Cheating in Chastity? What are the appropriate consequences?

We all make mistakes in our life and I am lucky that my Owner did not jump right to the highest escalation of this is over no more kink or chastity, instead they realized how hard it was for me after 18 months to resist and worked with me to help remind me why I am in chastity and why we started this lifestyle.
It is why I am not locked when they are out the house and why we have just recently purchased a birdcage device to find a device for long term wear and that I can sleep in comfortably without damage.

I am in a long term relationship that mirrors the FLR dynamic and we are a team in this we both have our strong points and weak points we compliment each other and help and support each other, my Mixtress listens to my advice and suggestions and thoughts they just make the final decision in all things.

 

It's not about a moment of weakness, and yes I have those as well. What I don't do is cheat to get out of my device and then orgasm. If you want to be chaste to the point to where you're truly embracing it - saying goodbye to orgasms forever - you wont cheat to get out of your device.

 

"...WHILE HE REMAINS IN CONTROL"...

This is the key phrase, and thank you so much for making it!

This life is all about submission to her will. Empty yourself of all desire, and trust her. It's only when a sub gets to that point that he's truly free.

It's also where she can embrace who she really is as well.

 

This has not happened to Me in real life.But I can say the majority of men who message Me, are exactly what you describe.
They aren't sub.They are not genuine.They are players and will cheat.They want what they want in their own time.They won't be told.They wont obey.They are trying to use women to get kicks.
They are what I call ''dipping their toes in the water''
I have little trust as it is.But lucky I didn't meet them face to face.
And worse still they ask Me if I can provide them a device !

 

Six months before She asked me to become Her Personel slave and have A lifestyle wedding. At A BDSM Event, She had a collaring ceremony and naked before the crowd on my knees swore before our friends I would always serve, obey, honor my Mistress and Her house. Being naked was to show I was starting a new chapter in my life and the collar to remind me I would always be owned as long as it was locked on my me by Mistress. She told the crowd I was Her slave and always will! That was 20 years ago and I can say counting on one hand the number of times it has come off for hospital test. IMOP, if you swear to someone to be locked, to wear a collar. are there submissive, Nothing can excuse you to cheat!!! In BDSM (old school here) We have rules R.A.CK, Safewords, Honor because it takes a strong male or female to serve, they are true to there Dom and themselves. Now have I had sex with others, played with others, yes, But the deference is Mistress wants to see it She sets the stage, She is always there Because, in the end, it is about Her serving Her, I wish you luck......

 

Such a brilliant start you had to your FLR lifestyle. To do it publicly was so special. I decided yesterday to change my avatar to the one of me four years ago in my wheelchair. I look the same now. I wanted to publicly show myself. I have no shame. The few friends I have know of how I live. It must have been so incredibly hard but hot too publicly naked and vow to your partner. 20 years ago makes me feel like a novice. A huge well done from me.

 

Thank you for the kind words, If was a different night for me being I knew nothing about the event or the upcoming ceremony. We walked in and This submissive friend of mine said follow Her and took me to the Lady's room and took all my clothes put a leather collar We had used for play on me with a leach and said wait here in tell they come for you. Mistress has always told me it was important for me to stand in front of Her and the community naked as the day I was born because it was a new chapter new life for me it has been wonderful Thank you

 

Absolutely.

I was really happy when I saw your face show up because I knew that's what it meant. Way to go!!!

Mmmm and that feeling is soooo delicious.

 

It's a hot topic. A lot of men and women are going to have strong feelings about this from their own experience, because cheating is a hard limit for some women. I know it seems crazy. The male mind is so often wild and not very selective, and usually it doesn't really mean anything to him who or what he thinks about when sneaking, and doesnt seem like a big deal. Some mechanical relief.

But there are a lot of women who feel heartbroken and/or sexually cheated when their partner rubs one out to other women. It gives away to other women control or power over him too, and redirects sexual energy and adoration that belongs to her, to someone else. And we feel that channeled energy is no longer there. It's a horrible feeling. And it can last for days. Even if your kh is not as strict, she will secretly have difficulty trusting after it happens. And that trust starts to leak to all areas of life. Unless she doesnt give a fuck about you at all of course, which might be more suitable for guys who struggle to fully devote.

Some of these guys probably have slipped up, and lost someone special to them, or lost that special bond of trust which they work tirelessly every day to make up for now. My guess is that most males have to learn the hard way.

For me, the punishment would have to be very severe.

 

With apologies....YOU asked OUR opinion.

The subject of it was, how should someone be punished that cheats in chastity. We're taking that to mean that you gave yourself an orgasm after defeating the device or cleaning yourself.

Chastity is about submission if not outright surrender to your key holder. If you really want to be in this life to the extent to which you say you do, don't cheat. Submit. Surrender means that you're not going to go to the extent of working hard to cheat. Cheating means you're not submitting to her will. It's not so much the orgasm as the betrayal of her trust. When you do that, it causes her to lose some of her power and confidence. It affects her a lot more than you.

No one is being kicked to any curb. We're here for support and to give our opinions on how we live this life and to help others along their journey. That also mean accountability - to your Domme, and feedback from us should you share your experiences. Those of us in chastity are telling you how to become a better submissive.

Ask the Domme's here how THEY feel when someone under their key cheats while in chastity. Ask how it affects them. It's not just about you, it's also about her. She's supposed to be the one with the power.

You can't ask our opinion, then get pissy when we give you our opinions.

 

I think @Aubrie 's point is that he was looking for advice on the best punishments for cheating, but the thread migrated towards the ethics of cheating instead which has not been fun for him. Which is a valid gripe.

However, I would imagine on vanilla couples forum there would be a similar response if a post written by a man was about, what the best corrective action would be if he keeps meaninglessly cheating on his wife whenever he's away on business. There would probably be more people commenting, "leave him! He's not committed", than ideas on how she should try to fix the situation. See it just falls to her again.

When our men in chastity cheat, it affects us horribly. We go from an extreme, top of the World high for a few days, with constant loving attention, to a sudden plunge into a dark abyss. The abyss lasts days and days until hes reloaded. All removal of affection and attention from our men, little if any scraps of communication here and there whenever it suits him. And the WORST cheats leave you feeling gaslighted because you know something is wrong, because the signs are so extreme, but they're pretending they're in chastity and you're probably just being too needy. That's what I experienced.

 

This! 1,000 times THIS!

 

The experience very nearly hardened me permanently, so I could protect my own mental stability and psyche from ever feeling that kind of depression again. But I decided that this lifestyle was my dream years before I met him, and I wouldn't just burn my dream at the altar of some weak male who took my trust for granted.

 

I can only share my own experiences and I know my KH was pretty upset that I touched what is theirs without permission and I shared what happened to me.

I can go into my early days of training as they seem more pertinent to you, so when I was still young in this lifestyle my KH used a kalis teeth bracelet to punish me. Those times I would pull at the cage or touch myself (I was a chronic masturbated up to 6-10 times daily) my KH would place me in the kalis teeth and tease me it only took a few sessions before I learned to not touch what is theirs.
I would add that each time I saw the look of hurt on my KH's face and how betrayed they felt I felt like utter shit and vowed each time to do better but after the first time we had a good long chat about things and came to the decision that I needed something more than just chastity and we came up with something that I would feel truly afraid off.

I can now say I have been 18 months with only 1 slip and that slip really really hurt my KH, to them it was a betrayal and a big 1, for days they would not talk to me and was so upset I had made them angry and doubt themselves. I wont ever make that mistake and put them in such a horrid position ever again and I thought at the time its only 1 touch but that is still 1 touch to much.

 

You asked (I am curious what everybody feels is appropriate for a woman to do when she finds Her locked husband/wife has cheated in between lockings or while cleaning or some other way?) For the most it has nothing to do with how long one is in the lifestyle, How great A submissive, slave, Dom They are, You asked about cheating! For the most part, those of us in A long term relationship, Understand how much different this relationship is compared to the vanilla life. Because be it BDSM. Rope. or have a small box of toys for weekend fun. It takes responsibility and trust On both party"s, So be it a slave contract, Marriage We have rules for play.rules for the house we serve, "Safe, Sane and Consensual" Lifestyle rules, Or as We follow R.A.CK risk-accepted consensual kink, Are there A-holes yes,on both sides of the coin. with the internet, a lot of rules have been lost. For some of Us collared and in chastity and Yes in Love, Then We see what I call velcro collar A new Dom every week and spend the whole time complaining about Chastity, no release,
surfing the net looking to upgrade and move on and cheat. Then there is some of Us The Honeymoon has never ended and it grows stronger with each other every day. Because We know cheating is the biggest breakdown in our world hard to forgive Because there are other outlets swinging, cuckolding. Not spend all one's time complaining about being locked up, or lack of sex. (you agreed or asked Her/Him to do it) In the early days, IMHP that is the cages were easy to slip out if one tried hard, wanting out, to play. but for some, We never did it because We made a commitment swore to be loyal and honor our Dom!! There are A-holes across the board in life but please remember there are those of Us Its about service, honor, and being true to oneself as a submissive, I am proud to be A collared slave and respect the trust Mistress has given me, but never in 20 Years Have I wanted to cheat Or spend time trying to get it off. This has been a little long and I apologize but over the years I have seen subs do this, cheat and lose it all because of it, Thank you for posting and have a wonderful day

 

Fantastic post above

 

You will also probably find that a number of the lurkers here are just living out some kind of fantasy and would run a mile if someone actually offered them the opportunity to be locled and denied without access to their own keys.

 

Definitely enjoying this conversation.

I've been cheated on, in the 'normal' sense - it was ugly. That relationship was healed, but it took a lot of work. And I feel very strongly about cheating - if it happens again, there will be no healing time.

When it comes to my toy, he doesn't cheat. I don't keep him caged, except for short periods when I want him to really be aware of my 'hold' over him. I trust that he won't play with MY cock unless he has permission, and he trusts me not to abuse our relationship. That trust is sexy.

And as he puts it, when I ask him about cheating, "That would ruin the fun!" [But then, our play is more orgasm denial than chastity for the sake of chastity.]

 

I have no doubt that you are correct

 

My Wife and I are new to this and I'm coming up to 12 days locked. I think She has already decided that my cage is permanent as Her attitude towards it has been so positive and She never mentions unlocking. I switched to a smaller ring two days ago and woke this morning with bad ball burn from my morning erection. I tried to tough it out but couldn't so I had to wake Her and ask if she would unlock me so I could switch back to the larger ring. She gave me the key and trusted me with it after I promised not to masturbate.
I didn't think about cheating and tried my best not to let any sexual thoughts enter my head and willed it not to get hard. It was very easy not to cum. She got the key back.
I realized that I would feel really bad about cumming behind her back. A month ago I was still jerking off all the time and She never knew, but now it would feel like a betrayal.
This thread got me asking myself why and I've come to the conclusion that the biggest reason is because I've seen how happy and empowered my lockup has made her and how transformative it has been to our relationship. It would feel like taking a shit all over that. I love Her so it's really beautiful to find out that my complete submission to Her makes Her so happy and excited because I guess that means She kinda likes me too?
And, you know, it turns me on like you wouldn't believe for Her to own my cock like I'm Her pathetic little emasculated bitch, so why would I want to ruin that?

 

First, welcome to the world of chastity. While your mileage may vary, my experience is that the more you submit (if not surrender) the more you are forever changed. Let her take the wheel and drive. She'll grow as a dominant and you'll grow as her submissive. Whole new worlds are about to open for you, it truly is an eye opening experience.

Second, this life is all about consent. Don't let her (or anyone else) take you beyond what you desire.

A piece of advice, though - you're in that device because you asked her for it. I read from another Domme here that, if a man asks for that, believe him. It's what he really wants - and when he asks to be let out, sometimes they can hate you for it. It's best to ease into it gradually. TRUST HER.

Usually when a woman locks a man in chastity it's because she loves him enough to do so, or she's being paid.

Be honest with her about everything - how you're feeling, your fears regarding this, wet dreams, etc. For some, this device can wear them down, for others it molds. Personally, I know I'm not going back to being unlocked.

Lastly, you're right about masturbation - it's cheating on her. When you do that, you're betraying the trust she's put in you and she'll shy away from being the Domme she COULD be otherwise.