How important were your fetishes when searching for a wife/partner?

When I met my wife, I was not actively seeking a mate! I was just looking for someone to have fun with, and not necessarily a sexual partner. That all evolved later.
It was after we were married that we started playing with bondage. Chastity came into play much later as way to spice things up!

 

In my opinion Life's too short to not get ones needs met. Certainly any relationship will include all kinds of compromises but in my case not accepting my kinky side was a deal breaker.

 

Tl;dr : I lead with college/music/philosophy/career. But if it hadn't come up in the first few months, I would have moved on.

With my ex wife, she was extremely religious, and when I couldn't hide my fetishes any longer, she would comply, if only to be the good, serving wife.

I brought up chastity, and she saw that many chastity wearers also liked panties. She said that would never be ok with her, and I was still discovering that I was transgender. I couldn't live in the darkness of hiding myself any longer, and I split from her for reasons she'll likely never know.

When I meet my current wife, of course I didn't lead with the fetishes and transgenderism, but it was in the open within the first 3 months of our relationship when she asked me to put on a garter belt.

 

Open, generous, empathetic minds are awesome, whether they belong to the kinky, the vanilla, the pro, the amateur, male, female, or anyone else.

 

I knew Julie from our school days. Had not really talked to her as I really did think she was quite out of my league. I just admired from a distance.
She was quite the popular one, very jolly and fun to be around. I loved the way she oozed confidence with her outrageous look. Even back then she was very OTT with her make up and looks.
After she left school I did not see her again for around 18 months and then one day I was riding my motorcycle through Windsor and I saw her. You just could not miss her. She was walking down the road with her friend dressed in a pair of black patent thigh boots and a short rubber mini skirt and black fishnet top. Long pink hair in a huge pony tail, just like she always wore at school. I thought if your ever going to talk to her then now is the time.
I saw them both looking as I rode past, so I turned around and stopped at the side of them. My god she looked lovely. I removed my helmet and started chatting. Her friend was wearing a black PVC catsuit, she was just as mad as Julie. Both crazy.
Apparently they were going to a local pub where all the punk rockers hung out. Not really my thing being a biker at that time.....lol
There I was chatting to what would be called now "" Fetish divas" but back then at 17 it did not even cross my mind. They were getting wolf whistles from lads passing in cars. They just giggled like kids.
We made a date to pick her up from her house and off the tottered in there high heels into the centre of Windsor.
As the years went on Julies weird wardrobe became bigger and yes we realised I suppose it was classed as fetish clothing. But she has always been the same. We kind of drifted into the bondage scene a few years into our relationship, and as the years passed Julie wanted to become Domme. We tried it, she loved it and the rest is history as they say. She has always worn fetish type clothing, Latex, PVC and high heels ever since I have known her. It's a bit late in life to try and change her now....lol

I suppose what I am trying to say, I was not particularly looking for a fetish partner. But ended up marrying a very kinky lady. And never regretted it for one minute. Funny how life works out really.

 

This is a suggestion that has worked for me in the past of course it it may not for you

When I was or if I again become without a KH I did and would again start out by not looking for anything other than the chance meeting from which we could possibly develop a rapoire and learn a little about each other. From which a friendship may or not develop which in turn might become a relationship.

In short.... Definitely seek the partner by conventional means etc without looking too hard first. with no mention of kink ot TTTWD whatever unless she brings it up first

As the friendship develops into a conventional relationship you will / should come to an understanding about how you might approach the subject of learning about her kinks and desires etc.. and work from there.

 

If teen youths (or society in general) were taught about Dominant and submissive roles and how to identify, I do believe love matches/marriages/partnerships, would be more lasting and evolving. Fetishes could flourish, within that dynamic. Love is obviously important but so many people jump into marriage, without really focusing on the long lasting psycho-sexual components. Incompatibility and fear of discussing specific fetishes can start to tear partnerships apart. Secrets start to flourish in that environment and can breakdown communication and intimacy.

I think D/s is integral and fetishes fall in, close behind. That being said, fetishes that replace the one you love, is a bigger problem then anything. Always place your partner in a place of honour, and keep the balance between your fetish and your love for your partner. Always embrace the fact that if you find a compatible partner sexually and fetish-wise, you’ve struck pure gold!

 

They weren't. We both looked for love and understanding, and have very similar interests and life experiences. This forms a strong foundation for our relationship. But it is fortunate our kinks are in alignment, so that will add a delightful enhancement when we both feel that is an occasional fun thing for us to do.