late night thought

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by andynlisa, Dec 18, 2008.

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  1. andynlisa
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    andynlisa Junior Member

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    Hi, i know we're new to the lifestyle but i've been reading and learning a lot. It appears to me that some men who are locked up eventually become sissified, what perentage of times does that happen and was it the intention to do that to your man or something that just sort of happened over time? I don't think we would go that route because i just and envision Andrew like that.

    What i started thinking (late at night when i woke up of course, those are always the best times to think because your mind wanders so much) but i was just wondering what are we attempting to do here. It seems to me that to some degree we're trying to separate the men from part of their psyche. That part that men associate the most closely with and really kind of defines "male-ness" (sorry couldn't think of the proper word). Am i thinking too hard???

    Again it was just a late night thought.

    Lisa
     
  2. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Nope - it's a common thought... I'm pretty sure we've discussed it more than once on the site, but a new thread brings new angles... especially if people have moved on.

    When I first looked at chastity sites I didn't understand these men in big poofy dresses like girls in party frocks. It didn't fit with the "I'm a woman in a man's body" thinking whereby men want to pass as women... this was something else!

    I thought it was daft and would never appeal to me.

    Now I can't wait for the day when charlotte (my pet!) can dress up in a pretty frilly dress, serve me tea and give me a foot massage.

    Why?

    No idea! I love dress up dolls, so I would find it fun to dress up pet. I know it turns him on to dress up as a sissy-slut... no idea why, but that makes it even more enjoyable. I guess there is some aspect of humiliation buried somewhere in there too.

    Maybe you are thinking on it too much. As I have said before... do what turns you on and ditch the rest!
     
  3. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Hmm. I think the people going for "sissification" are probably doing exactly that - separating men from their maleness. I don't think that's really the root of all chastity desires though. I think there are probably as many reasons as there are men in chastity belts.

    For myself, I'm a very sexual being. I'm also sexually submissive, though in many other ways quite dominant. The idea of being locked up, and perpetually aroused is an amazing turn-on for me. I'm also turned on by bondage, in general, so the ideal of having a device locked to me, which I can't remove, is hot. So for me, the desire to wear a belt is rooted in being horny all the time, quite frankly.

    I think for some, it's a desire to deny their maleness. For others, it's an aphrodisiac, and for others it's a desire to give a thing they find most precious to their partner, as a gift of love and submission. For others, it's even a sense of female superiority - they feel unworthy, and feel that a woman should be in charge.

    Those are all points of view from a male wearer. Then there's the whole motivation from the keyholder side. Why have him locked up? Do you like having him horny all the time? Do you like denying him the opportunity to masturbate? Do you like using it as a means to control him? Do you like the attitude he displays when he's locked, and desperately wants to please you? I think you need to decide what's in it for you.

    You're trying to puzzle out "what we are attempting to do here". In my mind, you're trying to accomplish that perfect negotiation where he is getting what he wants, while you get what YOU want. I think it's important to get real clear about what each side needs/wants, and then come to the place in between.

    If the answer is that andy wants to wear a belt because it turns him on, and Lisa wants to hold the keys because andy asked her to, then you may need to work on more reasons for yourself. What do YOU want? What change in behavior, sacrifice, gesture on his part would make this something for YOU and not for him? Once you both stand to gain what you want, then I think you have the beginning of some magic happening.

    My Wife grew up conditioned to believe that the "classic 50s housewife" is what men want. You know... where the man makes all the decisions, and the woman says "of course dear", and hands me a drink when I come in the door. We've been together 20 years, and she still struggles with that. I don't want a "50s wife", but she just can't "hear" that deep down. Intellectually, she gets it, but not in her heart. She can hear me say I want to wear a chastity device, but she can't come to the second half - what does SHE want? She just can't answer that question. That's why it doesn't work for us.

    Forget the chastity belt for a moment. What do you want andy to do for YOU that he's not doing, or could do more? Here's hoping that YOU can answer that question! :)

    mikecb
     
  4. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    imho, it's a matter of submission and total control. my Mistress controls my whole life. i am Her slave and exist to serve and please. and every day after She went off to work i would masturbate...one area of my life that She didn't control...until now. i am on my 9th day (new record) and tingling with horniness. and why am i usually released before 9 days? because Mistress is horny and wants to get fucked.

    think of it this way. i exist for Her pleasure. my cock is for Her pleasure...not mine. who am i to be playing with Her toy? if i get to cum it's because Mistress wanted me to. Mistress merely has to command "lick My pussy, slave" and in 5 minutes She's cuming. Mistress ALWAYS cums first...and second...and third...
     
  5. candide
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    candide Member

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    I've wondered the same thing. The first place I learned of chastity (aside from the Catholic Church!) was from Slave Piercing, a magazine dedicated to chastising and feminizing male submissives. As a male submissive and masochist, I thought chastity made great sense as an form of submission and a cunning torture, but feminization was not on my map.

    However, it's clear that for many men, chastity is linked with gender play. From cruising around on the web, I get the sense that this gender play is actually more common than the whips and chains stuff I relate to. If so, that's interesting. I was reading one femdom's blog and she said that feminizing was way at the top of her list of client requests.

    I suspect this goes beyond a denial of maleness. However it happens, I think a lot of guys are wired for femaleness at some level, and they are actively moving towards that rather than moving away from maleness. Of course, I'm not the person to expound.

    I find myself very moved by all the heart I hear expressed in the sissy diaries here.
     
  6. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    @mikecb once again so well said. I for one do not have fantasies of being sissy-fied at all. Now yes Goddess has dressed me up in hose and locking heels as a form of mental torture I am sure. It however is only humiliating for me (most likely the point) and humorous for her (which does nothing for our sex life lol) I think for us it is more of what can she get me to do for me to earn a release. While I can take a few days in I will surely wear the darn heels after a long period in lockup if that is what it takes so at this point it is her exerting her control and power not a fantasy role play. As Mike said YOU will have to figure out what fits YOU and through communication I would not worry to much about where it is going as long as you are comfortable where it is going.
     
  7. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    Sissifying or femming doesn't happen by accident but there can be many reasons why it happens. If it's not for you - then don't go there.

    I do think a man who is put in chastity, while he may respond with great sexual intensity is really having his male sexual indentity denied. Sexual identity - not gender identity. The two are related but not the same.

    Having said all that... I agree with MW - a pretty little maid in frills is quite appealing.
     
  8. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    You stupid girls! If your mistress wants you in a nice dress you put that dress on immediately! You don't start "communicate":anim_38:
     
  9. PuppyMastersPet
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    This question has been asked many times in many ways and always gets slightly different answer. My own opinion of sissyfication, chastity and the link between them changes all the time.

    To begin with for a man to be comfortable enough to allow his Mistress to lock his penis away he must be fairly open minded in the first place. I doubt if many men would have the mental strength or self confidence to allow there penis to be in controlled by any one other than themselves.

    You have to be extremely self aware to allow yourself to be controlled by another person, to allow them to use you, humiliate you and do as they will with you. Most men would see this as a complete challenge to the masculinity.

    Now back to the point, taking this into consideration. It may be possible that if a man is willing to have their penis locked away and then to let some one else be in control then allowing yourself to explore your feminine side doesn’t seem like much of a big deal.

    Exploring ones feminine side doesn’t mean you want to be female but it could mean that you are more in touch with your own emotions than most men. And more comfortable with your own perceived gender. I’m not implying that those who do not wish to explore there feminine side are any less self aware.

    For a dom I think it’s about asserting control. Imagine the power trip a dom must get from seeing their man dressed in frills serving tea or down on his knees rubbing ones feet. It may even make controlling the sub easier as takes away the masculinity and therefore any pre conceived ideas about male dominance and authority.

    For some men though, myself included femininity was programmed into us long before chastity was ever bought into the picture. For some men expressing femininity bring comfort and happiness.

    As I’ve learned from reading extensively and now, seeing a psychosexual councilor, gender and gender indentity is not always black and white, there are many shades in between. It is up to each individual to figure out where they fit and more importantly what makes them happiest.
     
  10. PuppyMastersPet
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    There is that point also. Submission means doing as you're told. Frilly dresses for all.
     
  11. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Sorry! didn't read the thread from the start....:mad0235::mad0235:
    I thought it was the submissive who was supposed to communicate if he liked to be dressed up or not. :spankwhip: me getting spanked for not paying attention!
     
  12. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    It's ok oddball.... happens to the best of us! :evilgrin0042:
     
  13. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Or..... it could just be that us girls have the best shoes, the best dresses, the best make up, the best hair styles and the best sexy underwear..... so why wouldn't *anyone* want to dress up and play!!!:love0014:
     
  14. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    My wife is of that opinion. And I enjoy it. I had a terrible day wearing male clothes and repairing the car.
     
  15. candide
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    candide Member

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    A precise distinction! Well put, Miss D.

    I'd say that's where the sissy and non-sissy chastity males overlap.

    Slave_Kris -- That's certainly the impression I get from reading the diaries here, and very well written diaries they are.
     
  16. candide
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    candide Member

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    Years ago I found a rather wild web site run by a Femdom who called herself Artemis that had a series of articles titled Notes to a Scientific Theory of Matriarchy, couched in much Lacanian lit-crit speak, but nonetheless clear. Artemis sees Femdom play as ascending levels of castration.

    Sadly that website and those articles are gone except for one piece, Eight Levels of Castration. Check the link to see the whole article. Here are excerpts summarizing it. The writing is a bit dense and may not be for everyone.

     
  17. candide
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    candide Member

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    Congratulations to anyone who managed to read through that!

    According to Artemis, chastity is the third level of castration.
     
  18. maid rose
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    maid rose Member

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    Hmm, i didn't got through it all. i have inner objections against using the term castration for things like female control and chastity and especially against arranging them in some kind of order. But i guess that this corner just isn't for me.
    Which brings me to the original question. For me feminisation is not something that happened after being in chastity.
    i had fantasies about being out of control in pre puberty just before being attracted to everything female. That combined to being out of control because of females and the attraction to Dominant Females. The chastity is the being out of control part. :bondage: The feminisation is because of my admiration for everything Female including all those nice female thingies but still i need a Mistress to push me further. When that happened the first time, chastity was not in the picture.
    :manga_bath:
     
  19. maid rose
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    maid rose Member

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    But now i did!! i suddenly realized that according to Freud fear of castration is one of main forces in the male psyche especially in relation to Females. i am not very well in his theories but remember it had something to do with the fear of losing ones genitals when copulating with the Female gender. So it seems that Artemis has used this theory or came up with the same idea for making this 8 steps of castration. i was thinking that the more male-ish someone is oriented the more frightening these steps are :happy-halloween-122 and of course there is at the same time some dark attraction to it. i more and more suspect myself to have a pretty well developed female side - and it grows - LOL - so that could be the reason why i don't relate so much to it.
     
  20. andynlisa
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    andynlisa Junior Member

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    more thoughts

    Hi,

    I don't know if a light bulb switched on but I was just thinking again(again at like 3 or so am) that this is definitly a form of behavior modification... Modifying the way our husbands have sex, associate thoughts about sex, and maybe even ding with what satisfies them.

    a&l (mostly just l)
     
  21. Missy Tanya
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    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    Speaking for myself, I dressed way before I found out about chastity. But did like bondage. So the leap into chastity was just another "thing" Tanya could experience. Now chastity controls Tanya, once the lock click she wants to come out and play. We guys, we are always playing with something. Not have "it" to play with, I have to find something else that please's me, Dressing.

    Not as in depth as most responders, but is my experience with chastity and Dressing. I know that you can do one without the other. But once you have him locked up and in control, You may want to keep pushing the envelope so to say, and start making him your Sissy. What women wouldn't want a maid to wait on her had and foot. And Sissy Maids are soooo much cute'er than a male maids. Keep the Males for dates. LOL

    Just some of my thoughts, Missy Tanya
     
  22. mikecb
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    mikecb Member

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    Lisa,

    Yes, behavior modification can certainly be part of it. I think many couples come to a place where the Domme sets expectations, and the sub has to meet those expectations to gain release. Since most men masturbate daily if they have their druthers, masturbation for many of us has led to an addition to orgasms.

    If you hold the keys, it's literally like holding the cigarette before the smoker, or the drink in front of the alcoholic and asking "What will you do for THIS?" I think most Keyholders find that we'll do quite a lot! lol.

    So, again it comes down to the question, "What do you want him to do?" If you can modify his behavior by keeping him locked up - if that turns you on - what behaviors do you want to see? If you think of something, and it seems very satisfying to you to modify his behavior in that way, then you're onto something!

    Good luck!
    mikecb
     
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