Hello everyone. I have no real interest in sex. This is a shocking statement but true nonetheless. My lack of sex drive has caused some major issues in my marriage. My husband proposed chastity to help keep him happy and to keep me from feeling pressured to have sex with him. We both work full time and have two small children so our schedules stay super busy. I need help. I need some guidance on how to be a proper mistress to my stubborn and very eager husband. Any suggestions and/or tips would be greatly appreciated.
To be quite honest I think the best thing would be for you both to see a councellor about your lack of sex drive, if you don't then I fear your marriage is doomed to failure as sex, whether through chastity, masturbation or any other form is a pivotal point in any marriage. I divorced my wife some 10 years ago for exactly the same reason you are quoting, sorry.
I must agree with charles. Unless there are some other reason, do you suddenly have an interest in chastity or is it just to try and save your marige? Hope I don't afend you by writing this... It's only mend to help. By the way welcome onboard.
To be clear. (I am her husband) She never had much interest in sex from the time we started dating. And our relationship is pretty swell in all other aspects. I love her very much. We have really great and really experimental sex when we do... There are just long dry spells...
Just to follow up. I have never held much interest in sex. It's nothing to do with my husband or anyone else. My husband interested in chastity and on the rare occasion I find myself in the mood, I thoroughly enjoy disciplining him. Spanking and humiliating him sends me into a giggling fit so intense it generally brings me to tears. He enjoys being locked up as it removes any opportunity for sexual release on his part. I enjoy it because I don't have to worry about being in the mood and he is far more willing to explore other avenues of intimacy with me. We just want to try taking this a step further and I need some guidance on how to get there. Obviously not from men who feel that our explorations will only lead to disaster. Thank you for your input but no thank you all the same.
Well you asked for advise and I offered mine. I am sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear. Given your two way dialogue with your huisband on here I would have thought you just need to sit quietly and chat to each other and try to take things forward from there.
Nothing wrong with this at all. Best first step is get the right device you can control and he can wear 24/7/365. cb6000 is fine for starters only - adjustability and variety of rings/spacers means it will fit nearly all sizes, but only while you get something steel and made to measure (look at MatureMetal for examples but there are others). He'll probably still have at least an average sex drive himself - all the better - and keeping him frustrated will give you an excellent handle to keep him in line and have him where you want him by the (O-O)s. Your not wanting him for sex yourself can reinforce this.
A bit of a leap from wanting a little advice and guidance. To device he can wear 24/7/365 I can't imagine any man Locked like that. Try a day here and there get him used 2 or 3 days at a time. You say you are always busy. Well just keep him locked in your alone time, The time he would be thinking of sex
We have a bird lock that was okay. It caused too much irritation after a couple of days. We have a jail bird from mature metal on order. It's our understanding that this device will be a good move for longer term chastity. As far as our back and forth on here, that's how we are. We are silly and fun with each other. We will banter online while doing it face to face at home...like we have tonight. The help I need isn't going to come from a sub. I need guidance from a domme. I need beginner training tips without being told to seek counseling. We are strong in our marriage. We are beyond the procreation stage and are moving forward to something more fun for us both.
First of all I am not a sub. Secondly I apologise for trying to offer help. I will now bow out of this conversation before I say something I later regret
I actually thought that was aimed at me. The Lady just stated She would like information from a domme.
Jailbird could be just the thing. For training tips: first thing is know what you want for yourself ( generally I mean - not sex especially) and be determined to get it. So he does what you tell him. If so, give him a (comparatively) quiet life. If not, punish him generally, and his marbles especially, so he falls in line. Of course, this is a gross over-simplification, and so much will depend on other aspects of your life and relationship; but of you're to be the Dominant you must take the lead. It's not his job to tell you how - that's called 'topping from the bottom'. Ideally you need some 'handles' - vanilla included - that you can use as levers. What to suggest for you I'm not sure right now as not knowing enough about your situation. There are so many variables.
Yeah, I suppose ther are degrees of beginner... Look, she has been in charge of our relationship since before we new about female led relationships. We have played with this birdlocked chastity toy for a year. We are ready to step up to a steel device. She has heard my male opinions about this. She wants to talk to a woman. What's she supposed to do? Ask my sister? Hey everyone.... Charles isn't a sub. Please don't hurt his feelings.
I still have my questions about the whole scene as you described it. But you could tro reading a book ore two about the subject. I would suggest reading keyholding, a beginner's guide to chastity.
i think joroincharge is saying its not about him. how this would effect the relationship in sudden 24/7 365 is different. well he asked for it . many times i wish i did not
This is helpful, and gets to the point. I have heard the term topping from the bottom. As with all aspects of our sex life, I have taken the lead because I have more enthusiasm about it. Before we started playing with chastity, I initiated sex, or sex dif not occur. Now that we are trying this, that whole dynamic got flipped on its head. When I have had to have the device off to heal the skin up.... I try not to say anything. I want to hear her tell me to out it on. I wait for that order... Days, weeks pass... She doesn't give it. I don't want to ask to be locked. We get along so much better when I am. She spends more time and energy teasing me,,ordering me around the house when I am locked. I have a great desire for her to take the lead. I have told her this. She has read books about it. She won't take the initiative. I end up having to ask her to lock it... And then I feel stupid, like I might as well be locking myself up. I ask her if this is something she really wants, she says yes. I ask her if she thinks its stupid and wants to forget about it, she reassures me. I get to feeling the same way I always do in one of our dry spells - like she just doesn't want me anymore. I want her to do this but its the same fucking problem as always. She needs to show some small amount of enthusiasm and take at least some small amount of initiative, but she won't. If I didn't initiate our regular sex it didn't happen, aand if I don't ask to be locked she won't lock it. She saud she wanted to talk to a domme about it, so I found this website, and begged her for a week to join. I don't know that any of it will ever work. Understand though, I'll never leave her. I'll never cheat on her. Our life never has been about sex. It would be nice if we could make sex less awkward though, so we could function better in the rest of it.
In this thread, we are hearing far too much from the sub, and not enough from his Mistress. If Espylady07 would tell us all some of her concerns then the advice may be more beneficial. It is common enough in marriage that one partners sex drive is higher than the other.
Hello and welcome. I have read your thread and will inbox you some links that may help you on your journey and to understand more about the lifestyle that you are heading into. They are helping me and I was given them from another Mistress on this site. Enjoy yourselves.