he would play a part in this and was about to trot off to find Little Bear and warm it up, but I told him to just sit on the end of the bed and watch, keeping his hands behind his back.

I didn't use any toys or anything. Just simple and straightforward and nice and slow. He was still unlocked and throbbing away, frustrated and desperate and watching me. Gazing at him gazing at me was sublimely erotic, and yet again, the moment when he looked away I could tell both our stomachs flipped.

We needed some frozen peas to help wrangle him into the cage. As I was locking him, (blissful moment!) he asked about tonight and I told him that because I'd already come, I wasn't so desperate any more. And I packed him off on his errands.

I'm going to the gym in a minute and then seeing Laura for lunch and shopping. And unbeknownst to MyPete, I do definitely want to unlock him this evening. I want to feel filled by him, and it's time to do something about his frustration, but I'll text-tease him a bit more during the day.

Sal

 

Carrying on from my previous entry, it was a bit of a mixed day last Thursday. A lot happened, so excuse this long post – as ever writing this helps me gets my thoughts straight and steadies me. I’ve found that writing things down helps me sleep - otherwise everything’s spinning in my head!

I got to the gym mid-morning in the middle of a fire drill. There were quite a few people post-Christmas – among them a woman called Kate who I’ve seen a few times - twice now in the changing room wearing a key suspiciously similar to mine around her ankle. I’d mentioned something once about us both having similar keys but our conversation never went any further than that. This time, I think we were both pleased to see a familiar face, especially in the rain, and we ended up chatting for a bit. Then as we were changing, I noticed her chain and remarked that she still had it. She just said, “Yup, still there” and then changed the subject, but she smiled slightly. This made me all the more curious of course but I didn’t say anything else as she clearly hadn’t expressed any curiosity about mine. I thought afterwards that if it had been the other way around, with her remarking on my key, I might have been as circumspect as she had been. Or she might have forgotten about my key – it’s a while since we’ve even seen each other at the gym and I wear it very discreetly.

Then lunch with Laura. Or more like, shopping, lunch and a bit more shopping. I noticed that Laura was in a lighthearted mood and that she bought several things which were quite sexy. Nothing extreme but definitely less formal than her normal workwear. Meanwhile, I was stocking up on waterproofs and pullovers, although I did splash out on a couple of lacy things. We find each other easy to be with and never seem to run out of things to chat about. It’s slightly flirtatious Among all the other stuff, we did talk about MyPete and her Paul. I told her that things seemed to be going pretty well, although we’d found Christmas a bit stressful being surrounded by so many people and unable to get away. I said that I still miss the intimacy of ‘ordinary’ lovemaking (ie PIV sex, ugh ugh ugh ghastly term!) which happens less frequently now than it used to. Of course, we have some satisfying and enjoyable workarounds, and substitutes which are much more frequent now, but they’re different. She pointed out, as others have here, that being in control means that I can just ask for what I want, but in practice it would mean dissipating his frustration – which is also something I enjoy.

I asked how things were going with Paul, which was like opening the floodgates! She said things were going better between them both than they had in absolutely ages. At about the same time she’d decided that their relationship needed a ‘reset’, he’d been given a big end-of-year bonus at work and a strong steer that he’d be promoted soon, which had made him feel valued and less like having to make a point all the time about him being important. And she said that playing with the chastity cage for a few hours or a day here or there had somehow prompted them to have a much deeper discussion about their relationship and what was, and wasn’t, working.

As an experiment, they’ve tried making their relationship much more female-led, and she didn’t mean just in the bedroom but in a lot of the rest of their lives. I said this was precisely what MyPete and I hadn’t wanted. Laura said that was perhaps because MyPete is generally grounded in himself while her Paul has a tendency to make a point of ‘being in the lead’ when it comes to everyday things, even when they're not things he especially knows about. She gestured with her fingers and said about her Paul that there was a touch of ‘small man syndrome’, which she said didn’t bother her physically, but she said it seemed to spill out into the way he acted about everyday things, over asserting himself. (I asked if this had anything to do with her having suggested a while back that I come and observe a 'measurement'. She was a bit sheepish about that and said she was embarrassed to admit that she had indeed wondered about 'breaking him in' a bit (which sounds alarming to me) by having me along. She said at that time he hadn't yet fully accepted her proposal to take the lead and she'd thought that would tip him over the edge as he'd never given the impression of realising that he was on the small side 'down there', although he's actually tallish).

She made it clear that this ‘female-led thing’ of theirs was not extreme but more like a subtle deference to her opinions, in place of a not-so-subtle deference to his that had happened by default and didn’t seem to suit either of them. She thought that playing with the ‘device’ had helped to prompt the conversation that they should have had ages ago. I asked if they were planning to continue with it. She said she wasn’t sure, but they would probably experiment with something a bit better made as this one was a bit of a cheap toy. I said something jokey about not squishing him and she said (grinning) that there wasn’t too much chance of that. Then the conversation moved on.

After what had happened (or ‘not happened’, evil grin) with MyPete that morning and the conversation with Laura, and buying undies, I was enjoyably distracted, and conscious of having decided to unlock him that evening, although of course I hadn’t told him that. I felt excited with the anticipation. When I’d packed him off in the morning he was about as frustrated as he could be and I sent him a series of saucy texts to wind him up even more, if that was possible. At about four in the afternoon, I asked him if he could be home in good time as I was cooking a post-Christmas-celebrating-being-on-our-own dinner and he said yes of course. I texted him back ‘INTBF’. (Our code – I need to be filled). And then I actually spilled the beans – which I normally never do – and told him I would be unlocking him after dinner because I wanted to be filled by him, himself and not a substitute.

By the time he got back, I’d not only cooked a nice stew (low effort!) and found some decent wine (reasonably low effort) but had managed to change and add a bit of lippy and mascara so it looked like I’d tried (a good deal more effort!) and was even clopping around in heels. They’re not mega-high (I can’t do stilettos) but they are a bit of a signal. It was lovely to be so excited and to see him the same way. I sent him off to the shower and enjoyed watching him wash while I sat on the edge of the bath with my glass of wine. When I stare at the cage for a while it makes him gloriously self-conscious.

After a successfully flirtatious dinner - he kept ogling my boobs, which is a sure sign of his desperation - we had the longest kiss ever, all the time with my hand on his cage. I made a bit of a joke about maybe changing my mind about unlocking him, but by that time we both knew I wasn’t serious. I feel a wonderful little thrill every time I put the key in the lock and love the way it immediately springs to attention – it’s not ‘his’, I keep telling myself but ‘ours’. After what felt like a whole day of foreplay, I just told him to take me.

I knew he wouldn’t last long – he never does after he’s been locked for a while and I know to command him to come when I sense he’s really close. By doing that, I know I’m only accelerating the inevitable, but it makes him feel like it’s not his responsibility and stops him feeling anxious about coming too soon. This time it was very quick indeed, but we both knew that we would spend the next couple of hours chatting and playing while his body got ready for round two, which would be properly satisfying for both of us.

The chats and canoodling were lovely, but then things didn’t go quite as planned. We had just started round two - with him in charge (except of course with me allowing him to be in charge, hehe) and it felt just right – slow and deliberate and I was losing myself in the moment with that lovely warm feeling, when all of a sudden, and much, much, much sooner than either of us expected, he came. Of course, that happens sometimes, but unfortunately because it caught me so unawares, there were a few seconds when I didn’t manage to disguise my disappointment – I’d been enjoying the anticipation all day, and this was a kind of frustration I hadn’t wanted. And with a bump, I was back in the mode of being responsible and feeling just a little annoyed about that, although I’d pulled myself together and disguised it.

Despite my reassurance that it really didn’t matter and anyway, as I repeatedly said, it was my responsibility and not his, MyPete was obviously fragile about it. Although he offered, I knew that asking him to use the sheath or a strap-on would be crushing and also, although I felt frustrated, I just didn’t really feel in the mood any more.

He was snoozy and I had a shower while he drifted off. When he woke up and just said, ‘oops’ with his goofy grin, I felt all melty again, although it wasn’t until the following evening that I gently gave him the signal by patting him on the head as we came out of the shower, and he treated me to at least some of the release I’d wanted. Even if I do say so myself, I have trained him to be superb at that. It’s not just physically what he does but how well he can read me – and that’s a massive turn-on in itself.

I may have trained him to do that well, but as someone once commented on this blog, I seem also to have trained him to come much too quickly when he’s inside me. Once I’d thought about it, I realised last week wasn’t a one-off – even round two has been getting shorter and shorter to the point that it doesn’t quite satisfy me. And there’s nothing worse than having sex wondering if you’ll be able to come because as soon as you start thinking about it that way, you won’t!

I didn’t talk talked to him about it for a few days, because I hadn’t wanted it to become a ‘thing’ but last night (New Year’s Eve!) I mentioned it. Of course, I should have known it’s something he’d been aware of and worried about already. He thought that maybe being in chastity just does that to men. There are a lot of captions about that, so I have wondered about that too, but I said that if I’ve managed to train him in the ‘wrong’ direction, then I ought to be able to find a way to train him back the other way. I said I’ve read that he should ensure he pulls out before he comes, and we should try extending extend how long he lasts each time. I said that it wasn’t his responsibility but mine, and he looked incredibly relieved. I’m hoping that the captions on this site are not all to be believed but it may be that we do need to have PIV sex (another term, please!!) which I think I’d like but it would necessarily be at the expense of longer lock-up times, which we both enjoy. I like the toys and things and we both love the chastity project, but I don’t want to lose the real thing. It’s one of my New Year’s resolutions to fix this. Help!

Sorry to witter on.

Sal

PS One of my other resolutions: write shorter posts! They'll get shorter soon anyway because they're finishing work on the edit suites I work in, which means I'll be properly busy there again from next week.

 

Thank you so much @maid julie. That means a lot coming from you. You've been such a stalwart supporter (along with a small band of other kind souls) on a journey that I never thought I'd manage and that a couple of years ago, I just couldn't even have imagined. Thank you for your encouragement and advice along the way.
Thank you. Sal