My journey

I did the piercing today. Pierced at 4ga and immediately stretched to a 2ga. As expected, there's a ton of bleeding. My wife is concerned enough that she's going to take the next couple days off until the bleeding stops. The actual act of piercing was very quick. Once the receiver tube was in place, it was pierce, remove tube, stretch and place 2ga jewelry. Everything done in under a minute.

For me, bleeding needs to be under control by Monday night which is my next shift. Think diet will go well for next few days because I'll probably be sticking to liquids. I've got a followup in 6 weeks and if all is well, it'll be time to order a new cage. Think I'll remain cageless until then. My nipples will probably be pierced when I go in for the follow up. Ears are a bit more iffy as it occurred to me that being a side sleeper will interfere with healing.

Now I've got the task of choosing a new device. I need to see how the piercing affects the aspect of being a grower. It is my hope that I won't be dealing with full retreats any longer and that it will make sense to go with a longer cage.

Overall, the piercing was a positive experience, now I just have to deal with the healing and choosing my next cage. I need to price out steelworxxextreme and see just how far out of range they might be and if there's anyway I can make it work.

 

Just about 6 years since my last post to this journal.

Minimal kink, minimal sex, quite a bit of masturbation. Mental problems- plenty.

TLDR: I’m most likely autistic. Probably attention deficit disorder, most certainly have PTSD from mental abuse as a child. So yeah, kinda explains a few things.

In the years since my last post here, I’ve maintained a steady interest in the chastity lifestyle. A lot of my desires have evolved with a better idea of what’s going on in my head. I also accept that I’m a pretty judgemental bastard. I run into situations and behaviors that don’t jive with my views and it’s incredibly difficult to move past them. Can really make it difficult to be friends with me sometimes. This is kinda moving into the direction of a deeper wound than I want to talk about now.

I mentioned at some point in someone else’s thread about the misfortune of my Prince Albert piercing. Long gone and healed up, but I’m in the cusp of giving it a try again. I plan on repeating the big commitment and going straight to a 2ga. If I hold to the plan, it will happen in a couple weeks.

It took a long time, but I think my wife and I have finally established that my sexual pleasure isn’t dependent upon my orgasm. I think this was a particularly difficult concept for her in light of the fact that I masturbate quite a bit. Much of the time it seems to happen out of habit as much as anything else. What I do get pleasure from is her having fun. We also know that denial, aside from being a fun kink, also has that big effect on the behavior of many of us. I love the power exchange dynamic of denial and it has a very positive affect on my mental state. My wife certainly appears to be getting more into it.

Communication between us still has its rough spots. Different conflicting aspects of my mental issues cause me to talk too much, not talk enough, assume too much and not assume enough. Trying to find this balance has required a surprising amount of effort. One thing we had never spent much talking about was our tastes in porn. I’m sure I’m not alone in having a sense of shame about some of the things that “work” to get me off. Ranging from various taboo subjects, misogynistic, racist, sexist, BDSM, all of the above and more. It’s difficult to share, because there’s this understanding that you should be better than that.

Well, one night in one of my more talkative moods, I told her that I wanted to start sharing with her what works for me and more than that, why it works. I told her that some of it is pretty graphic and extreme, but that I am well aware of the fantasy aspect of it. Because of what I have been learning about my mental issues, there has been quite a bit of introspection going on. My sexuality has evolved from toxic heterosexuality, into bisexuality and what I now believe is pan-sexuality.

The first things I shared with her were a series of slice of life comics by by Alex Law called Bubblegum lovers. Themes were pet play, pegging, some bondage. Sweet little series with some mixed gender roles. Another series I shared with her by the artist Fetishhand is aggressively genderqueer and kink focused. Latex, heavy bondage, chastity and gender roles that really aren’t the easiest to describe but does make sense in the context. I knew she would be on board with this, got a pretty wide range of friends many of whom are some flavor of queer. Other are active in the kink community, furries, doms, subs, sadists, masochists and more. Then we started moving into the videos and I was annotating them as we progressed. Lot of self bondage, others are bondage with rigger and sub.

Now, I have never identified as anything except male. In my fantasies though, I often have the role of a female who is having sex with a man. Makes me question things at times. While watching some of the videos I would identify what role I fantasized my self taking and it was usually the female role. Apologize if this starts to ramble, it’s after 2 am for me.

Finally we get get to the video that I’m probably most concerned about, cuckold. This is something we had talked about in the past, at times dismissing it and other times seeing it as a possibility. Now not only are we watching a cuckolding video together, I’m telling her why I like it, not only why I like it, but how I see it influencing my views on our relationship and lifestyle. This particular video had no humiliation, but it did have tease and denial and exclusivity to the wife’s lover for the period of time. There was also a theme of polyamory.

In past posts that I had made, I’ve said that we had discussions along these lines. Describing my thought process as we are watching the video together, with her hand on my dick, feeling my reaction to the video as the video progresses, places a different weight on the scenario.

She was pretty turned on by the experience, we proceeded to have sex, she came 3 times, I didn’t. She was pretty wiped out. I told her that I felt it was time that I should start being caged again and she agreed. The next morning, I was as horny as I’ve been in the last 5 years. Told her I want to fuck her and then clean her up orally. Predictably, after I came, desire left. I returned to my cage and asked that she take the keys and not give me access. Really, I think it was closer to me begging her to take the keys.

This lead into the next discussion. I told her that I was more energized after being denied, that I loved her dearly, but penetrative sex for me, just didn’t do that much. I got off on the mind fuck and seeing her happy. I’ve tasted my own cum before and enjoyed it, but it was a ruined orgasm situation so I was still really horny at the time. I would be extremely happy for her to have a lover, what’s more, I believe I would be happiest if I remained chaste. I’ve always like playing with anal toys and I would like to learn to have a prostate orgasm. No lie though, given access to the key, I’m probably going to masturbate.

I’m in the process of obtaining a custom harness through a leather worker that will connect to the base ring of my cage and allow me to use a strap on to penetrate her. I work a weird schedule and gist of it comes down to making it very problematic to wear a cage at work during daylight hours, dayshifts are subject to random and potentially supervised drug testing. But I think a PA supported cage might be something that I could make work.

As I finish this up, I’ve been in my cage for 21 hours and my wife will have left for work before I get home from my shift. I was supposed to be out of my cage before leaving for work yesterday but her shift ended late and I didn’t request the location of the backup key before I left. I snapped at her a bit on the phone and apologized later, but then suggested that she should use this as an opportunity to address my attitude with some of the more impactful tools available to her. As long as I’m not having physical issues, (been a long time since I’ve worn a cage for longer than 8 hours or so) I’m going to ask for her to leave the cage in place. So I expect to be working tomorrow in a cage with a bruised butt.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I haven’t caught up with what is currently being discussed here, but think I’ll be participating once again.

 

Kitchen safe had never been on my radar, but worth trying. I’d really like to find one that is actually set to open at a specific time rather than a countdown timer. Thank you for the suggestion.

We are going to make much more of an effort than in the past to work on our communication. We are both neuro-divergent, which can make consistent communication challenging. I know I react well to spanking as a form of reinforcement and I’m going to try and make a point of bringing it to her attention when I feel it’s necessary.

I’ve had a challenging year so far and I’m not sure what clicked to make me start actively pursuing this again. I’ve been seeing a therapist regularly and I’m not quite sure how or when I am going to bring this up. Based on historical evidence I think this path will do as much, if not more to help me than some of the suggestions my therapist has discussed with me.

 

Got the kitchen safe today. It will take a bit of thought on how it will work for us. Visualizing time can be a challenge since neither of us works a regular shift. Probably have to set up some sort of table graphing our start times.

We have been syncing up nicely given the new levels of communication and I probably felt better today than any other day in the last 6 years. Damn near euphoric.

Think I’ll probably migrate my journal to a new thread, I’ve developed a different understanding of who I am and how it will affect the relationship my wife and I have.