Deep breath. And... relax. Here goes

Sorry for the delay updating - we've been sort of still half on holiday.
So MyPete and HerPaul went out for a beer. My Pete was surprisingly reticent when he got back. Eventually he explained what had happened - there was bad news and good news. The bad news was that he hadn't managed to raise the subject of chastity, which after all, had been the whole point of getting them to meet. He said there had been other people around and it would have just seemed far too contrived if he'd unsubtly tried to bring up the subject, even by gently asking after Laura. He said that even asking after Laura was a very loaded conversation because of what had gone on between them (although My Pete assumes that HerPaul doesn't know about that.).

But the good news was that I could tell that MyPete genuinely wanted to start the conversation. He said that he didn't imagine he would want to share his own experiences of chastity with Her Paul in detail but just find a way of dropping it into the conversation, "like a mini-depth-charge". And then about an hour later he said that he thought it would be easier by email than face to face. He said that while they were out, there was something that HerPaul had hinted about their relationship that he thought gave him an in and that he would try, but didn't want to be rushed. I could tell he was really taking it seriously. I was actually quite surprised too but I suppose MyPete has always liked a challenge. I asked him to keep me posted and also told him how pleased I was. My hand was on his cage (it often is during intimate conversations), and he was practically purring.

Without telling him it was a reward, I unlocked him and enjoyed the look of bliss on his face and the feeling of bliss for me as he immediately stood to attention. I told him not to expect too much - just a little fresh air and exercise. He explained to me, as he has before, that he misses being in control of when he can get hard, even more than missing orgasms. I was very gentle with him - much too gentle for him to get over excited. He kept saying how much he'd missed this.

I asked about consequences month and we've had several chats about it. There's a lot to 'unpack'. He said it was thrilling to be so totally out of control. He said he knew he was being completely manipulated (being placed lower than me while we were sitting, him having fewer clothes etc) but even though he knew exactly what game I was playing he said he found it impossible to resist. He said the repetition and reinforcement sometimes made him almost forget part of who he was, which was exciting and scary at the same time, but more the latter than the former. He said being waxed was humiliating but that he'd found it arousing too - especially when he'd seen how much I'd enjoyed it.

He went through a phase of being rather upset when he found that the 'project' was spilling so much into the rest of our lives, but when we entered the period of him receiving me every day, sometimes more than once, he'd found that much more enjoyable than he'd imagined it would be. He said taking the Bears in his mouth was just too weird but being entered was 'extraordinary' and that several times he'd felt 'a kind of orgasm' but he couldn't explain very well what it felt like. He said that other than one time, nothing had come out. He asked my how I knew that it was the moment of entering that would be so thrilling, rather than the thrusting. I lied and said, "because I'm a woman". Although that was true in a way, it was actually Laura who had given me that tip. I didn't feel like sharing that with him though, given they'd had a 'thing' together. (Grrr...)

We both agreed we were glad we tried 'consequences month' but also agreed that we probably overdid the mental side, at least for where we are at the moment. He's agreed to carry on the waxing for another couple of sessions - I love the contrast between the hairiness of the rest of him and the totally soft and smooth section that is mine! Last night as we were about to go out to see friends I gave him my lovely white cami-knicks and asked him to put them on. There was surprisingly little fuss and we had a lovely long kiss before heading out. I said I thought that if he hadn't been locked up, he'd be jolly hard indeed right now. It felt lovely and close. When we got home he asked to be unlocked but I just patted him gently on the head, to which he responded immediately, courteously undressing me and using his tongue to absolute perfection. At one point he read my thoughts and said, "you've trained me well". He accompanied this with his signature goofy grin which was almost (but not quite) enough to make me unlock him.

I'm glad we're back to normal now. Phew.

Sal

 

I'm trying to work out why this message of yours, which is really lovely (thank you!) has actually made me feel wistful and a bit uncomfortable. I think it's because when all those things are listed, I can't help thinking how shocked I'd have felt a year and a half ago - a lot of this would have made me feel quite squeamish. And that makes me wonder how I've hanged, how MyPete has changed and in what ways our relationship has changed.

Also, when everything is in one paragraph like that, it makes it seem like that's what sums us up. Whereas actually we do those things, fitted in around, eating, sleeping, seeing friends, arguing over the colour of the loo walls, going to the gym, avoiding going to the gym, shopping, cooking, cleaning and doing all the other things that everyone does. And I know that I am becoming Dommeish (only in the bedroom, I hope, though this worries me) but inside, I constantly have doubts - not about whether we enjoy our roles (I am pretty sure we both do) but about whether I will get found out being under-confident and the whole edifice will fall away. Like when you're a child and the play finishes and the house-lights come on.

I know I've said it before but I am so much less confident than I sound when I read back what I've written. There's something about the act of writing, or at least the way that I do it, that distils everything in such a way that I come across as if I know exactly what I'm up to. I am an optimistic person, so I don't like to dwell on the stuff that doesn't work, so perhaps I don't write about that so much. It's not so much the physical mistakes (not enough lube, insufficient preparation, endless fiddling with straps and killing the moment,) but the mental things (accidentally reinforcing his hang-ups, finding myself in tears looking in the mirror because I'm just not sure I can go 'on stage' confidently (but then enjoying the rush when it roughly worked out)). It's more complicated for me than I think I've managed to convey in this diary.

Sal

 

Last night we took it out for an airing, made sure that there wasn't any chafing and I'd let him play with himself for a moment - under my watchful gaze of course. When I saw he was getting close, I asked him to stop, and he complied immediately. I love that moment of control and I love knowing he'll do that for me, and I love telling him so! I asked him to go into what we call the 'softy' position. On his back knees far apart, the flats of his feet together, which we've discovered is a pretty rapid erection-stopper for him. Having me watch him go soft makes him squirm every time. With him locked back up, we snuggled in bed chatting, with my hand on his cage. It's one of my favourite things - lovely and close.

I asked him whether he'd been in touch at all with HerPaul since going for a drink with him and some others. I fully expected him to say no - they're not that close and broaching the such a tricky subject was a huge, if not impossible, ask. But to my surprise he said they'd had several exchanges of emails, including about chastity.

He told me that when they'd met, there had been other people around and he couldn't bring up anything like this, and he'd realised tht he wouldn't be able to talk to him face to face about such things anyway. But at one point in the evening, HerPaul had said something that implied that all was not quite right in his relationship with Laura. (HerPaul of course didn't know that MyPete already knew this). MyPete just quietly clocked this (well done!) and followed up with an email later saying that he didn't want to appear rude at not having shown more interest but it didn't feel right to talk about 'heavy stuff' (men!) when there were other people around, but if HerPaul wanted to talk, MyPete could at least lend an ear. That's how their email exchange started.

HerPaul said that the magic had gone out of his relationship with Laura, especially the physical side, but that their physical distance detracted from everything else and then there was a sort of vicious circle. mYPete said he responded by saying that he thought Laura was one of the most attractive and sexy women he knew (which, given what had happened between them, made me feel a bit grumpy when he said it, although I tried to disguise it). My Pete asked if they'd tried the usual thing of just avoiding sex and physicality and gradually introducing the odd (non-sexual) hugging, stroking etc, then ggradually making it more sexual. And then, out of nowhere, HerPaul had told MyPete that the problem was porn and that he'd become a bit addicted to watching it and playing with himself and somehow at the same time he'd gone off Laura. So MyPete apparently said that he too had been through a phase of that (he told me this was a lie to make HerPaul feel less like a sad weirdo, but I wonder) and that he'd just stopped looking at porn and that it had really helped. HerPaul had asked how he'd just stopped and he said that it was a combination of willpower and asking his girlfriend at the time (another lie, I think!) to refuse him. He also said he'd experimented with being locked up for a bit so he couldn't play with himself. And that led on to MyPete sending him some gentle chastity links to look at.

HerPaul said it would just be too weird and embarrassing to mention any of this to Laura and MyPete told him that he might as well because otherwise they might end up breaking up anyway. He suggested that he might just confess the porn bit without talking about chastity. And that was the where they'd go to. MyPete really is a dark horse sometimes.

I was so pleased with him and said so, thanking him profusely. He asked if he might have a 'treat' and I gave him the longest ever kiss (a treat for both of us) after which he kind of looked at me expectantly. I fingered the key - he is always deliciously mesmerised by that - and I said it was just as well he was locked up, otherwise who knows what would happen. Bliss. <evil grin>.

Sal

 

Oh what a tangled web we weave... MyPete just texted me to say the HerPaul had emailed to ask how he (MyPete) had broached the subject of porn with his previous girlfriend and how on earth chastity ever came up. MyPete, who seems to be a pretty accomplished liar, said he told HerPaul that the porn and masturbation bit was easy as the conversation was triggered by a news item on the radio. After the 'big talk' about that he said he'd planted the idea of chastity by just telling her he wished it could be locked away for a bit and she'd 'taken the bait'. It sounds to both of us though that whatever links MyPete had sent, Her paul had read them (and doubtless others) and was now interested!

So, HerPaul doesn't know about what happened between Laura and MyPete, nor that I know about it. And he doesn't know that MyPete and I both know about how his relationship is with Laura. And as far as we know from Laura, he doesn't know about our chastity 'project'. The good thing is that what HerPaul has said to MyPete about what's not working, pretty much tallies with what Laura said to me - that he seems to have gone off her physically.

Laura is (I'm envious to say) one of the sexiest and most sexually confident people I know. If too much porn and playing with himself has really got HerPaul and their relationship into this vivious spiral, then I can only imagine what it might do to others who are well, less sexy or confident than her! I know that physical relationship problems are usually the sign of something else that's not right, but I do think that sometimes the physical side of things, when it stops working, can cause the other stuff to be more of a problem than it otherwise would be.

It crossed my mind that MyPete still has a soft spot (if that's the right term!) for Laura which is why he wants to help. Confused? I am! It may soon be time for another girls' night out with Laura.

In the meantime, I'm being extra attentive with MyPete, remembering to send him lots of saucy messages. I've been feeling excited, but once again going through a phase of missing 'ordinary' sex. Such a difficult balance.

Sal

 

How amazingly kind and thoughtful of you tahe written all these wise words! THANK YOU!
(And now I must get on and do some work!) Sal

 

Oh goodness. Laura just texted to say that she and HerPaul had a 'huge conversation' last night. I guess this was triggered by his email exchnge wit MyPete. If so, MyPete deserves a big treat! Sal

 

Thanks! That might be a bit premature though. It seems Laura and HerPaul had a Big Talk. He talked to her about the porn and being addicted etc, but I don't think they discussed any solutions. Laura and he agreed they'd both try to think of things that would help, and do a little research, then have another talk this weekend. I'm seeing her tomorrow afternoon so I'll get the full debrief! I asked MyPete earlier if he'd had any more email conversation with HerPaul but he said no.
Sal

 

That's true - although he's a long way from admitting to HerPaul that this is an important part of our lives now, rather than just something in his dim and distant past. Mind you, neither of us wants him to reveal that.
Sal

 

I had a boozy afternoon with Laura on Saturday. Given what happened not so long ago between her and MyPete, I'm surprised how well we get on. This time our chat was mainly about her relationship rather than mine. It didn't sound as difficult between them as I'd previously thought - there's obviously a lot of love and respect there but Laura's been feeling a bit unappreciated and unwanted, especially physically. She had mentioned this before. Until MyPete told me about HerPaul’s porn thing, that surprised me because whenever we've been out with them and other friends, she's been a bit of a man-magnet and she's such sexual person.

Laura said she's been wondering if he's been having an affair and occasionally asked whether everything’s alright, but thanks to the new info from MyPete (via me) she again asked him whether everything is ok and whether there’s anything he’d like her to do differently (physically that is). This time, thanks to MyPete's prompt (I am literally married to a God) apparently HerPaul came clean to her about the whole pornography thing and the constant playing with himself. I asked what the mood of the conversation had been at that point. She said he was obviously ashamed but also kind of resigned. I asked if she had felt angry or upset. She said angry, no but upset, yes and rather maternal towards him, wanting to take charge and make it all better. But she said that while she had been a Domme (or at least domme-ish) in her past, this hadn't ever been the vibe between her and HerPaul. She said she had asked him why he turned to porn rather than her but that it had been rather difficult to get much of an answer beyond it being a kind of addiction. She said she thanked him for telling her and they both agreed to have a think about what to do next. Laura said it was all quite tense and upsetting.

She said the next day was less tense and more tender. She told me she said to him that since he needed to get over an addiction, would he be prepared to go ‘cold turkey’. He promised to cut out porn completely and also not to play with himself at all for a week. Laura said she asked him what she might do differently and he apparently asked her to physically take the initiative a bit more, which is ironic given her past! As far as I know, that’s where they’ve got to – MyPete and I are now both curious about how it’s going.

All of this has made me appreciate MyPete even more, which is what I told him in the middle of a long kiss. I unlocked him and we giggled about his waxing appointment next weekend. After a quick airing and some teasing, I stopped, which he took as the usual signal to get into the cage as quickly as he could. He presented himself to be locked as usual but I just said, “Surprise” and asked him to lie back and enjoy some attention. It was such fun keeping him on the edge for a while and being able to give him such pleasure and it was so obviously a surprise to him that I let him come. I did feel for a moment that I would like to have had him inside me, but my body is out of bounds just now and I’m sure we’ll manage something else soon. (Possibly following @Jessica Alexander 's latest advice - thank you!) As it was, he looked so grateful! He fell asleep and I just looked at him for a while. Good man.

Sal