I used to post in a journal on here a few months back when I was trying to get my wife on board with a chastity lifestyle. However, I'm pretty sure I screwed everything up by sexualizing every aspect of our lives and being annoying about my horniness. She eventually told me flat out that she wanted me to stop and that I shouldn't come to this site any more. For a time I gave up and went back to masturbating to femdom hypno porn 1-3 times a day and became a rude uncaring husband. My wife and I grew more distant and she was definitely frustrated with me. After the site got revamped I couldn't resist and I started lurking again. I really like the new layout by the way. I have found some great advice on the "chastity in vanilla life" section, so thank you for that. Over the last couple of weeks I have made a new attempt at abstaining from masturbation and letting go and giving my wife control over what ever she wishes and it's been going great. When I have free time I try and serve her every need and most days end in an hour long full body rub down. I haven't brought up chastity devices yet because I'm worried I'll ruin the dynamic we currently have developed. I am simply focused on trying not to make myself cum and letting my wife do things her way. Overall I like myself better when I don't masturbate and I think my wife likes me better as well. For the moment I am just trying to be content to serve obediently while I dream of being locked. I have questions chastity that I will post elsewhere but I thought a new intro was a good place to start.
Hi @Nitro_Lizard Good work learning from past mistakes and adopting a new approach. This sounds like a good way to go. Obviously you know your situation and relationship better than any of us, but this seems like it is on the money. Concentrate on maintaining and consolidating the improved dynamics. My wife and I are in the early stages of chastity and I am finding it is very important to be patient and let her take this on at her own pace.
It takes time for her to understand that your committed to pleasing her and her happiness, that is if you are? If your sincere and keep her needs and desires ahead of your own things should work out better this time. Welcome Back.
@Pbare I think maintaining the dynamic is the perfect way to put it. I woke up at 5:30 this morning to write a post here and get breakfast ready so when my wife woke up she wouldn't have to lift a finger. I think it's things like this that will help reinforce the new dynamic. thanks for the reply! @Mash2214 A few months back I think I was definitely succumbing to my fetishes and putting them first. Which in turn completely put my wife off. Right now I am focusing on letting go of anything I could ever want and making my wife's needs the center of my attention. Through out the day I think of the word selfless and try and figure out how to apply it to our relationship. So far the dynamic this time around is subtly different. I get a lot more smiles from my wife and a lot less awkwardness. Thanks for the reply!
It's not easy it takes lots of little steep in the right direction like breakfast. Putting her feelings and needs before your own isn't as easy as it sounds as you already know.
@Mash2214 I think that she is settling into the routine of being served in small ways. Just now she had me make and serve her tea, which she has never done before. And the whole interaction was of her own initiative. I think I am struggling with figuring out how to serve her better and make my obedience more complete without making her feel uncomfortable. Things seem so delicate right now. I feel like I am walking on a tight rope and one wrong move will end this whole thing. Like you said I'm just going to focus on listening and serving.
You've discovered that wives prefer it when you 'walk the walk' rather than 'talking the talk'. Wives also like to ponder stuff, not have it 'forced' on them, so gradual changes are often a much better way to do it than sudden changes. It also means that you can let her gently discover her own preferences, rather than present her with hard options Regarding the chastity device, one way of introducing it would be to just wear it, but only wear it when she's not there, take it off when she is. When she notices (she will) you can explain that you've found that by preventing yourself from masturbating, it's helped you become more focused on her. Your new situation is obviously an improvement over how your lives were before, so you have the perfect explanation of how you've changed and improved. You could start to involve her by just asking her to 'snap the lock' when you put it on prior to you being apart at some time. Don't ask her to keep the key, in time she'll take it when she works out that it's to her advantage. In four or five years, my wife has gone from: being puritanically vanilla and really concerned about my safety and health, not wanting to be "a keyholder", the embarrassment of what would happen if I was in an accident, losing the key, letting me out every week for sex... to today: (she's currently away abroad for a week as she often has to) she flew off without even mentioning anything about me being locked up, how to contact her if I need the key or anything. The last time she mentioned my chastity was a week ago, when she said "it might be months before I let you out again, your list of jobs around the house is getting bigger instead of smaller". My orgasms never get mentioned, as she gets frequent oral satisfaction, her favourite saying after a session now is "Oh, it's all too much. Well, for me anyway. <giggle> Never mind, give me a cuddle." Making changes slowly makes it seem like it takes forever, but when it happens, it's intense; and because the change is at her pace and not forced on her, there's usually no looking back.