Why have I got so many fetishes? Can you relate to this?

Before reading this please read my profile as it will explain my current situation and give you some idea of my lifestyle. I guess I am trying to find some evaluation on how I behave and why I behave like I do. It's not a conversation one can have with a 'non role playing' member of society.

Essentially it boils down to the usual 'Nature' / 'Nurture' thing. Certainly I have clearly some traits which are in my genes, for example, I am bisexual 70/30 in favour of women. I fall in love with women and have long term relationships with them. However, I could not see myself with a man long term and it is just the physical side of the coin I would look for with a man. Definitely not love.
My username 'lessthan4inches' refers to my lack of manhood, which is only 3.75" fully erect (almost 4" on a good day). According to statistics, I am smaller than an average 12 year old boy. 99.6% of all males over the age of 15 will be bigger than me, which is virtually all males then...!!! My 2 mistresses keep me locked up because my very small and pathetic little boycock is of no use to a woman, so I have no need for an erection. I can serve their needs without one.
Mistress C is my wife who lives full time with her well endowed lover (3 years now) and mistress R is my wife's sister, who I am a sissy maid Angela for 3 days a week. They both hold a key to my CD.

Ok to grab your attention here is a list of what I am deeply into and, I would go as far as to say, that I can ONLY achieve sexual arousal if I am engaged in one or more of the 'pastimes' on my list.

Cross dressing in any way, sissy maid Angela is a size 12 / being maid Angela / having women dominate me 24/7 / have women ridicule my small 'boy sized' erection / love SPH and comparisons to real men / have my wife remind me regularly how big her lover is and how great it feels in her etc. / loss of control over my cock as I am in chastity most of the time and love the whole Key holder concept / being locked up is a major requirement / orgasm denial / being face sat by my mistress the harsher the better / my mistress peeing in my mouth / small amounts of physical pain, large amounts of psychological pain (e.g. my wife will ring me up at night and put her phone on loudspeaker, I then have to listen to her and her lover having sex while she verbalises graphically the scene and what they are doing to each other). She will play on the fact that I am locked up and can't touch myself. I do find that scenario very arousing especially when she's climaxing on his cock. / spoiled orgasms and swallowing all of my cum, knowing that is on the cards arouses me instantly / masturbating in front of either mistress while she employs SPH / on the rare occasions that I am permitted to cum I get off by imagining my wife and her lover and /or me sucking cocks and cocks in general / I do look at lots of erect cock images on a daily basis. / Just for good measure, I also have a strong Smoking fetish and watching women and girls smoking guarantees an instant erection. I have about 2,000 images of smoking females on my PC. ( I can tie that last fetish to situations in my early teens which I believe were the catalysts to my life long obsession).

Can you find comparisons in your own life with any of the above? Can you enlighten me in any way as to why I am the way I am? Why do I enjoy all of the above so much? Why can't I get aroused in the 'normal' way? Lastly, I love the fact that virtually all men have bigger cocks than me and prefer to have my useless cock locked up rather than it being free. I am just reaching the end of a 15 week orgasm ban imposed by my mistress as a punishment, but I secretly hope that she will extend it. I do feel sometimes that if I have an orgasm I have failed in some way, being denied and remaining locked up seems to reinforce my desire to be both submissive and feminine. Does that sound familiar to any of you?
I would love to hear your comments and something about your own experiences that may help to throw some light on why I am so deeply into all of this. I love being the way I am, but need to understand why?
Thanks for reading.

 

Thanks jemima, you have a really nice positive attitude, and you are right that I have what I have and that acceptance is making the most of my situation is key to a happy life, I am pretty chilled about it , but need to stop questioning too much. Cuddles back to you, you're a sweetie.

 

Thank you for your welcome SubVerity, already I feel very at home too, also very enthused by what I see and read. You have hit the nail on the head in your opening paragraph. My 2 cuckold marriages evolved to the point where my wives just had multiple affairs and exploited my submissive side. I was more than happy to maintain that arrangement. I feel very much in my comfort zone when I am locked up and have a redundant cock. Happiest as a woman and I think the reason I like the SPH is that it endorses my choice to be a sissy / woman.

Your right about 'creative solutions' although I have only just realised that for myself after reading your reply. I am a naturally positive person so making the most of things is how I try to be. Perhaps I have created additional fetishes / interests to compliment the ones I already had. That would explain why the list has grown somewhat. Thanks for your reply..... I think I'm a lucky guy too...!!

 

Good question Jirachi, My current wife and mistress knew that my first 20 year marriage was a Dom/cuckold arrangement and owing to the fact that she had a history of being unfaithful, she very quickly realised that there was a deal to be struck. She needed freedom and I love being submissive and used or exploited one might say. We did have an attraction to each other and were compatible in many ways. We married 9 years ago and I was a cuckold from day one. She would have affairs, carefully chosen, and she would share all of the details with me while I serviced her bedroom needs (almost always oral sex) often when she got home. This suited me well and my small penis was never an issue because her satisfaction lay elsewhere.

She reached the point 3 years ago where she felt the need to live full time with one of her lovers, but insisted on maintaining our marriage and more importantly her control over me. This is when the chastity thing became essential to facilitate control from a distance 24/7. I see it as the ultimate domination in some ways as I am excluded and no longer kept informed of proceedings.

By now her sister knew of my cross dressing and my need to be dominated. At first she would occasionally buy me lingerie and make up. She showed an interest in my desire to be a submissive maid. After many long chats and some pleading on my part she agreed to give me the opportunity to maid for her one day a week. In no time she was well into the Dom mistress role and also saw the benefits of a clean and tidy house. She then offered me 3 days a week which I readily agreed to. I must point out that, through my hard work in the real world and a good choice in jobs, plus some good fortune, I was able to retire 2 years ago at the age of 52. So you see I have lots of time to role play.

I would say that my wife dominates me mostly for her benefit, whilst her sister dominates me for our mutual benefit. She is certainly a more compassionate mistress, but is very strict with me nonetheless. She has honed her Dom skills very quickly and is a mistress I love to serve.

 

Another good question Jirachi, Well I wear a CB6000S with the shortest spacer and the largest ring. I think that I am just lucky in that my physical size suits the device perfectly. It prevents erections during the day very effectively and in a very pleasurable way. It always remains comfortable.

Nocturnal erections have never been a problem mainly because my fullest erection is only a fraction under 4" and so being small for once is an advantage. The nocturnal erections are very strong and determined, but fortunately I can experience them without any real discomfort because the cage just about copes with my 4" erection without restricting me to the point of pain. The large ring allows for some movement up my shaft without tearing at my testicles. After the first week I found that it no longer woke me up. I am sure if I did have a problem then the pain would awaken me.

Very occasionally during the day I have to have a bit of a go at repositioning my device obviously without being able to unlock it. Generally it is comfortable for 95 % of the time. The other 5 % is only minor irritation that is easily remedied. I do have to ensure that it is in a comfortable position for driving, which takes 3 seconds. I am very pleased with it and it is a joy to wear. As I said I am the perfect size for it. A bigger girth or length might be a different story.

I have had no problems with erections or sustained any injuries of any kind. I would say that my erections seem stronger when out of the cage, but that might be my imagination. Everything works as it should.