Note: This was posted on my FL profile and the first of a few posts that i'll be bringing across to here, The Tale of Two New Cock Cages Last year (2022) I had bought and tried my first cock cage. It was affordable, light weight and frankly not very good. As a starting point with male chastity and a mindset of it being a form of denial as part of a short term "punishment" all in all it worked fine and served its purpose. Like most things we try, find we like parts of, and evolve with there were things I didn't like about that first cage. The texture of the plastic first and foremost. Rough edges on the base ring and the cage portion that no amount of lube made "comfortable". Then there was the size options or lack thereof on the base rings. Having no idea what they really equated to in terms of my anatomy. Were all part of the learning curve. The open design looked like some of the metal ones I'd been looking at. It got used but not as much as it could have. It was incorporated into a little play wearing it well in advance our any interaction, but the short comings meant that sooner or later it'd be case aside. As my journey continues and evolves there is at time the desire and maybe even need to explore new fantasies. One of those is more chastity play, if only for a scene or a few hours. The idea of having my partner put me into a cage and lock it was hot. It's one thing to consume Femdom stories and pictures. Cuckold imagery, hot wife stories, and the like. It's quite another to take the next step and try it if even for a few minutes with your partner. Yet there we were reading and choosing two new cages for us to try. No intention of it becoming a lifestyle, or 24/7. Just another way to have fun with an ever evolving dynamic and explore the headspace and escape it can create for me. We agreed to each pick one. I went first choosing a hard pink resin. You know the style. it's fairly common if you like that sort of thing. We discussed the size options, and she nudged me towards the "standard" size cock cage 60mm long and 34mm in diameter. With 4 based ring sizes of 36mm, 40mm, 45mm, and 50mm My choice 60mm long and 34mm in diameter shown with the 45mm base ring. Next was her turn to choose a cage form me. She chose the "small" size of a clear nylon model where the shaft was 3d printed as a single piece. Length 50mm and diameter 34mm. The base ring options were 35mm, 38mm, 46mm, and 49mm plus an assortment of spacers and locks. Both would arrive the same afternoon a few days later. We'd take them out inspect them and start making plans for test run of my choice the following morning before work since we both were remote that day. To be continued in a separate post.
This is the continuation of the "Tale of two Cock Cages" that started this journal. Up early and fully prepped, smooth, moisturized, and all of the pieces laid out it was time to begin. Before doing anything, we should have measured my cock's circumference and the flaccid length from base to tip. Instead, we made our choices based on enthusiasm and previous experience not logic. So commenced a kind of sexy, kind of awkward trying on of the base rings from the pink cage going through three of the four bases as a trail fitting eventually settling on the 45mm base. We hadn't considered base shape of curved or flat yet. These were flat. Have you ever watched a video of someone putting a person into or back into their cock cage? Some of them show a very sexy, slow but not hugely time-consuming effort to get an aroused, or partial aroused penis to obediently slide back in and get locked away. That was not my reality on this attempt. All of the base fitting had proved to be very stimulating, the idea and fantasy of it all as much if not more so. My partner lubing the head of my cock and the top side of the shaft was fun but didn't help. This was not going to be a quick process. Pressing an erect or semi erect cock into the cage made it harden, letting if soften and trying again too soon only prolonged the adventure. It also left me a bit raw and scrapped up by the time things finally slid into place and the lock first clicked. Part of the problem was diameter. Not something we'd considered prior to purchase, Base ring size and length sure. Diameter? Not at all. 34mm seemed "standard" when we looked. 39mm would have been a better option. Once again enthusiasm overtook logic prior to purchase. This is not to say I've got a porn star cock. I don't. It's average, it doesn't seem particularly girthy but upon measuring with cage sizing guides later it might be a little more so, and prior to after the fact doing a little research on ring sizing hadn't ever considered that. Bu there I was a little over an hour later, still smooth, still embracing the idea and maybe the reality of the fantasy. Sure, my cock was a little scrapped up, my balls perhaps over handled and raw from too many "fittings". But damn it we were going to get the cage on, locked into place and go from there. Was it comfortable? Not at all. I sat there working away dressed for work but underneath it in a pair of soft pink mesh panties over the pink cock cage. From a head space perspective, it was working, and I was very aware that I had been locked away. The morning went on, and in addition to being aware things were starting to get truly uncomfortable. After about three hours I asked to be unlocked. Something about how we had fit it and how it was wearing on my body wasn't right. Everything was rubbing in exactly the wrong way. We called it a day, truthfully decided to give it a few days to heal up and started planning our next "attempt". The Frist Step After the Fact - Read, Measure, Remeasure, Then Triple Check Measuring 7 +/-Inch / 177mm and dividing by 3.14 after the fact showed we were in the 2.22 inches/56.3m. We read a bit more and decided we needed to remeasure. After a few rounds of that to make sure we were getting it right using string, and ribbon in addition to the tape measure. We were in the neighborhood and probably even a quarter inch under, which seemed to be why the diameter we went for rubbed so badly that after a few hours of wear it had to be removed. Don't shave Immediately Before to Reduce Prior Irritation I shave pretty regularly (2-3 times a week) but of course shaved extra well leading up to trying the new cage. Was it a cause of the problem. Who knows but for our next go will shave a few hours or the night before trying. Not All Lubes are Created Equal All in all, it was a good start, far from perfect, nothing like it looks in well produced videos or is written about in stories. Yet we'd give it a little time and try again.
My First Locktober Highlights are 31 days (mostly locked) 6 different cages, 14 different base rings It took a while to get the right fit as this was our first attempt at extended chastity. It's still a work in progress. It wasn't about denial. She was generous and me getting off is part of her getting off. 9 orgasms for me. 4 orgasms out of Chasitity 2 of them were ruined. 5 orgasms while caged. 3 of the caged orgasms were "forced" with a magic wand over two hours. We did go 8 days at the end locked with no release. Locktober Punishments 2 for my cage slipping. Cock spanked for several minutes with a silicon spatula. Then re-caged with no release Testicles cropped and put into a smaller base ring. Re caged with no release 4 Friday Maintenance Spankings 2 Hard Paddling's Countless just because Furnishment, foreplay, and random spanks. Finding the Right Fit As had been written about before fit has been a challenge. We went into the month with 4 cages and 20 different base rings. By the third week what fit and we "like" has been dialed in and we added two more for the last few days. The Pink Cage continued to present a problem. The flat base kept slipping. Even as the base size was decreased. And no matter the lube the base and cage rubbed too much for extended wear. The next try was with the CB-6000 (obtained off E Bay for $12). Soon after the light went on and the round base with slide through pins/bridge piece on the top allowed us over the next week to be caged much more comfortably. Slips were happening but just assumed that it's normal part of wearing a cage that doesn't get mentioned often. When first considering a cock cage I didn't truly understand the desire to keep shortening the cage beyond the mythic "shrinking". Assuming it was mostly a good fictional story line. Yet by mid-month would size down to the CB-6000S which is only 2 1/2" long. A flicker of arousal and I'd be pressed into the restraint which at times was a maddening frustration. And all in all, I was getting to cum a lot and can only imagine what being held without release for a week or a month or more might do. Smaller made me more aware of subtle changes in my cock. Slippage still was happening, perhaps a little too often, yet I had insisted the 2" base ring was the right size. We were out at dinner and could tell the cage was going to slip. I tried to adjust so it didn't. That was a failure. Confessing to a suspect slip led to a cage check upon arriving home. That inspection proved it was only being held in place by my boxers. She had had enough and decided to punish me by cropping my uncaged balls. After which she made me kneel in front of her and put the cage back on with a smaller base. Later in the week while pleasuring her the next slip occurred. The cage had failed to contain my arousal and was pushed forward falling off and leaving a full erection on display. Seeing it after she had cum. So rather than being unlocked and allowed orgasm as was the promised "reward", it became another punishment session. She spanked my erect and presented cock with an endless series of moderate, sharp smacks using a rubber spatula. Continuing on until the head began to show bruising on the top, bottom and sides. Next was the order to size down another ring and immediately stuff my sore cock "back into the cage it belongs in". It hurt, the tip was very, marked and bruised, it was a bit humiliating, and it was so hot. It also started our journey size the base ring down for a better fit. We started at 2 inches dropping to 1 7/8th as a first step that stopped most of the slips, then down to 1 3/4ths and ending the month at 1 5/8ths. Essentially going from the largest to the second smallest in the kit. The cages became easier to put on, I grew more comfortable wearing them, and not sure this is real, but it seems like my cock truly got used to being stuffed back in a cage and learned to go along with it (as long as I wasn't too horny, then it took patience). In summary started with a 2" base ring and 3 1/2" long cage. Ended 3 base size rings smaller with a 2 1/2 inch cage and ordering the 1 5/8ths. On the 26th the spacer and shorter pin were put in. Locking me away tighter while we waited for the new shorter and micro cages to be delivered. We'd end the month with six cages, five of which could be worn for at least a few days without issue. and a seventh and our 2nd meal cage on the way. Cumming In a Cock Cage The cage creates a head space, adding other types of play to it builds on that. Being forced to orgasm is certainly a thing that works for me. And being forced to do so with my cock locked up, Yes PLEASE! My first caged orgasm came in the pink cage after a long edging session with variety of bullets and wands. my cock filled the cage, strained for more and pulsed as she held the vibe in place and took me over the edge. The 4th cage we went into the month with was my very first. a plastic open design. No plans to wear or use it for any play until she was inspired by and Only Fans promo post she saw on "X". A recreation of it took place with a full-sized wand that left me panting, shaking, and basically a giant puddle afterwards. The next and final three would be in the CB-6000S. All being part of a CFNM with first being delivered after a quick spanking. the first didn't take long. Before the bliss of that release even began to fade, I was bent over the bed and given a rigorously applied paddle. Left there in position afterwards and a short time later she stood me up, sat in front of me and place the Hitachi on my balls. A minute, maybe two later my cock would twitch as I was forced to cum inside my cage again. Not hard, not from anything more than her wand forcing a release from my balls. A short time later our scene could continue. She made it clear I was going to be forced to cum again, this time it would be a series that built up. First with my ass plugged and the vibe setting moving from barely on to high over several minutes. She then tortured my nipples as I knelt in front of her, finally placing clamps on them when she was done pinching and biting. Finally placing a bolster and towel beneath me and placing the wand on it to grind against and move and force myself to a small but exhausting orgasm from all of the different stimulation. Spanked In a Cage 4 bare bottom maintenance spankings while caged. Going OTK in a cage added a new set of sensations. They became something that I enjoyed and helped set a different, and perhaps more complete body aware head space. the pressure, shifting, and when being paddled motion of the cage and lock from impact took it from focusing on simply the spanking to reminders of other body parts, needs, and more so than usual increased arousal. Panties In Play It was nearly the 15th before I started wearing panties. The last 2 weeks as my head space entered a different place and being caged felt "normal" and constantly arousing at the same time being in panties accentuated that. The metal cage had a better feel but despite the ring being the new smaller diameter lipping with simple movements including while asleep happened. We went back to the CB to finish out the month and ordered another smaller ring to try with the metal cage.
Nine Days Locked Away I the grand scheme of things it's not long. Still, being locked for the past nine days is a record for me. The metal cage has made a huge difference in wearability and general fit. A definite positive improvement from all of the previous missteps we'd made from our first buys to our Locktober adventures. Seems the fourth and not the 3rd time was the charm. The base ring seems about perfect at 45mm (1.75 Inches). The cage itself probably needs to be shorter. Firsts during this lock up include Sleeping every night still locked and without issue, excluding of course a cock straining against the cage from time to time The weight of the cage makes me remember I am locked out of nowhere. A subtle shift in position or stride and it flips a switch. A newly expanding headspace - a mix of horniness, need, lust, and submission depending on the moment and context. What's the old saying measure twice cut once? or in my cases measure 3 or 4 times, try different shaped bases, measure again and make cheap mistakes along the way. If I continue on this path soon it will be time to dial in the other elements and make a real investment in to locking my cock away.
My Longest Lock Up So Far Being locked up for 10 day was a new record with no releases or orgasms at all. A few moments here and there where I thought an unlock might be needed to readjust the cage and myself but was able to manage through. Knowing when the unlock was coming might have helped as the date was set based on vanilla life needs for the weekend. It also built a need knowing that a day a time had been set. That is one of the things that continues to evolve with our experiment with chastity. The mindset and mental part of it as much or more than the physical. 58 Hours Unlocked Even thought I'd touched up my shave that morning (and it was far from perfect) after being unlocked was asked to head to the bath to do a full fresh shave. Which was then was rewarded with some nice edging session building up my need to come even more before being given a strong body clenching full release. We'd shower together, I'd return the favor for her, and throughout the night we'd have a lot more fun between events and outings. From flirty to playful to out and out hot and dirty. The next two days had great tension, but it never got to escalate into sex or play. Still all in all a fun weekend and great flirty banter at times. Caged Again Late Sunday night we made it back home. It's the time of year where everything is busy and only a few moments are left for us. As we looked at the calendar for the next several weeks I suggested since we'll be apart far more than together that we try a new longer lock up. This time for 20 days. And with that did a quick grooming touch up, chose the metal cage and the pink CB600s as a backup in case we need to rotate during the time period. Slipped the base ring on, tried a new way to use the spacer, then she clicked the lock in the pin and gave my balls a squeze. She has a key, and so do I. We're on the honor system since we'll be apart.
Two days left out of 20. It's been my longest lock up so far and other than three supervised very short (20 minutes or so each) of unlocked time for cleaning and grooming there has been no "free time". Has it always been comfortable? No, but I'm getting better at relubricating before it gets too bad, managing situations before they turn into pinching and catching, and the sensation of being locked. That said I am all but counting the minutes. Looking for some uncaged time and a few orgasms.
It is a pleasure to read about your progress, your honest reports about initial problems and the attempts to solve them. Are there any plans about finishing the twnty days?
Thanks for the feedback. I'm working on a write up and some more details for the entire period and a second one related to the unlock at the end of it. Hope to get them both posted this week.
My Longest Lock Up 21ish Days - A look at what was learned. As I write this, I'm sitting here unlocked...at least for a few days, Doing so after completing my longest lock up so far of 21 days feels a little odd. as the practice has grown on me. Make no mistake we're not headed toward a 24/7 arrangement. It's a flavor to what we do and we're still exploring. Fit and Function If you've read any of this series of posts, you'll see a recurring theme of fit and wear issues, of matching the reality of this with the learning curve. Metal made a huge difference for me. It might not for everyone, but it works with my body in a way that plastic and resins didn't. With our that I doubt the lock up would have worked even a 10th as well. The ring size is just about right. No slips and few pinches. The cage size needs adjusted down, and the closed and vented tube design is something I'm reevaluating from a wear and feel perspective. Part of me likes the weight of it, that "reminder" of what I'm wearing at times. that is a definite benefit. Yet considering a more open design has its appeal in fact it was why when this all started 18 months or so ago with my first cage, and it was chosen. More musings on that at another time. Head Space and Dynamics By and large we were in separate cities most of the time. It's not our norm, but it is what led to this attempt, so in a way that helped. It's unlikely I'd have gone as long if we were together the entire time. While we are leaning more and more into a me as a bottom leaning switch dynamic and at times FLR there is still that give and take that works for us, And vanilla desires as well. It's where the fantasy of a kink or a thing gets melded into life. Just like spanking play had been. That said not cummings for three weeks did get into my head. Not orgasms, no edging, not getting her off. Also missing was our (mostly) regularly scheduled maintenance spankings. The last of which is something I come to "need" and desire for their own escape and head space that they provided. Could I have gone longer? Maybe but by the last three days I was a needy, horny, and desperate to cum mess. Was it because the unlock was stated and closing in? Maybe. Could it have been I couldn't tell you the last time I went more than a few week weeks without several orgasms? Perhaps. No matter it made the end a mix of need and desire. Early on I wasn't waking up hard inside my cage at night, by the end I was, Is that normal? Who knows. What's Next? Not surpassingly I'm looking for another cage, one that fits a little tighter, considering one for short term or daily wear and perhaps another for a longer term multi day wear, Starting to think through how to manage a cage and travel. What might work, what could work, and more so than that perhaps what I want to get out of it.
Unlocked and Release(s) After our separate travels concluded it took about an hour before she unlocked me. It was relatively unceremonious, I'd give her my back up key, she'd fish hers out of her wallet. Unzip, present, unlocked. She clipped the keys together and set it all aside. Off I went for a quick shower and good shave. We had things to do, getting me off no matter how quickly it would be necessarily one of them. Life, no matter how horny we are often interrupts. Later that evening as life slowed down a bit, we'd finally get around to that. When the time came, I'd be hard nearly instantly, I'd warned her it wouldn't take much. that lasting long wasn't going to happen. Fortunately, that didn't seem to be what mattered to her, From the time she bent over until I was done was less than 2 minutes. She moved and pushed back into me knowing the outcome. I heled on as long as I could, She wanted me to orgasm as much as I needed to. Later that night we'd slow down and take proper time together building up, focusing on her pleasure and then mine and then hers again and eventually both of ours. It was nice, reconnecting, and frankly very, very, vanilla. No dynamics either way. In the days since I've remained unlocked but not masturbated or edged. We've talked about the experience some. In short it worked for me on a variety of levels. It was neutral to slightly negative for her, It worked for me because it was different than when we are often apart. Typically, if we're separated for more than a few days I over rotate to see how much I can come in the first few days. Going from hand to toys (flesh lights and masturbators), and finally to magic wands to force myself to orgasm more, Then taper off (or stop wanking) and let my body build back up for our "reunion" for the last 3-5 days. This was all build up, It was novel and new. It worked as I had alluded to in an earlier post because we were apart. The more I consider it the truer it is.
Reflections, Conversations, Corrections, and Next Steps This is a long post - it's based on conversations, thoughts and feelings over a few weeks. It was written in stages and probably will read as such. If someone happens to read it fantastic and that makes me happy. For me it's a journal to look back on. Coming out of the previous lock up it seemed only right to step back and take a few weeks, or 15 days but who's counting? Right, this is a place where we count days etc. Never mind, Bad humor aside. Anyhow we've taken fifteen days to reevaluate how the experienced worked or didn't for each of us. Since then, I've been between short term (a few daily locks), a short stretch of a 3 days totally locked, and unlocked but still wanted to obtain permission to masturbate. Which is new. We both had things that we liked and some that we didn't during the twenty-one days. I'll attempt to reflect both sides here. Reflections From my view I want to continue to explore this dynamic and perhaps even increase it as part of our other evolution's and liked being locked when we were apart. In a way it was a tease, in others a reminder, and the head space it created made me more sexually aware of my desires at random times. She wasn't as engaged as I'd have liked. Yes, there was permission unlock and clean, and she was there for the lock and unlock at the beginning and the end, but it lacked something in the middle and the end was if I'm honest a bit anticlimactic. Where or does Chastity fit inside the other things we've been exploring over the past 18 months or so? Is it an extension, or its own thing? How does separating or combining them work best? From her view "Bottom leaning is fine but not fine all the time". While the cage was a constant reminder there for me, she lacked same type of connection. This needs to be an "us" thing that leads to better communication and intimacy, not the opposite. Wants better insights into my desires/needs and help with ideas to incorporate her own needs as part of it. Conversations 1) Both sides of the slash - for me becoming increasingly bottom leaning has been a bigger swing than expected. We are looking for a balance the blends my evolving needs and exploration with hers as a still "relatively" new switch who has her own times that she wants topped. Can she claim to be knew at a year and a half? Guess I'll give it to her but do understand and relate to wanting topped part. Considering this entire journey began in a different realm of play/kink that is spanking we're both learning to be comfortable with where we are now. She still has needs to be "taken" and at times topped. It's head space that has worked for us on and off along the way for years. It's one I am now more sensitive to and working on communicating more clearly on. More so related to my headspace. She's not good about asking in advance. Communications issues so to speak. Suppose we both fall prey to that at times. Her having control over my orgasm is very different. It's a new version of ground we had covered before elsewhere. 2) "Better Insights" and "Not Engaged" really align and overlap with each other. When I first expressed my desire in terms of spanking. Both as a top back seemingly before dinosaurs roamed the earth and then this decade to wanting to bottom. These were for me deeply personal and tied into what I've come to understand is the core of my own sexuality. not an exploration but well considered and understood. If those it been a "no, no thanks, no F'ing way" it (probably) wouldn't have worked for me. I took a lot of time, considered the need and the importance, surrounded it with a number of things. Not just porn and fantasy, thought there was some of that but also more practical applications, limits etc. Just like there have been things along the way that would have left her less than satisfied. Some would have been deal breakers for her. I was disappointed she was not more interested, teasing (or domme/toppy) during the lock up. It was something I expect but didn't get. She on the other hand hadn't been encouraged to take on that role, and it's not her natural go to (in this realm). My thoughts were basically "hey you like when I am super horny and come a lot when we're first reunited". To me that said when we worked out how it would work while apart, she got it. That I'd be enjoying the dilemma of being locked up and "waiting". She'd be the only one IRL who knew about this and find her own pleasure in the thoughts. In retrospect how hot it was to me, and why, and that it was ultimately about something I perceived she would be into and getting off on as well. Which it was not. 3) The constant reminder. In many of our minds the KH takes the key and taunts you with it by rearing around their neck, on their ankle etc. Something omnipresent for both parties. In this case I might as well self-locked. Yes, she was there for lock and unlock and "helped". Which was awesome but the key went in her wallet and wasn't there as a reminder. For me the cage was a reminder every time I'd notice it, move a certain way, use the bathroom, shower, turn over wrong while sleeping, or get a little turned on. For her it was an afterthought. It left me wanting and frustrated, not in a good way. and her uninvolved. For her it was a busy time. Already not sexually charged, and she didn't get off on knowing that I was locked away "for her." Instead, I'd learn it caused her to deprive some of her own limited time for self-pleasure and escape. In short, I wasn't jerking off and she wasn't getting off at all either which left her uninterested. Not a good combo. 4) The "us" vs "me" thing - We're not by most definitions monogamists. It's one of the deal breakers for her. Whether or not doing impact play and rope with others is monogamous is a fine line for many. My own kinks beyond chastity have involved other "partners" from pick up play, to long term friendships and relationships that are by our agreements "nonsexual". No kissing, no genital contact, etc. So it's a nuanced agreement. It's not always easy, it's not always worked, there have been problems, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and damn near catastrophic occasions for both sides. There have been books, and counseling, workshops and therapy along the way. Not a brag but an admission of how hard it is to explore and experiment, to be different. Maybe "normal" relationships have this same challenge. I can only speak to mine. Part of my wanting to bottom (in spanking scenes) included the desire for these experiences with others. In terms of some of the evolution into cages and chastity there wasn't any upfront conversation about boundaries. I'd never said that "this is an us only thing." and considered that a given. She had become concerned that it was also something I'd want to explore with someone else. Corrections (thing's we're doing differently), Do I want to not be allowed to come? The answer is no, for both of us. Do I like the idea of her at times denying me that. Absolutely. In looking for the middle ground there is some context from our vanilla sex life. I don't always orgasm. Sometimes I chose not to and made her wait for me to get off, occasionally even later that day reengaging later and finishing. Other times she'd tease me and make me wait until later. It was never about denial but about build up and anticipation. We've picked out a few new cages and ordered them. Both metal plus a few ring size options and shapes with each to test for fit and wear ability. those will be put into short trials and rotation in the coming week. For the moment it's been left that I ask to be locked when it is something I want. She can decide to have me wear the cage or not. And not wearing it or having sex isn't a disappointment so things can ebb and flow with needs desire. One thing that is clear now and that we both agree on is that this something only for her and me. We've also marked off some days where that is not in the mix and we can determine what if anything to do with those. Be vanilla, switch, top, eat cereal and stay in our PJ's, do nothing, etc. I'll do better to share posts, stories and pics. Like wise she has the option to do the same and we can discuss what it is about them that works, or doesn't for us. Lots of questions still exist. Is this about chastity or simply another top/Bottom flavor? Is longer term manageable when apart differently when together? If the answer is yes how do we not lose the sexual expression between us during that time?
Yup, those are the questions each and every one of us asks. And there is no one right answer. It is different for everyone. Personally, I believe you get more out of it if it is more than another top/bottom flavor. It should be a lifestyle. Which kind of answers the second question, is a longer term manageable. Yes it's manageable, but do you want it. But long term is where you will find the benefits. Not sure about how not to lose the sexual expression. I think you're asking, that when you're apart, it's a no-brainer, you can be locked and it doesn't impact anything. When together, do you really want to be locked? In other words, how to keep chastity from impacting your ongoing relationship. Being locked does not mean never being unlocked. It's being unlocked though on her terms. If she wants you unlocked, and if she wants playtime, then play. In other words, it doesn't have to have any impact other than she sets the pace.
I'd also add that your reflection is spot on. Everything you mention is part of the soup. There is no right way through any of it but dealing with the soup is probably the number 1 benefit to the whole notion of chastity. You learn so much about each other. It's important to talk and share, but not to excess so that one or the other thinks someone's being a pest. To some, it's a variation on bondage and submission, to others it's a path to devotion (My wife and I are the later). Yes, it's important for the keyholder to be conscious that you are locked, but other than that, there is nothing that a keyholder must do. Tease can certainly be fun, but not necessary. I feel, what is necessary is intimacy even if intimacy doesn't involve use of what's locked. But by all means, use it if desired. I find when I do get to make love and have intercourse, the feelings (physically and emotionally) are amazing. My wife's not a dom, and I'm not a sub, yet I'm locked pretty much all the time. The reason sounds strange, but as a sign of respect. I want my cock to exist only in her realm. In other words, when she's not around, neither is my cock. And when she's around, it is up to her whether it gets to share. What this does is put us both on equal footing. Neither one is dominant. Which means, there are times (actually most of the time), it feels like it's being ignored. It's not. What's happening is that I'm more part of her libido. We know what my libido is like (jeez, sometimes the tree in the backyard looks attractive). I want to be there for her libido, mine is a given. Retention is powerful. Not permanent, never again kind, but depending on your ages, a guy doen't need to cum every day. Of course he wants to though. We found that my orgasm affected our relationship. For me, I may have something called PCD (post coital depression). Which means, after an orgasm, I become depressed for a couple days. It's subtle, like I'm not crying, but I'm a bit less patient and loving and a little moppy and sad. I've lived with this my whole life without knowing. Just thought I was moody sometimes. Never attributed it to a release. With chastity we started testing retention and it became obvious. An orgasm for me cost me two to three days of joy. When looked at like this, you start to ask, "Do I want to spend it?" Often times, the answer is no. An orgasm is 5 seconds. Is 5 seconds (even though they are great five seconds) worth 2-3 days of a mood. Some guys don't have this issue at all. Good for them, I'm jealous. Retention is part of our life now. Good luck with your journey. It's really one of the most insightful and intimate things you can do with a partner. It can be amazing fun, and yet, profound. Please share your journey from time to time.
Thank you for such and thoughtful comments and replies. On the first one "being locked on her terms" and sharing those words with her has led to a conversation already and more to come over the weekend. Particularly around reenforcing that is she does unlock me for sex, just because, whatever t's not a disappointment for me. On the second one there is so much to consider and discuss. Thank you again for your insights.
Continuing the journey over the past few weeks it basically goes. Two new cages and 4 new rings arrived. As we began trying and experimenting with them then life happened. We had to step back and adjust. Not the fit or function but how we were incorporating things into our day to day and sexual dynamics. In the porn or fantasy world we'd have charged ahead, and it would have been hot and unifying. The reality is life's outside demands took us from a planned a weekend of trial wearing to all of the things to the devices discarded as we tended to other parts of our world. It was disappointing but found other things to pursue while not locked taking some of the advice on here to begin ball stretching after a shower. Then progressing it to a series of silicone cock rings repurposed to hold my balls beginning with one and working my way up to five. Increasing the wear time from a few minutes to over an hour. After a few days I began adding a "scrotum-ring" that is 4cm on one side and 5.5cm on the other. It was a more solid squeeze and stretch. One that was at first odd but not uncomfortable and hopefully will help prepare me. Certainly, it's not the same as being locked but in addition to keeping the end goal of being able to re incorporate the cage when the time allowed. Remain orgasm free now for over three weeks. This approach added some skills when it came to handling myself, keeping things compact and in place with improved comfort and efficiency in doing so. Frankly put I got much more proficient on getting the rings and stretcher on and off without issues. Something that when it came time to put the base ring back on went better than previously. Practice makes perfect as the saying goes. It's one thing to read about how to put you balls through the base ring of a cock cage, it's another to learn how to actually do it. Life settled a few weeks later and we went back to being locked more than not for the past two weeks.