News from Nowhere

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  1. candide
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    candide Member

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    Weekday evenings I often talk to my oldest and best friend, Del. We've known each other since parochial school, we lived together in college, and we've kept track in all the years since. There's not much that we don't know about each other. So I told him about my recent interest in chastity.

    Now Del is no stranger to kink and he's one of the most sexual beings I know, but chastity is something that makes no sense to him. However, if chastity hits the spot with me, it's fine with him, and he takes an anthropologist's interest in all things sexual with us naked apes.

    Last night Del told me that he brought up male chastity in his favorite neighborhood bar and his bar buddies' jaws dropped. Del might not want chastity for himself, but he knew about it. For these guys, though, chastity wasn't on any map they had. They kept insisting that Del was putting them on. They didn't want to believe it, but they had lost too many bar bets to Del to persevere.
     
  2. allythemaid
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    allythemaid New member

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    heh... isn't that the way. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own worlds we forget how different they are from other people's worlds.

    I had dinner recently with a woman (and several others, it wasn't like a date) who has written several books on BDSM type topics and i told a friend of mine about her... well my friend googled the writer and boy did my friend go pink with the blushes...

    if she knew what I get up too...
     
  3. candide
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    candide Member

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    I know some of that!

    I go to a progressive church where about a third of the congregation is gay, so I hear their testimony to the shame and oppression they have felt in their lives because of their sexual orientation.

    I have some understanding -- my sister is married to her female partner -- but I also know that I'm light years away from ever coming out of my particular closet to my gay Christian friends, much less the guys in Del's bar.

    Yes, I can pass as a somewhat shy, straight guy, but inside I'm pretty damn kinked. That's the way I am and I've been this way as far back as I remember.

    It's no small relief to participate in a forum like Chastity Mansion, where everyone is basically as strange as I am, yet pursue their idiosyncrasies with a surprisingly wholesome gusto!
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Ahhhh.... this is the thing you see *we're* the normal ones! It's everyone else that's strange! :fighting0038:
     
  5. candide
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    candide Member

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    Mistress Watchful -- So nice to hear from you! I feel a bit like Garth and Wayne: "We're not worthy!"

    I admire your blog deeply.
     
  6. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Thank you, hopefully the feeling will be mutual. I enjoy reading sub's journals because it gives me wonderful ideas. :smilies_xxx02:
     
  7. candide
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    candide Member

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    Mistress Watchful -- You're pretty knowledgeable; I'm not sure how many ideas you'll glean from reading my blog. I'll settle for providing mild diversion!
     
  8. candide
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    candide Member

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    A seventies story from Kathy, a vanilla friend

    Kathy was dating a friendly, good-looking guy named Jason. They'd been lovers for a couple months, then one night Jason took her to see The Man Who Fell to Earth, a cult science-fiction film in which David Bowie plays an alien who comes to earth to get water for his home planet which is dying for the lack of it. Bowie uses his advanced technical knowledge to establish patents and become the richest man on earth. He is known for his eccentric, reclusive ways.

    By accident Bowie becomes involved with a hotel maid. She becomes his companion and falls in love with him. Eventually she insists on becoming intimate, but when he reveals his alien sexuality to her, she freaks out and ends up crouched on the kitchen floor, naked, gasping for breath.

    Now Kathy was not only vanilla, she was quite sensitive--violent or strange movies really put her off. She barely made it through The Man Who Fell to Earth.

    Still, the night was young. When they returned to her apartment, Jason explained to Kathy that he was a male dominant and he wanted Kathy as a female submissive.

    Kathy could scarcely believe what Jason was saying. She joked, "What do you mean? Whips or chains?"

    Jason replied, "Whips and chains."

    Well, Jason never stood a chance with Kathy, but it still sticks in my mind as the the most poorly timed kink seduction I've ever heard--a fact not lost upon Kathy.
     
  9. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Sounds like you have a pretty eventful life and a great bunch of friends. I especially liked the last post about Kathy. I had a friend in the past named Kathy only for her she scared guys off because she was a dominant person. LOL
     
  10. candide
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    candide Member

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    xcitex2 -- Thanks for looking in!

    Yes, I have had a great bunch of friends! I've come out quietly to several of them and received acceptance, even if they didn't all get it. TMI [Too Much Information] makes a great safe word.

    With a new lover the first big kink conversation is always a tough one. I can't say I've done any better than Jason did most of the time. Frankly I'm astonished to hear the many happy stories here about couples moving their relationships to the next level through femdom or chastity. In my experience that's a pretty dicey maneuver, however necessary for honesty with one's sexual partner.

    But don't get me wrong. I am glad to hear those positive stories.
     
  11. ladylionzsissy
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    ladylionzsissy male chastity sissymaid

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    i feel it's not too surprising to see the number of couples who are into male chastity. i think the lifestyle is becoming more popular because of an underlying trend to return to Female-dominated relationships.
     
  12. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    I think ladylion is right. The woman in control is empowering and safe for her, and speaking for myself, is a bit intoxicating for the male.
     
  13. candide
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    candide Member

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    That's the theory and clearly it works for many participants here and I'm all for that!

    However, I suspect that forums like this self-select for the successful stories. I wonder how many wives or girl friends fled when the guy bought up male chastity or femdom. Or reacted with indifference, and played at best half-heartedly. Or the guy having second thoughts and backing out. Or the wife going overboard and scaring off the guy, or leaving him for the cuckolder, etc.

    As we all know, relationships, especially sexual ones, are complex. There are as many reasons for them to fail, as succeed, and likely more.
     
  14. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Well said candide but this is why communication in any sexual play is paramount. I imagine there are equally as many men who found out there mate was a Dominatrix at heart and ran away just as the woman may have in the reverse role. Heck take the fetish or the BDSM out of the picture and you still have one of the biggest reasons for failed relationships, that of the sexual relationship. Speaking just from a somewhat sexist male opinion, I can count the past relationships where the heat from sex would have melted the headboard and the minute the relationship took on a longer and bigger meaning it was like someone turned off the lights.

    This is a little off topic so I will forego the dissertation on relationships here. LOL I do know this when two people share a common desire, sexual or otherwise, and they can share the emotions, discussions, and actions of that desire, intoxicating takes on a whole new meaning.
     
  15. candide
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    candide Member

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    xcite2 -- Absolutely right about communication.

    I'm still struck by the remarkable stories here about F/m couples growing closer. Is it that if a couple can communicate at the levels necessary to sustain chastity/femdom play that they are way ahead of the curve, or does the play itself work a magic that just works?

    I'm in my fifties. In my experience bringing up D/s in my intimate relationships only made things more complicated.

    PS. My Exobelt V1 shipped last Thursday and still has not arrive. Bummed!
     
  16. candide
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    candide Member

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    My ExoBelt V1 arrived today!

    The good news is that it is sturdy and comfortable. I like the way it holds everything like an athletic cup and isolates the organs entirely. Plus it's not as obtrusive as the CB-2000.

    The bad news is that even with the small ring and the V1 pressed as close to the ring as possible, I can still pull out. I'm a "grower" and for me it's not hard to do with the V1 or CB-2000. Jenny is working on some possibilities, fingers crossed and all that, but I'm not optimistic.

    In the long run, I suspect I'll need a piercing if I'm going to play this game. It's amazing how tricky it is to find an effective chastity device.
     
  17. allfullup
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    Yes. :)

    Like any relationship, you get out what you put into it. It does require a certain minimum level of communication, but once you have it you start reaping the rewards.

    To your next post, I don't think a secure, safe, non-pierced, non-belted device that works for everyone is even in the realm of possibility, though I don't wish to discourage any entrepreneurial, creative engineers from trying. I had good security with a CB-2000, a frenum ring, and a cable through the ring attached to the shackle (see newsub4a's pictures).
     
  18. candide
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    candide Member

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    allfullup -- Lovely to hear from you!

    I'm sure you're quite correct that there is no wonderful, non-pierced, non-belted, plastic, fantastic chastity for all males.

    I don't know that it is that simple. I'm probably older than you. I'm sure that I'm older than most on this forum even though I'm merely middle-aged. Once upon a time I was a hippie and on the cutting-edge, or so I thought, of everything.

    But I have to say that every time I brought up femdom, malesub, BDSM in a relationship, it got very weird, very fast. If it is different and better for those of you younger than myself, I wish you well from the bottom of my heart.

    I hope that is true. I hope things are changing, and I do think they are, judging by what I can find easily on the Internet and even in this forum.
     
  19. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Candide, sorry to hear about the frustrations with the Exobelt. As someone with a PA piercing, let me just say "Take the plunge!" The pain lasts mere seconds. It does bleed a lot for a few days, which can be unnerving, but it's a great piercing. My only regret is that I waited so long!

    mikecb
     
  20. js11756
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    js11756 Senior Member

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    Hi Candide!

    >Like any relationship, you get out what you put into it. It
    >does require a certain minimum level of communication,
    >but once you have it you start reaping the rewards.
    I think the opposite (contrapositive?) is true. Without communication, it is hard to get anywhere in a relationship. It is like driving a car without touching the steering wheel - you may go where you want to go, or outside forces may direct you elsewhere.

    js
     
  21. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    I totally agree. It led me to give up. I thought it was no idea to even mention the subject. I lived for seven years with my wife (second marriage and a relation in between) with only the "normal" sexlife. That is how disillusioned I was. When I finally could not stand the situation any moore I spoke to the wife and she agreed. Now we play with chastity and other kinks you don't mention to your friends. The last two years has been completely different. So why didn't I take the courage to be open with my wife at once? And why didn't she tell me what she liked? In a way we wasted seven years because we were both shy and disillusioned.
    We are middle-aged, wife is a little younger than me.
     
  22. candide
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    candide Member

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    mikecb -- Thanks for the advice. I'm leaning towards a PA.

    js -- Of course, communication is necessary in a relationship. My point is simply that some communications are riskier than others. One may be as honest and well-meaning as the day is long, but the other person is another person and has his or her own beliefs, values, feelings and responses about whatever was communicated.

    I have a lesbian friend who upon returning from college came out to her mother. Her mother stopped talking to her and disowned her. That stuff still happens.

    I came out about femdom to one of my lovers and she broke into tears. She thought I was weird and she thought she couldn't satisfy me and that therefore the relationship was over. Well, we got through that and even played some, but then that became a big deal. She would be mean during the play, and not in a good way, and then hold the play against me.

    Of course, it was also balled up in other problems in our relationship, and I'm sure I contributed, but afterward I did wish that I held back that little nugget of information about myself until later. But everything felt so good in the first three or four months, and I was a very big proponent of communication, that it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

    I believe our culture has shifted a good bit in the past 10 or 20 years, so telling your lover about your kink is not so highly charged a conversation as in the past, and thank god for that, but my bet is that it is still tricky terrain. I love to read the mostly happy stories here of couples going F/m and loving it, but I doubt it's the whole story.
     
  23. candide
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    candide Member

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    Welcome oddball! Your post slipped by me while I was composing mine.

    I had come to the same conclusion, that femdom was just not something I was going to bring up anymore. However, reading this site, I'm reassessing.
     
  24. mikecb
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    From the "if I had it to do over again" department.... as we discuss Kink and relationships. I would never seek a vanilla relationship again. Kink would be an up-front conversation from day one, or I wouldn't go there. I love my wife, and would never leave her over our lack of kink together, but it's something that will always hold us apart a little.
     
  25. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    I just caught up on this thread and wanted to add something here. First Mike I understand what you mean. I do agree it may sound harsh but when I went through my divorce the first thing I said was never again with anyone who was not sexual and somewhat open minded. Truth be told my Wife/Goddess scared me off when we first met. While I know it is very hard to talk kink early one and as candide experienced most will run off quick. I almost said good bye early on. However even before we were married I could sense there was a pretty adventurous lay there when we started playing, even if it was just silk scarves. With this said please know it took us 8 years to get to where we are now which in all honesty was a fluke because I was always the dominant natured person in bed.

    Now brining it up first takes communication skills. I know you read this everywhere but it is true. It takes a lot of trust for a male to tell his mate he wants to be dominated and risk rejection. It takes the same amount of trust from a woman to know we are not freaks and this can be enjoyed by both persons. How you get the conversation going is obviously something I do not think even Dr. Phil would know how to do. LOL (sorry a joke for US people) Any way it is definitely not something you can just say "Hey I want you to spank me" Well maybe some could but I doubt many are able.

    For me it was little hints but the biggest thing to get things going for me after I realized I wanted to do this was getting involved in sites like this one. I met a guy who I became on-line friends with and he offered to have his wife introduce herself. She did so in a very non-threatening way and told my wife that while this all sounds crazy there are so many rewards that go with it. My wife's curiosity won out the hesitation and we have begun this journey together. While we have some hot episodes most of you who track my journal will also see there are many periods of vanilla life.

    Anyway I am sure I have gotten off topic a little but the point to remember is it is in the communication it is just figuring out how to get that line open. I do know this as you mentioned earlier it does bring couples closer for lots of reasons, communication being one of them. But also because us men have a hard time of "listening" when our mates are talking there is something about a woman holding the keys to such a valuable area that makes you hang on every word she says. She sees an attentive carring husband/mate and as such rewards you/or teases you more still a reward and thus this lifestyle takes on it's own life.
     
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