I am back, not sure if I am back back...

Hi all. It's been a while, hasn't it! I was a regular of the mansion for several years up until about 2020. You know, back before the world went completely bonkers. For all sorts of reasons chastity was then put to one side, along with the demands of living in an FLR and being a subby-hubby. This was never done on purpose or because of any issue with the chastity, it was more to do with the house we moved to being much smaller than the one we lived in previously (houses in the UK are stupidly expensive in comparison to most of Europe) job pressures and family issues.

Back in 2022 we decided to give male chastity another try, but then I had a medical emergency, spent several weeks in hospital and several months recovering, and the device and all associated activities got put away again. Get to the end of 2022 start of 2023 and we try again, and almost immediately I have another, totally unrelated medical emergency, end up back in hospital and now I am disabled with limited mobility and reduced in the ability to carry out the chores and responsibilities I had previously.

After a few months I began to really miss the dynamics of living in an FLR. My illness left me depressed and extremely angry, and the old ways of respect and balance in my dealings with my wife vanished. I was masturbating again only now, after many years of being chaste, normal porn had no impact and I became one of those ironic men masturbating to chastity porn.

A few weeks ago I was well enough for my wife to go away for a works reunion, and I decided to find my device and lock myself up again. I spent a week wearing the device making sure I really did want this before talking to my wife about what I had done, and was relieved that she was more than happy with my idea. She let me keep the key for another week while I REALLY made sure it was what I wanted, and whether I would cope with the demands of wearing a chastity device, before last weekend taking the key from me and resuuming the role of being my keyholder as well as my wife.

I wouldn't say we have re-ignited the entire flr, she has not made any demands of me as my mistress, we are just taking it slowly to see where it goes. I think this time I will keep wearing the device whatever happens, masturbating is so shallow an activity once you have experienced the depths of arousal that chastity can bring. As for the mansion, this place helped me a lot when I first started exploring chastity, I am just not sure I have a lot to share given my current circumstances, but I did think I would pop by and see how things were going.

 

Jemima, you always know how to make me smile. Things have been tough but I am beginning to accept it. My illness is life-changing and permanent, so no 'getting better' is possible sadly. And I promise to not watch any nasty porn or make a mess, I was unhappy doing so which is why I decided to lock myself up and ask my wife to be my mistress again. I am glad to say she has done so very enthusiastically.

 

I am just putting this here for safe keeping. It was my old signature, and isn't really relevant now, but I don't want to lose it.

2016 Elle = 72 J = 5 full + 7 ruined
2017 Elle = 40 +1 J = 5 full + 6 ruined
2018 Elle = 48 J = 2 full + 8 ruined
2019 Elle = 37 J = 2 full 8 ruined

 

It certainly has. My wife and I moved house and country back in 2020 and were so busy making a new life that the chastity was put to one side. Not exactly forgotten, but also not enforced. We tried to get things going again a few times and things always started well, but life stuff kept getting in the way. This year was the ultimate expression of that with a significant death in the family and severe illness for another family member, then I fell ill and for 9 months I wasn't even sure I would make it through.

Over time though my condition improved and I got to a point where we knew I would survive. but I still wasn't happy. I came to the realisation that it was up to me to show that even though I am not well, the chastity was important enough for me to want my wife to take control of the keys to my device once more. I put the device back on and we are just seeing where it goes. It isn't currently about any fantasy aspect of chastity, such as the enforced expectations of servitude and obediance/obeisance, but we are both showing a change in the way we treat each other, her more direct, me more respectful.

 

Wearing the device is working, it is doing what I had hoped it would. Putting the device back on wasn't about sexual fantasies or trying to instigate tease and denial sessions, both elements of chastity that my wife previously very much enjoyed. It was more about the other aspects of forced chastity that I experienced in our previous chastity episodes. I wanted to get back to being the subby hubby I had become back then, in truth, not fantasy, the side of this 'game' that was surprising but also more real and longer lasting.

The problem is my illness severely limits my mobility and makes many of the tropes of FLR and male chastity utterly impossible. I cannot kneel at my wifes feet, holding her drink like I used to. I cannot run her a bath and stand by its side while she bathed, helping by washing her feet, hair and back. I cannot do many of these things that she absolutely loved, and I have no idea how we are going to reinvigorate our intimacy. We used to collect images from Tumblr during the good old days before the purge, and act them out finding the things that turned us on. Many became regular occurences, I will never forget being made to kneel at my wife's feet with my back to the TV while she watched an entire movie. I once stood by the bed while she had a phone conversation with her mother, she never once indicating it was OK for me to get into bed.

So when I put the device back on this time it was with absolutely no demands of my wife. As I have said, I didn't even tell her for the first week, and she didn't take control of the keys for another week after that. I asked her if she was OK with me wearing it, and explained why I was doing so, and she was more than happy. She understaood why I kept the keys and let me work out whether this was really what I wanted. And since she took the keys she has not made any demands of me. This time it is about what I can offer and achieve that shows respect, not about what she demands, and she knows that.

Both of us are happy though. We spoke at the weekend about the issues regarding our lack of intimacy, and how much my ilness has impacted that side of our lives. But we both also understood that it isn't something that can just be restarted, we need to build back towards replacing the fun and games that we have lost.

Interesting times.

Oh, and she has lost the keys to my device! She let me out for a maintenance shave last weekend and cannot remember where she put them after I was locked up again!

Once this would have bothered me greatly. Now, I am only concerened that it will make keeping myself neat and tidy more difficult.

 

I locked myself up on Friday, October 20, 2023. I was locked for three days before I had a maintenance wash, and then another four days. I waited a week before telling her, had a wash and a shave before handing her the keys on Saturday 4 November. I was going to be allowed out again for a wash and shave the following Saturday, but that was when she discovered that she couldn't find the keys to my device. She didn't appear to be too bothered, they will turn up at some point.

The thing is wearing a device isn't easy, your body has to get used to the rigid metal device encircling your penis and balls, and this tiakes time. In our previous chastity based FLR I had been permanently locked for three months on more than one occasion, but that is not achievable after a long break. I can feel that my device is getting more comfortable, but if I do not shave it burns like crazy.

 

In the words of John WIck, I guess I am back, so perhaps now is the time to move my ramblings to somewhere more appropriate in the forums.