was wondering how you all with years of experience handle the money situation in your FLR's. We are rekindling ours and taking it to a whole new level (where it shod have been along) by me surrendering complete control. ITs all new to us and although I have plenty of time (and motivation) to do all kinds of research and reading to find what I think would work the best for us (keeping her personality as it stands now in mind), she does not currently, so she is taking it (appropriately) slow. We are in a situation where I earn almost all the income and support all the expenses. Up until now we have kept finances separate but I have always supported her every need (even b4 flr). But I don't feel that without her controlling this fundamental part of any household she could ever REALLY be in charge. So I have handed over all my passwords and financial info to her to do with as she pleases. She could very well tonight take it all and transfer it all in her name. I will now ask permission before spending a penny on myself or any purchase for the household over $100. It will take her a while to adapt to this as she never had this kind of responsibility or control in our relationship (we have been together 7 years now). I see the doubt in her eyes as I was explaining this to her, how do I convince her that this is reality now? I guess time is the answer as it is for everything else, but I'm curious as to what the other arrangements there are out there?
Congratulations on taking this step. You are wise to take it slowly. She needs to do the transactions - paying bills, deciding where the money goes, but for now you can help her by giving gentle advice. Suggest to her that she begin changing passwords so that you will be unable to access the checking and savings accounts. Have her get checks made up with just her name on the account. Make sure that your paycheck goes into HER account. It will be difficult for you to give up control over what you have seen as your money, but it is what HAS to be done.
I agree with sub bob, take it slow and help as much as possible. Also, does she want this? Being in charge of finances (as Im sure you know) can be very stressful and worrying. I control mine and my (soon to be ex) husbands money. -spawn- has his own money. I haven't decided whether or not I want control of that just yet as I have a lot going on.
Sorry - For what it is worth I see this as a kink gone wild. A fantasy that can be very stimulating, but in reality it holds a lot of problems and unintended drawbacks for the lifestyle - and for her especially. I find it to be part of the service and pampering that my husband takes cares of all the bills, insurance and stuff. I don't need that load on my desk to know that I am in charge. Also I know for at fact that he is good at it, so if it is not broken , why fix it? As for spending money on his own - Well, since I like for him to shower me with lovely surprises, small gifts, lingerie and all, how would that be possible if I denied him access to finances? If he wants to buy things for himself- he will automatically ask for my approval. Voila! There you have your proof of concept and I'm satisfied, and so is he. The difference is obvious ! I expect him to do it like that and I know for a fact that he does. I could check the accounts anytime if i liked. We have no separate accounts. But he seems so tuned in on showering me, and letting me have the saying on "bigger investments", that I feel totally comfortable the way it is. @samisslave - maybe You could find other - less stressful for her - ways of feeding your desire for more submissiveness, and for showing her that you put your life in her hands...? I guess You have already managed to cage yourself so that is not taking the center stage in your relationship. You need to make sure that it stays like this: To take focus away from your desires and focus in hers. I'll take that having her to lock you out from access to your accounts is not high on her list of desires. I'm confident that there are other things on her list, that might not right away feeds your kinks, but it is nevertheless so rewarding to fulfill them...
You hit the nail on the head. What u described it exactly what we have setup. It's the POTENTIAL that she cld "lock me out" that gives the feeling of submissiveness. She also doesn't wNt to b burdened with day to day running of the household, n I don't feel the need for her to do that either. But I do feel all my needs should b approved by her and all big financial decisions/purchases shld b approved by her 1st which is what we r setting up. In the past she really had no access or "final say". Big decisions were usually mutual or if I wanted sumthing bad enough , new car, new stereo equip, clothes, etc I just went n bought it
Kink gone mad very funny until you are having to consult lawyers. Not spending without out permission is one thing , being out on the street potless totally another. Set up a new bank account and get your money paid into that . Then make a small direct debit in to the account she has access to. Xx Wendy
I may have misread this thread. My wife has handled all of our finances (with constructive input from me, and we're both earners) for years. I've absolutely never had an issue with this. I love her and trust her completely. It's just a lot simpler for me to concentrate on making money and not worry about the tactical stuff. Long term, we agree on retirement, etc. and always talk to each other. Why is it such a big deal to trust your partner, let alone you KH with your money? Granted, that assumes a committed relationship.
I am the one who has the final say in all decisions, financial or otherwise. However, I do not burden myself with unnecessary boring work I hate, so Paul does all the financial admin and management, so I am not having to do it. He is financially very astute and capable, being a Finance Director by Profession, so it makes sense for him to do the financial work and for me to hold the power. We share all our possession in terms of ownership, so we have joint bank accounts and joint investments and we own our house jointly. We rae married and so even if they were not in joint names, technically, if we split up, the assets would simply be shared equally. Paul is not allowed to make personal purchases over £20 without permission, so that isn't a problem. I feel in authority because I am. I do not need to do all the work or have everything in my name to make that happen. We all have different ways in which we feel empowered or dominant. I prefer using Paul to carry out the work as a delegated task because it reinforces that I have all the authority but he must still do the work. Win-win
We don't play with money. We both watch everything. I handle some things, her others. We watch over each other and make sure we don't make mistakes. Our motto in life is "teamwork". We are two parts of a whole. The idea that one of us handles everything would be foreign to us (and dangerous, but YMMV). Neither of us are spendthrifts. We do quite well, but have no interest in wasting cash. We won't retire to that nice island in the sun without some discipline today. My advice is to keep the wallet out of the bedroom.
Even before chastity came into our relationship, my wife already did this. She has always had and still has complete control over our finances. I never had a problem with this as I struggled with maths and balancing the budget anyway. If I want to buy something, I have to ask her beforehand (if it's something I really, really want then 9 times out of 10 she will let me have it). It works for me too as when I went on a diet to lose weight, it meant I couldn't go out and buy junk food whenever I wanted because she would say no. I get a thrill out of the humiliation of having to ask her if I can have something in a shop. I get a lot of strange looks, especially from friends, as an adult man asking his wife if he can have a chocolate bar at the till. She keeps my bank card in her purse and I'm totally okay with that. Of course everyone's relationship is different. If you trust each other, it can work.