Hello to everyone! I am new here and just registered today. I am a male submissive in my mid-40s. I have been happily married for 17 years. My wife has known about my submissive side for a long time but has never been the dominant type. However, I recently expressed an interest in chastity play and she has had a more open mind. I have been gradually teaching her about it for the past few months and have even had her be a reluctant key holder for short periods of time, like a few days. I have been able to go about 2 weeks between orgasms at times but it usually is self controlled. I have told her that I want her to control when I can orgasm and she is not opposed to this, but gives in much too quickly when I ask. I want her to at least tease me, which she does some nights and mornings, but it's not consistent enough. She seems to feel guilty most of the time and gives me permission too often. My wife's mind seems to be opening up a little but I can't seem to convince her to learn more, such as by reading books or blogs on the subject of chastity, tease, denial, etc. Any advice for how I can move this along faster? Sub Len
I've found that though it seems like reverse psychology... fulfilling her fantasies and romancing her might make her more interested in doing the same for you. Are you able to talk as a couple about her erotic interests also? Does she feel like she benefits or "gets anything" out of your chastity?
Thanks for the reply Alice. I do think she realizes some benefits. For example, she loves massages and I have increased giving them to her. I have also tried pleasing her more in general. You are right that we probably need to talk more about her desires. Unfortunately, she has never achieved orgasm from sex, either intercourse or when I perform oral. She rarely lets me do the latter and that happens to be my favorite thing in the world. She knows this and has opened up recently, but again, that's not addressing her sexual fantasies. She only cums when using a bullet vibrator and that is something she wasn't able to achieve until a few years ago. I will open up the communication about her desires and fantasies. Additional ideas are welcome.
Try what i did ,get her on this site.she will find so many to help .just ask the mistress .beware if she takes there advice ur life will change.have fun
I have tried to get my wife to come out to this site and read some other blogs but so far no luck with that. I also tried again to find out what her fantasies are and what would please her. It's a work in progress, no question. A few days ago, she did agree to lock me up and hide the key for at least 1 week, maybe 2. She likes to tease me a little but really isn't that interested or skilled at that yet... that is what I really need her to learn more about. She has been sleeping naked and enjoys reminding me that I am locked so I can't have her. She also makes me give her massages while we are both naked (except my cage). I asked her to not go easy on me and unlock me in just a couple of days like she usually does. We'll see what happens. I'm frustrated and excited at the moment and hope this continues.
Maybe take it another step further. Buy her flowers. Tell her about being locked up making you more and more devoted to her. Offer massages. Play it up. Don't assume that she has made the connection between being treated well and the chastity. Tell her so. Partners are rarely as psychic as we wish they were. As to the sex stuff, it sounds like you have taken on some shame/blame/issues around her not having orgasms with you yet... that kind of attitude makes it tougher for a woman to get over a sexual/orgasm block. Women's orgasms are self-fulfilling prophesies - if they think they can't cum, not a force in the verse can make it happen. Instead of feeling inadequate or "not good enough" try to reframe it as EXCITEMENT - she can finally have an orgasm AT ALL. That is a HUGE victory for a woman coming into her sexuality late in life... either because of abuse issues (1 out of 3 women!) or simply because society has a lot of bad things to say about a woman who enjoys sex. Emphasize what works, treat her like a princess and watch her interest in chastity grow.
Excellent advice. Thank you. I will keep plugging away at this. Besides wanting to continue to improve our chastity games, I really am a pleaser and want my wife to enjoy life and sex more. I just have to be persistent without being a pest. By the way, I now have been locked up for 3 nights and was told again not to expect to be let out for at least 1 week, but have been threatened up to 3 or even more, depending on my behavior. I have to balance being good with misbehaving enough to stay locked up. I am so torn about this. Either way, it's great fun!