Hi everyone I’ve been on over a week and enjoying this site I am looking for a bit of help. My Queen is still at the stage that FLR and chastity is a bit weird. I keep asking for her to read this book read that book which she don’t or will flick quickly through. So I end up saying do this to me do that to me which I know I’m not meant too this just pushes her away I believe if she chatted to a someone then I would not need to and the experience would begin for both of us. I’ve read these books and different web pages and as every man reads we get excited and our minds go into porn mode lol. Since joining CM I read more respectful realistic forums which if she did too and write her own asking for help from mistresses who were also feeling the way she does when they started out she would learn a bit more in how to approach FLR and how to address it in a comfortable way. So is there any mistresses who could reply to this please so I could show her that if she signed up here and chatted to mistresses that can help her understand more I would be very grateful. It’s hurting me that I’m getting a bit pushy she’s had me locked up now for 24 days with no O we’ve been trying for nearly a year now I just feel she will get to feel more confident if she can chat with someone who can understand where she is at this moment with the whole thing I love her so much and happily married I just want her to understand what I am feeling Thank you in advance
Try giving her some space and time. Especially when starting out, it's best not to rush things along by trying to force someone else to move at a pace that's too quick for them. It's also a much more enjoyable process when it happens organically.
Thank you sandm I know your right I am learning this very quickly I’ve started this all wrong I have been pushing and pushing for her to get up to speed as a mistress would take years to learn I shouted at her last night for not doing this right your not doing that right I always prompt her do this do that so basically I am being well can’t even say the dominant but basically a bully I hate bullies so this has upset me and I hold my head in shame I love her more than anything on this earth and last thing I want to do is see her hurt and upset. It took a lot of courage to tell her about my fantasy and FLR now I accept she has more courage than me to accept what I have asked of her and can’t expect her to flick a switch and be different I’ve just read on female keyholder forum how to be more affirmative ( do you recommend I ask her to read it )and reading it has opened my eyes to what I have done wrong she has asked to read these comments from this forum so she will read what I am writing now. I just am trying to convince her to research and then I know the dominance will slowly take shape and I will forever be happy and I believe it will for her too. When we got together she was the strongest in the relationship as the years have gone by due to life and other obstacles in her life it made her weak minded and having to comfort her and wipe her tears it made me the strongest one which I don’t want anymore I want her back and I tell her when she gets into FLR it will change her and make her feel like the strong person she once was hope this all makes sense to you thanks for listening
Maybe start out with just serving her. Do things she want you to do without saying anything treat her as the goddess she is and I'm sore she would get comfortable slowly. This way she see the advantage of you being the sub when you do the chores for her. Instead of expecting anything from her. Maybe then she would feel less stressed and get her in the mood to take more control. Just don't push!
Think she will get there Sometimes they get even more addicted and take much more control than you expected
Hope so it’s just trying to convince her to read up on the whole thing get an insight how to start and progress as bless her she whips me I love it but it’s meant to be punishment after all lol that’s why I asked her to join here as it’s a nice friendly site where she can talk to like minded people about the experience not like she can talk down the post office in the que lol
I'm sure you'll find that she will find a level that suits her and will probably evolve at her own speed! Whilst "reading up" on things is not a bad way to get ideas you really don't want her to get the idea that things should be "done in certain way". Our relationship is still moving forward and I have less say in how it moves on (which is exactly as it should be). There are times when outside influences or so called real life can get in the way but Mrs Chaste seems to be able to adapt things to ensure her enjoyment is maintained!
Patience is the key. If I think about where we were when we started and what things are like today, it really surprising. The good news is she's locked you for a month and you've both survived. I'd try a statement and a question. Something like "Thank you for keeping me under lock and key. You know it's really what I like but how do you feel about it? What do you want?" Patience, talk, listen, patience.
Thanks for your help guys really appreciate it my Queen has read your reply’s not only you have all give me great advice it’s also given her good advice too I will be writing updates on how it’s going
everyone is different. Im sort of in the same boat, but we also have un known variables in life such as stress from work, family, child rearing, etc givet it time. its incredibly exciting at first and you want to rush to the end zone. dont do this. let her pick out what she is interested in. even if you only get 1 of every 10 things you want, its still a win as your enjoying something she enjoys.
Ok, no one else has said it, so i will. It sounds like you are doing this selfishly to fulfill a kink that you have. Trying to force her to do this and do that, is just going to push her away from it. What you need to do, is get yourself in the mindset that chastity/flr is for HER benefit, not for yours. You should see it as an opportunity to make HER life better and easier. Not to an opportunity to fulfill your kinky desires. If it is done to fulfill your desires, you are in control and it is not a real flr. So why bother? For a lot of men, it is very difficult to get into the mindset that the woman is in control. But once you do, you will get genuine enjoyment from serving your wife and focusing on her needs. And she will be much more willing to fulfill your sexual needs. But until you get your mind right, dont force the issue. Like you said yourself, you are trying to bully her into doing it, and that wont work. What i did, and what i think you should do, is to treat your woman like the queen that she is. Show her all the benefits she will get from an flr without her having to commit to it. She will eventually accept it, and learn to love it. I mean, what woman wouldnt love her man to serve her and do all the housework? My wife was reluctant at first, but she eventually grew to love our flr. Now she tells me she doesnt know how she would be able to live without it.
What you say is 100% true I was exactly what u say. I have now sat back shut my mouth and enjoying it. I’ve learned through reading forums on here how to react and it’s working my Queen is happy I am taking it slowly allowing her to take control. It will take a few years for her to devolve and I accept that totally. Thank you for your input
Totally agree with everyone here, it take time and patience and communication. Don’t push and talk openly about how she is feeling about it, ask what she wants, and just go with her flow.
I can relate tot he OP. im learning to not force my kinks and let my wife/KH choose which she wants to run with. we had intimacy issues a few years back, which was part of why i introduced chastity. she loves how there is no pressure on her now when it comes to sex as she has the only say and final say on what happens, when, how, and where. that said i still am hoping to increase the frequency of intimacy. not kink, sex or any of that, but interactions. to be fair it has increased quite a bit, and im probably just being needy from being pent up and unable to DIY when i get horny. i suppose a question is, how do we as locked me, encourage intimacy with our wife/KH without appearing needy or trying to top from the bottom.