4 years ago on a whim I asked my wife to try chastity..I was surprised she agreed. We played for about 3 months. She would usually have me locked for 3-4 days in a row and then a few days off. I was in bliss locked up. I did all the house chores as I read Around her Finger which stated my chances would be better with service behavior. I was not trying to ask to much. One day before we were about to go out I was so in a sub space being locked for 5 days I begged her to allow me to lick her pussy. She looked puzzled and said I needed a fucking. She pulled out her key unlocked me told me to wash her cock. She mounted me and I came quickly. She left me unlocked and after about a week I asked her if she would want to continue. She said being a keyholder was not for her and if I wanted it I would have to fly solo. My heart dropped but felt like I needed to give her time. Now 4 years later my desire has gotten stronger to be locked. The other day I asked if she would ever visit chastity again and I received a smirk..better than a no! She has been dominant in bed we usually play about 4 times a month. We are both 54. She just isn't comfortable being dominant outside the bedroom which I think chastity may have created an uneasy pressure that extended beyond the bedroom. Although she did tease me in chastity many times by grabbing the cage or using her knee to rub it before I would go to work. I'am puzzled on how to proceed?
you could look into having a virtual keyholder. If she likes your mood and pleasantness when locked, she may just not like being in control per say. Using a virtual keyholder gives you both what you want. Carilock is one but there are many others. I've used chastitylocked.com.
Thanks for the tip I may try that avenue but for now I'am hoping for tips to sway my wife into accepting the idea of putting me in chastity
Back to basics. There are many people who restrict the dominance part of the relationship to the bedroom only. Outside the bedroom they continue to live what would be considered a fairly vanilla life. If you could convince her that you dont expect her to be dominant outside the bedroom it may remove alot of pressure that she was feeling and hopefully give it a go.
Sitting here in the spanish sun - 37 degress - I can't help thinking that we have not heard the entire story yet.... What if. .. what she really dislike is the inherent demand for edging, and attention to the "condition". Maybe , - just maybe she is suffocating from all that. If that is the case, I will suggest that you put aside all demands for attention - and by God I know what an internal struggle that can be... It is all about dedication and love for her... Forget about "willy" .... For awhile I was pretty much dried out, and was reduced to a licking toyboy, when she needed stimulation. She simply pretended not to hear me , or observe my small hints and all, - to a point where I understood, and backed off. Edging is back - but only when she feels like it. I never ask for it, never complains about my condition, never put pressure on her. It would only prove to be counterproductive....
Thank you, your suggestion seems to ring true to me. I have a hard time verbalizing outside the bedroom about this issue. Any suggestions on wording this proposal? Thanks Trastamara
Tell it like it is - If it is like that: "I have come to realize that I have not been acting my words out. I have told You that I want it to be all about taking pressure of your shoulders, encouraging you to think of your needs, and not mine when I was locked up, but In fact I was too obsessed with the fact that I was caged, to a point where I kept on pushing You to "nurse" my condition with a lot of tedious tasks , that I came up with - to speak the truth. I want all that to change.I am willing to put aside all that, and work hard to be the one who sets you free of all demands, cause I truly love to see you blossom. I will not expect your to pay back my chores and pleasing, That is not how it is to be. My reward is your pleasure - that is where I want to be. I know You must think - that I do not have the willpower to go that far for You, but this is truly what I want. Old habits are hard to overcome, - and little man down there seems to have a will of his own, - but if we help each other out here - we can succeed. You can help me out by accepting and enforcing, and the last thing I would like You to feel is guilt for denying me for extended periods of time. There is to be no pressure and therefore no guilt. simple as that. I really want to be denied for extended lock-ups. I believe it will set my mind straight and focused on Your "freedom" and pleasures. Frequently Interruptions will take me out of this mindset, and that I truly don't want to. ...." And When she asks you for how long - ask her for a full month at first, but tell her that you hope for more, much more, but You would like to prove yourself worth it... And if she says she will miss "a goof fuck" tele her she can have it, but she must not allow you to cum. Only by hand from now on, and only when she feels like it. ONLY WHEN SHE FEELS LIKE IT, ( which she does not do that often;-) ) And if she asks You who is to keep the little fellow clean during extended lock-ps, - tell her that you will ask for permission to clean ,- to have the key for like 2 minutes, and that you will go and do it yourself, with an open bathroom door. Don't ask her to monitor your every single move. That is wrongdoing. Take the pressure of her and be faithful to the course. You are to be trusted. You are in this together Have a great day!
sometimes having a locked slave seems like a lot of work. its been our experience that most of the time, you just live your normal life when locked. i, for one, do not want to tell you what to do 24/7. if you act normal, doing your normal things, perhaps a little more helpful, on your own, shes prob going to be more receptive. she knows your locked, and believe me, she wont let you forget it when shes in the mood and not being pressured. good luck.
Since she is fine when you self-lock, just do that. But make her aware of it, and tell her the location where the keys are, and that if/whenever she wants, she can of course take them again, but without the pressure of it. That can also be used the other way around: when she has the keys, if she's bored, she can always place the keys back, and you're then supposed to unlock.
I don't know if my advice will help, but when Caged Wolf and I started on our journey three years ago I was uncomfortable with him being locked up. He would lock himself up and I would have the key. He spent more time out of his device than in it. He would tell me when he was locked up and I would be indifferent to it. I even told him once I thought his desire to be locked up was weird. As the years have gone by I am getting more comfortable being Mistress. In the last few months I have become more accustomed to Caged Wolf being locked up. I came up with a suggestion for him last night after really good sex. For every orgasm he gave me will be the days he is locked up. (I lost count at five)
I happen to agree with ineverknew. Set yourself up on EmlaLock or Carilock and maybe even let an online keyholder take over for you. Your wife might see changes in you and ask what's different or see you are wearing the device and become more interested with the way you have been giving her more attention since you put it on. Cannot hurt..
Hi there I was in a similar position a number of years ago and although we played sometimes quite seriously there was little more to it than that very similar to what you describe. Our breakthrough involved several avenues the main one was that I had always pressured her in the past to play my games with my rules, this had to change so if we played it had to be her choice. After working on our general relationship including working on her self esteem I suggested that she research Femail Led Relationships and let's talk if anything clicks. That was about 9 months ago and three weeks tomorrow we started a plan to work towards a Femail led Marriage. I have started a blog here but about three weeks ago I was spread eagled and made to come and that's my last for three months. I also have to help with chores etc and my goddess has control of the sex part of our relationship. The FLR websites are much more main stream and she found she could relate to this much better. It will always take two to tango but she did get a lot more from this research than I expected and now she is driving things and I am becoming more of a passenger. Good Luck.
Thank you Mistress Wolf for your input. I have always felt that being in chastity without my wife's consent was somewhat pushy I guess. I have dreamed of her consent and awareness of me being locked and her holding the key. Years ago when she told me I had to fly solo in this chastity thing my heart dropped but at the same time I respected her choice and still love her deeply...I just accepted this aspect of our relationship wouldn't come to fruition but my desire to be locked is just that an aspect of our relationship and the foundation of love respect and our bond remain regardless. The idea of chastity hasn't left my thoughts though and over the last years the desire just seems to grow stronger? I will try what you suggested that Caged Wolf tried by self locking and telling her where the key is without being to pushy of course and see what comes of it. She is not into web surfing about FLR sites and I haven't told her about my CM account as she doesn't seem interested in seeking advice from others I believe she thinks the choices we make have to come from us in our relationship. I have suggested several times years ago FLR sites books about the subject that I got for her to read on the subject but the books didn't interest her...she never opened one. Again thank your Mistress Wolf for you input
I am glad I may have been able to give some good advice. I had been in a similar situation, of not caring when Caged Wolf was locked up. And not caring about the devices at all. When he is locked up I will reach over and tease him, gently groping him in the device. I enjoy touching him when he is not locked up too. I especially love to grope him at night when he tucks me in. Caged Wolf has also walked over to me so I may grope him, I think by doing this I have been able to overcome my awkwardness with the device. I think touching him while wearing the device has let me understand that it is a piece of metal, and it's nothing to be afraid of.
My wife and KH was not so sure when we started this back in October. When I approached her about it she freaked out. She loves me as much as I love her so she gave it a try. Heck if she did not love it. She loved the attention. Neither one of us can explain it but me being caged makes things different. I am sure that it is because I cannot jerk off in the cage. I have no self control. Eventually if left to my own means I am jerking off daily. She loves the attention she gets when I am always trying to show her enough love to get an orgasm. 90% of the time is am teased to death. Once in a while I get let out. What us weird is when I finally get to cum I am sad afterwards. Makes it all worth while.
The feeling of being sad afterwards is oh so familiar, - and it could suggest that you too are ready for longer lock-ups;-) Maybe even one day you will be able to reach a state where You are not thinking: "Whats in it for me?" - when you do your pampering, and services to her. I can tell You from experience, that such a change in thinking, is a true blessing
Good question. I am in a similar situation. My wife (owner) and I use to have a great sex life. She use to keep me in chastity and did it for almost 2 years. Then she got diagnosed with Bone Cancer. Now we are in a sexless marriage and "sex" is not in her vocabulary any more and is NEVER horny or even interested if I have an occasional orgasm or not. We have almost NO intimacy and it is very frustrating for someone like me with a high sex drive. Good luck in your search for an answer. My Yahoo address is: submantoy@yahoo dot com if anybody would like to give me some advice, tips or help.
@submissive Bobbie (Bob) i very sorry that your wife has been poorly. i hope She is happy and not sad.
Thank you for your nice comments. She does not appear sad. In fact everything seems normal & fine, its just we have no intimacy and live in a sexless marriage. I'll be honest, I do miss the sex and the intimate moments we had in the past.
Bobie. With Miss I have found that when she is under the weather all her sex drive and intimacy fades. We do talk about this and the effects it has on both of us. We find that open and honest discussion always helps. Now however it's always what Miss says goes. We do have what are to me long gaps with little or no intimacy and we have to work together to bring them back. That do say love conquers all and we have found that it only triumphs when both parties are in love and they both understand each other's issues. Sorry this is not real chastity related but it has worked for us and the last years have been the best. The very best of luck and my good wishes to you both.