Ive been in a dominant male led relationship for 6 1/2 yrs. it's been unfulfilling for both of us, never feeling quite right. When we discovered make chastity things are starting to click into place. I need help though..I live being the dominant one but I need ideas, encouragement, advice for being more dominant, for tease and denial, etc. His sex drive has always been higher then mine so tips on that would be great too.
MistressFae You say you have been in a male dominated relationship for over 6 years, you must totally wipe that experience from your mind. As a dominant Mistress you are in all ways superior to the male submissive. Tease and denial is the easy part. Your sub is locked in a chastity device and you hold the keys. As his sex drive is high just wearing the right clothes and taking no nonsense from him will have him straining in his cage. Cradling and squeezing his scrotum with an occasional hard squeeze, smiling at his discomfort, using the tip of your tongue through the pee hole of his cage to tickle the end of his penis. Have him on his knees as you stand in front of him with his eyes level with your crotch, peel down your scanty panties and show what he can no longer have. Tell him the new rules that now apply now he is locked up. If you have set a duration until his next release, increase it by so many days for minor infractions. You will soon have him dribbling from his cage. As for disobedience, the punishments are endless, floggers, whips, canes and paddles. After a beating I always demand a sub should sit for an hour or two on a small, hard wooden stool. Just use your imagination and good luck. I'm sure you will enjoy yourself. The female mind has much more imagination than the male. You are his Goddess so act like one.
Thank you for the advice! Did I mention he is a former marine. I think I might need a mentor in this.
Good luck It took me a good 3-4 years to get into the swing of it, but now it's perfectly natural. I went from a submissive female with self esteem issues to a successful Professional Dominatrix in 6 years... it can be done. Be prepared for a struggle occasionally, but at this stage remember you are both learning. Make it fun, don't get stressed, find out what both of you are expecting/hoping for in this new style of relationship. I love having sex with my submissive, so I don't deny him for months and months. That doesn't work for us, so I use chastity as either a punishment, or as a lead up to an event, a weekend away, etc as extended foreplay. Be honest with yourself, don't think you have to wear black and wander round with a whip all day... I refused to be a traditional Domme, and people told me it wouldn't work, that men wanted a harsh, shouty, nazi-style Domme wearing black rubber. I'm hugely into pink, femininity, and mental control as well as physical. I rarely shout at people, and it does work!!!! Strive to become a better version of yourself, be strong, be confident and remind him that this is for his own good Have fun.
I'm so glad to here you say that you refuse to be a traditional domme and wear feminine pink stuff, because although I appreciate black, leather, and latex, I also am partial to pink, lacy, and feminine. As for he and I's relationship it'll will definitely take time and figuring out different techniques that work to reprogram his brain. It's amazing how much his actions/feelings/etc are tied to him having organisms. So I think for a while there will be serious denial of him doing that. He looses all motivation and want to be submissive when he has orgasmed. Very frustrating!!! I am trying to get into the mind set of thinking how to control him through sexual things. I don't naturally have a high sex drive, so for me it's difficult. But I like feeling/looking sexy, and I've been doing a lot of reading and research. He has been keeping a journal to let me know his thoughts and feelings which is helpful, he's honest to a point that could be to his detriment. He has no idea what I may be capable of, to be honest neither do I. But I feel very excited about finding out.
Journals are a great help. Especially once you start extending the length of lock up. It helped me find a pattern that my pet gets quite depressed around 2 weeks, no matter how much teasing, etc I do. Long term is just something that won't work for us at the moment, and we don't worry about that, we just do what works. Keep us informed.
My husband is keeping a daily journal and I'm writing down things when I can (I'm much busier then he is) we figured it we be a good idea to document this experience. We are not sure if this will be a LNG term thing, but we are both very curious how far we can go. I feel I have a sadistic side I get pleasure at causing pain at certain points, however I am having a hard time not feeling bad when he whines about wanting to take the device off. The past two nights we have had tease and denial sessions and those have been good. But he always seems to whine about putting back on. I stand firm and put it back on him but I'm still torn about it. How long typically does it take for him to get past the point of whining about it? How often should I tease and deny? Like actually get him close to orgasm and then not letting him cum. I also try to wear sexy clothes and be sultry more too. As well as I find that him drinking my urine makes him more "loving" towards me. If I plan on not letting him cum for at least a month do I and how often should I milk him to relieve the build up, and does that mess up his willingness to be more submissve. On another note completely, well sort of....anyone have tips on becoming a dominatrix. I feel like I would really like to pursue becoming one. Any thoughts, comments, questions, concerns?
This is not uncommon and I don't think they realise how difficult it makes it for us. We love them, we want them to be happy... asking for one thing and then whining about it puts us in a horrible position and forces us to do things that we don't feel are best. He may feel that by pushing you he will encourage you to take control, and make you more dominant, when in fact all it does is make us feel torn and threatens our confidence. Tell him that you do not appreciate the whining and if he really doesn't want to put it back on, that's fine by you. You will happily go back to being Mrs Housewife and he can go back to being Mr Husband. Tell him to come back when he is ready to submit to you, and chastity, without question. YOU will decide when it goes on and off and that is it. Your rules or not at all It works. When it makes you happy Don't force it, remember this is about you and your pleasure. If you feel you have to live up to HIS fantasy, then he is back in control. Jury is out on this one. Some research says there is no need to relieve the build up, the body will do it itself (leaking) or it will be reabsorbed. You may find that milking as a ritual, to reinforce his place, to humiliate him, etc will help both of you in your roles. Making time for this ritual on a regular basis is also helpful from a relaxation point of view. You have a routine, and can enjoy that time as a couple, and if it makes you feel about him medically, then that's good too. It shouldn't relieve his submissiveness or horniness. You mean a Pro? If you have the equipment, the location and the confidence, there's nothing stopping you. Good luck
I would imagine becoming a professional Dominatrix would be a very taxing job. You would need to be a very tough skinned woman. I admire those that can do it, but it's not for me. As regards milking, I use an E-stim on my caged pet. Fortnightly sessions, with contacts on his caged penis head and anus. I place a little bowl between his legs and leave him, returning occasionally to up the power.
I served in the Army for a while and I'm a combat vet. I've got a Type A personality, and I'm very strong willed and goal oriented in life. I take refuge in bondage, it allows me to relax, let down my guard and let someone else take over for me. On the other hand, it is a very intimate thing for me to share. I wouldn't be able to let a new woman step into my life and start issuing orders without seriously locking horns. Submission is a gift I choose to give, as much to my lover as to myself.
I think maybe he is highlighting the fact that even aggressive people can find a balance in a sub dom relationship that works, so Fae and her lover should be able to do the same. Regarding becoming a Dom, just try and work out what turns you on IMO and go with that. If you are unsure do some searching on a web site such as fetlife, they have just about every kink covered and you can see if they match yours. Myself and my partner are in a even relationship in all regards except sexual. We don't have to dress up to get off and often Mistress will have me go down on her after work or just when she wants to. We typically dress up when we are going to do a big session!
Thank you all for the advice. Keep it coming! lol My husband and I are doing very well over the last few days him keeping a journal is an amazing help cause it helps me to understand his needs and then choose how I feel they should be addressed. I'm doing some research on milking so we can try that because his balls are getting so full. We've been having a lot of trouble with his device (Cb6000s). We keep trying different ring sizes because his balls keep getting so full he's pain by the end of the day or his balls start turning purple. The frustrating thing is I wish there was a ring size in the middle of the two middle sizes, there is such a big difference between them. Any suggestions? Also looking for suggestions on a male chastity device that would be more comfortable for him to sleep in. Help.
Mature Metal! If you decide chastity is going to be a big part of your life, there is nothing better than a custom device. And they look gorgeous too
I agree 100% with Mistress Watchful. I have the "Jailbird" model, and i can't imagine having any other kind. I have been locked up for like a week straight now, and as I type this I can honestly say i cannot tell it is on. This was not the case at 5:00 this morning though LMAO! I woke up completely smooshed with a nocturnal erection. My Mistress never seems to get tired of being amused by this. Cleaning in the shower, really cleaning, is very easy. The cost a little bit, but are TOTALLY worth it. They worked with me to get the base ring size just right, (I recomend the oval shape), like any good friend would have. Let me know how it goes! http://www.maturemet...hastity-devices
x I have been a professional dominatrix for 3+ years. Here are a few ideas that popped into my head as I read this thread: The fact that your sub is a former marine should be irrelevant. He either surrenders to you or he doesn't. In my professional experience most sexually submissive men have very powerful, stress filled, professional lives in which they are making decisions that affect many people and millions of dollars. They crave their hours with me when they can let go of the need to make decisions and simply be told what to do. Fetish clothing can help to set the scene, but is not essential. Even submissives wear fetish clothing. Dominance is all about how you carry yourself and present yourself. In no way does this mean you have to be angry and harsh. If that's what your sub craves, and you're being paid to dominate him, then by all means give your client or partner whatever they want. I do many 24 and 48 hour sessions, sometimes weekly sessions. This involves going out in the world, where fetish clothing is not practical. A simple rule I use is wear what the president of a corporation would wear, not what her secretary wears. An expensive suit (wearing pants can send a symbolic statement that you are the one wearing the pants in the relationship), and definitely some expensive heels, as high as you can tolerate. The Mistress who trained me never specifically told me how to act, but with her it was all in the walk: slow, deliberate, heads would turn as her heels clacked on the floor. Head erect she would always get right in a man's face. Most immediately slumped, stepped back and looked down, an unconscious sign of submission. She also never hired or trained a dominatrix without making them work as a submissive. A month for those who had previous experience, three months for those like me who were raw recruits. If you live near a large city with a professional dungeon, call and book a session for yourself. Tell the domme that you are there to learn how to dominate your man, but you need to experience what he will experience. I can't imagine anyone not helping you. That's what I did, only the Mistress was the Mistress my husband had been seeing. I didn't tell her until we had done five or six sessions, because I loved surrendering to this woman. I'd never had an orgasm before I did a session with her. Like Mistress Watchful I was a shy, demure, conforming woman with low self esteem. To this day I am still submissive to Her, as I am to my bull, Frank. So I know what it's like on the other end of the whip. As far as turning professional: who says you have to jump into the deep end of the pool? Once you start carrying yourself like a domme, submissive men will flock around you like moths to a flame. Pick one (or more). Tell him you're thinking of becoming a professional dominatrix and you're looking for someone to practice with. Once you have him under your thumb, tell him it's going to start costing him $100 an hour to play with you. I wouldn't charge higher until you're more experienced. If you like it you can work out of your home. Turn the basement or a spare room into a dungeon. Just be sure your ex-marine husband is always there to protect you. By the way, expect him to be compliant and horny whenever you finish a session. He will literally be begging for sex. Now you can really torment him through his cage. Caress his caged cock, suck it, toy with it. But don't release it. Let his cock ache as it forces its way through the slots of the CB6000s. Let the thought sink into his mind that this is your cock now, and savor that knowledge yourself, this kind of power is so addictive. Let him go to bed agonizing with desire for you. A few weeks of this and he will be willing to do anything for you. Maybe even suck another man's cock. I cannot even begin to tell you how satisfying it is to watch your man suck another man's cock in hopes that you might do the same for him. Regarding irritation from the CB6000s, I allow jamie to put as much pain relieving antibiotic ointment on it as he needs. It seems to help the pain, prevent further irritation, and allow everything to slip into place. Once everything is where it should be the irritation should stop. To be sure he does not get an infection the device is removed every night and he is tied spread eagle face up on the bed. This prevents him from masturbating, or fucking the bed. In closing let me say what my Mistress often told me: BDSM may be the most intimate of all physical interactions because one person is literally trusting the other with their life. x
As always an excellent post from Mistress Angelique. Great to have Mistress Angelique posting on CM again.
Thank you Divine Mistress Angelique, wow, that's some great advice. I will definitely be reading and re-reading that to make sure I can absorb it all. I really appreciate the time you took to write that.
x p.s. Another great game I like to play is using a penis pump on a caged cock. Get one with a 3" diameter tube. Lube the lip and slip it over the cock and balls, cage and all. Pump until it forms a good seal. I find this works well for forcing all of the sub's "stuff" into the right position. The balls will enlarge, and the cock will be puffing out of whatever openings are on the cage. If you leave it at a gentle but firm pressure for about 20 minutes, his junk will stay "stuffed" into the cage for an hour or two. This is a great time to frustrate your man with a hand job, blow job, or artificial vagina, or vaginal sex if you're really feeling generous (works best with a metal cage as nuts are more out of the way). Enough of his nerve endings will be outside the cage to keep him excited and hard, but it is unlikely he will be able to cum unless he is super aroused, or ending a long chastity sentence, in which case you may have to stop from time to time. I like to throw in a Viagra or such, but that's just me. If you like, you can add pressure to the vacuum until he is squirming in pain, and use it as a punishment session. A final word about penis pumps. It's worth it to buy a good one with a metal pump and gauge that accepts different size tubes. They may make a small difference in the size of a man's erection, but I have found they make a huge difference in the size of a man's flaccid penis, for a day or two at least. The smaller the penis the bigger the difference. If you're man can't fill his cage, try giving him a good pumping session, with or without the cage. If you enjoy seeing a bursting cage you won't be able to take your eyes off of him for the next few days. If his foreskin blows up like a balloon, don't worry, it will go back to normal eventually. X