I've been lurking for awhile now, but I guess I should formally introduce myself. I'm a 40 year old married guy in DFW with a six year old and a vanilla wife. I've been thinking about introducing her to the idea of chastity. I've been thinking about it for about a year now, and actually have tried a couple of devices. Our marriage is passionless these days. She's not into anything, and she has no libido most of the time. She will tie me up occasionally, but isn't into it. Sex rarely happens because I can't keep my hands off of my own dick. Orgasm is all I think about, yet having it controlled is even more exciting. Sounds pretty normal from what I read. We are currently traveling from Ft. Worth to San Diego...alone. Our son is with my parents for the next eight days. I'm hoping to get the guts to bring this conversation up to her. We have another ten hours in the car today, and it's just the two of us. I'm not going for the full lock me up spiel yet, as I know I must start slow. It's just so out of my normal personality to bring this out. What if she says no and laughs at me, or whatever else. Wish me luck. Hopefully, here it goes...
Hey, - keep my fingers crossed;-) I can recommend reading this new thread - on a guy in a similar situation: http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/new-here.13205/ OK - plus a couple of possible "small helpers" that might help her to open up. : 1. Tell her that You loose your desire to have sex with HER, because you wank so much 2. Tell her that you think too much about sex, -- and that it in fact is making you less focused, productive in your professional life.. ( You could make more money, if you where more focused - he-he..) 3. Tell her that you dislike waking on your own, in secrecy - and that your would rather have her to decide in that department. 4. Tell her that you would love to be able to serve her sexually, without she ever would have to feel any guilt , for not returning the favor. ( I-m sure she somehow feels guilt, - but has reached a phase where she does not react upon it.) 5. Tell her that you would love make her life even more comfortable, because you love her so much, -and that she should only allow herself to see how good you would be in nursing her in everyday, including house chores and stuff. Tell her that for all you know, the chasted denial - will make you like that, - and that it would be something you would love to do... 6. Ask her for a time limited test run.... and evaluation.... 7. Don't ask her to read a lot of documentaries from the internet - on how vanilla wifes becomes dominatrixes over night. and men becomes waking dogs .. - That is the worst you can do. That will scare her off completely. Really don't ask her to read anything, -talk to her instead, show her instead, - with your patiences - and awareness to her worries... 8. Maybe ask her to start without a device, - the honor system, where she decides when you can have release.. At least it is important not to appear to much in love with the concept of wearing a device. 9. be patient... It took a year for me... My mantra in here would be like: Nothing wrong - in giving the chastity lifestyle a helping hand now and then, to make it blossom to its full potential... Sincerly BlueEyes
Thank you so much for the advice! This is definitely going to be a long endeavor. There's been several years of apathy, for lack of a better word, in our marriage. I will need to convince her that the benefits to her far outweigh the work she would have to put into it.
You aren't alone. Chastity play has saved my marriage. My wife didn't have much sexual energy, and I would just hide and masturbate. I told her chastity was a way to stop masturbating and focus on her. It has worked well.
Chastity revived our marriage. It took my orgasm out of the equation for my wife and let us focus on the intimacy. Soon thereafter my wife was having better an more orgasms than before. We often just kiss and cuddle as she edges me gently over and over. Since we are no longer focused on my orgasm, sex is much better as our my orgasms when I have them. My wife said I was crazy when I told her that I wanted to try chastity but she knew that my masturbation was interfering with whatever sex life we had. Once my masturbation problem was stopped, my sex life was no longer predominantly focuses on the fantasies online but just my wife and that change the world for us. Hope it works out for you as it did for us.
@lonestar , welcome and you are not alone. I was in the same exact position you find yourself in now. My wife is exactly as you describe yours. But I brought it up and she said YES! If she understands what you are laying on the table and you are sincere, I highly doubt she would laugh or not take you serious. Explaining that chastity is more about the intimacy between you two rather then just a sex kink will go a long way. Lots of good suggestions in the thread @BlueEyes recommended including my post and description of how I engaged my wife in chastity. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Y'all are awesome! I'm definitely going to try and break the ice on this trip. There are so many good resources here for me to look at. Thank you for making me feel welcome!
A few months ago I talked to a friend about my chastity device,never thinking she could be interested for her own situation,but now her hubby is locked and she is taking more control in every domain.We can sometimes be surprised by unexpectedly adventurous people...
I've at least managed to open the dialogue, which is good. I haven't had the device talk yet. Taking it slow, but I'm encouraged.