Finally got up the courage. She said no :-(

I'm so sorry to hear it went poorly!!

What about it repulsed her? You've said she knows your submissive, what does she understand about that?

 

I'm sorry, for both your sake. However, whether to push it (keep trying) or not is definitely something that only you (and she) can make. I agree with you that kink is not more important than my relationship. The same may not be true for everyone, but to each their own.

Keep playing with tease and denial. That can be very subtle and low key. And I think it can also be very vanilla friendly if you focus on drawing out the release more than denying it completely.

in any case, good luck!!

 

Don't give it up, my wife said no at first too. You need to help her understand that this will not only bring you both closer intimately but mentally. The two of you will feel closer than you ever have before. It's worth asking again but ask it from an angle that's more appealing to what she'd want.

 

Unfortunately for better or worse ... there are a lot of women that fall into this category. As a fun example, while watching Penny Dreadful today my better half asked her friend (who is staying the week with us) why would a women what to go to diesel repair. I looked at her with a cocked head and said "why not" ... if she enjoys it and wants to do it what is the big deal, I say go for it ..... the next comment floored me .... because she is a woman ...

This is a woman who says her place isn't in a kitchen etc etc ... and yet ... the duality of that comment with the observation of another friend. I then forget sometimes ... that I am the more liberal focused girl power, but protect the boys to allow them mature/nurture without the current media negativity towards men.

So why this share? Just understand everyone is wired differently in their own ways, and some can be overcome, and yet others can't. Know the limitations, at this point, you will either need to self lock and deal with her comments down the road. Conversely, if you want to reduce you "fun time", mentally you can use this to focus all of your energy into PIV, and think up some fun internal kink games to keep you motivated.

But these feelings won't just go away, and if they do there will be a loss so be prepared mentally to deal with it. You will need to gauge what is important and the attitude/scorn if you attempt to mix it up. If you do mix it up, I would suggest bonding it with some "personal" motivation goal like weight loss, get a six pack, save money etc to start .... and as you continue it ... if you want to "get dicey" .... state you want to attempt stopping masturbation, this could lead into a more frame worked discussions with her down the road. But as a guy ... don't lead with the masturbation tact (at all) ... this will turn her off 110% ... the bettering yourself physically could be interpreted in helping your self confidence which might be your gateway door in.

Any ways that is my 2 cents/pence.

 

Well I think you know what you have to do .... work on a plan that has your wearing it and abstaining until your wedding day. I would work out a plan that starts off slow and gradually works it way up.

 

I totally agree with @tegelad . She has said she doesn't get the benefits that she would have if you were chaste. It is up to you to show them to her, demonstrate that they are real and lasting. My Wife made me wear a device for six weeks before she took over the keys to demonstrate that it wasn't a fad. It took her another six months or so before she fully started to understand and enjoy what she had.

Self locking isn't as easy or as fun as having a keyholder, at least it isn't in my very limited opinion, but you have a goal to help you do it. Good luck.

 

Hello Dev810
it is my believe that you girlfriend is telling you that she does not and will not have any interest in the male chastity lifestyle, by telling you not to bring up the subject again until she does, mean the subject is dead. I know this because that is exactly what my wife did. just be prepared for this outcome.

 

I had similar issues with my wife, who originally had willingly agreed to be a KeyHolder. The lifestyle ultimately failed as she just didn't have the desire to even partially immerse herself in the role. As a result, I got rid of everything (toys, hardware, etc.)

Several months later, after an open and honest discussion, she insisted on a reset and "ordered" me to replace everything, which I did.

And it was't cheap. And I will say that Mature Metal makes an excellent product with excellent customer service.

However, history repeated itself. She just didn't make much of an effort towards the role of KeyHolder, despite me making an actual contract for us (very artsy: parchment paper, old style lettering, drawing ink), with terms clearly to her advantage and showing my commitment..

I got rid of the device and toys (again) and shredded the contract. And there has never been any inquiry whatsoever by her regarding the issue.

So I guess all I can say is that both partners should try to be as honest as possible with each other so no one feels forced or let down.

 

Oh...and disregard the ticker. Chastity ended over 10 months ago. I just haven't taken it down.

 

Ah this will create some interesting situations which she may come to enjoy.

 

Well ... do understand @deejay I know you were meaning well with your wife by getting rid of the evidence; however, I would have to say the fact you ditched it all twice may have sent the confusion signal to her. I am not doubting/judging you (so don't take it that way) .... however ... if you had at least kept the materials or engaged by yourself for a while she may have gotten the signal that this is very important to you.

But I could be 110% wrong.

 

Think about this "what is in it for her?" What does she want? Figure that out and work hard on giving her that. Mostly likely she will notice the effort and at some point she will be more willing to consider doing something for you.... I made the mistake and sometimes still do of thinking this is about me and what I get out of it, but that is very selfish and does not get me very far.... If you have been thinking about this for 20 years, she is way way way way behind you. It takes time and patience, but I promise you if you give up entirely you will never get anywhere....

I am sure there are other people with other ways, but in my opinion this is the best direction to proceed.

 

I mentioned chastity a number of times to my wife, they always were met with a "no".
We'd played with tease and deny and she liked me to be frustrated as I'm just nicer. Simple.
Well, after a week away with mates in shared rooms, (no wanking) I returned home very horny... I was honest and told her it was because I hadn't wanked.
I was left frustrated promised not to wank the following week (in work I was away all week). The following weekend, she didn't believe I hadn't wanked so I told her I locked myself up....etc etc.

She let me cum that day but as I'd cum, I stopped being as nice as I'd been and within hours she had told me she regretted allowing me to cum.

The rest is history.

It's how I got locked.

She'd seen her benefits by then but for years, I heard a no when chastity was brought up.

Best advice is to go slowly. Maybe just try get her to leave you frustrated and see where that goes.

 

I look forward to Mistress Jules' insights to the female mind.

As to my particular situation, it became obvious that my KeyHolder just didn't want to play that way or put forth any effort. In regards to sex she is basically vanilla, with a capital "V". In that regard I think she should have been more honest with me, as I tried to be with her.

When it comes to all things sexual (orientation, kinks, preferences), it is what it is for each individual. To ask or hint or suggest different things is certainly permissble; how else is one to establish boundaries, etc.

But to go beyond a certain point when a partner is obviously not into it results in hurt feelings, or worse, coercion.

At this point I think I have to let her be the one to decide if this is the lifestyle for us.

 

What an interesting thread, I went through many years with my lady and weekend went got over two years with no intimacy, however once I grew up and started to find out what she liked and wanted we were able to meet halfway. Yes in the early days we had resets etc but after I spent some time without kink or chastity just making her feel good then things started to change. Only in the last five or so years and more in the last two of thirty years together have we found our selves. I am working away and Miss is being generous to me but soon she wants to start her plan to make me her slave as far as is practical. Ten years ago I would have said no chance so things do and can change.

What I am saying is take a long view from her point of view it's really different from mine but totally relevant to her. She has also have her best orgasms ever in the last few years and we are even after so long more and more in love.

I do wish every one all the best and I know how hard it can be and yes the loving relationship must come first.

 

I agree things do and can change, I first brought up chastity with my wife a few years ago and then it was a straight no. I sulked and felt stupid and tried to forget about it.

I tried again last year and really opened up to her and after a few stop starts we are now closer than ever and although she is still finding her feet as key holder we are now enjoying chastity play as part of our life.

Be realistic with your requests, don't expect her to become the Domme of your dreams overnight, give her time to process and understand why you need this, think about whats in it for her and if she is vanilla like my wife take it slow and remember the one golden rule - she who holds the key makes all the rules.

My wife is on the vanilla side I am on the kinky side, we can't change who we are but we can be honest and if the loving relationship is there you can try to understand each others needs and meet half way.

 

well i think a lot of Ladys say no cos men am always asking for a lot of thingys that is all for them and Ladys don't like that. I f you do what the Lady tells you to do then that's a lot better than keep asking for thingys.

 

in my own experience it's a case of when introducing new ideas... go slow, very slow, even slower than you might feel comfortable with.

a recent example...
I've had a break from chastity for two months due to a minor injury.
After it healed, I put my cage on while she was away from home and when she returned she unlocked me and we had normal sex for 3 days. During those three days I felt really frustrated, we were having good sex, but for those three days my device sat on her bedside table, untouched and unmentioned. I kept on thinking of saying something, but I let it be. This morning she decided it was time... I'm now locked up and from what she said it might be for 100 days, far longer than I've ever done before.

The moral of the story is that with some girls, you have to plant an idea gently, and let it sink in, without any pressure to DO IT NOW!
Many guys don't seem to realise that the ideas/fetish that only takes them a few minutes to explain probably took months or years for them to develop. In the same way that quick explanation is too short a time to absorb and accept something that is novel and not yet a norm. It happens in all walks of life, not just sexuality, change has to be managed or it's an instinctive reaction to just reject something that appears different to what is the current norm.

It's a bit like steering a boat, you turn the tiller gently, and you get no immediate response...
but yes she will respond - but don't try to spin the other way once she starts moving in the direction you pointed her!

 

I wish it was fetish then when my wife said no I could leave it at that, but I have tried to forget about chastity since I brought up the subject six yeas ago after she said no but I cannot forget male chastity every time I make love to my wife for the first two days I feel normal, but then I keep going back to the idea of male chastity and I cannot get the idea out of my head.
so now I am trapped in this circle of making love and male chastity.
sorry about the rant