Fundamentally it’s the KH’s libido that dictates the whole experience - thoughts

Everybody's different. I have only ever had one lover and She's also my only keyholder, so I really can't make any sort of more vs. less comparison. I can't even say for certain whether Her libido is low or not, but I do know that it's decreased as we have aged. So has mine. But we started chastity only after that shift, so again, I only have one experience with chastity and Her libido and mine.

Everybody's different. In our case, She struggles to remember to tease me. She doesn't want me to go down on Her. When I told Her we had crossed the two-year mark, She was shocked.

Despite all that, there is no way we're ever going back. She does want me locked; there are many benefits we both see. As a submissive man who has committed myself to serve Her, if I suffer from not enough teasing, well, too bad. Giving Her control over my erections and orgasms reinforces my commitment. It fuels intimacy. Maybe it'll help get our sex life restarted. Until then, I don't deserve to orgasm. Looking down at my caged penis makes chastity erotic, reminds me of my commitment, and pushes my submissive buttons.

 

Well he did say statistically. That usually means that it doesn't apply to everyone.

 

True! But it applies to a majority! Most of us won't find the sexually spontaneous female!

 

This is where we are at. My wife has nowhere near the sex drive I have but she does love playing with me and humiliating me. So as long as I’m a good boy, I get playtime regularly. Of course you have to have a partner that finds it very enjoyable to play and fuck with you, after all, I doubt she’s getting anything sexual out of it. What she does love is the mental control over me.

 

YMMV! Mine gets aroused making me squirm, spasm, jerk and moan! Easiest foreplay for me to get her ready!

 

I've found this to be the case. My KH was a man and while their sex drive was always lower than mine, it was spontaneous, like an itch that needed scratching. They've since come out as a trans women and are on feminising hormones. Sex drive is now even lower and arousal is responsive. I have to be more attentive, stroke her hair, kiss her softly on the neck etc.

 

I've seen this with my own wife, in that pre-menopause she had what I'd call a 'normal' libido, in that there were ups and downs, but we were generally having sex about once a week, with teasing and other intimacy during the week. Chastity was a good thing to keep me focused and ready for her, helping to align us. Chastity was fun.

Over the last few months, though, she's lost any and all interest due to menopause. It's not even about the lack of actual sex, my biggest problem is that there is just no intimacy at all... no teasing, no interaction, and no unlocking. Chastity rather sucks, frankly.

So, yeah, in my experience the KH's libido can completely change the chastity experience.

 

My kh is postmenopausal and she says her libido is higher than it's ever been. She loves oral now it's on demand and I'm caged and likes pulling my head to grind my face, locking my head with her thighs and ejaculating in my mouth. She's really taken to have a chastity slave and I think maybe she has discovered her inner libido which may have always been there, just not the right man to explore it with. Occasionally she will order me to just massage her feet or back but usually she demands oral at least once a day when we see each other and will usually cum 2 to 3 times each occasion. She makes it clear she can do without and it is a privilege she can and has taken away to make a point.

 

That's certainly been our experience. My libido seems to change quite a bit during the month and also depending how much work I've got on. When I'm less keen I have to actively set reminders for myself to send little teasing texts to try to keep MyPete delightfully frustrated, rather than irritated and feeling forgotten. I sometimes find that quite hard to do, especially when I'm not completely in the mood, but seeing his response to them feels nice, even though I don't always instantly feel excited. He sometimes wants to pleasure me when I'm not in the mood but a firm 'no' usually suffices - the way we are is generally for me to take the lead, which both of us enjoy (except sometimes when I wish it was the other way around). I do feel guilty though, when I get to feel satisfied and he doesn't, even though we both know that's what he wants, and I enjoy the feeling of power. Power and guilt at the same time! Sal

 

We are in our 70's so my wife's libido is low but still needs an orgams a week or so. My wife can reach orgams in under a minute with a vibrator. She was the premature ejaculator in our marriage. Plus she is bi with a leaning more towards women so not a penis or seman fan. When we moved away from our girlfriend of 30 years we found ourselves monogamous again. We hardly had any sex since we were used to threesomes with our gf. I had been cut off from intercourse over 30 years or more ago. Oral maybe once or twice a year on special occasions and only if I has for it. My wife says it makes her orgasm too quickly and that is true. As soon as my tongue reaches her clit she cums.

For us chastity was a good solution for the last 14 years. At our age medical issues usually cause a pause in chastity each year. I had two surgeries last year and before that my wife had a hip replacement and we both had other issues too. Usually I got 3-4 orgasms when locked. Now my wife said no more orgasms and she is adamant about it. So far so good entering my 4trh month of no more orgasms. She likes me horny for her and does not want to go back to the way we used to do chastity. Of course, medical issues will arise but if I have any orgasms it will not be by her. In fact, they have not been by her for as long as I can remember. She stopped oral decades ago and basically just let me jerk off when it was time for me to orgasm.

So while I am locked up 24/7 that is dependent on medical issues and a few weeks free after each year until now. I finally have a very comfortable and light chastity cage that my balls cannot escape from. I am wearing a KINK3D with the curved ring that reduces the gap because one of my balls is smaller than the other and most cages only have the same ring in different sizes. This one closes the gap and is perfect for me. To make it even lighter I use a plastic serially numbered lock and I seldom think about my cage except when I pee.

We have always had a non traditional sex life. Mostly fetish and mostly involving other girls. Our old girlfriend was a feminist who enjoyed sexually torturing me. My wife got into denying me when we found out that I was sterile. On top of that I got ED and gained a lot of weight. I lost 100 lbs in the last 12 months and while not at my optimum weight, I am close to it. I do not like normal sex. I need pain and domination. All three of my long term lovers are bisexual mostly because they were into threesomes with girls. It was weird going from having regular sex with two women at the same time and then one on one afterwards, to monogamy once a week. Chastity has made it easier to endure.

 

Life would be better if libido's just matched up. Shame the higher sex partner has to suffer.

 

“Suffer”??

 

Yes the KH's libido is important, but so is the man's.
With a low libido, would chastity have any effect on him?

 

My wife is going through menopause and is on hrt . On a day to day basis she will only occasionally tease me or even mention sex especially during the week .
But she loves the fact that I'm a much nicer person to be around when locked and sex is always on her terms and actually is now more frequent that ever .99 % of the time I'm kept locked and it's all for her but I absolutely love this denial .I think the total lack of pressure to preform on her part is the secret .

 

Excellent thread and fair play to the posters that have been honest. I think when couples approach chastity at first they think it will fix a flagging sex life, and that their wife will suddenly become the sex kitten of their dreams.
I think we men eventually find out this is not the case. So what do we do then that's the bigger question.
In my situation my wife has really struggled with the effect that menopause has had on her sex drivel

So how do we cope. Well firstly chastity was my idea my kink if you like not hers, she is very comfortable with the cage and does tease on occasions, but always in a fun manner .l is it as much as I'd like well No, but when it happens I treasure them
I'm locked 24/7 we used to have a monthly release date , but at the moment we are on just a release when she wants the longest was 11 weeks.
We have found a groove that fits our life. My wife knows I'm happy to be locked and actually one of her teases is if I don't behave she'll unlock me lol.
I personally thing that chastity works in every partnership and if it fails. And if men were honest and looked in the mirror they might realise it would be their fault, from putting to much pressure on their partner and having far to excessive expectations on a person who maybe struggling with day to day life especially during menopause years .
My advise would be forget all the fantasy posts you read in places , enjoy chastity on whatever level it happens . The simple fact that my wife accepts cage interacts when and how she wants is actually chastity and I love it

 

I loved your post and I think you are spot on.

We were a bit of an exception in that we had a sexless marriage. When I asked my wife to hold my key because of my secret masturbation and porn habit, she took it and we ran with it. I wouldn't call her a sex kitten, but I told her this week she was a nymph sent by God to minister to me and tease me, which she does amazingly well. She controls our sex life and it is beyond my dreams! Chastity has tamed me and made me even more focused on her pleasure and not my own. That has led to more sexual intimacy than I ever imagined. Yet my spontaneous libido ALWAYS wants more!

That's it!

 

yes i think also my KH’s (wife’s) libido fluctuates with her menstruation cycle.. gradual build up upto the week before, then full on demanding, then a lull. You sort of see the signs after 13 years

 

Birth control pills affect it as well.

 

Here's what we've found.

The idea of spontaneous and responsive libido's are very spot on. And an important part of a feedback loop.

We were in somewhat of a disconnected/sexless marriage. Typical story (kids, routine, etc), and eventually we reached a point where we wanted to change it.

I had to overcome my own past issues of shame and feeling not good enough.
She had to overcome her own past issues of not feeling worthy of pleasure and scripts that sex is bad

Then we had to learn to get out of our heads, feel into our bodies and relax enough to enjoy pleasure. Especially for her, to experiment and figure out what turns her on. By herself, with me, and really tune in how to turn on. And she can do that much faster now.

After that, learning that as a couple, learning what we each really wanted from each other and what feels good.

Then, being comfortable and able to articulate that. Feeling deserving that it's OK to want...whatever we want. And have a safe space for each other to express and play around with it. Chastity, a back rub, crazy teasing session and denial, or snuggle on the couch, for her a deliciously slow exploration of her body leading to an eventual orgasm. We create dedicated "sandbox" times to simply try stuff and see what happens. No expectations, just lots of discussion, trial and error, and laughing if it doesn't go right. Exquisite pleasure if it does.

The real key to making this all work lies in the differences between masculine and feminine (yin and yang if you will). We need to both be in our respective places (and that can alternate back and forth where she is in a more masculine space and I in a more feminine). But predominantly I am more in my masculine day to day, providing for her and the family, ensuring safety, getting stuff done, etc. Allowing her to be in a more nurturing, free flowing feminine.

Then here's where spontaneous and responsive come in. We know I sexually light up quickly, and she takes a while. And, she needs my masculine containment to relax into her feminine. When that happens and she lights up my masculine sexual energy and feels my desire for her, she gets on fire very quickly, which further charges me up, and off we go.

Chastity is a force multiplier for this, in that it focuses all of my energy on her, and through her control frees her up to use my sexual arousal and frustration however she likes.

Like this morning (after a wild passionate session last night) she gave me some amazing teasing and got me all worked up for the day, then back in the cage, and said tonight she wants a long slow session to drive her to a wild orgasm.

Now I'm in a great space, charged up and full of energy, craving release and an orgasm...which I use to get stuff done around the house! While giving her the attention and desire she needs throughout the day.

Then this evening, me being locked, she will be able to relax into it, and my arousal will drive the feedback loop and my desire to keep pleasuring her. As others have said, by the end of today I will literally need someone to have an orgasm...99.9% chance that won't be me, so I will make sure she has the experience of a lifetime. I'll feel her energy and orgasm and it will help satisfy me.

She hasn't hit menopause yet, so that may introduce a different set of variables. But we have the basics figured out for where we are in life. And there are likely unique needs for folks with health issues.

I describe all of this because I believe that likely 50-80% of people who were in a similar situation to us can take ownership of the situation, work on specifics of healing past trauma around sex and self image/worth, learn to really feel, feel into each other, re-connect and have fun. Then use chastity to amplify it. Get very specific on learning and understanding what is preventing you each from getting what you need and fix it. One step at a time (and a lot of it can be very emotionally scary stuff, and requires very intimate and vulnerable conversation).

 

my Madams menstruation affects her libido, she suffers terrible cramps and bleeding, and the last thing on her mind is sex.

 

My Queen is well past menopause, and we have always had a healthy sex life. Although over the last few years (I’m 69 and she’s 68) it has slowed down. We have been on a once a week rhythm for some time anyway, so having me locked up for a while has made no real difference in our lives. She still needs/requires attention once a week, with the only difference being what I get, or not. It’s not like she will lock me up and forget about me, as she has needs. So yes, her libido does dictate when and how often, but it’s pretty much the same as pre chastity. I guess I lucked out.

 

I like a lot of your points there. I think that is our vibe... sexual liberation after both of us having ups and downs in relationships before we met. We are both getting tuned into the idea of sexual energy as a thing separate from my previous experiences as a male. This thing is getting so deep for us but the first thing with chastity is that it gives the female a safe space and time to express herself sexually with no other pressure or timer to worry herself about. This has been wonderful for us both but is the reason I think that she does not want to go back and my reason through the dark times of chastity... I want her to be be happy. Well said @knightly .

 

I think thats a dream for most,

I think this described our situation the best, my partner works a very physical job and so is exhausted during the week so I am lucky I get to kiss her on her bits after her shower and thats about it, although she did smack me with the paddle this morning for snoring.

What we do in regard to sex is 100% governed by her libido,if it were governed by mine there would be a LOT more activity, teasing, zapping, spanking edging you name it. She often threatens me but rarely if ever these days does it happen, she is always tired. The reality of life

That said we do tend to have a date night, and my partner will always make a effort to keep our date night unless she is completely exhausted, when that happens I let her know I love her and its ok. It rarely happens unless I have done something dumb to piss her off and thats a different story. So perhaps that effort is because she acknowledges my libido. I can honestly say when she makes an effort it always turns out good, so at least she knows that its not a chore

 

Our sex life has been steady for a number of years, usually 1-2 times per week, but maybe more if we get the house to ourselves.

When I first read about chastity, I had visions of a sex craved vixen demanding constant orgasms, all that really changed is sex is primarily focused on her needs now, not mine, and it's still 1-3 times a week.

I say her needs, that's not entirely accurate, it's more now my needs are ro satisfy her rather than chasing my own orgasm, I still chase the high of arousal, the build up to what would normally be my own orgasm, only not to get there.

She's at the early stages of menopause, that doesn't seem to negatively effect her desire, weather (the cold) and tiredness / stress have a much bigger impact

 

Very true