The Story of O. Pauline Réage. Where my journey began 37 years ago.

Aged 13 I found a pile of men's porn mags from the mid 70s stashed in my father's bedside cabinet. I was a curious teenager and didn't respect privacy boundaries in our house, exploring every space when I was able to do so. I've matured and learned to respect everyone's privacy a great deal more in the following 37 years.

I "borrowed" each of the mags, one at a time, in the following weeks. The magazines of the time consciously included written articles on a variety of subjects, like motoring and fashion in an effort to make them appear more acceptable to society ( mid 70s Britain). So it wasn't unusual for them to have pages of written text alongside the naked women with the hairiest pubic areas I've ever seen.

One day I flicked through one and discovered it had several pages of written erotic fiction. The first few chapters of "The Story of O" from the thread title was the main feature.

At that point I didn't know much about my own sexual maturity, I didn't know how to masturbate and wasn't particularly sure how or why I sometimes experienced erections.

But I found myself drawn to look at the mags, and in bed one night, started to read the story. I was engrossed, it was much more engaging than the pictures, and I eagerly read page after page.

Unconsciously I must have been grinding against the sheets, hands free. Without warning, expectation or understanding, I had my first orgasm, ejaculating all over the sheets.

For those not familiar with the novel in question, it's regarded as a literary classic of erotic fiction. It details the non consentual induction of the female protagonist, "O" into an international BDSM society at the behest of her lover. She complies wth it all because of her desire to please her lover, with whom she is infatuated.

She is trained as a totally submissive possession of the society, without limits, to be used without resistance by anyone that was a member.

I read it over and over and later in my teens acquired a copy of the complete novel.

From late teens until mid 40's, my kink was always male dominant, female submissive, BDSM. I identified sexually as a straight dominant man.

I've often wondered if that first sexual awakening influenced my kink development, or whether it just coincided with a latent, but unrealised inclination. I'll never know.

I last read the novel in my mid 20's.

In my late 40s my natural testosterone levels dropped to a level medically diagnosed as hypogonadism. I lost nearly all interest in sex. I was prescribed testosterone replacement therapy, and over the next 18 months, my libido returned. But with a twist. Which directly led to be being here today.

Gone was the straight male dominant guy. My second sexual awakening has seen me emerge as a bi curious submissive man with humiliation and sissy kinks.

Thankfully my wife of 25 years, who has always been mostly vanilla and utterly unwilling to indulge my previous male dominant kinks, has found herself much more enthusiastic to find her inner Domme than she ever did her sub. That saved our marriage. I'm now sexually owned by her and every sexual experience I ever have comes at her design.

Anyhow, I digress. Clearing out some boxes, a few days ago, I uncovered my copy of the novel, unread in 25 years. I'm filled with nostalgia at how that was such a big part of my first awakening.

So. With my wife's permission, I'm going to read it all again over the next few days.

The first time around, I identified with the male dominant members of the society, and longed to possess a totally compliant, sexually submissive female that was sexually available, without limits, 24/7.

I wonder. Will I now find myself identifying with O, and want to be the kind of submissive she was forced to become? Perhaps that was actually what I always wanted, but wasn't ready to accept.

I start page one tomorrow.

Have any of you read it recently?