Hello from curious dominant male

Hello everyone. I've been lurking on this forum for a while and enjoying reading many of the posts so I decided to join and introduce myself. I am a dominant man, 54, and I live in Florida. I am not in chastity, I am in a relationship with a submissive woman, we do not live together, and I practice polygyny. I am free to see any woman or have a relationship with any woman I choose and my submissive not only accepts it, but she likes it. We live the dominant / submissive lifestyle 24/7, it is a lifestyle choice for us, not just a BDSM kink in the bedroom.

So why am I here on a site dedicated to men in chastity? I find there is a lot of overlap with the power dynamic that exists in a FLR where the female is the dominant and the male is submissive. That D/s dynamic is very similar to my dynamic with the genders reversed. I realize that not all men in chastity are submissive but they do seem to be correlated and for those that are the power dynamic is similar and it is interesting to read about that power dynamic and I find it to be a bit of a turn on.

I am very open minded and I respect everyone's freedom to live and be themselves and to choose any form of relationship that works for them. Most people, men and women, fall somewhere on the dominant submissive spectrum. Some men are dominant and some men are submissive and some fall somewhere in the middle. And the same is true for women. I respect both men and women who are able to find their true self as either dominant or submissive and live authentically in a Dominant submissive relationship no matter which is dominant or submissive in the relationship.

Again, I know this is a site dedicated to men in chastity and I am not in chastity, but I hope I am welcome to participate. If not, let me know.

 

Webster's dictionary defines chastity as "the quality or state of being chaste, such as... abstention from all sexual intercourse." By that definition my submissive is not in chastity because I have sexual intercourse with her. But she is not allowed to have an orgasm when we have sex or at any time without my permission when we are not having sex and she is not allowed to touch her vagina in any way other than for personal hygeine reasons or masturbate without my permission. I refer to her as being on "no touch" restriction and orgasm denial.

She is allowed to get herself aroused emotionally and mentally without touching herself and she is allowed to edge without touching herself. At first she thought it would be impossible to get so aroused as to get close to the edge of an orgasm without sex and without touching herself, but with time and practice and as time passed without having any orgasms and without touch for periods of time when I was not around her body became more receptive to getting aroused without touching herself.

She has been trained physically and mentally so that not only does she not allow herself to orgasm, but she does not want to orgasm. She wants to obey and comply with my wishes so her desire to orgasm without my permission is no longer there. She enjoys sex with me but she will actively stop herself if she is getting close to orgasm. She has told me that it is an instinctual response now, her mind and her body will not let it happen anymore without me giving express permission. It has become her new normal so much that one time during sex I told her she was allowed to orgasm but she told me she was having difficulty allowing it to happen because she had become so used to mentally not letting it happen. I understood her predicament and I wanted to encourage her to be consistent in her thoughts that she is not allowed to orgasm during sex, so I came up with the idea of using a latex glove on those rare occasions when I want to give her an orgasm and use my hand instead of intercourse to give her an orgasm so that she had a clear distinction in her mind when orgasms were permitted. That idea has worked well so far, she tells me that she dreams about me using my glove on her and gets aroused when she thinks about the last time it happened. My gloved hand has become a symbol of her permission to orgasm and she does not allow herself to think about having an orgasm otherwise.

She has told me that she focuses on my physical pleasure more than her own and she gets her pleasure from my pleasure and she feels like she has a mental orgasm when I have an orgasm and that satisfies her more than any physical orgasm.

 

My sub does not wear any form of chastity device. I agree there is a difference between being on the honor system versus being locked. In my view the honor system requires a higher level of submission because the sub is required to abstain by their own will and not because they are physically blocked, but I can see your point as well.

I do not consider my relationship dynamic to be bdsm, but rather a fundamental reality that defines all aspects of the relationship.