Wife and I got into this a few months ago. The first two weeks was freeking amazing and she was a natural. Recently though, SHE is the one who can't go without PIV! I want to be teased and denied, I want ruined Orgasms, I want her to peg and milk me with no or ruined release, but the problem is all of this gets her so cock hungry, she ends up unlocking and fucking me! We even put the strap on on me and I fucker her with it while caged (OMG if you haven't done this DO IT), but she REALLY prefers REAL cock. What do you suggest to get her back on track?!?! Lol.
Depends on if you want to manipulate her or not. If not, then send texts on how hot it was being denied, how much u enjoy needing her. Thank her for all the effort she puts in. If you are comfortable with manipulation....after an O, let the non subbie you take over. Lose the passion, the eagerness to please, and the thoughtfulness. When she starts denying you again, start it back up...lay it on thick. She will soon learn your attitude sucks after u cum and stop letting u. Warning...women are not stupid and she will know what you are doing. Chances are she won't care because she enjoys the subbi you better than the few seconds of you having an orgasm. I know this works because even though I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, she told me that I acted differently after I have an O. I didn't notice the difference but she did. So...instant less orgasms lol! Doing it on purpose I think is a bit sneaky, but probably achievable.
I'll give you some brutally honest advice from one man to another. It sounds like she listened to your kinky request and approached it with love and understanding. She made your desires a priority because she knew it would make you happy to indulge in chastity play or chastity control or whatever term you use for it. Why don't you do the same for her? Sounds like you have an awesome wife who was happy to do this with you. You should be more than willing to also give her what she wants. Maybe she doesn't want you in chastity 24/7. Don't let chastity be one sided. By that I mean: It's not really chastity if you lay down all the rules and expectations and expect her to follow them exactly how you want your fantasy to go. If that's the case then she's just along for the ride and there's not much fun in it for her. One of the things that true subs enjoy is just pleasing their keyholder and making them just as happy as their keyholder makes them. A side note: I know you may have just used it as a figure of speech... but it came across as very disrespectful and ungrateful to say that she is "weak". I'm a dominant straight male and I felt like that so I can only imagine the reactions you may get from the female keyholders here. Besides what I mentioned above, you two have only been doing this for a few months. Don't expect her to be some professional dominatrix. She is learning just like you are. The point is...make sure you communicate well with each other and that BOTH of you are happy, whatever it takes. Even with my subs I make sure to communicate very well with them. Even as the dominant one, I really want them to enjoy everything and make sure that both of us are happy. Not everyone has the same fetishes or likes/dislikes in the bedroom. If you don't like that answer then I'll just send you a lock in the mail. I'd be happy to throw away...I mean keep... the keys.
Give her time..let her grow..serve her in ways outside.of the bedroom and give her some time..a lot of women get addicted to the sub..alpha is the ass that happens after sex and after a while they start to see theyou like you horney and denied...if it doesn't happen.you can't force it..
Ditto - Give Her time. My Goddess Wife @n2toys was a bit of the same way initially; She has always really enjoyed watching me cum and much prefers the real thing for PIV. She now seems to enjoy ruining me just as much as giving me a real orgasm - maybe more so now... I'm approaching my longest denial period now of almost 10 weeks and the feeling I have is so incredible and hard to convey! Last week while on vacation my Wife used desensitizing spray and doubled up on condoms so I could fuck Her and mitigate my chance of cumming; it absolutely worked, I could not feel a thing - we've only tried a strap-on where I was the wearer once, it was a tremendous mind fuck and wouldn't mind trying again but don't think my Wife enjoyed it as much as I. This Saturday I'm due for a release - My Wife will not tell me in advance if I'm going to have a real or ruined orgasm so I never know but right now She has told me that She still has not decided my fate... Enjoy the ride as things develop!
As a Keyholder that could care less about PIV. First of all, sounds like she is one kick ass woman for knowing what she wants. If she wants cock, then give it to her. She is the one in charge and if that is what she wants, no shame in that. Or... two can play the game. Perhaps condition her through behavior modification. If are constantly unlocked and giving it to her, then perform mediocre sex. Those times where you are locked up for extended periods of time ( and are naturally going to be more ravenous for sex) give her mind blowing sex Remind her of other benefits she is getting from having you locked up. More obedient, more loving, etc..
Sometimes things change, I first tried a strapon on her and she wasn't really into it. It felt fake to her. There was too much play in the harness, and it screwed up the rhythm, it was even difficult for me because I couldn't feel what I was doing. Then I got a different harness. She was willing to give it another go but I could tell she was skeptical. Wow, we are both glad now that we did. I've never seen her like that, and she said she's never cum that hard before. It's part of us having sex now.
My wife stopped PIV 20 years ago so that is not an issue for us. She prefers her vibrator and my tongue in that order. They sell dildos that fit over chastity cages and ones that strap on right above them. However if she wants a real penis you have two choices. Let her use yours or that of someone else. My wife preferred a vagina over a penis and so she used her girlfriend's so that is a non issue for us. My wife would keep me locked and denied all the time if she did not love me so I am happy for what little I get. P.S. - get her a nice vibrator and your penis will not be so interesting to her anymore. A penis cannot compare to a vibrator. Ask any girl.
I would suggest she get herself a new husband who actually gives a toss what she might want and like. Not someone who is only interested in their own enjoyment and pleasure. (This post was much longer however has been edited for politeness)
It sounds like she's enthusiastically meeting you half way, and doing a lot of hard work to make your fantasies come true! Perhaps a good solution might be: 2 weeks of chastity then 2 weeks of normal sex. Repeat. Apart from being fair, it would have the advantage of each phase feeding the other: 2 weeks of denial is about the time it takes to get really horny, but not accustomed to the denial. So when she releases you, you'll be at a kind of fever pitch and the sex will be good. However, 2 weeks of regular PIV will make suddenly being in chastity all the more... exquisite. Also, you could both relax and enjoy without feeling the need to set boundaries or push. If she agrees to this scheme, you might consider getting a timer kitchen safe to lock the key away for specific times, thus reducing her temptation to let you out.
This. This is an exceptionally good advice. It's exactly what you need at this stage and gives you a breathing space of some months for each of you to grow into this further. I would say that she isn't weak at all - she just has a different mindset to yours and a different set of needs.
OK, first of all the first two weeks was amazing because the cage is new and different. Entirely normal...the cage not only puts you into sexual overdrive but your KH as well. @Thatguyontheinternet and I could barely keep our hands off each other and I was removing his cage almost daily for PIV...but then again, I am like a guy when it comes to sex. I want it often and have had high drive since hitting puberty 23 years ago. Secondly, it is NOT what YOU want...I gotta say you sound very selfish and any self-respecting KH will not tolerate that. My advice is you do not tell her what you WANT...let her come into her own. Things will start to settle after awhile. Chastity is about surrendering to your KH and her desires. She wants PIV daily, then she gets PIV daily. I know I love it when my locked boy cums in me, but I have slowly moved away from that. Being fu**ed with a strap on is great, but it does not beat the real thing. If you are sooooo upset about being released for PIV, I would suggest purchasing some EMLA cream from e-bay, applying it and wrapping your cock in a condom. Leave it sit for an hour and then wipe off with a warm washcloth. Works like a charm...you will be completely numb, but still able to get an erection and the cream will not transfer to her once wiped off thoroughly. She is NOT weak...she is human, as are the rest of us involved in this particular kink. There will be trial and error, learning and disappointment. Go with the flow she sets.
Oh my goodness @Caged19d don't you know male chastity is not about you, your wants, or your needs. It is all about her wants and needs. Once you hands that key over to her it is a whole new ballgame. If this is truly what you want you need to do some more reading about the dynamics. Then the two of your must sit and talk and talk and talk. Without communication and knowing each others wants, needs, and limits it will not work. You are actually pretty lucky your Wife even agreed to be your K/H, many Wife's just put their foot down and say No!, they want nothing to do with it. All I can say my friend is all the best to you and your wonderful Wife for even wanting to start this journey, known as male chastity.
Seems you are confused about what power the keyholder has. You have given the power to her with the key. She can do what she want - not what you want. Seems very clear to me.
Welcome to Chastity Mansion. You advice is so correct. She can do what she wants- not what you want. When us Men realize that it gets easier and better for everyone.
I read a blog called denying thumper years ago(still read it), and in the beginning of him being locked up he would be disappointed or even upset that his wife moved up a release date, or backed out of a set time. This blog was crucial to me having a successful chastity experience. He eventually came to terms with the fact that it was hers to use as she wanted and when. When he finally excepted that, he stopped being upset or disappointed. It's cliche and said a lot around here but the saying of "it's about her" fits, but I usually say it's about control. You don't hand someone the keys to the car and then tell them how to drive, what route to take, or how fast they should go. You just trust them and let them drive. She may want to go slow, pause at a few pit stops, or take a different path...if you trust her enough to give her the keys to your penis, you can trust her to use it how she wants. I also was under the impression that you meant "weak" as in you both are so happy and excited about all of this that she's having difficulty denying you because she ends up wanting piv. Probably a poor choice of wording here hehehe! I knew what ya meant, but was a polarizing word that was bound to antagonize. Your issue with her not wanting to deny herself is not new or a symptom of anything. It takes time to find out how they want to do this and adjust as needed. My kh used to unlock me and let me finish almost every night for the first few weeks. When we introduced some new toys, wand and a few nice sized dildos, her need to unlock me went to zero. Give her time and she will figure out what she wants.
Is this the first case ever of a man complaining his wife wants to have sex? Anyway, just so we are clear about one thing, when we say it is all about her that does not negate your needs. Obviously as the chaste male your needs are a huge part of a chastity based relationship but her needs, desires and approach to the use of chastity trump your own. The fact is a common theme in chastity is your desires come second. And more often than not you don't come at all!
Wow thanks all for the feedback. Consider me duely "chastised" and accept my apologies if the "weak" reference was inappropriate. My wife/KH and I communicate great and we both are having a ton of fun playing in this world. She giggled when I called her "weak" because we had been playing around, texting etc. and she was acting the part- all tough and DOM and how she was going to punish me, tease me etc., then when we got some alone time she lost it and took the cage off and "took me"! It was just funny. She CAN be pretty DOM, and at first she was so good at it is scared me- and she loved it! Then life happened and the fun is kind of lagging now. Hoping we can get back in the groove and pick up where we left off a few weeks ago. I'll definately be following a lot of the above advice and suggestions. Thank you all.
At a year and a half I don't have as much experience as others, but can say that life finds a way to stick its head in there. It can't, at least for us, be ALL the time. Kids, job, money, family, vacations, busy schedules etc can make this all take a back seat for a bit. It's never gone, but not as highlighted or eventful. When it's time to reconnect and establish things, everyone will be on the same page and it will happen. Even if we could do this stuff constantly...it might lose some magic if it felt like an obligation.
I will not and cannot judge anyone here, because I do not know you nor your situation....but.. this thread saddens me... Your wife (or better half) is not weak, not weak at all: she has proven to be open minded to your kink and give it a place in your relation. A relation that is (or at least should be) based on love and respect, and respect means also self-respect. To me that self-respect is me being there for my wife when and how she needs me to be, to make her happy so she feels really special and worshipped (in my case not a Dom/sub worship, but in real day to day life). Worship in our relation is not about one being more than the other; it is about together being more than the sum of us both. I had this chastity kink long before I finally had an open discussion about it with my wife. And that was long after having let her down in the times that I took it for granted that she would hold my key ....for us it didn't work like that. And she still does not hold my key because it became clear to me that it is not something she wanted or wants. She however liked and likes the way my attitude changed for the better when I was caged. (and probably I did exaggerate in the early days of our joined chastity journey to make sure that she could see the difference..but this was only a short period). I respect her that much that I needed to find a way to make it possible for her to enjoy the benefits of me being chaste for her without placing any pressure on her or without expecting anything from her (chastity being my kink after all..) My wife isn’t that much in to sex at all (except for some holiday periods) so that leaves me being most of the time just dry, no tease or whatsoever. It took me some time to realize that I should never hold that against her, that it is just who/how she is and I love her for who/how she is. We’re very much more intimate, communicative and laugh a lot more now (never underestimate the importance of humor), so I made up my mind and found a way to combine both of our desires : Early this year, on her birthday, I officially (but with a lot of humor) gave her the usufruct to my genitals, usufruct to make clear to her that there was no pressure on her, no expectations, no nothing .. just me offering something to her. I did this when we were together in bed with a self-made PowerPoint show we both watched on my laptop. (the presentation is totally in Dutch and has personal things in it that we do not want to share, but I will make a translated and cleaned version, might take some time though). But the conclusion is that to me it is all about her. I’m the man in the house (she wouldn’t want it other ways) but I willingly submit to her sexually (she started to really like that…) and that is the way we both are happy with and we are only at the beginning of our journey.(it’s only been a bit over two years..) Advice (if I may) to @caged19: Don’t ask yourself what she can do for you but what you can do for her! Good luck! PS: sorry the post turned out being so long but I found it too important not to react and share my experience with you.