I want to have a chastity D/s contract with my Keyholder. The D/s aspect of our relationship is focused a lot more on chastity, edging, denial, and her ownership than it is other aspects of D/s. I have one written, but I would like to see some examples of keyholder contracts. I want to see if others have better formatting and ideas than I do. Does anyone know of places where I can find an example that I can review or if you have one would you be willing to share it with me? Names redacted and things of that nature, of course. I would greatly appreciate it!
My wife and I had a long written (and signed) agreement that eventually became part of our marriage vows. I've written about parts of it elsewhere here. It didn't get written all in one go. It started out with some basics and my wife had me write them down, and then things were added to it over time. The key thing is that it was written together under her direction. I helped make it less ambiguous when there were parts that weren't clear, but it was essentially her rules for me and not something I could have written on my own. My suggestion would be that you offer to write the rules down, and then help her to express what she wants them to be, but be careful to make it about her and not your fantasy.
I suspect if you search on "contract" here you'll find stuff because this has come up lots of times before.
We've long have up all contracts and rules, however we've had several over the years, some in legal style. This was one of the last we had. We both signed it and put it in a frame. Rule 1 - My Word is Law This is the most important rule in a female lead dominant relationship. It is non-negotiable and required so that my submissive husband give me total control and submission, no matter the request. Rule 2 - No Arguing Another important non-negotiable rule. It is important that the submissive husband does not undermine his dominant wife and even very small transgressions should be punished. Rule 3 - Listen It is important for the submissive husband to stop what he is doing and look at his dominant wife to listen to everything she has to say no matter how insignificant it may seem to him. Rule 4 - Give Thanks The submissive husband shall always thank his dominant wife when she takes the trouble to punish him. This mentally enforces the wife as the dominant and makes the submissive more submissive as well as slightly humiliated. The dominant wife can, of course, can labour on the exact wording she's wishes to hear for further humiliation. Rule 5 - No Lying The submissive husband should be totally truthful to his wife, it all respects. She needs to know if a burger has been consumed when it shouldn't as well as his darkest desires and fantasies. How she deals with these is a different matter. These have all been replaced with "Lady C decides". A
This is very similar in essence to what my wife wanted. Rule 2 in particular came very early in our relationship and she was very diligent in enforcing it.
Also, our rules were all written in first person as statements like ‘I understand that…’, or “I will…’ Here are some examples: “I will not ask you to consider my perspectives on this agreement unless you are satisfied with how I am following it.” “I understand that when you provide feedback or correction, my role is to accept my mistakes and learn from the feedback, and that this is never optional or negotiable.” “If you indicate in any way that you are not satisfied with how I am communicating, I will ask for your guidance and correction, and I will not continue to share again without asking for permission.” Also, since our relationship was an FLR from the beginning, I had to agree to this rule: “I will follow and know that I will be held to what I am agreeing to here at all times, and I understand that there will be no exceptions to this for any reason.”
The pleasure in a chastity contract is in writing it. After that it becomes a prison forcing you to do this or that. Plus most read like a what can I do to make you do that to me. If you want to be ass fucked, you would make that a punishment for something and then do that something to get the punishment. You can see that in most contracts. They read like "I do this and then you must do that". I want to wear panties so I need to talk back to you. Stuff like that. It is fun to write them but none we tried lasted long simply because of all the changes were impossible to keep up with. Many times you make a change unaware of its effects to other rules you have. For us it became a mess with us both on different versions of the contract. Most of all it sort of forces your keyholder to do things that she may not be in the mood to do at the time that the contract specifies. It also is a lot of work for you keyholder. What if she does not feel like punishing you then what. Just do as we did successfully for the last 12 years, and you will not find a lot of us who have been in chastity that long, is to simply say that your keyholder makes all the rules, does not have to tell you them and can change them without notice. In other words she does what she wants if she wants to and when she wants to and does not have to repeat it again if she does not wish to. Rules will only end up working against you. Keep if open and let your keyholder do what she wants or she will feel like you have become a lot of work for her.
I don't think that this is the (right) way to go, because... 1] What you want ... It would be better to the contract just as a tool to improve your D/s relationship, nothing more. The quote above sounds like the contract itself is something You (!) would like to have. Question should be: why and how will this contract benefit your keyholder and your intimate relationshio between you and her. As you're writing this in the FLR forum -> FLR >> chastity. Again chastity is only a tool to make the submissive more submissive. Or even further if I look towards myself -> no chastity or more precise: putting hands on my self -> submissive drop to the basement. 2] Your vs. her ideas Others will very likely know nothing about your D/s dynamic between your keyholder and you and also know nothing about your keyholder. Very likely suggestions will only trigger your submissive fantasies and raises the bar what your keyholder could/should/might do. Recipe for putting pressure to your KH. Why not giving her two things .. 3] Give her time & trust Let her come up with suggestions and give her maximum trust, that what she wants is what you want. Even if it might not be in this moment, you might even disagree but in the longterm you agree and if it's a FLR you want to play after her rules. 4] CNC In my FLR we run into major issues, mostly beeing me not as focussed and submissive enough (hello real day life :-/ ) and we had several attempts writing a "contract" if I could start from scratch and if there is enough trust between my D/KH and me that I would suggest CNC (consensual non-consent) right from the start before thinking about a contract. This will open much more options for your KH and also interactions between you and her. If I want a FLR, its totally "ok" to not agree in everything in every minute, even more so, I think that you can only be a D or sub if the power exchange can be felt without putting the relationship/trust at risk and it will make it easier for you KH to worry less. In fact this would be the only thing I would have like to see as foundation of everything. 5] Give her the pen - listen, feel & communicate Let her write the rules and maybe establish the rule, that no matter what she's writing, you'll not comment it directly, but maybe 2 or 4 weeks later. And then while giving a "feedback" use this to come up with own "ideas" with the same thing, that she doesn't have to comment (at all or in time). your ideas will always (even when unintended by you) put some kind of pressure towards your dom. Not an offend, very likely most of us have been there. And giving her the peace that she doens't have to do anything with your ideas, will create less stress. 6] Vinnyfl is right In the above posting from Vinnyfl you'll find very valid points. It has to work in real life. And a contract/FLR with an online keyholder might look totally different that a FLR with a pachwork family, where your KH and you have kids, jobs etc. Therefore I would also not include any punishments into the contract if you don't behave because it highly depends on the mood and situation you two are in. "Punishment" is always good if it comes from "the heart" and "surprisingly" to make rebalance power in the relationship. I think a better term is "to bring you back to focus". Everything which "forces" her to do something with you, shouldn't be something which is part of the contract. - Feathers.Sub 3. I
A contract can be helpful when starting out as the discussion on it's own can bring things forward soonest rather than creating surprises latter. Yet, they can also box people in. Many end up reading like a kink menu. If you want her to lead, just let her lead. Relax and trust her. She will let you know when you need to improve. She will be more impressed if you work hard and improve her life due to your own initiative, rather than following a contract.