New to this...

When I first got into this lifestyle I was overwhelmed, trying to learn stuff. Frankly, being Dominate came naturally to Me but I wasent used to, nor did I know anything about submissive men and what they wanted. LOL, come to think of it, not sure I know what they want now, after all these years! Of course, for Me to know what they want, they would have to also know what they want, which they DONT! So, I just do what I want LOL

Anyway....the most helpful advice I could give you is to do what I did, get in the chatroom, talk to as many of the submissive men and sissys you can, listen to them, chat with them, they can be very helpful. It will come to you, what to say, how to say it. Just ask, be open, and have fun with it. There are many many people on this site to help you along the way

Welcome to Mansion!!

Mistress Michelle

 

I am not too sure that I can help but here goes. I have been married 27 years and my wife always seemed to have a Dominant personality. I have been in many of those years pleasing myself when she is not in the mood or asleep or when I look at online fetish pictures. In all that time I had submissive desires and yet no one to fulfill them. (she didn't want to play that way. About six months ago I said something to a youner woman and she got me in trouble with my wife and I confessed to the mastrubation I had done and that I needed some help. We bought a chastity device and she has kept the key for some months now. She is not turned on by my being submissive but the feelings of being locked up for me are huge. If you treat it like you are in charge and take the task of controling how often he has and orgasm then the hormones will do the rest. After a week he does get different and shows more attention to you right? Well find out what it is that makes him unique. I have this confined space thing I like and a lock me to the bed for a while when you are busy thing. It is all fantasy but if she put cuffs on me and got out a paddle well that would send most subs to the moon. Some men like the dressing like a girl thing and I am sorry I am totally hetero on that one. But if someone was to go online to see what it is I like then she could deduct that I like bondage and some pain and being tokd to do this or that. I think if you come out of your self and for one hour give him the (act ) he wants or ask for an example then in the dark you both can go where you havn't gone before. He can surly give you some clues as to what he likes and he can write the stuff down too. If he pleases you then all is good but if you could have just what you want where could he take you? My wife gets her door opened all the time and a rub down whenever she wants it. Some men meet their woman at the door naked when she comes home. If you can think of it he will do it , then when he is putty in your hands then give him act one of the most demanding Domme ever. For at least one hour. That would float my boat. Arty

 

Hello MyLady.

I understand where you are mentally. I've been there. I've been married to my husband for 19 years. We had PLAYED with some of these things in the bedroom before, but it never went beyond that. It was very occasional play. I have a very dominant personality, like to be in control and DO NOT like to be told what to do. I didn't understand the male submissive mind or know what made him tick. To be honest, I had no idea. Things had gotten pretty boring for us in the bedroom and neither of us were REALLY happy in our relationship. We LOVED each other, but were bored with the relationship. He had become lazy and I had become resentful. It was not a good scene. We were in a heated discussion one night about his laziness and he said that I'd be surprised at what I could get done if I just TOLD him to do it....not to expect it to get done, not to ASK him if he'd do it, just TELL him to do it. That really got my mind working. A few days later, he showed me the following article that he'd found online.

http://www.akashaweb.com/goodgirl.html

It really connected the dots for me and made me realize what was in it for ME....not what I could do TO him, but what he could do FOR me. I was incredibly aroused by what I read and began experimenting with it a little. I found it to be INCREDIBLY effective. Within a few weeks I found my way online looking at chastity devices. He had been interested in female domination and associated play, but had never really considered chastity. I ordered a CB6000 chastity device for him and after a little experimenting with sizing, locked "him" up. Almost immediately I saw a drastic change in his attitude and behavior. He was loving, attentive, hard working, doting....all of the things that women dream of in a man. The device represented to him my control over his body while limiting his ability to relieve the arousal caused by it. I found that the more I kept him denied of orgasms, the more attentive and obedient he was. That's not to say that we don't have sex. We do...OFTEN. He is just not allowed an orgasm. I on the other hand can have as many as I want with no guilt for not reciprocating. He remains incredibly frustrated about it but very happy. I have never been happier. It's been nearly a year since we began this lifestyle and I can honestly say that I have never in my life been happier and neither has he. As my experience has grown, so has my comfort level and my curiosity. I have incorporated many different things into our lifestyle. I find that the more control that I have over his mind and body, the happier that we both are. It is truly enjoyable for both of us.

I would encourage you to read that article and start off slowly and at your own pace. You'll find that you have a very different husband than the one that you THOUGHT you had. You will not be doing any housework. You will not have to cook. You will be treated like a queen. You will become very empowered and have the ability and confidence to say no to things that you don't want and to demand the things that you do. Do not let him push you into anything you are not comfortable with. It will be YOU calling the shots. I know that I wrote a lot here and will give you some time to digest it. I have many books that I have purchased on the subject and have read all of them. I can recommend some if you're interested, but will give you time to think about the replies that you've received so far.

Best of luck!

MM

 

MyLady,

I'm not perfectly clear on your situation, but one common problem that new KHs have is that all the know about chastity play is what their man has told them. It usually comes off as a long "dump" of all the things the guy wants, and promises to do, whether or not it's interesting to the KH.

There may be a lot of talk about denial, about Dominance and submission, and all sorts of even kinkier stuff. I think the first thing you need to do is be really clear about what he wants to get out of it. He suggested it for a reason. Does he like the teasing and denial, or does he really want to experience female domination? Does he want more?

The next thing to do is figure out how it will rub YOUR buttons. What things about having him locked up are a turn-on, and what things are a turn-off? In may cases, when the guy finally fesses up to his interest in chastity, it's become SUCH an elaborate fantasy that it's daunting to the novice KH. You might just have to back up and start with the basics. Just locking him up will bring a lot more focus to the intimacy between you. He's either going to want to get OUT for sex, or he's going to want to do sexy things with you, regardless of whether he gets out or not. This can be a HUGE turn on. I've read a lot of blogs where couples said that they had a lot MORE sex after they began chastity play.

I think you need to really understand his turn-ons and turn-offs about chastity, and he needs to understand yours. You don't HAVE to follow any preconceived cookbook about what a KH "should" do. Ultimately, it's a sexy game between you and him to play as you wish. Enjoy it!

mikecb

 

Firt of all, welcome to the Mansion ...

Rest assured, we will understand so don't hesitate to ask. There are no stupid questions, just stupid answers! As for the language, it is true, for someone who is new to all this it must be overwhelming and sometimes outrageously open. But no one must feel forced to join this "tune". Be yourself and find your own way into the lifestyle. There is neither a right nor a wrong way. If you want to play with chastity just from time to time - fine - if you want go for a 24/7 lifestyle - fine as well. You must determine your pace and direction for yourself. This an open minded community and everyone is welcome, no matter what's your experience.

... oh, just to answer your question ....

Some people say I am one *giggle* ... a man who dresses and/or feels rather feminine ... just a very short description and if you ask a hundred people you'd get a hundred and ten opinions ... LOL
Well, just to make your confusion perfect ... i am not a man who just dresses and feels feminine - i am a transsexual, but that's another story

Have fun here,

maid katrin

 

Just first a warm hello, and please read the advice from the Mistresses over here.

O well... im a sissy


Kind regards
Susy

 

I suppose that first you should see what things he dreams about. For me it is that she can if she wants to treat me as a dog and keep me in some place till she wants pleasure. I do wish for her to get me excited (horny) then chain me to the bed and act as if I am less than a human and go down make coffee, do some laundry ignore me generally for say an hour or so and then bring up a ruler to train me how to vacuum the bedroom naked or some variation of that sort. It can all be an act and if it makes you excited all the better. Now think of what makes you excited. Is it some sex in the meeting room of some Hotel? The chance of being caught? Maybe on the carpet? or a night out and you as his key holder making him do something odd for you? It would be best for you to have him write down what turns him on and do the same yourself. That way you both get that excited.
The only way I can explain the male when he is chaste is that over a few days the least little thing will excite him and he will be willing to do anything for you. That in itself is very powerfull. Are you allowing him to be oral? This is a good time to find out what that can be like. One Domme I know is so mild and nice untill we are down in her dungeon and she changes her clothes and attitude to one of boss and keeper for the session. After she has given pain and made me go to subspace (where we subs are numb from the pain or restraints put on them) She then becomes like before,as nice as can be. It is an act which as you two can play till both are satisfied and go back to from time to time. If you move into harder stuff just find out what things you will act out. He can tell you what turns him on and so you should explre the things that will excite and please you. There can also be the exchange of a great many chores that he will now delight in if you put a collar on him and tell him to scrub the bathroom till it is clean or he cannot come out. He will even fix that leaky faucet to be cuffed in the closet by you for an hour or so. Try versions of your own. Marty