I little lost ... and perhaps the answers are just hiding within you all cool people

Ok first and formost, I've been a lurker mostly
But I've read some amazing information here that has been very illuminating. Also I'm not english spoken as a first language so forgive for any spelling or construcion errors.

Secondly, we are all individuals and what doesn't work for yourself doesn't mean I won't work for others.


So I hope to find a some light and new perspectives ...

I'm a little lost in the way that I'm trying to establish the best or better way to be clear about what works and doesn't for me ...
I've always been a very feeling guy, so I listen to my feelings most often as they are very true for oneself.
I believe that for most people this will be likewise too.

So far I have been characterizing myself as submissive, yet I do know I have my bounderies too, and this has always been something I try to establish as fast as possible so I don't waste time for any Mistresses/Goddesses/Keyholders ... I believe its in both our interest that we try to be clear about where we stand.

Here I seem to struggle, as often so far I've came across people finding this odd that a sub wants to establish this.
Let me clear some things, I feel and know that pro dommes or findommes are not my thing, ... I realize they have their place and I'm happy to not waste their time ... yet I try to ask with dommes (esp when they hit me up online) what they are looking for, I try to dig deeper to see if I will be able to accommodate their wants and needs ... where if it are things outside my current boundaries I know this will often lead to letting the other feeling down ...

So how would you D and s go about this, what is / has been successful or an outright disaster ...
I'm trying to find input that help me see more sides to the picture ...

Like I know I'm introverted so engaging in things drains my energy so to recharge I also know I'll have to find some own solitude too ... yet this sounds contradictory to what lifestyle dommes would like, yet it feels like lifestyle dommes are the ones closest to where I would feel happy if everything clicks ...

Would readers be so kind to share some extra input ... more light on my struggles so I can learn even more from others?

I see a D/s lifestyle relationship just as much as vanilla or any relationship actually where you both try to care for the other party ...

 

Thanks Jemima, even your answer is a very good one, I perceive this I'm on the right track trying to communicate and not sounding like topping from the bottom as you could say.
It's not my intention to top, I just try to find the common ground ... which even can grow when you do know eachother more

 

True I know what I want.
Agreed I feel this is the way forward

 

Thanks for the replies so far.

That confirms my believes too, even as a submissive you need to communicate, and also let possible boundaries be known. Trusting your Dominant to keep you safe and sane

Without it being topping from the bottom.

 

Well said, thanks,

When a domme asks me or would ask me my answer would be: "That my needs or wants are only the ones which she enjoys to provide, with the only exception going beyond my hard limits"

It's not because I self lock and own a chastity cage, it should be Mistress that provides the keyholding, only if she enjoys the keyholding she can indulge ... (the chastity cage her is just one example and would be easily replaced with other stuff).

I would hope some dommes would be willing to shed some of their wisdom here too, but I'm not expecting anything from anyone.

So far its enlightning to see your replies so far, thank you.

 

Thank you for the replies, they truly helped to organize my thoughts too.

And I can only agree here from my own flow of thoughts.


Will have to continue reaching out indeed, tried a couple of times online mostly. Tried two platforms before so far, and before a proper claim can be made that both are who they are I hit the barrier to make a tribute, which I truly understand and even would consider but not after just some texting for a couple of days, or is my reasoning misalligned here? And yes going outside the boundaries at first is a no go, but like said I know that if the care if mutual for eachother I could move my boundaries further out. Just as I believe if you grow towards eachother the tribute would be the gifts you offer freely without the demand of doing so after 2-3 days of meeting a stranger, ... (Is my vision flawed here)?

To be honest I would probably accept to venture into a pro domme dynamic, since it is a much more verified way that everything is clear in and outside of the dynamic. Even safer, especially online.

With the Ladies (and hope it where ladies because pictures can easily be grabbed from the internet) I hit a bump that they are not pro domme, nor findom ... and yet 2-3 days in in trying open communication, I hit the feeling of too fast too good and followed by a need to make a tribute before they can continue or offer answers to question about verification.

Maybe I'm paranoid, but before a play thing can happen, I have a need to be sure everything I hear is as much.
Do others have the same experiences with no pro domme, no findom online meets?

 

To update on my enquiry

I've currently went down the pro domme keyholder way, and atm this works so far. 12 days locked for Mistress, where I already was 24 days in before we started play. We chatted a little before the number chastity cage tags arrived.

I've paid a tribute for 1 month to start with, which is several hunderd us dollar less then what some "lifestyle dommes" wanted to see transfered after just a few days maybe a week max of chattng with virtual any risk from their part. My pro domme keyholder is very active compaired, gettng pictures and videos in a two way communication. And most importantly, I've felt safe and secure very easy with this great Mistress ...

Will ask Mistress if she would like to continue after this first month and see where this leads. Is it fake since I have to tribute now in a more pro manner, well it doesn't feel like that to be honest.