I need some advice to have my wife take our chastity play to the next level. We have been playing with chastity since December when we experimented with a CB6000s. I have always wanted her to take a more dominant role in our relationship and this seemed like a good way for her to take control without having to change our lifestyle much. She has come to really enjoy the added attention and passion that it's brought to our relationship. We decided to invest in a Jailbird from MatureMetal because the experiment had gone so well for both of us. Now we have this perfectly fitting device, that's way more secure and takes this past a game, into a lifestyle. But she hasn't embraced her role as key holder. I know that it's not my place to top from the bottom, but the whole reason we chose chastity in the first place was for us to find a way to have my wife be more dominant in our relationship. It's not like she just tolerates the idea. She genuinely likes it. And occasionally she'll remember to tease me in little ways, but mostly I tease myself by looking at porn before bed or rubbing up against her before going to sleep. I talked to her about the teasing side of chastity. She's read "A Keyholder's Handbook". I've set up a tumblr that she visits occasionally that I reblog scenarios that drive me wild. I've sent her ideas that aren't much effort that's she's liked, but she's never acted on them. There are two things that seem to be stopping her. We have very busy lives and she looks at anything that is out of our routine (sexual or otherwise) as "work" She has reservations about keeping me in chastity for over a week at a time because she's afraid it might have health repercussions. I would love to convince her to join this site and talk to other Key Holders. I feel like she'd just see it as work though. I wonder if any Key Holders could message her through me so I could pass those along to her. I want to convince her that this is a safe place for her. That incorporating more tease and denial into the relationship can be done without having to become a full-time Dominatrix. Regardless of my situation, the past 5 months have completely rejuvenated our relationship. If this is how it has to be, I'll take it, but would love to see how amazing it is for both of us to be taken to the next level.
5 months isn't long! I suggest that you chill out, stop pestering her and enjoy the discovery together. It will take a while for her to take ownership of the Femdom. In the mean time, focus on "what's in it for her?"
I think I must be cynical. This seems highly suspicious to me! Why not just ask her to look at the site on your log in to get an idea of peoples thoughts? That way she doesnt have to sign up. If she doesnt want to do that, you may have to accept her heart simply isnt in it. You cant "make" someone like something, no matter what those awful blog posts say about making your partner Domme/sub etc. At least she's tried to compromise with you, as said above, you might just need to be patient, whilst also being open to the fact that she may no have it in her to go to the levels you want her to.
Thanks Giles. I guess in the grand scheme of things, you're right: 5 months isn't that long. I've always been one of those people who really like to jump into things whole hog at the beginning though and if things don't seem like they're progressing I get frustrated. That being said, I've been focusing on "what's in it for her" since the very beginning and I have no problems enjoying that aspect of things.
I know the internet and you're right to be suspicious. I didn't mean it like that though, and I swear it's coming from the right place. We've talked a little more about it since I made this post, and I think she understands a little more what I was thinking. I guess I was just hoping that there might be someone that she could talk to directly rather than just browse the site and get overwhelmed with the variety of topics. I made the mistake of just sending her to a chastity tumblr once and she was so overwhelmed with the content that it turned her off. That's why I started my own tumblr so I could just repost what I thought she would be comfortable with and weed out the stuff she doesn't like.
@Mascara^Snake ... I guess it's not so much that she needs help, but maybe more convincing? Or should I just accept that the way she wants to control this chastity relationship is different than what I had anticipated? I guess this comes down to a serious question of how much input do I have into this dom/sub relationship. Since, as @Giles_English put it, this is still early days can we find our way together, or should I let her make all the decisions about how this will work?
The section called "the pedestal". The place to start threads on the lifestyle is not in "The Foyer" that's all. The foyer is where we welcome newbies who have introduced themselves. Then we invite everyone yo come into the mansion and hang out where the party is. Sorry if I was abrupt but I just cleaned out a bunch of threads from the foyer that should be posted in every other place except the foyer, I got tired of explaining. I think you will find a redirect with a reasonable expiry date. Cheers and no harm done I hope.
Oops. Sorry about that @subklik . I don't post often so I didn't realize I'd done it in the wrong place.
no sweat. I did note that you havrnt been here all that long and its not life threatening at all. LOL. Just trying to keep the house in order. Cheers!
just relax, she knows your locked. all things happen in there own time. and besides, her ignoring you, is driving you crazy right? so she is teasing you.
I think she needs to find her own certainty and trust in that control before you can add stuff. However, what you can do is take tendencies she already exhibits and suggest kinky way she could extend these.