Okay, where should I begin? I'll start out by saying two things: I'm new to this lifestyle, and I'm younger than most people are when they decide to pursue this lifestyle. I'm 22. My partner/pet is 27 and is also new to the lifestyle. Both of us have been into the idea for a while now. We actually met online and started talking about it before we even knew anything else about each other. At the time I didn't think anything would actually come of it, but it turns out the two of us "click" really well on a personal level as well as sexually. Anyway, I want to be his keyholder, and he's ordered a custom device and gotten a piercing. I guess I'm afraid I'm in over my head. Is it common to feel this way? I've never been particularly dominant before. I'm worried I'm not cut out for it. In particular, I'm worried that I crave certain things too often for this lifestyle to work. I mean, I've always needed lots of kissing/cuddling/being made to feel safe. Can that work in a situation like this? I think I have a habit of letting people have sex with me (even if I don't particularly want it) just so that I don't feel rejected. How do I make the leap from being like that to being a chastity keyholder? Is that even possible? I hope I don't sound just laughably ridiculous. Any and all input is welcome. Thanks.
Im new as well however im on the opposite side of this than you are. From the submissive side, I would tell you that I would rather have a keyholder that was still intimate, the cuddling and kissing and so on. being the keyholder you are controlling the sex.. that dosent mean that you still cant cuddle and kiss, if anything i would be turned on even more because of that. (could be even more of a tease that way?) But hey.. im new to this too so ... i dont know? thats just my opinion
You will see that I have answered your request in your other thread. By the way it is normal to only start one thread on the subject and not multiple postings.
Hi and Welcome the first thing is to say you have come to the right place to get friendly helpful advice from other members here. There is no right or wrong way to come at this position you are striving for it is just a matter of finding the way that is right and works for you both. Many Dominants want little physical intimacy with their subs others need lots in return for playing out their role. Ultimately it will all come down to how you make the situation progress in a way that suits your individual style of dominance and nobody can tell you that except yourself with plenty of practice. Have fun thats the main ingredient you need, fun for both of you.
Hi and welcome! Hmmm, where to start..., When I first met my man I was a chastity virgin . He was a kinky devil and eventually got me interested in latex, hoods and very light kink. However, as time went on we talked about chastity and I decided to try it with him. After a while I quite liked it , especially after I noticed the change in him. I loved the way it made him even more submissive. All I can say is take your time. Remember you had the key, you decide what and when. If one day you don't want to then say so- " not today, but if you're a good boy, tomorrow " Do what feels right for You. Read a lot - on this site there's plenty to digest . Adapt some of it to suit you. After time your confidence will grow and you will find that it comes naturally. But most of all have fun! If you get into something that doesn't work, laugh and try something else ! You may pm me if you want anymore advice etc.. Mistress Deborah - Mistress of slave Phil and slave stroppy
Wise words from a wise Mistress as has been said its supposed to be enjoyable and fun so make sure you are enjoying it otherwise something is wrong and needs changing.
Thank you all so much for your input. I really appreciate it. I can tell this community is going to be very helpful to me.
Welcome! Good start is to ask what you do want for yourself? Then, how to have him where you want him so you can get it! And if he's on even a quarter of that road you can be in business!
Thank you so much for your willingness to help. I'm a bit concerned about coming across as too vulnerable to him, I guess. I have always had self-esteem issues, and I'm used to being able to discuss them with my partner and get some verbal reassurance. I'm worried that will make me seem weak to him and negatively affect the power I have over him. Also worried that I'll never be able to live up to his fantasies of what this lifestyle is really like. I want to be what he wants, but he's so eager and zealous about things, suggesting things that I'm not altogether opposed to but don't really know how to go about implementing. I know I'm just rambling, sorry. I really am in a bit over my head.
My guess is the journey won't really start till the device arrives. (What sort is it? ) Once you've got the keys (and ensured he doesn't have a spare - swap the lock if possible) it should be he not you who is vulnerable. But I know what you mean about difficult to discuss with him - and in a way you're right there. That road can lead to 'topping from the bottom' - not good. He needs to you to know how to do things properly without him having to tell you. That's fine.But there's no one magic formula - we're all different and what works for some may not for you and vice versa, Just look around and see the threads and pick and choose what suits you. Meantime, if you want to see what power can do for him/you while you're waiting for the device, try grabbing his balls between his legs from behind. And/or hang a padlock from them. Establish your ownership. And see where it takes you.
Welcome to Chastity Mansion, Gunfire!!! Just try to remember you're confident, sexy, and in complete control even if sometimes you might not quite feel that way. With a little knowlege and experience, you'll be an expert at this in no time. LOL Any questions, don't be afraid to ask!!!
All you need to do is to hold onto that key and don't let him out until you fancy penetrative sex. That's the best way to start in my opinion Amanda x
Have you checked your other thread with the same post to see what suggestions are there as well? Lots of people want to help you.
The intimacy worry: dont worry, its about how you want it, when and if you want it. Take what you want. If you want to incorperate lovey cuddly aspects into it thats fine. your not changing who you are, just adapting it to fit a different role. I am a cuddly person and our play always has some in there at some point, usually afterwards, but do what fits you. There is no cookie-cutter way to do this. Insecurities: If you feel that you are unsure of how to go about things, look together online, talk about what you are both comfy with doing and not doing, set up a list of things that you both know are eachothers limits. Safewords are a must. if you find they play taking a direction you are not comforable with, stop and talk about it and decide weather or not to continue. I am also new to chastity, my partner has always taken the lead. I had alot of issues overcoming being so shy, I wanted to do things to him, things that made me uncomfortable and turned me on at the thought .... We ended up having lessons. He gave me a night where he just talked me through things I wanted to do, reassuring me as we went, we talked alot, laffed and had a very fun time, he showed me that I dont have to lose myself to do this, just be who I am and not to be afraid. There is going to be times when your insecure, thats ok, talk to him, theres nothing weak about communication, it makes you stronger. Keep true to who you both are while your exploring this. Afterall, its a journey you both are on together. One thing, never be afraid to try things...I have to admit, there are many things I never thought I could do, and had NO IDEA would ever be a part of my sexual lifestyle and now am just adoring them! its only been a few weeks, and i cannot imagine how I lived without this! Be true to yourself and eachother, TALK about EVERYTHING, and READ READ READ then talk about what you want, or dont want...this is a wonderfull way to gain sexual confidence, and come closer together as a couple. Be selfish, its ok, if you want to let him out to play, do so! theres no set date, its what you want! Just make sure he knows, your holding the key to his release, and if he is good, you will make his world shine bright, if he isnt, be strong and hold the key tightly, he will ask beg plead or even throw a hissy fit of sorts, wich he should be punished for in my opinion, your the BOSS, he is working to please you, not the other way around....and by saying no to him, believe me, he may pout, but he craves you to be strong....he will LOVE it more when he is finally taken out....dear lord trust me here! You will LOVE being his keyholder!
I am not sure of the name of it, actually. He showed me pictures, and I told him which to order. I know it's something custom-fit because we had to measure him, and it works with his frenum piercing. This is what it looks like!
Pic won't open so I can't see. But if it's custom and metal then it'll have either an integrated lock or padlock. If padlock, no worry - you can swap. If integrated, then be sure you open the package when it comes, and keep key from outset.