Hi all I figured it was time to do an official introduction so here it is I’m married to a woman who doesn’t deserve me and I’m a chronic masturbater. About a year ago surfing porn I stumbled across male chastity and the idea that as a kink it might also help curb my M problem My wife is very vanilla so I started to float the idea of her being “in charge” of my orgasms so I bought a cage did some trials got her a nice jewelry Key necklace and I presented the idea to her I expressed my concerns that I was escaping into porn and self pleasure and I wanted her to help me stop. Well she was hurt by the porn admission sort of ok I wanted her to be aware of and help curb my releases but when the cage came out she flipped. Her one question was how did I think she’d respond well I’d read plenty about FLR and the benefits to her and at some level that’s what I wanted to give her. On the other hand all she saw was a cold imposing steel cage that I was telling her I’d wear and I was asking her to be responsible to let me out. I get it now Our libidos are at opposite ends of the spectrum mine on the high side and hers on the low. To be honest my personal escape has been a contributing factor to the point that love making is a 4-8 times a year event for us My lack of attention to her and in turn our family and I was asking her to fix a situation I created was just another task on her plate so with the result that I wanted more sex well, there was nothing in it for her So we’ve rolled around to another LOC-tober and I still want to be more for her so to that end I’ve worked on getting the cage to really fit well and I’m now self locking. I’ve truly stepped up around the house and with her. It’s going to be a long journey to undo what I’ve done and I’m hoping that at some point she will realize I’m trying to change and she might want to help me be a better me Hoping this wasn’t too long of an introduction Cam H
Warm welcome! Although I was not suffering chronic problems with masturbating and porn, I decided now 8 months ago to start working on a deeper, warmer, more emotional and intimate relationship. After my confession about chastity to my love, I discovered quickly that exposing her to my "cold cage" and "kink" would not work. The lucky thing was that my love was willing to help me and accepted to take control over my orgasms. After my love kept me mentally chasted for 8 months, during which we used the cage only now and then, it was great to learn about my own "internal changes". Recently we both discovered that my negative change of behaviour after a full release was unpleasant for both of us. Like many of our friends here do hear "before your release you were much nicer". Exactly that point was creating the turn-around. Now, as we both feel that my "new beahviour" is much more enjoyable for both of us, my love recently agreed to purchase a first custom cage. From now on our journey will start for real...(cage will be delivered tomorrow). My most important learned lesson is that after my confession first talk, talk, talk is the fundament to change. At the same time patience, patience and patience is a condition precedent to develop a new relationship for both. In the beginning I was also focussing on my cage, however it would never become "her cage" when she did not train me so well by first starting with the mental part of the game.... So, why not consider first to forget about the cage and work on the mental part first. Talking and patience will help both of you to learn about changing your internal feeling, emotions and wish for intimacy. Although my beginning was difficult, after 2 weeks I did not masturbate anymore allowing me to deliver my love more of my previously spoiled energy. All the best!
To be honest I’ve played with myself for about as long as I can remember I have vivid memory’s of watching cartoons after school in second grade This stopped with my wife and we had a good sex life untill the kids came on the scene Old habits die hard and left un caged I’m weak willed I’ve tried the no cage mentally honor route but I wake up in the middle of the night playing with myself even if I stop before release I still get surly because I want it. For me my calmest times are when I can’t touch My hope is to be good enough for her that we get back to more frequent relations. It’s my journey and I need to be committed to her pleasure not mine
Welcome to our community and good luck with your journey. As you mentioned it is important to continue to talk and let her guide how quick and far you go.