Now I just need the courage and good timing...

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by DrChastity, Mar 29, 2018.

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  1. DrChastity
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    DrChastity sub CD, mtf (ish?) seeking keyholder

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    #1 DrChastity, Mar 29, 2018
    I read a ton of posts on this site as I was researching how to approach my wife to consider trying male chastity in our relationship, with her being my KeyHolder. I wrote up a script and a wonderful member I met offered to proof it for me. I'm so glad she did because her feedback was spot on. Thank you again, @LadyMoon. So now it's just up to me to find the right time to bring it up. It won't be for at least 9 days because of my wife's work load, but after her crunch time's over, I think I'll give it a whirl. I'm incredibly nervous, mostly because I don't want to blow it, not that I'm embarrassed. She already knows that I'm way, way into chastity. I really need to do some solid ground work like being a better, more attentive, more loving, more giving husband before I broach the subject. Luckily there's lots of room for me to improve in these ways. o_O
    Yes, I've been fairly slack. But I really want to do better in this way and several other ways. She deserves better, absolutely. She's fairly vanilla now, but she used to get freaky with me when we first started out together. Lots of bondage, fetish outfits, some bdsm, and some other minor kinks. That's fallen to the wayside since the kids showed up but I think we should get that up and running also. She's a little self conscious because she's gained some weight over the years, but that doesn't enter my mind at all. I still think she's crazy sexy and she still turns be on in a big way. I just hope she'll give chastity/KH a try. I really think if she does give it a try, I can show her that it's something she can embrace and enjoy. I hope we both feel, in time, that it's changes our sexual dynamic in a good way, and one that she clearly sees benefit in. So again, please wish me luck. I'll post how it goes, when it goes down. Not that you all are interested, but so far you all seem very supportive in general and I could use the karma as I head down this path. If it works I'm sure I'll have much karma to give.
    Thanks,
    -dc
     
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  2. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    #2 Sub76, Mar 29, 2018
    Well, if she already knows that you are way into chastity and if the both of you enjoyed the kinky before, the hardest part is done, it seems, or am I wrong here? I wish you all the best and may I suggest that you include this here - researching about how to tell her, wanting to be open, making it work for her, etc - in your approach?

    When I first told my GF about some of my kinks (she was totally vanilla and was rather inexperienced in everything sexual before me), she said what moved her most, was that I had given thought about how to tell her, that I gently and calmly told her that I have those kinks and what they mean to me. So she could ease into the whole thing and didn't think she needed to start "full Mistress mode" immediately to keep me or that what we were having was suddenly not "enough" any more.

    Giving her the opportunity and power to set the pace is probably the most important part, I can advise, it makes it much easier for her to say yes :)

    Good luck, I wish you the best :)
     
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  3. DrChastity
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    DrChastity sub CD, mtf (ish?) seeking keyholder

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    #3 DrChastity, Mar 29, 2018
    Thanks, brother. I will certainly take it slowly. This is such a huge deal for me. I can't blow it... It might not be in the cards, but I just can't blow it. She may just decide against it, which is fair. Sad, but fair. But I've got to really lay it out so that she's hopefully a wee bit interested and gives it a try. With my luck I'll be locked up for weeks on end (and my max so far is 4 days...). Ha.
     
  4. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    #4 LesterBallard, Mar 29, 2018
    good luck
     
  5. Chazmick
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    Chazmick Active member

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    #5 Chazmick, Mar 29, 2018
    I was in the same situation. My wife was very worried it may cause damage. Took some discussion but finally she agreed to hold the key.
    At first that was it. Just holding.

    It took some time but she has become more comfortable playing with the cage when we make out.
    I've been able to pleasure her while remaining locked.

    She still usually likes to unlock me sooner than I'd prefer but she has been wonderful so far.

    Good luck and be prepared to move slowly.
     
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  6. martinb
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    martinb Active member

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    #6 martinb, Mar 29, 2018
    There is a risk that the importance of this to you, and all the (great) preparation that you have done, will cause you both to feel that this is something that has to be 'right first time', which is a huge pressure. I would suggest really trying to get into a mindset where you are not 'urgently seeking the perfect KH', but 'thoughtfully, and gradually working out what will work for you both, bearing in mind that there will be many false starts and blind alleys'. Good luck - not (just) with the big moment, but with the slow journey.
     
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  7. Sub76
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    Sub76 Member

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    #7 Sub76, Mar 29, 2018
    Yeah, it is always kind of "trial and error", that should not discourage you. And as my previous posters said, don't put any pressure on you or your wife about that. Fantasy and reality tend to differ by a lot. But living even part of the fantasy with the person you love is a great thing to have :)
     
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  8. Mash2214
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    Mash2214 Locked today, tomorrow, forever

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    #8 Mash2214, Mar 29, 2018
    Be Patient and lead with your Love and Commitment to making her Happy. It sounds like you've gotten a lot of good advice already. Be prepared for the direction that she may leed you. It may not be the same direction that you think your arrangement may go. It may even be better. Good Luck
     
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  9. JiL
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    JiL servitude4u

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    #9 JiL, Mar 29, 2018
    Less about timing. More about letting her go at the pace she wants in a dynamic she is comfortable with. It sounds like the two of you are already comfortable with lots of things, so your already in a great place with your relationship that way. Just show her how important she is to you and have fun. It sounds like everyone can get what they want out of this. Look forward to hearing more about your experiences.
     
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  10. DrChastity
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    DrChastity sub CD, mtf (ish?) seeking keyholder

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    #10 DrChastity, Mar 29, 2018
    Wow... Thank you all so much for the advice and support. I will definitely post my progress, if any. ;)
    I don't think I'll do anything for 8 more days as she's swamped with work and that's her deadline. Hopefully after that I'll see an opportunity, and will have found the courage (I hope...).
    Sincerely,
    -dc
     
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  11. Breathe
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    Breathe Be true to yourself

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    #11 Breathe, Mar 29, 2018
    Not much advice I can add here, great responses guys. :)

    Our situation is a bit different but I think anyone can benefit from communicating with their partners. Passion is great, but so is articulation. As long as your points aren't 'leading' her too much, she will likely pick up on the personal benefits of your attention much quicker than you might expect.

    Sounds like you're on the way to honest discussions and that will help bring you closer together. Best of luck. :)
     
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  12. Maid Diane
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    Maid Diane Active member

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    #12 Maid Diane, Apr 2, 2018
    Good luck.
     
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