you have conclusive proof that your chaste husband was a dirty, rotten, lying cheater before you got married? Hadn’t been in a cage in a while but when I first found out that he cheated, he ended up in one two days later during a good time for both of us... but now I have even more information.... his keys are here at work with me and he is SO happy to be in his cage.. I’ve been thinking about tossing them into the garbage. They would be completely unrecoverable.
So he’s a dirty rotten lying cheater, and his punishment is kink and a fun night for both of you? Huh. That’s not exactly how my wife would react, your way does seem like a lot more fun! If he stole from you and called your parents names would he get a long drawn out bj?
Neither would my wife! Cheating in the Chaste marriage (by either of us) = the end of said marriage! We are old fashioned when it comes to cheating and make no apologies for it!
Hi @AutumnBlair and welcome to the mansion are you sure he cannot pull out with out your knowledge. I am looking forward to reading your updates.
Our relationship started as an open relationship. He considered me vanilla and I was for the most part. He was already locked for over 36 hours when I made this post. I was at work with the keys and was looking into things more. As it turned out I had the timeline wrong. There was still stuff I found out though once I had the proper timeline. My husband hid his kinks before we got married because he was fearful. He also told me at one point that he didn’t want to do “kinky” stuff with his girlfriend because he viewed it as a “fwb” type thing. Not something to be done with the future mother of your children essentially. That nearly crushed me and destroyed our relationship in just that conversation. The “affair” (which involves some kink) started within the next month and lasted around 3 months. I call it an affair because he broke all of the rules of our open relationship. Cheating. Period. We have come through many challenges. In 2016 I found out he had ordered sex toys/gear on Amazon and sent it to another address. Turned out to be a UPS store. He was hiding his gear from me by keeping it locked up at work. I made him bring it home and show it to me. We ended up getting married in 2017. A week after we got married we were on a road trip with a tight deadline and that was when he finally mustered the nerve to tell me that he really wanted to use chastity in marriage. We have used it here and there but didn’t feel we had the appropriate cage for long term use and can not afford one right now. Over the last 6 months or so we had worked on some mental chastity. I had let him know shortly into our marriage that I needed for us to try monogamy. I found out about his cheating prior to marriage (and inappropriate conversations after we got married) on Sunday night. We teetered on the edge for a few days. I don’t know why anyone thinks that the punishment would be “kink and fun.” Being caged changes his mentality for the better. We were able to engage in a conversation about the things that happened. He is very prone to self preservation and his tendency for telling lies is something that we are going to work on. Telling small lies makes it easier to tell big lies. My husband loves me very much and he has helped shape me into a better person and a more confident woman. He just happens to have things that he struggles with, most of which center around sex and not considering the effects his actions may have on others. He can definitely not pull out of his cage. there was another cage that he was in that was less restrictive than this one and he had to cut that one off. I think the keys got lost somehow. I don’t recall. This was not a problem. I don’t recall specifics though. I think he had caged himself to keep from masturbating while I was asleep.
We actually have a really good relationship overall. My husband does need counseling for many things he is going through right now. The cheating wasn’t recent. However, because I had the wrong time things seemed even worse than they were about when he did cheat. It is bad but not as bad as I thought.
I needed him sexually and emotionally and initiated things. I am very reliant on skin to skin contact. I need it and when I go without it too long it effects me negatively. I also needed the intimacy with him. He caged himself so that he would be restrained while fucking me with a strap on. For some reason he thought he was going to be unlocked the next morning ♀️ He goes to college right now. That is his job, he gets paid to go to school. Anyway, I took the keys to work with me and locked them in my filing cabinet. If something goes wrong I have access to them 24/7 but he does not have any access to them and he knows there is no key here.
I mean it depends on a number of things. Do you trust him now? Is it something you can forgive? Is the relationship worth refreshing and saving? From the sounds of it you're trying to answer these questions. But I would recommend counselling or having a weekly sit down to talk out your issues and reform trust with each other. If you can do that then you certainly can stay together and have fun. But as a second hand person... it sounds like he didn't think you were sexually what he wanted in the past and played with someone else to fulfill his need... which is super freaking stupid. But again you might be able to patch up things if you really want to.
We are working things out. Things are quite good right now. We were lovers before we dated and he did assume that I was “vanilla” I told him in the past that he basically didn’t give me a chance to do something more kinky. I have wondered before if it was because the one time he had handcuffed me I couldn’t take it long, that had to do with the fact that I am prone to neck pain and the position stressed my neck. We have been digging into the reasons behind his actions and that will continue. I am making him confront the issues instead of continuing to hide. We love each other deeply. He has shown his love for me many, many, ways and he does not love easily. Also, even when chastity began he thought that he was going to be in control of the situation. That seems to be a recurring theme from what I have seen. The man wants to “play” with chastity because he has a fantasy and perhaps because he thinks it will help the relationship, but they have this belief that they are really going to be the ones in control. Thankfully, my husband has gotten the point that it is not going to be like that with us.
I take it back. He can get out. He’s tried before and couldn’t but last night he was trying to clean himself and came out. He was going to get a piercing last fall but it didn’t work out.