Good ways to encourage my wife to keep me locked without topping from the bottom?

"Hey hun, what could I do to encourage you to keep me locked longer?"

 

Despite @JaySaysYes satirical demeanour towards your problem, I’d say he is on to something here. Find out what your wife wants from you and figure out how that translates to a lifestyle with a chastity cage.

 

I did write a longer reply but I distilled it down to what I wrote because it hits the mark.

It wasn't satire. It's the number one way, fastest, cleanest, and most accurate method available to man.

Hopefully it will lead to a long converstion about both of their wants, needs, and desires.

 

More and more I do become slightly bemused by these posts. No disrespect @Cagedhuby92 but surely the best person to ask is the person in question, not a bunch of strangers.
Granted, a good proportion on here have gone through this and know the simplicity of it now, we can offer advice and maybe have ideas… but still, surely she will know best.

Anyway, we should stop tying up this thread, someone needs to get in and suggest writing a letter to his wife. Perhaps even an email.

 

Yep, as others have said, I know it's really scary, but you're going to have to ask for what you want, because no one is a mind reader.

 

Last thought...while obvious "Just ask her", we can get so caught up in our heads and go in circles. Bringing up 'new' topics is often riddled with challenges and contradictions.

We've been married for decades and now suddenly I want to propose sticking vegetables up my butt, or being locked in a cage...why couldn't I express this years ago? (guilt, shame, what is she going to think I don't deserve it, etc).

"Don't top from the bottom is a common one." This needs to flat out friggin go away. This is absolutely horrible advise. It is one of the #1 communication killers and incorrect derailments to getting what we want. I go in circles with this all the time with my wife and trying to break the pattern. If I didn't come directly out and say what I want, introduce these things, and push to make them happen, I'll never get what I want, and she will a) never learn what I want and b) grow as a person herself.

Until I realized that this is what caused the misalignment of #1 and decades to go by of stagnation in our relationship.

Now she absolutely loves locking me up, craves the next kinky thing to try...as long as I'm brave and forward enough to express it as a desire. Not passive aggressively beating around the bush.

Honey, I want you to smack me with a broom stick. Um, ok...whack whack whack.

"What are some good ways I can encourage my wife to keep me locked and give her positive reinforcement to show her how appreciative I am of her being my key holder and controlling my sexual pleasure?"

One start is to read "Uniquely Rika" (yes, I read a lot).

it talks about intent, and how to do all of this without creating resentment, and also to feel OK about your desire to serve, and her being OK with you serving. There's a very simple dynamic to this that dispels all the BS hangups that get in the way.

Chastity is a gift. It's for you, not for her. She gives it to you. You can show appreciation by simply serving her (and not the cage). Appreciate her, not chastity. Let her give chastity to you as a gift to show her love for you. (something like that, I'm still wrapping my head around it). In addition, she can use the gift of chastity as a learning experience for you...to become a better man to better serve her...so she wins, too.

 

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Personally I think this is a good question. Some of us don't have the right skills to ask their wives this and get the right information. Far better to get the opinions of strangers who have gone through this and found success.

In my case, if I asked my wife this she would view any of those things as just a way of manipulating her. Better to get ideas and then she will view them as from your own initiative. But that's just me.

 

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Why exactly are you into @knightly ?!

 

I thought that'd get your attention.

 

More cucumbers and carrots than swede though, right?

 

That would be my preference. Hmmm, being creative and building on your thoughts, I could see a unique challenge with kohlrabi or fennel. Imagine the fun with horseradish and then there's always ginger...small but spicy.

The culinary possibilities are tantalizing!

 

So, serious answer:

The first thing is to remove all possible friction.

Make sure there are no technical issues with the device, or establish what the limitations are and communicate that clearly.

Remove any emotional labour.

If you often need to lock and unlock, or do so routinely, then have criteria and a routine, and minimise her involvement.

If you can wear 24/7, then buy a ksafe timer safe - they aren't expensive, look on Amazon. Have a spare key in a tamper evident envelope. Put the usual key in the safe, she sets the time, no pestering or discussion.

Then....

Then you have to pay close attention to what she's getting out of it... not just what she says she's getting out of it, but what her actions and non-verbal gestures suggest she's getting out of it.

Is she (A) enjoying controlling your sexual pleasure, or (B) enjoying having you locked? The two are different.

If A - I call it the "Keyholder/Locked" dynamic - then just go along with whatever she wants. Know when it's appropriate to talk about your chastity, know when it amuses her when you plead and pester, but know when to shut up. If you suggest new "games", base them on things you know that she already likes.

If B - I call it the "Virgo/Chaste" dynamic - then the there are two useful approaches.

First, set things up so locked is the default. Have a routine, or rules for release, or have the ksafe timer, but set it for, say, 3 days, but take the battery put. It's up to her when the battery goes back in.

Second, don't talk about keys, release, times and sentences, except perhaps in the bedroom when you are sure it's appropriate. Otherwise, treat the device as a fixture, and maybe - during intimate time - admit to suffering, but don't reference the possibility of release.

 

Kinksters enjoy ginger(figging) way too much.

 

Being honest, we have had PIV while both being figged with ginger. That was a hot thing.

 

The world needs more people like you...

 

Wait until you're in an unlock period or not doing male chastity at all and just tell her that next time you want to stay locked and denied longer.