I think I have destroyed my chances of ever having my partner hold my key, I told my partner about 10 days ago about my desire to be locked for her and revealed to her that I was wearing it, she seemed to take it well. She ended up asking me to take it off before bed though, I did and yeah. I persisted with it and put it on the next day and slipped the key into her bag. After I told her I put the key in her bag she held onto it for a day or two and I was hoping to have my dreams come true. Then I jumped the gun and sent her an article that was supposed to be a intro for vinilla people but yeah I was very stupid and I didnt read the whole thing. .. she did It got wayyyy too kinky and now shes wants me to take the device off and put it away. She was supposed to bring the key back (we dont live together) she forgot to bring it over and then She teased the hell out of me that night and went to sleep... Then again forgot the key last night... What should I do? Its like shes into it then not, then back into it.. or are my hopes of her being my KH blinding me
She also told me she's enjoyed the way I've been towards her lately. More kissing, cuddling, cleaning up (I can be a bit lazy at times) and spending time with her family (I get anxiety when meeting or hanging out with new people so I've avoided them) And all of that is because of the device I sent her a text telling her that and she didn't respond, she had a busy day and may have forgot.. my current plan is to ask her again remind her of the above and tell her we can use the device in whatever way she feels comfortable. Sadly my desire for a KH will not go away and I don't want to end my relationship over this. I strongly doubt her being open to a 3rd party getting involved.
Mate, Let’s break this down, she has the key, likes the way you’ve been behaving, and has been teasing you. Looks like she’s into it. Take is easy, see how it plays out. It’s very unlikely you’re going to straight away get to where you want with this. It took us 2 years to really establish some norms, and others here have had similar experiences.
i would just reiterate you can play anyway SHE wants to play. The article was just one persons opinion. But you have to patient and not pester her. Thats gonna be a turn off for her if you make this out to be a ton of work for her.
Update: so turns out she didn't forget the key she gave it back to me before I left for work. After I posted this But before I read the comments I may have slipped the key back into her bag.. which I now do regret as I feel like I'm pushing it as per the replies. I think I will just try and get it back without her knowing and give it a little bit of a rest Thank you for the input I will update when I can
Yep, I think you're pushing too hard and run the risk of putting her off completely. She knows what you want. Leave it at that. Either she'll embrace it or she won't. It's her choice, but you trying to force the matter won't help.
stop pushing. just stop. dont bring it up till she does on her own terms. she knows you like it. if she has any interest, she will make it known at a later date. if/when she does, do not become pushy again, its hard. i know. just reply with you are very happy she has a open mind and is willing to consider things that interest you. ask her how she would like to proceed. let her do the talking. let her implement things at her own pace/comfort level. when women are comfortable they are more willing to try new things and explore. if its being forced on them or being coerced, they will possibly try it reluctantly but the odds of repeat occurrences are minimal basically if she brings it up to you, sit there, shut up, and listen. reading everyone else's beginnings i guess my wife is a unicorn as she was fairly receptive. i reiterated many times that she can try anything she finds intriguing, or shelf the entire concept. I told her not to google things as there is a ton of offshoots of chastity that i know would shut down her interest in it even if we didnt implement it as she may think it leads to that. I bought her all of mistress Ivy's books and asked she read them to get a rough idea of what all this could mean for us. each approach is different but you have to be smart how you reveal your hand, and how things are slowly introduced. some women are scared of the unknown. some love it. most are in between. act yourself. explain how you want to only focus your sexual energy on her. be honest. but look at it from an outsiders perspective. someone who has never read much about chastity, bondage, s/m etc will be incredibly shocked with what some of us talk about on here. hell read 50 shades of grey and realize that most people think that is "hard core" that book would be considered vanilla for most of us on here.... regarding your key that you again gave to her despite her wishes of returning it. i would get in front of that issue and apologize now, in writing so you can think about what you say. It was a mistake to push her by constantly trying to engage the topic. use this as your means of calling a "cease fire" with this topic. and leave the ball in her court about ever implementing it again. put the cage away where she wont see it and wait till she bring it up again. most women are curious by nature and she will at some point ask about it. when this happens. let her do the talking and leading. after all THAT is what all this is about, no?
I agree! Recognize what submission truly is...... you submit to Her and quit trying to have it your way. She knows what you want, now She will either take the lead, want to discuss it more, or not. It's up to Her! That said, open communication is the secret to success. Wait for Her to bring it up and then tell Her how you feel and find out what She enjoys and dislikes about your chastity.
Bingo. Just don’t do a complete data dump on her when she does bring it up again. Think long and hard what interests you have that would be least shocking to her. Start with those. If she is receptive to the idea of Chastity, FLR, or taking the lead in the bedroom, slowly introduce (when she asks for more ideas) the rest over many months or years. Mistress Ivy’s book about Chastity may be a good start. That book also encourages her to ask what kinks you have so she can use those as a reward for You as the power dynamic shifts. Just be sure this is what you want as there is no going back from it should she embrace the new role. (I’m still struggling a bit with that and my wife is only scratching the surface yet with taking the reigns)
Sadly I'm losing hope that it'll ever be something she's even okay with. at this point I've either blown it by pushing too much too soon or its just not something she can do. I'm down to the very last string of hope I have left, she brought it up tonight and I just said "anytime you feel comfortable you can" The reply I got was "I don't want to" She didn't say it in a angry way or a freaked out way. The only way I can describe it as fucked as it may seem, it was said a similar way a tired child says no to something they don't want. I just replied with ok. I really appreciate the responses but at this point reading this thread makes me depressed so I don't know when I'll have anything much more to say. Thank you everyone for the advice.
@Interested-chaste well i dont really know what it was you sayed to Her but a lot of Ladys dont want to keep being asked things and you just has to do what She tell you and dont bother Her.