I am a man in is 40s from the midwest. ...My background with chastity ... About 12 years ago, during some mildly drunk fooling around, my wife put some tape on my junk. We continued to fool around and I found that feeling of her grinding around it, but with my penis stuck in place, unable to get fully erect, as greatly erotic. I described it as similar to those days in middle school where I made sure to tuck it deeply south so as to not have my unintended boners be so obvious. But I would then let myself think sexy thoughts, and feel that strain in my jeans. So, I guess that dynamic “restraint during arousal” has long been part of my sexual makeup. We kept fooling around with that, and started taping before going out to a corporate party, or on our way to a weekend together. I started to want that to become a pretty regular play thing. But tape has its problems, with hair and other skin issues. And so I started a search for something, not yet even having a name for what I was looking for. It was then that I found chastity devices. We had a lot of success with using them and playing around. At first. Through the discovery of the devices, I started encountering the ideas, fantasies, and lifestyles built around chastity through various blogs, “key holder” guides and lurking in forums like this one. I found myself imagining a lifestyle like that. And, of course, it was seductive. But it doesn’t work for us. I did all the pouting, complaining, note writing, contract drafting, being passive in sex, withholding sex in order to play with my arousal on my own, exploration in porn, and, well, experienced all the bad that comes from trying to alter another person’s identity. When I look back on it, I talked all about giving her control. And that is what she exercised. But she exercised it over the most important thing in our relationship - herself - (not my dick). She controlled what all women are entitled to control - who she is, not what someone else wants them to be. Eventually, I started recognizing what I was doing to myself, doing to her, and doing to our relationship. I felt shame and regret, and I threw away all the toys and swore off the kink. But after some time, and when I returned to loving her instead of resenting her, she wanted to do the same with me. And that included expressing how she missed having the chastity cage. With her encouragement, we have gotten back to the way it was before. And so we “do chastity” her way, which is to say -together-, which is how it should have been all along.
Welcome and congrats. Sounds like your reflection was the perfect answer to getting to where you guys wanted to be
I assume by Midwest you mean somewhere in America rather than, say, Wolverhampton or Coventry. Or Limoges. Or Frankfurt. Welcome aboard.
Hi adonisandtheboar. I live in South East Iowa (from Europe originally). Loving your reflection and journey, which I would say has some similarities to my story. I love how you came around from resenting your wife and wanting her to be someone else, and coming around accepting her as she is, in return she invites you to be who you are. Fantastic. I would say I am in process of that Welcome here.
Its complicated. In my chaste marriage the cage and contents belong to my wife Madame Vanilla. She rarely uses the contents although I try to get her to want them as much as I can. But its frustrating.