The real feeling of Chastity

As you assume the role of Queen of your household, you will begin to conceive of your husband’s sexuality not merely as a source of pleasure for him (and a tool for procreation) but as a means through which you can manage, control, and direct his behavior. His member, while still attached to him, will become your property in the practical sense that you, not he, decide what is done with it. Through your ownership of his member, you will practically own him.

You will begin to manage his sexual release as you might manage his exercise and diet. This concept of sexual management, of determining when and how he is allowed sexual release, is not only a result of power and control but also skill and awareness. You should not be discouraged if at first you find your efforts awkward and ineffective. With time, your knowledge and skill will grow and you will simply be amazed at what you can accomplish and how far you can go.

Penance
Punishment is more than simply negative reinforcement. Punishment should also include penance. Penance is a means for amending a wrong and obtaining a pardon for it. Penance consists partly of the performance of reparation rituals and partly of voluntary submission to the punishment itself. In other words, a husband may, by his very act of submission to your selected punishment amend his wrong in your eyes.

Penance provides you with a means to overcome your anger, pain, and frustration at your husband. Penance provides your husband with an opportunity to express his love and remorse by enduring the punishment you have selected.

Removing Opportunities
A subtle form of punishment is to remove opportunities for your husband to earn your good graces. For example, you can do chores that your husband would otherwise be expected to do. In this way, you are signaling to him that his wrong has placed him outside of your relationship and that you choose not to rely upon him.

No Sex
You can place him outside your sexuality. In the simplest case, you might simply withhold sex for a period of time (while teasing and arousing him). This can be a fun way to express your disappointment with him. (“No sex for a week.”)

Extra Chores
You can require him to perform extra chores, either constructive, like washing your car, or valueless, like writing sentences.

Revelation
Even men who embrace submission to their wives are reluctant to allow others to know about it. This provides you with great leverage. One technique for establishing your authority is to put up a photograph of a close adult relative or close friend and then make a number of marks on the photo (e.g. ten). Then each time that he disappoints you take him to the photo and cross out one of the marks. Inform him that when all the marks are crossed out you will have a talk with this person telling him/her about your new marital relationship.

Physical Punishment
Physical punishment, usually spanking, is perhaps the most extraordinary form of punishment. Spanking can be very cathartic for both parties. Men are particularly fond of enduring physical pain in their devotion to love or in the service of an important cause. For men, enduring physical pain can be a powerful symbol of manhood, even more when that pain is at the request of their love.

 

Head of Household
What does it really mean to be a married female head of the household?

In the simplest terms, it means that your word is his law; your husband’s primary duty is always to yield to you and obey your wishes.

To elaborate, being head of the household means that you make the important decisions and your decisions are final, including deciding what your husband is allowed to decide on his own. Where you disagree, he defers to your decision. You should develop the confidence to act on the basis of your role as head of the household and the strength and determination to help him adjust to his own supporting role.

You might ask his opinion to help you form your decision. It is one of his responsibilities to share his opinion when you ask for it or when he thinks you expect or need it. However, you should ultimately retreat to the privacy of your own mind to form your decision and own that decision once it is made. Say, “Thank you for sharing your opinion. Let me think about it and I will give you my decision when I am ready.”

You may delegate the implementation of a decision to him. Once you make a decision, you can relate your decision to him and then assign him the task of carrying it out. Say, “I have decided this. I want you to do this and do it this way. Let me know when it is done.”

Perhaps most importantly, being head of the household means that your judgment, opinions, and priorities rule. In every real world situation, there are ambiguities and unknowns. To deal with these we use our judgment, opinions, and priorities to fill in the blanks, bring order to the world, and suggest a course of action. Naturally, no two people are the same and we all tend to follow our own judgment, opinions, and priorities.

As head of the household, you should indulge your own judgment, opinions, and priorities. You act on your own beliefs and values whenever the facts are unknown, insufficient, inadequate, or differently perceived. He must subordinate his judgment, opinions, and priorities to yours. For example, if you feel uncomfortable in a situation you should step back, form your own judgment, and then act on it whereas, once he has offered his opinion to you, he must accept your decision regardless of how it might conflict with his own judgment, opinions, and priorities.

As head of the household, you control the family finances. He is required to justify his expenses to you. However, there is absolutely no need for you to explain anything whatsoever about the family finances to him. If you give him a budget, it is his duty to follow it; if you require approval for certain purchases, he must obtain such approval. You, on the other hand, are free to spend as you alone see fit whether, in your judgment, for the benefit of the family or merely for your own enjoyment. For example, if you want to buy a new car, that is your decision alone, but if he wants to purchase a new shirt, he must seek your permission.

In many ways, time is money and so it is that his time is yours to budget or manage as you see fit. You should feel free to offload time consuming or otherwise undesirable tasks on him including family care, housework, shopping, and running errands. It is his responsibility to follow your direction in the management of his time and to seek permission for any deviances from your expectations with respect to his time.

Your preferences prevail in matters of aesthetics and leisure. For example, if the bedroom needs repainting, you select the colors. You decide where the family goes on vacation.

As head of the household, you are free to keep matters private as you choose. On the other hand, he has a duty to answer all your questions truthfully, fully, and directly and to inform you of anything that you would expect to have been informed about if you knew. Whereas you can enjoy open access to him, he will have to rely on trusting you.

As head of the household, you are bound only by your own conscience and you are free to change your mind at any time. For example, if you decide that he should paint the bedroom yellow and, after he is halfway through, you change your mind and choose blue, it is his duty to follow your new decision without complaint.

 

M
How are things?
SFD

 

M
Thanks. How the dance been with your wife this week. Do you see any posturing as described in the RWDDH website?
SFD

 

M
Why do you think your wife changed her mind about porn and masturbation?
SFD

 

Your wife is setting the perfect trap for you dude. Once she gets you back in, there will be no escape!! (Like a moth to the flame methinks)

 

M
"And the thing is, during the day and night I get really freaking horney, and masterbating to D&S vids, or seeing chastity captions brings my mind right back there. Its very exciting."
This sounds like a very strong compulsion. Do you feel this might even be considered an addiction?
SFD

 

M
I think your addiction is what enables the slavery to your wife. If you want to continue freedom, you've got to deal with the addiction.

If you want to know what sexual addiction recovery is like, I've got a lot of experience with that. It's not a quick fix. It will involve a long journey dealing with your family of origin roles, rules and trauma that developed false core beliefs and identity. It may involve medication for a time for anxiety pain that you don't even know you're feeling.

I'm not saying that returning to submission and slavery is wrong, I'm just saying that there's an alternate path if you want to consider it.
SFD

 

Sex and sexuality are very strong forces and we like what we like. I think a fair definition of addiction would be something that affects your life negatively.Other than M's wife wanting to move faster than he and his struggle with his submission what is the problem? His job is not in jepordy, he is not losing his home and he and his wife are still very much in love. I say get pierced (PA) takes a few months to heal and order that Lori tube. I like the 2e they take 34 weeks, that should leave plenty of time to work things out and get your mind to the point that your inconvienience is a small price to pay for your wife's happiness.If there seems to be a negative force here it is the urge to comply with societal standards, and that is an addiction worth breaking. arty0002:

 

"and she slips up all the time when I come into the room, and she offers her foot to me; but I just smile at her, and she shrugs her shoulders, and goes back to whatever she's doing."

Lol how in the world do you restrain yourself from obliging her? While I can understand your desire to take a break, I have difficulty relating. At literally any time you want you can have a full 24/7 domme-sub relationship with your wife, a scenario that the majority of forum goers here can only fantasize about. If it were me I don't think I could satiate myself with just videos and online pictures knowing that a much more realistic alternative was available.

Ah well... don't mind me. I'm just jealous.

 

M
From the sexual addiction body of knowledge

Pornography addiction is driven by a shame cycle. It's begun by deeply seated false core beliefs "I am not worthy to be loved, if you really knew me you wouldn't love me and sex is my greatest need." These beliefs lead to "acting out" of fantasy in pornography and masturbation. The chemical down following orgasm creates regret and shame which reinforces the false core beliefs and starts the cycle all over. Anxiety pain is experienced, but often not realized because its been felt for so many years. Meanwhile, this highly self focused behavior leaves the addict incapable of show intimacy and love in their marital relationship, so their spouse feels no love or intimacy.

M, how is intimacy with your wife right now? How does it feel compared to two months ago?
SFD

 

SFD... A couple months ago you were sure that M's wife was going to make him blow a guy. Then you got stuck on RWDDHW. And now he's a sex addict. So what is he is or isn't? It's HIS life, and I have to say its way more exciting than mine. I really don't understand your motives here.

 

Posts are getting a little strange in this thread.......... Addiction??no.. Its called his individual sexuality. You can try to deny and run from it but it is hardwired.

 

Chastity Locked
My motives, are to let M consider where his path may be leading, to consider the possible options.
1. Forced gay, obviously I was wrong, but it was a possible option based on his party experience with his wife.
2. RWDDH, M's wife can still dominate even without a chastity device. These methods seem like what M describes that his wife is doing.
3. Sexual addiction recovery, is another path to consider if M wants to avoid future slavery. I intend no judgement, only to describe another choice.

I'm only a lurker here, but one who's studied many aspects of female domination. I've pursued sexual addiction recovery and abandoned that path because I've been unwilling to divorce my wife of 36 years. I hope this answers your question of my motives.
SFD

 

M

Good for you!

In case you forget something in your email to your wife, maybe you could put as one of the conditions that you can renegotiate every so often, like every six months or yearly. That way, you still have control in case things go too far or you missed something (which you probably will).

Since you seem to be enjoying your freedom so much, perhaps you could have a periodic break from your slavery, which some do. It can be tiresome to both parties to keep the intensity going all the time.

After all, this should be consensual and you have the right to as much happiness as your wife (in spite of the rhetoric on this site). It's not all about your wife, it's all about the two of you (IMHO). If, in making her happy, she's not making you happy, then you need to change it.

I'm sure, if you don't mind, we would all be very interested in reading the email you write to her. And perhaps you could share with us before sending it to her. You just might get some useful feedback from the members here.

Good luck!

 

M
I'm an engineer. We say that a horse designed by committee is called a donkey. I don't suggest that you ask for group review of your email. You've certainly had lots of experience and time to reflect on your hard limits. I suggest including one month per year vacation, just like you're enjoying now. You may also ask for an ungagged mouth and safe word for beatings. ("Mercy". - remember that?)

Keep it simple, not legalistic, but like a conversation between two spouses. You may also say that you want to talk, not just email. The email thing let's her retain superiority.
SFD

 

M
You said about your wife, "She is convinced I'm going back in.  She calls this time my little vacation, and tells me to have fun while I'm out.  When asked to clarify, she told me to jerk off all I want.  I was a little taken aback by that, but she seems to think some time with my fantisies will bring me back quickly."

So was she correct?

You also said, "we've been getting along well since I got back, but there remains this superiority thing she's got going.  It isn't blatently obvious in what she does, or how she treats me; Its more about her demeaner, and perhaps just the way she presents herself?  I don't know, but its there."

Feeling respected is a primary need of vanilla men. Do you think your wife now views you with less respect than a year and a half ago before starting chastity? How does that feel?
SFD

 

M
I well understand the fix of lust driven by fantasies. It's all about chemicals in the brain. They act like cocaine.

You've got a good list. I have a suggestion about bullet #1. Let it be win-win. She craves control, you crave visual input. Let her control when you look at her through a command word.
SFD

 

No other women, even if it's not your hated enemy? Awww...

 

I've been quiet recently given developments that didn't need much input/I didn't react to much.

On the limits email, one thing concerns me from early on before. Established boundaries were negated. That was a big red flag for me, but what came of it wasn't horrible and further discussion revealed the depth of relationship trust that was there.

However, I have a feeling you'll specify a day off a week and she'll agree. But then she'll feel completely comfortable taking it away as "punishment" one week. Maybe not the week after that, but then suddenly your days off are gone.

Being able to see her naked, so...once a week? Or is that once a month? ;-)

I would not specify limits like normal limits, I'd exaggerate them, so when she breaks them, they might still be someone reasonable.

"Past actions is the best indicator of future behavior."