To Love A Sub ( a completely honest post from a Femdom)

Something that shouldn't happen right ? I mean by default I imagine most femdoms keep their subs at bay. Make the boundaries clear. Don't allow them to get to close.
I didn't.
Why didn't I?
In the early days I was inexperienced, as we all are when we start to explore our kinks and fetishes. Everything I knew I had learned from someone I loved. Never had I learnt that I need to create boundaries when I take on a sub.
This was 2 years ago. Back when I thought I knew more than I did. Thought I didn't have a lot to learn. I was wrong.
I had taken on a couple of subs by that point, and looking back now I was so naeve. Yes, I knew what they wanted, I had their limits covered, their likes and dislikes but I was gaining nothing, and honestly I thought this is how it is. This is what it's like to be a femdom. It wasn't enough. I craved more, I wanted that deep mental submission. I wanted it to feel real, not fake. One year on my DM's were busy, but they were full of fantasists. Each and everyone of them just looking for what they could get. Was I any different? I knew what I wanted and I wasn't interested in anything but that. I was tired of starting ... (I say starting because the people who contacted me, liked to get what they came for and I wouldn't hear from them until the next time) to put my effort into a sub for them to as I said above jump to the next one. I wanted something real. Someone consistent. Someone who wanted to put in as much as I did and build something worth having.

Then he came into my life.

I didn't even know it at the time. Infact when he first got in touch with me I told him no. No, I'm not interested. But then he came back. Even then I had no expectations, looking back now that was the first time he had shown me he was consistent and I don't mean with tributes, I mean consistent with me. We had a honest conversation about how difficult it was to find someone that was real and you could get on with. Something changed right there, in that one honest conversation. I liked his honesty, I liked the way he wasn't just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. It didn't seem rehearsed or fake. It felt real.
I'd like to say, so I gave him a chance, but arguably he equally gave me a chance too.
He was as fed up as I was of the fantasists and the fakes. So something magical happend ( I know.. I'm trying ever so hard to tell a fairy tale but trust me it is.) He and I started with a clean slate, no skeletons in our closest, no lies, no hiding things. It was authentic and pure and oh my goodness completely different to what I had experienced before.

As time passed, I learned all about him, in vanilla and in kink, and I let him into my world too. I trusted him and he trusted me with his life. He shared things with me that another fake femdom could of ruined him with but he trusted me. With that trust it strengthened the foundations of what we were building together.

Over the years he has been serving me, we have both grown in ways we didn't know was possible. I don't even recognise my former self and I have him to thank for that.

With his submission, I can honestly say he has made me a stronger more confident women. He encourages me and supports me in everything I do . He makes me feel adored and worshipped every single day. To the point I really do feel like the only girl in the world for him.
He obeys my every word, he doesn't question anything I say or ask him to do yet he's not a doormat. He believes that I know what's best for our dynamic and allows me to drive it in any direction I choose without resistance from him.
His submission to me, has been real and pure and authentic since the first time he knelt at my feet.

I adore him and all he brings to my life.

Perhaps other likeminded people will say
"i shouldnt of let him get so close"
but two years on, I wouldn't change a thing.

Here's to you Nigela, Thank you for giving yourself to me. For everything you bring to my life, and to many more years of you being mine.
Your English Rose.

MK
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I don't like this feeling. I have known this trip was coming for sometime but I didn't realise I would feel the way I do during it.
I have been pre occupied with my own things going on and suddenly it was upon us. My sub is on vacation.
If you haven't learned yet, from reading my journal, my sub and I are not in a flr.
Hes on vacation in a place that I can't help but feel like he is free. He is uncaged. I cannot keep an eye on him like I normally do with his home cameras and our contact is limited.
Although I know that he is loyal to me, invested in serving me and the most consistent thing in my life, I can't help but feel this dread.
He is doing everything right and everything in his power to stay in contact with me, but he feels a million miles away.
Also he's visiting my home country, where I am no longer living. If I had still been there we would of met and planned an amazing time together aswell as a extremely well overdue session of him worshiping me. Perhaps that's why I am feeling the way I am.
Mk

 

Tonight I wanna talk memories. I wanna get high off some of that nostalgia that we all love.
Some of my favourite memories with my sub. The things I have done to him and the way it made me feel and the reaction I got from him. What I would of changed looking back on it, how I could of heightend the experience for him and made it even more intense.

Once upon a time I pegged my sub for the first time. ( this entry is not a fairytale ) It wasn't his first time , nor mine, but it was the first time we had experienced it together.
I had a mental list of what I wanted to acomplish during this session and a tight time frame to fit it all in.
We had all the toys, we had ofcourse his cage, because he was wearing it. His collar, the leash. Nipple suction, paddles, floggers, ropes, tape ,electro toys and the strap on.
As with everytime we meet we begin our session by him dressing me from head to toe in my latex, stockings heels.
Then I go on to dress him, if that's the route I want to go down during that meet.
Forced sissyfication.
I may paint his nails or apply false ones, with glue I know he will struggle to get off after.
Put him in panties, stockings, dress, heels and make up. It's humiliating for him, a huge kink, a alpha in vanilla being dressed in all of these feminine things to please a very dominant women. A women he worships.
It opens so many doors. I can then play with exposure. I can role play taking pictures of him dressed this way and tell him if he doesn't do exactly as I say, I will post the pictures on social media. ( ofcourse I won't.. but he enjoys it in the moment and trusts me enough not too ). Or put them in an envelope infront of him while he's tied down and tell him if he doesn't do exactly as I say I will seal up the envelope and attach a stamp and mail it to his friends and family. ( again ofcourse I won't, I do have a sadistic side , but I'm not that cruel ).
That then opens doors to forced bi.
For example he has just finished getting me dressed and I have finished dressing him like a slut. He's already expressed to me he would do anything for me and I have toyed with forced bi in our previous session to see his reaction.
There's a knock at the door and he's looking at me mortified. He wasn't aware that anyone else was coming, who could it be ?
Its a male that I had arranged prior to our meet. A male that is about to undo his belt, drop his jeans and stand there while I give my sub a cock sucking lesson, right before I tell him to suck him hard for me ... and look at that were bordering on cuckolding.
We could then go into " good slut, get him nice and hard for me " "Don't be greedy, I know your enjoying it but I want you to stop when he's rock hard" check his cage, he straining in it. I know he's turned on. I can continue. I tell him to stop and he stops and bows his head and answers " yes mistress" he kneels in his spot , I attach his leash and order him to crawl to the side of the bed where I lead him to. I lay back and the cock that he was just sucking is getting ever so close to his mistress. It can't be... she's not going to make me watch. That's exactly what I'm going to do. He fluffed him for me , he thought he was going to be made to suck until he came, all while caged . But now he has to endure his mistress being fucked infront of him in ways he cannot.

Damn.. I got carried away...back to the original story.
So I lay him on the bed, after weeks of teasing and the build up of seeing eachother, it was finally here. I stepped into my strap on, pulled it tight around my thighs, rubbed some lube onto it and he lifted his legs to his body so that I could slide inside of him. I teased him for a little while and then I gave him all of it. I had watched it go into him and I looked up for the first time at him.
His gaze drops to my mouth and then back up as he shoots me a look practically on fire with intensity and all I want to do is burn.

I would change nothing, there was nothing to perfect, nothing to enhance. This session was fucking perfection.

Mk

 

Since I last wrote I have taken complete control of my subs chastity key. It haso been mentioned before the way i control his unlockings is with a lock box that holds his chastity key. Wow that just brought back some memories of the early days when he thought locking it inside of a suitcase would suffice lol I was not happy about this, anyone with a bit about them would know it wouldnt take much to get inside a suitcase... so that had to change.
Anyway it did change, it changed to a lockbox, that i generate codes for when i decide he has earned a release or when I want to play with him in session.
Now although my sub is incredibly honest and loyal, (as per his own journal post ) he could of , in an emergency or if he really wanted to, email the lock box company and have them open it.
I would find out if he did this because i keep an eye on him with cameras throughout his home, but if he really wanted to he could.
Well now he cannot.
All power has been handed over to me. There is no back up, no emergency key, no emergency email registered to contact to open the lock box, only mine.
The scary thing is im thousands of miles away, not in the next room where he can work on me, or persuade me to unlock him.
I could never unlock him again and he would likely be stuck because the cage he is wearing is a very good one and he cannot escape.
The buzz it gives me is unreal.
The power and control makes my heart race with excitement.
To have another person be so trusting in you, so invested in you that they would place their life in your hands is the biggest high ive ever had.
There is only one more thing on the list to really make it 100% secure ... PA

MK
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