I like being edged and denied, it's not frustrating. it's erotic and very enjoyable. What I am finding is the frustrating part of my chastity is that without the hardware, I think about sex about every 20 seconds. With the hardware, it's easily every second. My wife on the other hand, I think she may think about sex every 4 or 5 days. We used to have sex (sex = any contact leading to an orgasm) once or twice a week, mostly initiated by me, I had an orgasm daily through masturbation. Now sex is less than once a week as it's always initiated by her. The content of our new sex is much better, and much more fulfilling than before. But it's frustrating to have your sex controlled by a woman who has other priorities and is WAY less horny than me. I was hoping the chastity would bring us not more orgasms, but more contact - oral, hands, anal, etc, not less. But, I suppose I have to take the good with the bad.
Been there myself. LOL! Thought it would turn her into a wildcat, but now I receive very little stimulation, and no release. Has she lost interest? No- no , she even has taken up her old girl-on girl desires, but my cock - is not the center of the world anymore. Not for her and definitely not for me either... Frustrating from time to time ( read : ALL the time) - but what a sweet frustration! To see her body flex when I go down on her, is way better than a few seconds of spurts....
She decides- i have stuggled with this since I asked my kh/wife to lock me up. Masturbation was overtaking my sexual desires.. So locking up was a necessary evil! Luttle did i know what i asked for was just what i asked for.. More then i was able to handle. So my kh decided We took the cage off..1 month. Now day 2 of 32 days locked... Im not going to have any preconceived notions about it this time. Only focusing on her needs..Emotionally, physically..( i hope).. Being a better listener..please let me know if you have any break throughs..
It's funny how a lot of people are never happy with what they have or perceive what they are missing. You did this to enhance your sex life. You may not be getting it as much as you would like but when you are getting it, it's way better than before being locked up. I will take quality over quantity any day. I don't know what most of the guys on here are thinking but clearly they haven't quite figured things out. They6 are living with the fantasy in their minds that things are going to get smoking hot once they are locked up. Well, I also have a bridge to sell you when you want to talk about it. Most women, not all, but the majority of women in our lives have a far lower sex drive than us. Simply having something locked on our junk isn't ever going to change that. That's not how they are wired. If it were the case, the population on this planet would be a hundred fold what it is today. Most of us men couldn't handle a woman that is as sexually driven as we are. You may think so, but in reality, that's simply not true. It's the chase that drives us and that's why chastity and denial is such a turn on for us. We always want what we can't have especially when we think we want it. I had a subcontractor that worked for me a few years back that always complained about his wife wanting sex all the time. He was burned out from it. I knew it to be true from other guys who knew him. Then I met his wife and she was very forward about her sexual desires. At first I was a little turned on by the things she was saying, but it didn't take long to realize that I would have to be a machine to handle a wife like that. I would rather have the challenge. Enjoy the lifestyle for what it really is. Getting back to the true intimacy in your relationship where sex isn't the the main cousre of either of your intentions behind it. Once your wife feels completely comfortable in your new lifestyle and understands your real motivation. Being affectionate with each other, cuddling, just making out like teenagers and all that other good stuff will become a way of life. If she feels the pressure of sex, you can kiss that stuff good bye. I will take the intimacy and quality over frequent orgasms any day. You guys have to relax and enjoy. The frustration is is one of the good things in this lifestyle. You just have to realize it and it will be so much more fun once you do.
@She decides I'm not sure how long you have been caged but I presume not too long. It's not unusual that when the cage is first used, the lockee finds it rather exciting and often has trouble even having it fitted. Once you become accustomed to it, the initial excitement will fade and although it will never, exactly, be easy for you, you will find that your frustration will return to normal. @chastingfun has wise words for you.
@chasingfun, That is so very well said. Thank you for enlightening me a little on why this kink is so desirable.
I have introduced male chastity about 4 months ago. So yes, all of this is new to myself and my KH/wife.. @Mistress B. After reading the aboce post im stArting to realize the problem lies within ME!! I have, had these preconceived notions about chastity and didn't even think oytside my pants as to why. I wanted to have chastity in our marriage.. The root of the problem is me.. My sexual desires are my biggest hurdles to overcome... I wanted this and now I'm were i asked for, but now i want to be teased and n9t forgotten about.. Gosh that sounds selfish..
I'm glad you realised this. You say 'ME' and 'I' a lot which makes you sound selfish. I'm not sure exactly what your desire is, say in 5 years. Is it to be tied up, submissive or to have a happy marriage? I don't see why you can't initiate sexual activity that pleases her - oral, massage etc that does not physically please you. Your chastity device should not make you think about how horny YOU are but how you can please HER.
Sorry, @socal_chastity37, I didn't mean to copy your message. I was referring to the very first one by @She decides. Feel free to take note though.
Noted as well, Miss Charolette. Thank you. I can initiate sexual activity, we're working through that. I sorta feel like it's her business to initiate when she wants, as I have handed my sex life over to her. We're working on it, and it really is a good time.
Miss Charlotte is right on the money here, being locked and submissive means your focus is on your key holder in this case your wife. She is the most important element of your relationship your sexual fulfilment is not, hers is and should always be paramount. If you concentrate on her needs, pleasuring and pleasing her without waiting for her to instigate things will change for you. At the moment it would appear from what you've said it's you that's in the driving seat and your using this as a form of self denial, rather than you giving yourself to her. She must be the one who decides when and how you are allowed to cum, you must submit to real denial when you do you will be rewarded. Does she has she used her dominance on you some humiliation i.e. cum eating?
Miss Charlotte, Not yet. She is however starting to realize what control she has. Mrs. S has commented numerous times about The change in my attitude. She said last night how much she enjoys me being locked up. Two nights ago she asked me to worship her. Massage oils, aroma therapy, qnd her two favorite toys... Then she asked me to pleasure her. Not with my "caged little child", but put on a strapn on. The feeling was, well amazing. She got to roll over and push me back.. And tell me to go do the dishes and clean up. The tables are turning.. im actually submitting.. The last two weeks i have not suggested or asked for anything else other then how can ihelp you around the house.... Sub in training..
I agree with all of the posts here. Since becoming locked, I have noticed a drastic change in myself and my Mistress. She truly enjoys the control and the attitude adjustment that I have had.
There are studies that show that orgasm denial/abstaining over periods of time for a male can enhance/increase the sense of touch/desire to touch and have physical contact (all over, not just down there . I personally have found this to be true (in some cases I can literally feel energy between our skin)...in addition to attitude adjustment (i.e. I think twice before I speak and lose some opportunities at night), there is an enhanced NEED to touch my lady, all over/anywhere/anytime. I literally cannot keep my hands off of her. I am fortunate (or unfortunate, depending how you see it) in that she has a very high sex drive herself. This led to her appreciating the differences chastity made in my interest (I have an average interest normally, and am reserved/conservative normally until caged for three + days...then I can't control myself and my inhibitions drop drastically). I now approach every day/hour/minute with a need to satisfy her, which she loves and has made us more satisfied as a couple....per some of the posts, you'd almost have to be a machine to keep up with her but now I am able and MORE than willing. RE initiating (another response), it is my experience with my wife that she was looking for me to be more interested/assertive/overt whatever you want to call it. I am certainly more of all of those things now, and she loves that aspect as well (proactive?). All in all, it does change the dynamic as with many erotic activities. Explore, be happy, and of course enjoy
I was moderately offended by this comment. Perhaps it is because I am one of "those" women who enjoy multiple orgasms in a day, but I found the remark sexist. Women are just as capable of enjoying sexual pleasure as men. Actually, I would go so far as to argue that women are, physically at least, more biologically capable of enjoying sexual pleasure (more nerves, endless orgasms, etc.). I shall quote Kate Millett, leader of the women's liberation movement, in saying that "sex is a status category with political implications." Systematically, for hundreds of years in our patriarchal (western) culture, women have been subjugated by social pressure into denying their sexuality. Even today in our somewhat more enlightened cultures, women still find themselves feeling ashamed of their desire for sex or fear the "slut" label. Women are not "wired" with less of a sex drive...the fear or reluctance of embracing one's sexuality is a huge factor for many women. Another important factor to consider here is how women enjoy sex. Many women are not capable or do not enjoy vaginal orgasms. Maybe the reason why she doesn't want to have sex with you is because you aren't performing sex in a way that her body can, or wants to, respond (I am speaking of the general 'you' here, not a specific person). I do identify as bisexual, so I suppose there is a (let's say 50%?) chance of my wanton behavior doubling the human population. But then I would have to assume that I actually let my male partner cum inside me. I suppose what I am trying to get across here is that sexuality is not straight-forward, not simple, and should not be suppressed by social standards or false generalizations.
Well Diana, Not looking for an argument here. You are entitled to your opinion and I to mine. That's the beauty of free speech and free thinking. You may be mildly offended, but my post stated "most" women, not "all" women and I wasn't speaking in biological terms when I mentioned "wired". And yes, women are physically and mentally capable of enjoying sex. Damn near every guy I talk to if the conversation comes up is how their girlfriends or wives have a lower sex drive than them and it has nothing to do with whether their wives are pleased sexually or not. It's always the same old stories, even on the internet and even on here. These women are busy with the kids or family or work or anything else that comes along and sex gets put on the back burner. It's not a priority in their lives. I have heard it from my wife, some of her friends and other women that even though they enjoy sex, they don't need it all that often and are completely happy that way. So no, what I stated wasn't sexist after hearing and also reading these kinds of statements from other women. Before my wife and I got into chastity, our sex life was practically nonexistent. When we did, she thoroughly enjoyed it. You know, eyes rolling, back scratching, arching, moaning and explosive orgasms, but once done, she could go months without needing it again. Now with chastity, it's far more frequent although we are not breaking any records. For her, as she has stated to me more than once, it's the power and control that has increased her sexual desire. You and women like you are the exception to the rule and that's a good thing. Men dream of meeting women like you. There would be far less complaining in the world and probably far less wars.