Female KH looking for advice...

We do loads of laundry during the week and then I knock out the rest Saturday morning. It all gets piled up on our bed Saturday. I make comments about how I got the laundry ready for her to fold and she should have no problem taking care of it while I watch tv.

Once the kids are in bed I'm instructed to fold the laundry. Bratty sub appears. I dig my heals in and the game begins! Some nights its clamps. Everytime I say no another clamp! Wooden spoon is fun. Dilator butt plugs, they have a wide neck and get uncomfortable over time. And sometimes the maid outfit makes an appearance. Sometimes everything at once!

 

This is a very mild suggestion and I am sure lots of couples who have never heard of chastity or FLR do it. But you might be interested anyway. My KH likes to read recipes. When she sees one that interests her she copies it or cuts it out and puts in her file. Once a week, usually on Sunday nights, she takes out that file and our cookbooks and figures out our menu for the next week. (She likes doing this a lot.) Then we talk about the practicalities and economics and scheduling of the shopping and cooking. Since those are my specialties I often have something to say. She usually accepts these tweaks, though the basic structure of the week's menu remains in her hands.

Truth to tell, I know we would be doing something like this anyway, but of course her choices have more authority -- truth to tell, a lot more -- in the chastity context. Plus whenever she is travelling, and I am in theory free to eat whatever I want, I still stick to her choices as a sign to myself of our relationship.

 

It can definitely be a difficult shift in thinking, for both of you. I know I had, and continue to have, struggles in that area. It likely won't happen instantly, so don't be hard on yourself. If you look around the site you'll see that many here have taken years to get where they are and they too still struggle at times. But the direction should be ever closer to your ideal, whatever that is. His interests are informative and helpful, but he needs to submit on your terms, not his. Otherwise, its really him who is in charge. You'll often see that called 'topping from the bottom' and as hard as it can be to avoid, it is important to avoid it.

You are to be commended for reaching out and learning. Give yourself a lot of credit for that

 

That's the spirit!

 

A clearer understanding of energy drinks helps. People misunderstand exactly how they work. Taurine is not bull spunk as the rumours would have it. It is a synthetic bovine enzyme originally extracted from a cows stomach. It is not that it contains lots of sugar and caffeine, which ot does. The taurine increases the absorption of the caffeine tenfold. Quite honestly you get better sustained energy from a banana. Is what I tell the young guys on site obsessed with the nasty stuff. Can help with cluster headaches at times so medicinally it has uses

 

Lots of good advice in the thread. Don't forget that many men like the idea of the women being in control but on the man's terms (topping from the bottom). Truly passing over control is rewarding but difficult and requires good communication from both parties.

 

Of course I just touched the surface. Someone could write a book about the connections between food and chastity. For instance we both have our favorites but we almost always eat hers. (Which I hasten to say is no great sacrifice; after all, I am the cook!) She is a vegetarian; I am not. Left to myself I would eat steak about every other night. In our actual lives I eat steak maybe once every two or three months. She makes an explicit connection between my getting to eat what I like best and orgasms. Both are rare and both come when I have shown a real commitment to her and/or our marriage and both are entirely her decision. On the other hand, when I piss her off I get to eat a couple of cups of oatmeal or whatever. Sometimes I am then sent straight to bed, insuring that I will suffer from hunger pangs all night long. Very occasionally I get a spanking and then am sent to bed with no supper at all! She sits down alone to the banquet I have prepared. I am very careful not to let that happen often!

 

Congrats to both of you guys. Yay!

I guess my only advice for both of you is to keep the lines of communication open and always remember that all of this is for fun and a deeper commitment on a physical, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional level.

My Goddess began very new to the entire spectrum 3 years ago and has been a very quick learner. (Also a benevolent spirit with 2 kids, conservative upbringing) One of the things we have always done is given her room to research blogs, sites, and eBooks regarding FLRs, chastity, and several facets of making our bedroom activities a part of our everyday lifestyle. It's very important as you learn and grow, to try to find information written for women, by women who are into it. Georgia Ivey Green is a great author, and the badgirlsbible.com are pretty good starting points. Over time, ultimately, the way to approach it is to try to angle it so that it isn't essentially you always indulging his needs. You do, and he does too, have to incorporate things into it that are for you too. Without that, there are no perks to taking the lead. It's an unconventional relationship to some, but a once in a lifetime love affair for us. It's ok to evolve. Change old patterns in favour of new, exciting, and stable ones.


My Goddesses argument is quite a bit like yours, in that for the most part, there aren't many avenues for a female to discuss a lot of this stuff with those that might normally provide that listening ear. This is a good site for that, even if just reading through the forums.

Good luck!

M.

 

My wife has a similar background to you. I have constantly reassured her as we have gone along that I am really happy with the shift in balance. In the working world I am a very alpha male and even physically she is so petite compared to me.

We have had to tweak things here and there, and only last weekend I realised that I was still trying to control certain things and had to stop and talk to her that it wasn’t right for me to try this.

I personally like small penis humiliation and I think bizarrely that has helped her take a bit of control and although we had a few trial runs of humiliation that were a bit bland, she has realised how turned on I get, and also how much more submissive it makes me. I wrote down about twenty or so insults/sentences to use on me and asked that she used them with real meaning. I also assured her that I wanted her to make me feel sexually inadequate.

The main thing I can recommend is to be open minded, and get feedback from each other over what is working and what is a bit much. I really wanted her to sleep with somebody else and she has made it very clear that is not going to open, but the compromise was for her to humiliate me by talking about sex with her ex husband .

There are no right or wrong ways of doing this you just need to take your time to find a good balance and also a balance that doesn’t feel like you are taking part in a 24/7 pornographic role play, IMHO this is about love, attention and giving my wife complete control . The complete control will take longer but she is already seeing the benefits!

 

Welcome to the Mansion it is always wonderful to see a new woman opening her heart and mind to all the magic that is chastity. The Mansion and all who live this life offer a wealth of knowledge however some can be overwhelming even frightening for a new couple embarking on this journey. Read much, communicate often and choose carefully what may appeal and work for you and your man. The beauty of chastity is that we can mould this life to look and feel exactly how we choose. It is through self discovery you will find the magic and your Nirvana. For me chastity is about mutual yet non traditional pleasure. It is about a spiritual connection to my man and to myself. It is about allowing myself to accept pleasure and understanding through my pleasure I give him his. It is about being the object of intense focus. Chastity is about a heightened level of intimacy, and a deeper love and commitment.
Find what you want chastity to be for you and set out to achieve. If all you want is the laundry done that is also an option. Best wishes ❤️

 

We started off with an app called OurHome. It’s designed for parents to allocate chores to children to earn rewards.

You can create daily tasks and also repeating tasks. E.g every Thursday wheel the bin out or daily empty the dishwasher.

Each task earns points. We worked together to work out rewards and points. I worked out I could earn 7 points a day without too much of a push. We then worked out rewards. So for instance a Ruined Orgasm was 50 points , penetrative sex was 100 points.

When we started I got to say what reward I wanted when I earned it. It gave me a way of keep tracking of what needed to be done and also a system for my wife to allocate jobs. We were also realistic that certain jobs I wouldn’t have time for e.g. washing clothes and drying them.

Just helping clean up after meals, sorting out bins , changing beds were all a big help.

We have moved away from the app now and I know what jobs to do and she decides when and how I get released. I am also more proactive at home if I see something needs sorting/cleaning I will just do it. The only commitment for her (motivation for me if you like) is that twice a week she will ask me to strip naked and she will humiliate me for 10-15 mins. That satisfies my need for attention.

Whilst all this has happened we cuddle every morning and every night before bed.

 

Apologies here, but what does SAHM stand for?

 

Stay At Home Mom

 

This reminds me of a skit on SNL with bob newhart playing a therapist that will fix everything in five minutes guaranteed. As soon as she describes her issues (anxiety, fear etc) he yells at her “STOP IT!”

She would try to explain but he would just keep yelling “just STOP IT!”

I know that was a skit and was supposed to be funny, but sometimes it’s just as simple as that. If you have guilt from having all the power. Stop worrying about it. If you feel weird denying him orgasms when you don’t feel like giving him one...stop worrying about it.

New behavior is the best way to diminish old behavior, so practice. My wife had issues at first, after awhile, my orgasms became an afterthought and totally dependent on if she actually wanted me to have one. Her desires not mine.

Now, the idea of feeling obligated or needing to finish me, is as alien as the thought of needing to please use to be.

As long as you two are on the same page on what direction your going, how you get there is up to you.

Good luck

 

I'm a male who is in a relationship that is at a similar point, so I can only offer my feelings on how things work which may be similar to how your husband feels.

If I'm honest, I'm looking for a more sexual relationship. I'm willing to trade mundane services in exchange for it. But if you are like my wife, taking charge with mundane tasks is easier than taking charge in the bedroom. It's quite easy for her to tell me to wash the car but very difficult to make me do something sexual to her.

So, of course, this creates a problem. Basically it just gives me more chores and I feel taken advantage of. I'm doing my part, and she is just being the same. There is a hint of resentment even though she is giving me what I asked for.

I know... I have to be patient, and I asked for this, etc etc... But in my mind, I want to be compelled to do naughty things. That's the kink, and it's why I'm doing this. And instead she is just having me do chores. All I get in exchange is a hidden key. This is quite a bit, but my horny lizard brain stem can't always appreciate that it is.

So I'm going to give you some advice. Don't tell my wife, but you should go at your own pace. Make him wash your car. Run him ragged doing all the not-fun stuff like cleaning and cooking and whatever else you don't want to do. Give him as much work as you are comfortable assigning to him.

When he complains, explain that you are his mistress, so you call the shots. Tell him that he won't be able to remove his cage until you are totally satisfied. Explain that you can be quite patient with him, and he can take as much time as he needs to learn how to obey. Emphasize that you can be more patient than him, which is why you are "letting" him set the pace. Ask him how long he feels he may need before he learns how to serve.

Just hearing that will give him an erotic shot of adrenaline. Just saying that is a form of sexual teasing, and its part of what he craves... And it will solidify your position as the one who sets the pace.

 

Which, I certainly get the point and the kink, but for us, that wouldn't work. If both parties aren't getting what the reason for being in it is all about, it creates a one sided equation. Not to criticize or anything, but I am of the mindset that if for example, My Goddess, "can't" manage certain aspects, then I am certainly not going to knock myself out as a result.

TIt for tat. (Pardon the expression) It's just not how I envision an FLR nor want to participate in one begrudgingly. As Ms.BR said: "If all you want done is the laundry, that can happen too."

Your description may be lacking some details, but it sounds like all you are doing is the laundry. (chores).

I love being a sissy maid, but without the sexual aspects, it's just housework in a cute outfit for me. Just my .02 cents. A true FLR takes work from both sides.

 

I agree with all of that, but I think for me, the other stuff is worth waiting for. It is happening... Just not as quickly as I might want. I'm "all in" while she's testing the waters.

I'm 16 years into a marriage, so change comes slowly, if at all. I can't just bail on the relationship if I don't get everything I dream about all at once.