Hello, My husband and I have been interested in chastity for awhile, but only recently got a cage he is comfortable to stay in more than a few days at a time. His longest lockup at this point has been 4 days. He has expressed he is fully willing for me to take total control of his orgasms, and I want to start extending his lockup times. Ideally, I’d like to get him to average around 1 orgasm a month. With times occasionally being adjusted for exceptional behavior or extended as punishment. Eventually, I may move him past 1 month as the standard, but that is my goal for the short term. How should I move him from where we currently are to a month? Does it need to be a slow progression for him to build a tolerance, or could he stand longer jumps between times? Thanks for any feedback suggestions!
There are differing opinions on this. Some people like to start with a 3 month (or even longer) training period, to set the expectation levels and "reformat their guy's hard drive". But the important thing is to make sure that the decision is truly yours to make. Nothing else matters. If he's making (or strongly influencing) the decision, then he's "topping from the bottom". Either you're in control, or you're not ... and he will probably only be truly happy if you're in control, so you may need to break him. My wife broke me (honestly, without really even trying), and I hated every second of it, but after it's done, it's done, and now I love and appreciate her all the more for it. Some people suggest this for reading: https://happy-marriage.neocities.org/ (I am personally too scared to show my own wife something like that.)
So was chastity your idea or your wife's? I really think this is something I want to pursue. My wife had kinda indulge me at times and on the rate occasion she plays along I get a real rush from it. But she more frequently tells me to unlock than to keep locked. Also doesn't help, that I'm really struggling to find a cage that my extreme turtling can't defeat. I'm gonna prolly have to get a PA or lose weight... probably both.
there really isn’t a “right” way to do his. Go at whatever pace works for you and have fun! Try to make each lockup longer until you get where you want to be. My wife was happy with the one a month schedule for a while. You will know best how he is doing. Dealing with longer chastity can be a challenge, mentally. The first couple weeks can be the toughest in my opinion. Once you get to a certain point, even he might not want to start over again. It can be quite the head trip! Again, just have fun… and keep him locked! Haha.
Just give him something every night. That something can be having him give you an orgasm, touching his penis until it is erect then recaging them without an orgasm, whatever suits you... but just keep him interested. He will probably stop caring about having the orgasm since his attention will be directed to something that can be infinity more interesting. Just my opinion though.
Agree with the lots of teasing thing. And you should make it clear to him that it is your choice. My Queen started doubling the time, each time, to get a feel for what SHE liked. Much to my fear she liked me better after 6 weeks, and wants at least that much more time after I am there. Sometimes much longer. If she lets me service her a lot and/or gives me a lot of attention I love it. When life gets in the way it can be frustrating, however. I think you will know when he hits that bad frustrated/moody vs good frustrated/horny. Still doesnt mean you should give him an O, just some attention or communication. Btw: I kinda agree that you should, sooner or later, try 3 months. It wasnt until then that my thinking really started to change from lust to service.
Great that you are taking control My wife made a pledge to let me out on the 1st of each month, she did make exceptions for extra days like birthdays, christmas day, easter etc. when the mood took her to teasing or orgasms, so you could make out a years calendar in advance, circling 1st of each month then any other days you fancy, this will give your sub something to look forward to it will always be on his mind counting down the days...hope you have fun.
The limiting factor when you're starting out is the fit and comfort and suitability of the cage. Chafing is a problem for a lot of husbands. But if you've got a wearable cage and keep him clean, it's up to you and you can start with a month. I remember our first year, we started in December, my wife quickly went the 30 days from Male Chastity Day (January 14) to Valentine's Day.
I dont think you have to build up a tolerance but what can be fun is to increase it by a week each time. Without telling him your plan, that will build his nervousness as to when you are going to stop increasing the period between each release. You can then after reaching the month period go back to 2 weeks before his next release, then go to a month again. Then go 6 weeks before his next release, before going back to 4 weeks. By now he will be completely unsure of when he will get a release, you can continue to play like this or just go to the monthly schedule.
I’d make him commit to 90 days to break him in. It doesn’t really set in for them until they can experience intimacy with you without the slightest glimmer of hope that he will get released and get an O. Hope leads to disappointment and frustration and it’s easier to accept there is no hope and that your word is final.
The "not having sex for some period of time" was her doing (I hesitate to call it an "idea"; it was more just "the reality"). It's what broke me. The cage was my idea, stemming from that. I can't actually remember how it started. (It's been a few years.) The first real experience was traveling, though, and she liked that I was willing to wear it so that she wouldn't have to worry at all about me cheating on her. By the time I got back home, though, my resistance to her will was completely gone. Kaput. History. She has had me absolutely hooked ever since. And I really, honestly do not mind. It's not just that my resistance is gone, it's that I genuinely want to obey and serve her, and I'm truly addicted to her. And I love her all the more for it. Yeah, it's weird to write that, and to see what I have written, but there you have it. She rules my universe, and I can not imagine life ever being any different than that.
When we started, the hardest part was getting use to the cage and extending periods of wear. An hour became 2, 2 became 4, then up to eight for a few days in a row, Then an overnight, a break and again. We slowly got to 2 nights, then 3 and in 3 weeks we went for the week. My wife would let me out every week and gave me some pleasure be relocking. This went on for a month and then 2 weeks at a time. My reward was great sex followed by being relocked. When back in a 2 week lockup, we would spend some evening sitting in the hot tub with her in my lap. One night she crawled up on the side and had me pleasure her with no reciprocation. That was the moment I realized she was in control of my cock and pleasure. Right about that time we observed Locktober and things are now totally under her control.
Maam, The most important things is to make sure that his cage fits properly. In other words, you want to take ownership making sure that it's not too loose or too tight (note: it can actually be very tight, tighter than you would think -- as his member will continue to shrink until it reaches its flaccid, unexcited state. This can actually take a week or two as the device itself can be stimulating to the penis initially). Making sure it's not too tight is the easy part. But making sure it's not too loose takes a bit more patience as most devices go on snug at first -which is fine for intermittent chastity play- but overtime can become loose and can even fall off (yes, i speak from experience)... assuming you're using a ball trap device. It's likely going to take you a month or two to get the ball ring and cage of his chastity device properly sized, and be prepared to order new parts during this process. You want to implement 2 week lock-ups preferably with a surgical steel device with solid (non-hinged) ball ring that stays on permanently. Not only will this have a deep psychological impact, it will also get his sack used to being locked 24/7 which will facilitate getting him accustom to a smaller ring. I have a solid SS ring permanently on and when my wife removes my cage for cleaning, i feel "naked" without it now. and count the minutes until I'm relocked and ready to take on the world. Lol. After you get him properly sized, go another two weeks only this time challenge him to get out by offering him his favorite whatever to properly incentivize him to really try to get out of the device with 100% effort. If he can pull out or get out completely, repeat the sizing process. If he can't, congratulations... you now own his cock and can and should keep him locked for as long as you'd like! My wife uses a lock box to lock up my keys. Part of the rules is that i am not allowed to ask when i will be unlocked as this will add another month to my current lock up. The only way i get unlocked is to please her and get her in the mood to be with me. And, btw, my ring is never removed when we are together so... she promptly and efficiently slips and locks the cage back on afterwards. Hope this is helpful, Ma'am.
The guardian anti-pullout doesn't seem to work with the nub, so I'm not sure that would be a suitable cage. I don't think it'll work for me. I turtle so bad that it completely pulls in.
Hi, My advice would be to take things slowly. If chastity was his idea then it is likely that he finds the idea of being caged exciting and craves it. The biggest mistake you can make is just lock him and leave him. This is likely to destroy his chastity fantasy and he may want to forget the whole thing. The key is to keep him aroused continually, have fun teasing and start to let him know that he will be required to focus on your needs when locked. Get him to confess his fantasies, act on them and use them to deepen his submission. To many wives allow their partner to 'top from the bottom'. If you want to get serious about chastity, I would suggest that you start with a long lock up with no orgasms for at least 1 month, but with lots of play and teasing to keep his interest. Hope this helps. Dita x