Bf loves the idea of cuxkolding but I don't. Help!

You say that he tells you that he thinks that you may at some point mature into it.
Lets turn that around a little - I think he needs to mature out of it.

It's entirely possible to use chastity in a relationship without cuckolding even being mentioned let alone being a destination, so dont worry about that. It does sound like it's a strong fantasy though, but probably only because he reinforces it, and you've helped along with that to some extent. Now I think you need to take the bull by the horns and kick it into the long grass. He needs to cold turkey with the cuck stuff completely, and develop some other fantasies, and you could provide some direction for that.

It sounds like you're letting him direct his own fantasies. I think you would do well to stop that, and to direct them yourself.
How to do that might take some work, learning, research, but it is likely to pay off.

 

My wife and I began playing with cuckolding a few years ago. To make a long story short, it was cuckolding (and later swinging with other couples), that got her to a point where she was no longer attracted to me sexually.. We are now separated, and I'm certain that divorce is inevitable. I doubt this happens with every cuckold relationship, but it can and does happen.

Prior to our foray into cuckolding, I was also encouraging her into chastity play, but she was not too keen on that either. She didn't understand why I liked to be denied, and she also wanted me to be more aggressive/dominant in the bedroom. From my perspective, if she would have been more accepting of the idea of chastity play; even in the context of a compromise, I'm quite certain I would not have kept encouraging her to meeting up with another guy (cuckolding). As such, I'd strongly recommend that your BF enjoys what he has at the risk of losing it all.

 

In a relationship you both have to respect each other and realize where they are coming from. It does sound like a great fantasy for him. I also have a lot of things that I would love for my wife to do (but not cuckolding) but I realize that she would not want any part of it, so for me it remains a fantasy in my mindand our relationship remains stronger for it.

 

Since you are getting advice, here is my take on it, he is again topping from the bottom I have read that it could take up to three months of continues lock up for you to take control. You could say to him that before he is left out he have to show some serious change try keeping him i in panties from now on.

 

I have cuckolded hubby over 12 years with 17 different lovers. We are closer now than we have ever been. It is based on love, honesty and communication. Cuckolding is not for most couples but can work for those who work for it.

 

This particular fetish is a pretty hard one to handle for both sides of the fence. Does chastity involve cuckolding yes and no, but it matches under the guise of different strokes for different folks; however, a lot of times the humiliation of the chastity experience (i.e. loss of freedom) can go hand-in-hand with the loss of pre-supposed position. Another way to think of this ... once a guy is bitten by the cuckolding "bug", it is like smoking .... very hard to quit.

As to your question, if you don't like it and you are doing what you have talked about on your other threads, you are stepping up massively for your guy. If that is your red-line, don't cross it unless you really personally want to.

As you have done some (as you define) light cuckolding for him, you can call this your special treat thing, and I think you can reserve this for successful completion of activities. For example, you state no penetration or oral is allowed ... awesome. If your guy has no bi or gay tendencies, a possible "punishment" would be to get the guy you are "out on a date with" to give you something in a condom. You could use this in a squirting dildo, or force feed him, or leave it in a pair of used panties for him to find enjoy. If that is too red line, there was an article somewhere where a religious wife "made cum" and used it that way.

Another possible option if you like to have more control in your relationship is to start walking him into a female-led type of relationship, or if this is not to your suiting, make him take up some social causes in women's rights (and spin it in a feminist/gynarchist sort of way).

If neither of those are your cup of tea, I think predicament bondage is something fantastic that can be used. Tied up in a suspension manner on his toes for bad behavior, forced bladder control in combination with CBT, or even as simple as keep your nose on the coin in the corner while you keep a dropcam on him. In the last example, say great ... I am going out on a date, while I am gone you are stuck in this position, and every time you drop the coin you will get X ....

My point is there maybe some things which you can both enjoy together, or there are things you can have him take care of that you don't like to do so there is an exchange if you are granting him an awesome desire/dream. But as others have pointed out ... talk, communication, honesty. Remind him that without it there isn't a relationship. Also remind him ... where your interactions/experiences with this fetish is in the tens of hours, is no where the same as his thousands of hours. So he needs to understand there is a perspective view that he is finely tuned in getting, where you are just learning/understanding.

I don't know if any of that will help you ... but thanks for sharing, it is awesome to see such a caring and giving woman. Women are just so fascinating on their many levels of deep complexity .....

 

This needs deep discussion but your parter needs to understand that if you are genuinely going to be in charge then he must slowly let go of the things he wants and make it more and more about you. What he is doing is effectively trying to foist his personal fantasies on you when youre not interested. In the general bdsm scene this is called "topping from the bottom" and is generally very much frowned upon.

 

I read as far as 'so it is a bit obvious that chastity can lead to other things like cuckolding' and had to stop.

Is it?

I completely and utterly disagree. This sort of thing really hacks me off. Do you realize how many women get put off chastity because of exactly this sort of statement? Their guy goes to them mentioning chastity devices, tease and denial and so on, so they look it up online. Then they see all the fantasists squealing about cuckolding and permanent chastity, some going as far as demanding all small cocks should forever be locked up, etc etc and quite rightly they want nothing to do with it. I have even read fantasists demanding all small dick males are castrated. By small they actually mean average.

I have only been doing this for six months and I have lost count of the guys I have read about whose wives or girlfriends want absolutely nothing to do with this lifestyle. Sometimes it is their own fault, trying to dive in too fast, but many times it is because of this constant flow of cuckold fantasies making the rest of us have to assure our wives that it is not what we want.

THERE IS NO OBVIOUS.

You do what you want to do in the way you want to do it. If my Wife thought that she had to cuckold me to make me happy she would leave me. Immediately. There is absolutely no way she would pander to that fantasy and stay with me.

Rant over.

 

I agree when you start going down the road of why don't you try other guys things can get very tricky very quickly.

Set that against most women want to be protected and lusted after by their man .

Xx Wendy

 

I don't see why cuckhodling and chastity should go hand in hand. I find many of the people here and their fantasies are extreme in their views.
My wearing a cage on the weekend turns my wife on, she doesn't want it to be everyday and nor do I. What we want is to enjoy our fetishes without negative recourse. Neither of us lose, we both win. We joke about larger cocks, but it's not something we'd do. It's fantasy, fun... verbal domination. Needing someone else in a relationship defeats the purpose. The joyful elasticity of two close individuals creating seamless and selfless, engrossing and passionate moments far out performes someone else performing with your lover.


Jay.

 

There are acceptable fetishes and fantasies that a man can realistically expect his wife or girlfriend to indulge in, such as chastity, bondage, femdom, etc, and then there are fantasies that he cannot realistically expect the women he is with to find acceptable, such as taking on other lovers. It might be prudish for a woman to say no to chastity or bondage, but it is not prudish of her to say no to cuckolding, as it's seen as infidelity by many women, irregardless of the provided consent. They may simply not want to share intimate moments with other men.

Your reaction is perfectly normal and I commend you on the steps you've taken so far. You absolutely 100% can have a chastity lifestyle without cuckholding. I think your boyfriend's broblem is that he is topping from the bottom and is in desperate need of stricter discipline from you. What he is failing to understand is that male chastity may have started off as you simply wanting to fulfill some sexual fantasy of his, but that those days are over. It's no longer about what he wants, it's about what you want. You are the Goddess and he is the slave and he needs to somehow be broken into finally accepting that this is no longer his fantasy, it's simply YOUR will for him.

If you haven't done so already, I think you need to take complete control of every aspect of your relationship, a female led relationship. You need to stop indulging in his fantasies and only do something if you want to do it. Make clear to him that this is no longer a fantasy, but a lifestyle in which you are in complete control and that there is no escape from it for him unless he wishes to lose you from his life entirely. You need to break his resistance by keeping him locked in chastity for atleast 2 weeks at a time. I really recommend you look into anti-pull out mechanisms to make sure he doesn't see this as a game. You must punish him with physical pain in a way he truly dislikes whenever he misbehaves or says something that upsets you.

You have already taken great steps in blocking the porn. I would recommend a program like net nanny, as it will give you reports of what he attempts to look at it on any of his devices. It sounds to me like you're allowing him to hold you hostage with your love for him. Do no do things because you think he'll like them and that it'll keep him around. Do things only that you wish to do. If you want to kiss other men, so be it, if you don't ever end up wishing to sleep with other men, then so be it, you are the boss! It is he who needs the maturing, not you. He needs to be broken into being subservient to YOU and worship YOU.

I really do so a bright future for you two, but I think your chastity and female led relationship needs to revolve some more. If there's one thing you need to mature on, it's learning how to be a true, real life Goddess. Continue working with the dommes on this site, they are a very valuable resource and will help you to overcome many of the challenges you're facing. Consider forcing him to get a PA piercing and subsequently a secure metal chastity device. I can really see him married to you in the near future, wearing a PA metal device and only getting 1 to 3 releases a year, worshipping and serving you hand and foot.

Remember, what started off as his fantasy has now become your desires, your wishes, and his obedience to your every word. Make this feel as absolutely as real as possible for him by forcing him to do what you want even if he dislikes it, if it takes 3 months of chastity and constant application of physical pain to break his resistance and attempts to top from the bottom, then so be it.

 

You may want to consider cuckolding by dildo while he is in chastity. Name the dildo and refer to it by its name. He gets a similar head trip and you do not have to bring anyone into your relationship.

 

I'm in a cuckold relationship and its working out so far (10 years). It does involve risk of break-up, falling in/out of love, etc. Every relationship is different though; this one you need to figure out by yourselves.

If you don't want it, don't do it. Just tell him you're not interested. If this news is enough for him to break up with you, its not a guy you want to be with long-term anyway. There are a million subs out there who would love to serve a Domme like you (but that's a different topic entirely).

My suggestion would be to look into "small penis humiliation" as a substitute for cuckolding. He's not really small (and you can tell him that outside of sessions) just mock and tease him about his size to mess with him - it pushed similar buttons to cuckolding without the huge risk.

Who knows, maybe if you are together long-term you'll find yourself in a situation where you would consider cuckolding. Never say never. But it should be because you feel like it, and not as a result of pressure applied by your bf.

-droog

 

Hi @BoyfriendinChastity Hope you guys are doing ok. Anything that you guys do needs to comfortable for you. Your bf needs to accept this.

It seems like the cuckholding fantasy has become a bit embeded with your bf and it might take a while to eradicate it! Love what you have done with preventing his access to porn. Also love the punishment for the cuckhold story that you related in another thread. Hopefully the 31 days punishment was on top of the original 2 weeks lol

As you have stated, having sex with another guy is not for you. YOU aren't comfortable with it so it isn't going to happen. So your bf has to accept this. Each time he mentions you cuckholding him, add another week to lock up (and maybe some other punishments mentioned on other threads).

You have mentioned the possibility of you flirting with other guys. Did anything like that happen over the weekend as you suggested elsewhere that it might? If you have gone down that track (or if you do) hopefully it is because you wanted to, not because your bf pressured you into it and you finally relented.

As other people have said on various threads, communication is the key. But IMHO your bf is going further than simply communicating and is trying to manipulate. That is never good. While you have communicated what you don't want him to do (eg look at porn, esp cuckholding stuff), have you had the opportunity to communicate what YOU want from the relationship? Or has it more been you trying to counter his demands? From what I have read from your posts, you want him to desire YOU. That is the way it should be. He needs to step up.

Good luck. Hope you find a way forward that works for you.

 

I'm so happy for you! Believe me, it's only going to get better!

 

Hi @BoyfriendinChastity Great to hear that things are working out for you and your bf and that you both can move on with chastity.

 

I'm really happy to hear that

 

Here is an idea.
The safest way to Cuckold.

http://xhamster.com/movies/3435052/cuckold_threesome_fantasy_with_huge_black_dildo.html

 

I am sure you have many male friends you are happy to go out to dinner or a movie with, especially if they pay. There is no need for you to tell your boyfriend any details of your dates. You can easily leave him at home locked in his cage, with him imagining what you are doing.
My wife visits her ex every couple of weeks for the evening, and sometimes all day. I am never allowed to go with her and I really don't know what they do. I never know when she will visit him. I just get a text from her to say she is spending time with him and I am usually locked and waiting at home for her to return.

 

I would still check on him with a few fantasies every now and then just to make sure ... I am not saying he is lying, it is just that the fetish is pretty hard core and can be ingrained pretty deep. If he is jealous ... then you also have a weapon at your disposal ....