Caged Wolf? How an Alpha became the Omega...

Very nice... glad to hear She finished the job. When I told Mistress Wolf about Her only doing one leg, She told me to tell you, She would have done the lower on one leg and the upper on the other, then after a while switch the other way... so you'd never be totally smooth..

Mistress Wolf does have a devious streak that shows up occasionally...

I was allowed to shave my legs 2 years ago, from late November until New Years eve in exchange for converting our spare bedroom into an office for Her. was shaved from waist to toes. Loved the smooth, silky feeling, and wish She would allow it again, but She prefers a manly man...

 

Forgot to post something that happened Monday night...

We went to bed at about 10:30, i was asleep very quickly, but woke up with a start and realized i was about to orgasm! No stimulation, no erotic dream, nothing, and there was no way to stop it! Through my sleep fogged mind i managed to find the head and pinched it between thumb and forefinger just in time to at least stifle it and prevent a mess on myself and the sheets. Very intense orgasm, especially when going from sound sleep to wide awake. i was barely able to keep my grip, so wanted to let go and "let it go".

Once the spasms subsided i quietly got out of bed, went to the bathroom and released the little bit that was there, peed, and went back to bed. Slept soundly, woke to the alarm clock. Once Mistress Wolf was awake and functioning (She is not a morning person) i told Her what had happened and apologized. She replied that i hadn't done it on purpose so no punishment, and i have been watching my attitude to make sure i don't let it affect the positive week we are having so far.

Can't believe how suddenly and intensely it hit, kind of like the one in the shower a couple of weeks ago. i need to figure out a way to not have these releases though... i know they are natural, but i want to stay in the denied/sub frame of mind, frustrated and malleable.

 

Wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year, may it bring peace, contentment, and love, along with the occasional disciple, locked time, and proper T&D!

Thank you all for you help, comments, ad just having a place like this where i am able to post my thoughts, feelings, etc without being judged or ridiculed. . We/i would never have made it as far as this without CM and the great people here.

 

Should also say that Saturday evening i was sitting with Mistress Wolf (She in Her chair, i on the floor at Her feet), and i asked if i might borrow the edge of the pillow She had on Her lap to put Her laptop on. She smiled and slid it over slightly towards me. i leaned my head against Her leg and pillow, and within a couple of minutes I was very close to being in my quiet, contented place, but just before i was there Mistress tapped me on the head and when i turned to look up t Her She said something to the effect of "bedroom, naked, now...".

I was a good evening and things just kept getting better. Mistress Wolf reminded me last night that felt so right again. We laughed at silly jokes, cuddled and talked, then i was allowed to pleasure Her, ultimately bringing Her to satisfaction (several times) while ending up numb and denied myself. Perfect final time for 2015.

 

Definitely think we've turned the corner, and are really back on track relationship wise. Life is good, i'm back to a more centered place, and there is laughing and smiling, touching, etc.

We are both chatting with one particular guy who seems to be very nice, though not a perfect match to what Mistress Wolf wants, but someone we will probably be meeting FTF soon to talk and explain more about things.

Not really a lot else to say right now... Mistress Wolf has been giving me simple things to do "The dog needs water.", etc., and during a FB chat while I was at work yesterday there were a few comments made by Her that showed She is flexing Her position a little more. It's small steps, but i'll take what i can get!

 

Mistress Wolf chatted with the new potential man-friend for almost 2 hours last night, covered a lot of background chat, but stayed away from the sexual side for the most part. i was allowed to sit by Her and follow the chat, and think it is actually going fairly well. There are some concerns due to work adn family schedules that would have to be worked around, but nothing huge.

 

Yesterday was a little rocky.. didn't sleep well, woke before the alarm and couldn't get back to sleep, wished i could stay home and rest, but...

Home for lunch, ate, cleaned up the dishes for myself and Mistress Wolf, then asked if there was anything else. Mistress surprised me by asking if i was up to some "nakee fun". i have gotten to a point where i hope, but don't expect, that anything will happen, as it's put me into a funk when i expect and nothing happens.
Anyway, off the the bedroom, both get naked and into bed, start touching and caressing Mistress, but after a couple of minutes Her belly gurgled and She says "Sorry, my innards just changed their mind". i politely told Her "I understand, Mistress", and was not upset or stressed over it. We spent a bit longer laying there talking about things, then got up and dress, and back to work i went.

Later that afternoon i got a text (not from Mistress) that resulted in a couple of emails, and a situation that put me in a foul mood. The VP of the club i am torn about finishing the intitation to messaged me about my status. i have been torn over whether to continue the process or cut ties. There is no middle ground. This is something i still want to finish, but the pressure and stress it is adding right now makes it difficult to move forward with fixing myself.

By the time i got home from work (after an hours unwanted overtime) i had dealt with the anger and was actually in a decent mood, looking forward to a good evening. Got cleaned up and changed out of work clothes, helped prep dinner, watched the edited version of "Robin Hood, Men in Tights with Mistress and Little One. After Little One went to bed i asked to get online, was given permission, and hit FB.

About this time things started to get to me again, then Mistress asked if i had logged into YIM to see if Her man-friend was online. Told Her "No, but i can if you want me to.", She said "Yes, please.", that's when i knew there were no plans for any "Nakee fun" for the evening. I got everything logged in, finished my FB check, and asked if i could get my shower, which Mistress approved. When i finished my shower and getting ready for bed i came back out and asked if He was online. He was not. I was about to ask if we could go to bed early as i was very tired, when Mistress started typing... He had just gotten online.... I spent a little time on some household chores, then went and sat in the living room with my back against Her chair while She chatted, finally dozing off for a few minutes. When i woke up She was logging out, 1/2 hour after our normal bedtime. As i was already ready for bed I curled up on the bed to wait for Mistress, and we talked a little about what was wrong, She told me i could go back through the chat in the am, i told Her that there was no need unless there where things She wanted me to know, and we continuing talking about things after we were both in bed.

As i explained my feeling (mad about the club deal, work, etc, but not depressed), She told me "Just so you know, when your mood is like this it really makes you undesirable, sexually." i told Her i understand, and apologized. She took my hand and started to fall asleep, then rolled on her side, put my hand between Her thighs near Her knees, sighed once and went to sleep. i laid there contemplating everything, trying to figure out what to do, until i finally fell asleep.

Woke up an hour before the alarm again this morning, feel like a truck hit me, and just want to go back to bed, but can't. I pretty much know what I need to do, i just hate feeling like i quit on the club when it is something i really want.... blah...

 

After posting this morning I have been able to clear my head and let go of the anger again. Talking with Mistress Wolf last night helps me focus on what the problem was, and putting it down so I could see it allowed me to process it better. A lot of the issue is I was tired and just wanted to go to bed, but sitting waiting let my mind get spooled up.

Mood is recovering nicely at this point, and I have apologized again to Mistress Wolf. Things are good...

 

Today has actually been a really good day, as above, t started out a little bumpy, but with Mistress's help and input i was able to regain my control and proper place before leaving for work. When i came home for lunch we ate, and after i cleaned up the dishes i asked Mistress wolf if She would like to retry yesterdays play time, and She said "I was just getting ready to ask you the same question!".

Off to the bedroom, undressed and under the covers, but not as much time available as yesterday would have had. Mistress said it would have to be a "quickie", then reached over and put Her hands on my nipples. Her hands were COLD, but it felt so good! She then reached down and grabbed Her property, one hand on the shaft, the other under the sac, and said "My, Shrinking ball sac!", but i was already reacting
and was hard within moments. i was allowed to kiss and lick her breast and nipples, then told to wrap it and get to it.

We are out of the delay condoms, so i was able to really feel everything and was very soon right on the edge, but stayed under control until i felt Her starting to tighten as She got so close! As She went over the edge i begged to be allowed to cum also. She moaned "yes", and i instantly went over the edge myself, pushing Her even farther.

We laid there for a few moments then had to get up and shower so She could pick up Little One form school and i to go back to work.

Work got stupid toward the end. i was supposed to o pick up a prescription and had told the boss i needed to leave by 3, but just before 3 a call came in that took all hands to deal with and i ended up staying there 1/2 hour overtime. During the worst of the fiasco i was stressing and losing my cool, so i took a moment and called Mistress Wolf, asked if i could vent, and when given approval, told Her what was going on and how it was affecting me. Doing so allowed me to let go of most of the stress and get under control again, then let the rest go on the short drive home after work.

After cleaning up and changing Mistress allowed me to accompany Her and Little One to dinner at one of our favorite local places, adn they had actually waited for me to get home before going out.

I really think we are onto something, and it gives Her even more control over my attitude and composure.

Love Mistress Wolf more than i thought possible, and even more all the time!

 

Good weekend so far, out with friends to visit other friends today, long drive, but so worth it! Felt so bad this morning, knew last night we had to get up early to get ready to go, but i forgot to ask what time Mistress Wolf wanted me to wake her. I thought long and hard about it and figure the time She would likely need to wake and get ready, etc, and decided on a time. When that time came i reluctantly woke Her and after She had a moment to wake up i apologized for not asking Her last night. The friend we drove up with knows about the FLR, so understood a few of the conversation undercurrents...

On Sunday Mistress Wolf and i are meeting 2 other people for a Poly Tea meet and greet, will finally have a chance to sit and talk Poly issues and thoughts with people who have been doing it longer. Things with Mistress Wolf are leaning more to a Poly lifestyle over a cuckold one... but i suppose many of the same emotional and relationship issues come into play.

Not sure what plans Mistress Wolf has for tonight, if any, but even if it's just relax until bedtime i'm good!

 

Rough night, didn't sleep well, and didn't help that my 14 y.o. dog woke me up 3 times to go outside, which is 5-10 minutes each time. At least the yard is fully fenced so i don't have to get dressed and walk him...

The second time i got back in bed Mistress Wolf rolled toward me, took my hand and put it on Her upper thigh, then left her hand on mine, which was nice. i very much enjoy the contact, especially during the night as the connection and closeness helps me relax and sleep. After a few minutes though, as i was dozing, she rolled slightly away from me, still holding my hand, and as She rolled my hand ended up VERY near Her Lady parts, so near i could feel the warmth. i didn't want to wake Her if She was sleeping, or to do anything that wasn't proper.... so i just laid there with my hand SO CLOSE, listening to Her breathe, Her hand holding mine there wondering if She was awake and wanting attention, or if it was just something that happened. About 5-ish minutes went by, and then She sighed and rolled away from me, leaving my hand behind and me wide awake....

There was a time, not that long ago, when I would not have thought twice about trying to initiate if something like this happened, and many times did. Middle of the night wake up sex used to be quite interesting, watching Her wake up realizing it wasn't a dream, joining in until both were satisfied, then going back to sleep holding each other close until it was actually time to get up....

Do i miss it? yes, i do.... Do i regret the choices and changes that have brought us to where we are now? NO, not at all. I wish i was allowed to initiate play like this, but things are so much better in other ways, it is a small price to pay for the closeness of our relationship after everything we have been thru.

I truly Love Mistress Wolf so much that it physically hurts when things aren't right, and yes, i have told Her this several times. i don't think She believed or understood what i meant the first time, so one morning before work i asked if i may talk to Her for a minute, i knelt in front of Her as She sat on the end of the bed and explained it as best as i could.
It literally hurts, my heart gets so heavy, my breathing becomes more difficult, and my body starts to ache like the flu, and this is just when She is upset with me (or i think She is), Her happiness and our connection means that much to me. i have NEVER felt this way toward anyone else, have never allowed my emotions to become so entwined, so exposed before. i guess that everything that happened last year was necessary to help me open up and grow so i could truly give myself completely to Mistress Wolf.

and yes, typing this post has helped clear my head again, shown me what is and is not important, and helped me get myself back in the proper frame of mind before waking Mistress Wolf for the day...

Love you @Mistress Wolf

 

wow, 5 days since the last post, and it seems like nothing has happened... nope, no pleasing Mistress Wolf, no train derailments, etc

Had a couple of times when i needed to contact Mistress Wolf to talk about where my head was, and it helped me get right back in the right frame of mind again. Overall things are good, was a little sulky after lunch yesterday, but a quick chat and it's good again.

The guy we have been chatting with shared something last night that stopped Mistress's intrest dead, not going to say anything here (it's his life and issues), but back to searching again.

Hoping to have a good weekend, nothing planned, so we will see how things go. And yes, i'm in a better mood than i have been for a while, even if it doesn't show in the post...

 

this is actually a good thing, as we found it before a FTF meeting, and no face or nude pic's have been shared with him.

 

Last night, after i put Little One to bed, Mistress Wolf came over to me and asked if i was up for some "Nakee fun time".... Yes, of course! i had found some of the delay condoms in my travel kit, so used one, Things went well, i managed to not let go the first time, though i was so close it was twitching... Brought Mistress to 2 or 3 more O's, but on the last one the force of Hers pushed me over the edge as well, which increased Hers even more.

Things are good, and still improving!

 

Monday morning, MLK day here in the US of A. Mistress Wolf and Little One have the day off from school, but i have to work (blah), so i am um taking care of things before waking them in a while, gives me a chance to catch up here ad let my mind settle in for the day.

So where is my mind at this morning? In a pretty good place, things are good overall, no major issues to deal with.

i have been able to maintain my attitude and place over the weekend, even with the stress of dealing with the club i am still hoping to finish my probationary period with. Had the monthly meeting Saturday, and it looks like i will be starting back into training in March, hopefully finish in the June/July timeframe.

Though for a few minutes last night that Mistress Wolf might chose to allow me to pleasure Her, then got a phone call from dad and talked with him for 1/2 hour or so... All good, but kind of derailed the mood.

Hoping to have a good week, and planning to do all i am able to keep myself in the proper frame of mind!

 

Interesting night last night, actually the whole day was interest but last night really was!

Wednesday night i was a little out of sorts when Little One went to bed, not depressed really, but not in a great mood. Wanted to just curl up at Mistress Wolf's side and be with Her, but She was watching NCIS, with a High School rape case story. i just can't watch that kind of stuff, so i bummed around on the computer, then just sat in the computer chair and dozed off. Mistress walked by, woke me up and told me i could lay on the floor, the couch, or the bed so i didn't mess up my neck. i didn't want to go lay in the bedroom, i wanted to be with Her, but that show... and my mood wasn't where is should have been...

Thursday morning, after thinking about things, i knew i needed to apologize, but was waiting until Mistress had a chance to wake up, and after i had taken Little One to school (i come back for a bit before leaving for work). About 15 minutes before I normally head out, and just before I was going to talk to Mistress Wolf i got called in to work for an urgent... i quickly finished getting ready to go and Mistress was getting clothes laid out for the day. i quickly told Her my thoughts and apologized, and She replied "This sock is mismatched..."... that was it. "Yes Dear, i'm sorry, i'll sort it out.

Fast forward to Thursday night... got home from work, fixed dinner, cleaned the kitchen, folded the basket of clothes i had washed that morning, etc... Little One wasn't feeling well, so made her a cup of tea, then Mistress asked me to make some popcorn (we have a stove top popcorn kettle), so i did, then made myself a cup of tea and sat with them until Little One went to bed. After putting Little One to bed i came back out and asked Mistress Wolf if i could sit with Her, she nodded yes and patted the front of the chair, indicating for me to sit there. i was just enjoying sitting with Her, at one point leaning over and resting my head on Her leg. At 9:30 She tapped me on the head and when i looked up at Her She grinned and asked "Want to go get naked?". i just sat there, apparently looking as stunned as i felt, because She said "Well, that's not the reaction I was expecting..."! Once my head finally wrapped around what She had said i quickly told Her "yes" and explained it had just surprised me, She replied "That's my job!"

Off to the bedroom, nakedness ensued, some talking, some caressing, She reached down and started fondling her property, and more talking. i finally asked if i could give Her some oral, She grinned and said "I'm not opposed to that!". i really love giving Her pleasure with my mouth and tongue, i can tell when i'm doing it well, and last night i was doing it right, She grabbed my head and held me there as i licked and fingered Her to what She later described as a "slow-burn O", not the normal flash to a body wrenching one, but a pleasurable build up to a really good one. i could tell She was enjoying is as She was much wetter than normal the whole time. As She finished she pushed my head away, i softly kissed her belly and thanked Her, asking if She was done or if there was more i could do for Her. She told me No She was not done, and wanted more, so i put on an extended play condom and gently eased into Her. After a few gentle strokes it was obvious She wanted more so i increased my thrusts, and gave Her what She wanted.... long, deep, powerful sex, watching Her reaction and adjusting to keep pushing Her farther along, until i felt Her start to tighten, which pushed me right to the edge as well. i tried to slow down, to regain control, but She looked me in the eyes, and without being told i knew i had to keep going to push Her over the edge, or risk losing the buildup. Another 10-15 strong thrusts, and over She went, i apologized, and followed Her with my own mind wrenching release, which kicked Hers up even higher!

As we lay there afterwards, i apologized again, and She told me not to, that She knew i wouldn't be able to last long as the delay stuff in the condom hadn't had time to work, but She wasn't upset, and i wasn't in trouble. We showered and got ready for bed, and i think both of us were asleep almost as soon as our heads hit the pillows.

i think we both needed last night, it has really helped me feel like the connection is getting ever stronger, i've gone a couple of weeks without really coming off the rails (With Mistress's help), and things just seem all around better as we go forward.

Time to wake Mistress and get on with my day....

Happy, happy Wolf!

 

Thank you Lucy, that is very cool, and yes, too nice to drink!

 

Had a thoughtful post, but ran out of editing time and lost it.... this is not the same, or even close...

but, it's been a great weekend so far, not allowed to Pleasure Mistress Wolf again, but on the way home from the movies tonight i reached over and lightly caressed Her leg, and, for the first time in months, She took my hand and held it while I drove...

Tonight is the Wolf Moon, the Winter Moon, it is a time to let go of things that hold you back, to seek understanding, and to nurture and prepare for the growth to come. i am hoping things will continue to grow and i am able to truly learn my place and understand/accept the changes. To fully support Mistress Wolf as She grows also..

i am understanding my journey is not just about the relationship with Mistress Wolf, but about personal growth for myself also, to step out of my comfort zone and learn who I am meant to be. 2015 was a year that broke down the walls I had built up over the years to protect myself, but they also isolated me from those i love and kept me locked at that point that i entered... It is time to step out of this self induced cell and actually live this life.