Okay, where should I begin? I'll start out by saying two things: I'm new to this lifestyle, and I'm younger than most people are when they decide to pursue this lifestyle. I'm 22. My partner/pet is 27 and is also new to the lifestyle. Both of us have been into the idea for a while now. We actually met online and started talking about it before we even knew anything else about each other. At the time I didn't think anything would actually come of it, but it turns out the two of us "click" really well on a personal level as well as sexually. Anyway, I want to be his keyholder, and he's ordered a custom device and gotten a piercing. I guess I'm afraid I'm in over my head. Is it common to feel this way? I've never been particularly dominant before. I'm worried I'm not cut out for it. In particular, I'm worried that I crave certain things too often for this lifestyle to work. I mean, I've always needed lots of kissing/cuddling/being made to feel safe. Can that work in a situation like this? I think I have a habit of letting people have sex with me (even if I don't particularly want it) just so that I don't feel rejected. How do I make the leap from being like that to being a chastity keyholder? Is that even possible? I hope I don't sound just laughably ridiculous. Any and all input is welcome. Thanks.
First of all a big welcome to the site. Being in chastity doesn't necessarily mean it has to be full on and forever, you can start off by playing with it. For example, you could lock your man first thing in the morning and let him know that you will decide what time that evening you will release him and allow him to make love with you. This would allow him to feel the excitement of being in chastity and at the same time allow the both of you to cuddle, touch and make love when you feel you want to. Things can progress from there if that is what you both wish for, in other words, start slowly, enjoy it together and see where it takes you both.
Hello! I felt very similar to you at the beginning when my then boyfriend (now fiance) introduced me to male chastity. It started as us discussing him being locked up and his past experiences to him texting me at work that he locked himself up and he wanted me to have to the key. I keep the key at all times when he is locked. Sometimes I wear it around my neck on a chain to further tease him. Holding the key and having the power over when or if he got to the cum brought out the dominant part of sexual personality. I get to tease him as much or as little as I want. It also brought out some of his male fantasies that have in turn opened me up to whole new sexual experiences. The beauty of you being the key holder is you get to decide how dominant you want to be over him. I have become more dominant and more open to sexual experiences than ever before. ENJOY!
I'd also like to wish you a warm welcome to the website! I love hearing about how people get started and following their journey, as they choose to share it with others. I have to agree with the advice charles and Lady Mi-chelle have already given you. Take your time and go slowly. Let this experience be something from which both of you can learn--about yourselves, about each other, about chastity, and about how it can affect your relationship. Something I would like to add is, if you're not already doing so, start a journal (either separately or together and either in private or on a blog) and start sharing what you experience as you progress down the rabbit hole. My personal recommendation is to use the internet and create a blog you can both use. (I prefer WordPress.) Often times, you will experience something--some emotion, some physical hiccup, or something worrisome or funny--that others have experienced. Sharing your story with others allows them to offer guidance, input, advice, support, etc. which can be quite helpful, especially when you're first starting out on a new path. Now, I'd like to address your second paragraph one line at a time, so I'm going to quote you and do my best to answer each question and concern you have, based on my own experience and the experiences of my clients. "I guess I'm afraid I'm in over my head. Is it common to feel this way?" Absolutely! Anyone who is new to anything, chastity included, will feel this way at first. That's why it's so important to take it slowly, especially in the beginning, and 'earn your sea legs,' so to speak. Confidence will come in time with experience. "I've never been particularly dominant before. I'm worried I'm not cut out for it. In particular, I'm worried that I crave certain things too often for this lifestyle to work. I mean, I've always needed lots of kissing/cuddling/being made to feel safe. Can that work in a situation like this?" Not every woman who enjoys being a Keyholder is dominant. Sometimes dominance is something you grow into; other times it's simply a non-issue because the dynamic works without the power-exchange going beyond the chastity play. Remember, keep it fun and keep it interesting. The rest will follow as it should. As for the kissing, cuddling, and being made to feel safe, you can get even more of this when your pet is locked safely away in chastity! You may find that not only can it "work in a situation like this," but it works better than what you've been doing all along! "I think I have a habit of letting people have sex with me (even if I don't particularly want it) just so that I don't feel rejected. How do I make the leap from being like that to being a chastity keyholder? Is that even possible?" You do it much the same way that a man who has never been locked in chastity before does it: one day at a time and with plenty of open communication. By holding the key to a chastity device, especially for someone you care about, you will find that you can correct bad habits both you and he had from past experiences. In some cases, emotional healing from past pains can be set in motion with chastity play being the catalyst. In this, I can share a personal story, but I'd rather just direct you to my blog, since I've already written a novella here, and let you decide if you'd like to read the story of my chastened cuck and me.
It's interesting that you mention the journal/blog idea. I actually had this idea myself and bought him a nice journal for Christmas. Since we do not live together, I am requiring that any morning on which I have not slept over, he wake up, edge for five minutes, then spend 25 minutes writing to me in the journal. Once a week, I take the journal and respond to his thoughts in writing. So much of what he's written has been so intimate, and I can tell it comes from somewhere deep in him that's been dying to be given a voice. A lot of it is just sweet and loving, some of it is explicitly sexual, and some of it focuses on his past relationship failures/why he believes chastity may benefit his life. All in all, I think it's been an excellent addition to the relationship. He craves rituals like this, and I like being able to see what's in his head. Some days I'll give him a topic to focus on, other days I just let him write whatever is on his mind, whether it directly relates to chastity or not. I'm feeling very hopeful about this relationship. He is proving to be loving and supportive in ways that I previously could not imagine anyone being. I know that this is due in part to the chastity. I can already see the impact that it is making on him, even though he's technically not locked yet since the device has yet to arrive. I guess I anticipated that it would make big changes in his life/behavior, but I don't think that I predicted such a huge change in my own outlook about... everything. I now feel that I have a responsibility to be a good keyholder; I have a pet to take care of now. There's someone that loves me, wants me, and is unconditionally devoted to me, and that has made me feel the motivation I need to get certain aspects of my life together. Chastity is definitely bringing me closer to him than I have ever felt to anyone in previous relationships. It's very nice. Thank you so much for your support and input. Also, if you (or anyone) has any ideas of other possible ritualistic-type activities for him, let me know! He seems to respond very well to that.
Hello Gunfire! It warms my heart to read your response! I'm so glad you're already seeing some of the benefits to such a wonderful way of sharing intimacy. I have no doubt that you're just scraping the surface of what more is to come for both of you! As for other ritualistic-type activities for him, my best advice is to have fun experimenting with anything you want to try. The worst that can happen is that you don't like the ritual and then, all you have to do is change it. Also, do your research on anything you want to try before attempting it. For example, I love ass play as part of my chastity play (pegging and prostate milking, specifically), so I have K prepare himself for me as part of his daily ritual. He has to keep himself shaven, cleaned out, and readily available for me at all times, even if I don't use him that way for one or several days. However, I wouldn't recommend anyone start doing any kind of ass play with a man, especially one who is a virgin in that area, jump into it without researching everything about what they want to do. Also, even though some men can stand and urinate through their devices, you might find it humbles him and puts him a more submissive mindset if you take away that privilege and make him sit to use the toilet. (One of the benefits of this is that you don't have worry about the seat being dribbled upon or left up in the middle of the night and ending up with a wet tush when you go to use the bathroom!) Play around with ideas, some physical, some mental, some sexual, some non-sexual, and see what works for you. Don't be afraid to change things up when you get bored or find something you don't like! As always, have fun! MM