Hi all, Wanted to introduce myself after joining. I am in a long term relationship and our sex life has always been great, but vanilla. We're both in our late twenties and have been together a couple of years. I have been interested in femdom/submission/chastity/feminization for a few years, but my gf is a natural submissive. I started talking about tease and denial with her after I was away for a while, saying how much better it felt after I got back. We played around with it and she enjoyed being in control of my orgasm, and I took it as a positive sign. After doing some reading, I told her she was in charge of when we played, and if and when i was allowed to cum. I told her she could demand anything of me, and would comply. She was enthusiastic and excited. Things went well for a while with us playing our game. After a few weeks, she began to get more shy about it all, and didn't want to initiate anything. We talked about it and she said that she was missing the feeling of me initiating things and pursuing her. This has left us a little bit in limbo. I think that I didn't do a good enough job of being attentive, displaying my desires and giving her the opportunity to make her demands. I was trying to not "top from the bottom" and was giving her space to find her own way, but I think I was too passive at a formative stage. She is till teasing me during foreplay but outside of the bedroom everything is back to normal. From conversations we have had, I think she has the capacity to really enjoy femdom, but I am not sure how to best cultivate the confidence in her to truly take control. Does anyone have any advice on how to get things back on track?
I'm new to the chastity seen as well but from what I have read its normal to have some bumps in the road as they say. If she is willing to keep trying then thats a good sign. Also important for her to know from you that this is something you still want to try. Have you given her any recommended reading material? That might be a good step.
Hey! This MAY be a big stereotype, but it has been said that women have been 'conditioned' by society to believe their role is to satisfy their men... Satisfy means make them cum amongst many things! It is also proposed that when a man says he doesn't want his woman to make him cum, that goes against the core conditioning. Guilt is a result. It can also lead to feelings that the man loves the woman less.... Again... this is possibly a big stereotype, BUT... maybe IF your GF is feeling this way it could be an important step to reassure her that you love her HEAPS!!! You may also want to try toys and techniques that focus on her pleasure. Rock her world! Make her shudder in delight!! Then maybe ask her something like "What's not to like?" If she asks "What about you?" just be honest!! Tell her how you feel having seen her in ecstasy but not cumming yourself.... These may (or may not) be good bedroom tips.... Also, I think it was @Mistress B who posted links to some VERY interesting readings on Ms. Lori's website.... Have a look these together!! http://www.chastitytube.com/page1.html Scroll down and look at the links there... The one about Male Lesbians is AWESOME! As is 'Why Me?' However, I encourage you BOTH to read as many as possible there! These readings can really help you to look at extending the lifestyle outside the bedroom... Gook luck and be patient. If you can work towards a win-win, you... well... you both WIN! With the absolute kindest regards. J.
Just make sure she understands you still find her attractive. Tell her. Show her! Make sure she understands what chastity is about. Otherwise she may misinterpret... Imagine how you would feel if the person you love tells you she doesn't want to have sex with you... It can be hard to understand when out of context. She has to know she means the world to you. Show her you care, show her you want her. Remember that this is not only about you! It's also about her. You told her about your fantasy, now find out about hers. Make her fantasies come true...she may not be as shy I you think This has been said over and over, but communication is paramount!
Thanks for the tips all. Will have a look at the links. If anyone has any specific reading material from a women's perspective, that would be interesting to see
Welcome to you hotbirtman! The friendliest place on the web in 98 out of 100 scientific surveys. We are also recommended by 9 out of ten dentists, and continue to remain caffeine and sugar free! Good stuff around here you know! SO welcome to this place and Cheers to you! sk
Thanks all. Bought "A keyholders handbook" by Georgia Ivey Green for my gf to read. Let's see where that takes us!
When my wife and I started on our chastity journey, after 40+ years of marriage, we experienced the same thing. My wife assumed her assigned role but reverted back to her old self after a few weeks. She used to feel guilty about withholding my orgasm despite loving it when I am in a state of orgasm denial. She did not want to tell me to do things because she did not want to be a bitchy wife. 11 months later and I am doing more household chores and attending to her needs each evening as I wait for my two month chastity period to end. It was a slow and gradual process with ups and downs, stops and starts. Many of us expect our wives to go from loving wife to leather clad dominatrix just because they are told that they are in charge. We assume too much and expect our spouses to share our fantasies, but the best we can hope for is that our spouses are open to explore new things and it all works out. I learned that it works out best if you let your wife seek out her own comfort zone. It may not be the strict dominant wife of your fantasy but it will be different than it used to be.
Read this for fun although it has some stuff in it that is fantasy. http://chastity-belt-stories.com/husband_in_chastity_belt
The above started out OK about chastity but upon further reading, delved deeply into the realm of far out fantasy with diapers and telling friends, etc. The beginning part that deals with starting out is good as it talks about communication and the need to still deal with the mundane everyday things in all marriages. I would have deleted my post but there is a very small time limit here to make changes.