New to Chastity Mansion - Not New to the Desire to be Controlled.

I've been a profoundly submissive masochist since my first sexual experience with a woman in high school (several decades ago). She was hurting me (inadvertently, I believe), but I just endured it without a word. I later realized that most guys certainly would have said something and made her stop. But I said nothing, as I now realize because I'm naturally a sexual submissive (though I'm not at all submissive in other areas of my life). From that first sexual experience forward, I always invented ways to hurt myself whenever I masturbated - which was very often.

My masochistic desires have never waned. I told my ex-wife about them before we married, and she said she was OK with them. But after we married, she made clear she hated them and repeatedly ordered me to get counseling/help and never to have those thoughts or masturbate again. She had ZERO interest in engaging in or even discussing kinky play of any kind; she wouldn't even let me perform oral sex on her. She eventually became a very mean drunk who terrorized our kids and me for many years. We finally divorced about 7 or 8 years ago. And I gave up trying to "cure" my fetishes and leaped headlong into the local BDSM community.

Beginning about two or three years ago, I started to discover to my horror and ever-increasing fascination that emotional pain/humiliation is at least as arousing and scary as physical pain - maybe even more so. I'm well aware of where those fantasies and desires likely will lead - and that terrifies me. But I'm being drawn down that path like a moth to a flame. I'm sure many of the men at CM know precisely what I mean.

For a much longer period, I've known that I need someone to require me to wear a chastity device for many reasons, including to control my compulsive masturbation and my increasingly dark fantasy life that's led me WAY down that path. But until recently, I never found a dominant woman with the inner strength and determination to leave no doubt that the consequences of disobeying her are grave.

Since early this year, I've found such a woman. She's a great woman and a fantastic domme - and (happily) a sadist who loves to administer extreme pain. In July, we talked about chastity, and she ordered me to buy a Holy Trainer, which I gladly did. But I masturbated in August, and she administered a very harsh punishment session that I won't ever forget. Her firm control of me is what I've long craved and needed, which I'm learning to love more than my desire to orgasm. (I'm whistling past the graveyard a bit - but it's a choice I don't want to reverse.)

So, here I am, finishing up a far-too-long intro to this group, which I discovered and joined last night. I look forward to learning from the rest of you.

Thanks!

David

 

Thanks!

 

Thank you!

 

Thank you! May I ask, who makes the chastity device shown as your avatar and what's the style name? My Holy Trainer pinches unmercifully and I'm looking to get a very secure, comfortable, and easily cleanable device for long-term wear. Thanks!