Ever feel like you're being to pushy?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Lockedwithlove, Aug 31, 2016.

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  1. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #1 Lockedwithlove, Aug 31, 2016
    ive been negotiating with my mistress the last few days trying to convince her that I would be a much better sub if she chose to enforce a contract that I signed that would have rules and punishment defined. We've been practicing chastity for well over a year now and lately I'm starting to feel that my mistress is slightly becoming more vanilla than she was before. We are both still enjoying chastity but I feel that I've become more complacent and less apt to jump at her command. I just want things to escalate a little more and reignite that fire in both of us that was raging during our first year. I know she's not getting bored because I was unlocked for a couple months earlier this year and she hated not practicing chastity.

    Anyone have any thoughts or go through anything similar? I understand that patience is the key with chastity but I don't think I'm wrong in asking for things to get a little more serious considering how long we've been at this.
     
  2. Wendygirl
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    Wendygirl To offer advice and keep CM safe and welcoming

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    #2 Wendygirl, Aug 31, 2016
    Takes two to tango and you have to be careful that topping from the bottom can be a bit off putting.
    However build on what you have and maybe look at yourself as see if you are doing all you can to make her feel this is a good idea.

    Xx Wendy
     
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  3. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    #3 Mistress Jules, Aug 31, 2016
    Well you know what you are looking for to enhance your chastity lifestyle, now maybe try asking your partner what she would like. You trying to convince her to choose to enforce a contract isn't really her idea, is it? Maybe you need to check what she would would like so that you can have a joint adventure as opposed to doing just what one or the other thinks should happen.
     
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  4. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #4 Lockedwithlove, Aug 31, 2016
    I agree with you and I certainly don't want to too from the bottom. In the past I have been pushy about trying things. I've recognized this about myself and mistress and I have talked about my topping from the bottom and since then I'll only make a suggestion and leave it at that. All I've done was ask for more guidelines to follow and some actual punishment if I don't follow through on her directions.

    Mistress didn't dismiss the idea of a contract and punishment but she said something to me last night that confused me. We needed to put our child to bed and she told me she was waiting for me to take the lead on doing that. I said "okay I will", I continued to finish a text message I was typing. She then said "see, you ask me to order you around and tell you to do stuff but then you don't". So it's a bit of a vicious cycle and I was left confused because I'm asking for her to take more control of me in regards to punishment. She's basically saying that I'm not proactive enough to her orders anyway. So it's a catch 22, it's not that I'm ignoring her or disobeying her I'm just a procrastinator and actually think it would help me if she diciplined me and up the stakes for our lifestyle.
     
  5. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #5 Lockedwithlove, Aug 31, 2016
    Good point mistress Julesand in all fairness I've never asked her where she would like to take things from here. I'll ask her tonight what she thinks because I don't want to shakeout chastity play, id like her to at least consider my input but as mentioned by Wendygirl I don't want to top from the bottom.
     
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  6. jshackleton2016
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    jshackleton2016 :-)

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    #6 jshackleton2016, Sep 1, 2016
    maybe buy her a new punishment toy like a paddle or a riding crop or whatever you think she would like, as a gift to celebrate her dominance over you. Present is humbly on your knees with no expectation or instructions for her. Then all you have is hope. My wife goes through cycles of being more or less active with me and all I have is hope to get me through the times when she is less engaged. As a general rule, the more submissive you are will tease out her dominance, at least that is my theory. Good luck!
     
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  7. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #7 Lockedwithlove, Sep 1, 2016
    The good news is she did receive my suggestion with an open mind. She told me she'd consider it when I brought it up a couple days ago and last night we did discuss it a bit. She was a little surprised and quite intrigued when I admitted I wanted to feel pain from her with real dicipline.

    I took Mistress Jules advice and asked my mistress to disregard my request for punishment. That's when my mistress told me she wasn't uninterested in punishing me. I imagine she'll think on it for a day or two longer before she really decides, she did admit that she does like to hit me with random spoons and such. I bought her a leather paddle and a riding crop a while back for our one year chastiversary, she liked them both and fooled around with them a bit when she first got them. We had a two month down time without chastity right after I presented them to her so I think they kind of got forgotten about during that time. I have high hopes that she really does want to punish me. She's says she's not mean and is afraid of hurting me but I let her know (at least I think) the pain is the worth the eroticism of her dominance over me and is truly more of a turn on. I want her to correct my bad behavior. Never thought I have to beg to get whipped lol. :)
     
  8. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    #8 jemima, Sep 1, 2016
    i wud rather not be paddled really cos it hurts a lot and after its all red. so i try my best to not get it.
     
  9. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #9 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    It can actually be summed up in one word: complacency.

    If one or both of you have become complacient with the journey, than you need to remember:

    -A Submissive wants to be wanted; and a Dominant needs to be needed. -

    The fundamental "need and want" relationship can be become weak over time. Just like any vanilla relationship, once you loose the reason for that unconditional love for that person; the relationship fades. So vanilla couples find those passionate things that rekindle their "spark".

    In a D/S relationship that "spark" usually coincides with control. The more that is offered to a willing Dominant, the more they... get hooked.

    You may think you have given up everything in the relationship and allowed her to control you far beyond what you would ever have thought. But it is the motivation behind your actions that shows your servitude.

    Case in point: when you were first locked; she would ask/demand something of you, and you would do it in an instant! Can you say you still act in the same manner now?

    If you've lost that "jump to it" attitude, why is it unreasonable that she would loose her drive to dominate too.

    G
     
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  10. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y
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    #10 L-u-c-y, Sep 1, 2016
    A lot of people have wanted me to punish them if they misbehave. What they don't understand is I don't want to punish someone, I don't get anything from it, it's just making more work for me. A true punishment is just ignoring them.
     
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  11. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #11 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    Wise, as it is cruel.

    G
     
  12. L-u-c-y
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    #12 L-u-c-y, Sep 1, 2016
    No, it's cruel to misbehave.
     
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  13. ChastityNut
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    #13 ChastityNut, Sep 1, 2016
    Most boys enjoy misbehaving, it isn't until they get caught and punished that reality sets in. I guess some men never out grow that and a little bit of a sexual masochism develops. Yeah it might take a little work to dish out the punishment but it's an integral part of the sub's sexual and emotional needs. It's should be managed just like any other part of the submissive male's sexuality.

    That's not to say that some subs don't go overboard with trying to get punished. That's probably a classic case of "topping from the bottom" and probably worthy of a timeout and discussion of what is happening.
     
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  14. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #14 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    It's won't disagree with you on that point.

    But the harshest punishment to any slave is being ignored.

    I've always thought it always thought it was funny, that vanilla wives try this same "silent treatment" and rarely get the outcome they were hoping for.

    G
     
  15. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #15 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    I've always said that my Submissives put far more physical work into the relationship than I do.

    They live it day in and day out, I use my imagination and knoledge to do all my heavy lifting.

    Plus, I've never had much luck punishing with spankings. Though a drawn up pair of testicles and a good thwack; works quite well, and is rarely forgotten.

    Though I have met a "Brat" that I only got a correct response from once I made him sit in the corner and write lines. I thought it was the silliest thing that I could possibly do, but it worked! He went right to his Goddess and begged her to forgive him.

    But I wholeheartedly agree, punishment is an intrical part of a D/S relationship.

    Thank you for posting.

    G
     
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  16. ChastityNut
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    #16 ChastityNut, Sep 1, 2016
    The thought of having my balls tied and thwacked both excites and terrifies me! The writing lines though, just thinking about that it definitely kills my mood. I had a really bad experience with that in primary school, I had to write the set of class rules over 500 times! It's amazing how just your post took me for a ride like that, feeding the side of me that would love to misbehave and then completely flattening it with that childhood trauma. I love it!
     
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  17. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #17 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    So much of controlling a Submissive is taken from the same book, on how to control youthful angst... except X-rated.

    I'm glad I could trigger both good and fearful responses; that means my skills are still sharp.

    G

    Ps. 500 times! I can be cruel at times, but I have never gone over 200. You must have done something serious!
     
  18. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #18 Lockedwithlove, Sep 1, 2016
    The truth is you all have good points, @Mistress Jules, @Mistress Lucy, @Glychlock, @ChastityNut. I flat out asked my mistress yesterday if me suggesting punishment was out of line and she said no. I also asked her if there was something else she'd like to try (in regards to this lifestyle) that she's been thinking about. Mistress stopped me there and said she is really considering the idea of punishment, she finds it to be a bit of turn on and admitted that she like spanking me with spoons and various objects when just playing around in the past and has enjoyed what little play we've had with the horse crop.

    She is afraid of hurting me and me being in pain. I explained that the pain was erotic because it's just another expression of her dominance over me and also the idea that I'm being mentally sculpted by her "behavior modification". If she whips me for talking back then I'm less likely to talk back to her. If I'm groan about massaging her feet then she whips me, I'm less likely to groan the next time she asks me to rub her feet. Mistress likes the idea of this but doesn't feel she is "mean enough" hence why she is still think about it.

    I'm generally the one that offers suggestions to our next steps in chastity because mistress could care less about visiting the Mansion or any other related sites for that matter. One thing that rings true out of all our conversations on this thread is that I've changed and have become less submissive in the last few months for some reason. I truthfully want to go back to my more submissive state because my mistress and I had a wonderful dynamic. I just feel like I need more encouragement from my mistress to be the sub I'd like to be for her. The first step is for me to get my head in the right space and question nothing mistress tells me to do. I need to help her get back into her domme zone and that is going to take extra effort from me. Mistress has left me unlocked a lot lately and that kind of bums me out because the feeling of that device on me changes my level of submissiveness. That may sound stupid but it's true for me.

    There is truly a lot of work that goes into this type of relationship and it has made mistress and my relationship stronger, I would just love to see where we can take this. I love my mistress will all my heart I just want her to have fun.
     
  19. ChastityNut
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    #19 ChastityNut, Sep 1, 2016
    Well, if a Domme is running low on steam or just for whatever her reasons doesn't feel like putting a lot of effort into punishment, she can always get one of these :D

    https://www.chastitymansion.com/for...lbums/a-good-idea-for-a-training-device.1928/
     
  20. Lockedwithlove
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    Lockedwithlove I am my Queen's toy

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    #20 Lockedwithlove, Sep 1, 2016
  21. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y
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    #21 L-u-c-y, Sep 1, 2016
    Fuck that for a laugh, I'm not going to punish someone because they want it.
     
  22. Glychlock
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    Glychlock Dominant and Mentor

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    #22 Glychlock, Sep 1, 2016
    Nobody said anything about "want".

    Plus I believe this conversation gone beyond mere Keyholding, and into the real D/S relationship with masochistic tendencies.
     
  23. ChastityNut
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    #23 ChastityNut, Sep 1, 2016
    Laugh away but I get the impression that you missed the point of what I posted. Punishment is part of a D/s relationship but it's the D's job to know when they are being played by the s.
     
  24. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y
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    #24 L-u-c-y, Sep 1, 2016
    It seems that you think your needs to get beaten are more important than her needs not to want to beat you. This is all a big game to you. Here's an idea, don't talk back to her, don't moan about massaging her feet.
     
  25. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y
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    #25 L-u-c-y, Sep 1, 2016
    It's not part of it if the sub doesn't misbehave. There is no rule saying a sub has to misbehave that I know of.
     
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