Chastity without Femdom or FLR

This got about 1000x more complicated than it needed to be. If you like it, do it. If you don't, stop. Its really that simple.

 

This is one of the reasons I never attend a Munch.

 

The great thing about male chastity is that it works for everyone,not just the kinky.It is certainly humbling to hand over control but it does not have to lead to a D/s or FLR type relationship.

 

We are in loving relationship. Can't say that This is FLR, but I'm more of her toyboy/sex toy.
Chastity for us is the way to add kink and make things more about her and her pleasure.

 

Because someone might talk to you like a human being? Or because our local scene believes that you start respectfully and then you work from there? Or because we view munches as networking and learning opportunities?

Or because ~gasp~ someone acts as a greeter to new members to help make them feel safe, respected and welcome?

Because if those bother you maybe you're right to avoid them.....

 

My opinion is that male chastity is one of the deepest, most beautiful expressions of love a couple can engage in with one another. The man gives over complete control of his sexual power to the wife, devoting his attention to only her, and the wife has complete assurance of her man's love and faithfulness through such a deep commitment, and in turn nurtures and takes a more active role in the relationship, because all women desire a strong sense of security and permanence in their lives, and having it, both are intensely focused on one another's happiness and totally committed to each other. So many divorces happen because couples just lose interest in one another, but where chastity is in play, that is far less likely to occur.

 

My experiences with munches are mixed. Many I have attended tend to be rather closed with new people largely ignored. Of course, many people attend munches in the attempt to find a partner for whatever activities the munch is about. That makes them much less likely to participate cooperatively. In rare cases, I have attended munches where people are inclusive and work hard to make new people feel welcome. I have to admit that most of the munches I have attended were in conjunction with a workshop that I was presenting. However, since these workshops were across the country, I got to meet a lot of people and attend a number of different munches.

 

I would love to agree with you, but can't. Chastity doesn't appear to improve a bad relationship. If anything, it is a stressor that can push people apart. The key fantasy assumption that a woman "wants" control of her mate's sexuality is not generally true in real life. After doing a lot of research, I have found that almost all chastity relationships are started by men. I could only find two cases where the woman truly initiated.

You make some sweeping generalizations. Do you really believe a woman feels more secure because she needs to lock her man's penis up to feel that he won't cheat? Nothing is inherent in wearing a chastity device about focusing on each other's happiness. If you aren't already doing that, locking your penis won't change it.

Mrs. Lion has me locked because I asked her to do it. I didn't automatically get more thoughtful. She didn't get more sexual. Things have improved, and chastity helped. But the help wasn't wearing a device. It was working out the details of living with my surrender of sexual control. I like being locked up, but even without the device we could have had the same conversations with equally good results.

I chose to respond because this sort of fantasy sets expectations in people's minds about the "benefits" of male chastity The benefit is that the male gets to live out a fantasy and practice a kink he has. What happens after the lock snaps shut is based on the quality of the communication and relationship, not the device.

 

I totally agree. Perhaps it wasn't as clear what I meant as I had hoped. It's not the lock, or the cage, but the RELATIONSHIP. The cage is a way to facilitate that. I don't think anyone would suggest that there is something "magical" about a cage, as that is completely unrealistic. Read all the threads on the subject. It IS generally true that women crave stability and permanence to their relationships, but don't necessarily want to be the head of the household, as the title of this thread was the subject I was commenting on. Caging, controlling, taming the beast, is sort of a fantasy of the female gender, else the film "Beauty and the Beast" wouldn't have been so insanely popular with females of ALL ages. How you go about that is really subjective, but COUNTLESS women have married men that they were physically attracted to, but felt they could "change" them to suit their own desires. This has been a theme in endless movies, tv dramas and even sitcoms over the years, and is generally a pervasive theme in the society that this media reflects and that consumes it. The male chastity cage just takes this a step further. In keeping with the theme of this thread, my view is that while women don't want to be "in charge", that shaping of the man to more suit their own desires is where the cage comes in, and where the opportunity lies for the man to show his wife that he is not only agreeable to this, but a willing accomplice, because he wants their relationship to be strengthened, grow and flourish in a direction that pleases both the man and his wife mutually. That's what I meant. Sorry for being so unclear.

 

Word.

 

Interesting thought. I disagree again. Popular movie themes and other plots that appeal to women don't necessarily feature female control changing a male. Good films show changes over time; a bad guy sees the errors of his ways and gets better or worse. Stories are about change. Very few have characters that aren't in some way transformed. One big exception is the opera, Carmen. She is the same from the beginning to the end. People who sing this role find it difficult because there is no transformation.

Enter forced male chastity. Here, a transformation is forced by physically making the male impotent without someone's permission. The fantasies you refer to suggest that the transformation is the male going from thoughtless lout to courteous, subservient subject. The keyholder is the queen. So if you want to write a female-friendly chastity transformation story, both the man and woman would change as a result of the physical change the cage creates. The woman learns to understand male sexuality and to use it as a tool to make him happier. The man learns there is more to his woman than male-centric sex and service.

The happy ending, at least for Mrs. Lion and I will be our increased communication and awareness of each other. Unlike popular fiction, the changes don't happen quickly. There are bumps (plot twists?) along the way. I am painfully aware that things could have been much different. The cage in our case has turned out to be just one tool that is helping us find new and better ways to relate. It could have just as easily turned out to be something *he* wants to wear and she indulges now and then.

Some people on here share a great deal about their lives. Many men have commented that their partners just don't want to sustain the chastity lifestyle. They will do it as part of short term play, but are not interested in more. Many men find reasons they can only wear their devices in short bursts. Maybe their reasons are good, but regardless, they use their devices as a sex toy they (and presumably their partners) enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that.

I just think it is a mistake to try to associate too much with chastity. It is a subdivision of a bondage kink (if we want to be completely honest). The big difference is that for those of us who are locked 24/7, the bondage has real and continued impact on our lives. Exactly what that impact is depends on what agreement exists between locked male and keyholder. Just my 2 cents.

 

You said you don't agree, but then you went on to restate, basically, what I was saying. I've never mentioned the "forced" scenario you outlined, but rather the "female friendly" one. The relationship you described between yourself and your wife was exactly the kind of thing I was getting at. The "thoughtless lout" nowhere entered in to what I said, but rather a man who wants to connect with his wife on a deeper level. It seems you are skimming my comments and seeing only what you want to believe I'm saying, rather than what I'm actually saying. When I respond to a comment I'll read it, sometimes re-read it, to make sure I understand what the person is saying so I don't mischaracterize them and make them wonder where my head is at.

 

Although I think a woman probably could take a "thoughtless lout" and do the "forced" scenario and maybe have some success, but seriously, if the man isn't willing to change, or if the woman is exercising all the control, it just doesn't work out the way I was saying before and it doesn't make sense. @cagedlion, it's almost as if I had said that Abraham Lincoln was shot at Ford's Theater, and you said "I disagree, he was assassinated while watching a play." Best regards, by the way, no hard feelings. I respect your opinion, which is why I've mostly been agreeing with what you've said.

 

The title of this thread is "Chastity Without Femdom or FLR." That is exactly what I've been talking about.

 

There are some interesting points here. First, we agree that the chastity is consensual. Probably, based on what I have seen, the hardest consent to get is the keyholder's. The topic of chastity with no femdom, FLR is one I have been trying to understand for a long time.

I believe that there is always a power exchange with chastity. By definition, surrendering control of your ability to orgasm is a power exchange, hence if you disregard Internet nit picking, female domination. So, if I understand what I have read so far, the real question is how do you practice this particular power exchange with no other. I think we agree that being locked in a device is a form of bondage. At least in my case, I would be very disappointed if all that happened to me was that I get locked in and then every so often released so I could get off. So, almost by definition, more needs to happen.

I don't want to get into what "femdom" or "FLR" means. But I do believe that the keyholder has been granted substantial sexual power by virtue of the device locked on her partner's genitals. I am sure there are many couples that don't practice punishments and rules with the chastity play. I am equally sure that virtually all of us get teased and denied regularly and that our partners enjoy watching us "suffer" because we want to get off so badly. That appears to be the minimum set of power exchange we have in common.

Doing housework, wearing panties, etc. etc. are certainly not a necessary part of forced chastity. That stuff represents individual fantasies that are being fulfilled. I know that I like to be tied down and spanked and do anal play. That, of course, has nothing at all to do with being in a chastity device. We did that long before I got locked up.

My point is that there are no requirements that anything beyond sexual control is spelled out in the chastity experience. The fact that most of us want/do more doesn't change that fact. Also, there is nothing less.

 

Exactly! It is a power exchange relationship by definition, with the key word being "relationship." There is give and take, different roles, expectations, desires, and what have you between any couple in a relationship. Having the female be in charge of the sex is nothing new. There was no chastity, kink or anything else of the sort between me and my ex-wife, and she still ended up being the one who said when we had sex or not. So I ended up mmasturbating a lot, becausee getting her in the mood was like pulling Excalibur out of the stone. From what I have gathered from a lot of the media I have consumed, that is not all that uncommon. Finding a way to engage the wife, have BOTH parties be interested and involved, that's the quandry. Enter the cage. It's an element of fun that, from what I've read, has saved many marriages. Not that the wives were magically transformed into cruel dominatrixes, but that it provided a spark, a mutual source of interest to draw both closer together.

 

This was the case with Mrs. Lion and I. The cage turned out to be a tool that has radically changed our approach to sex. It hasn't made her want more, but it has given her the opportunity to meet my needs. The cage and our blog have also improved our communications.

 

Excellent! That's really what it's all about, connecting and having each other's needs met.

 

You are similar to me. I am naturally dominant and my wife is a nurturer and people pleaser. We were into BDSM where we switched our normal roles but since starting Chastity we do it less and less. As I just posted elsewhere, we treat chastity like extended foreplay. My wife does not dominate me in bed, unless I ask for it, of course. We just make love and the only difference is that I do not cum. If I ask for an orgasm too often (begging is part of the fun), my wife reminds me that chastity was my idea and she would love to give me an orgasm but that would mean she is done with this sex game. She nicely tells me that either I am serious about giving her control over my orgasms or not. That is all it takes for me to then lock it up. Once out of the bedroom, life goes on.

I have my CB6000s on most times and my wife goes back to being the loving and nurturing person she is. I tried to change this several times but she likes being who she is. She likes to please people but not in a unhealthy way. As she tells me, she gets pleasure out of giving me pleasure. She does not want it any other way.

 

Hmm very Christian Grey.

 

My wife also has no real interest in dominating me. I have been locked since February and our progress, while steady, is slow. It's complicated by the fact that I was a top/master for over 25 years and her knowledge of that fact intimidates her. She worries about doing chastity "right". Your wife has a great approach. Mine is getting there. Just today, she wondered in our blog (the post will release at 2pm Pacific) if she should feel badly because she gave me an orgasm last night. I had been waiting a week and was massively horny. I didn't ask for one, but she knew and didn't see any point in making me wait longer. She was concerned I wanted to wait longer.

Of course I told her that my want was for her to make those decisions and if she wanted to give me daily orgasms (which I don't want), she had the right and I wouldn't be disappointed. We need to get past her worrying about my expectations. I'm sure we will get there.

 

Funny but I told my wife the same thing, that if she wanted to give me orgasms every day, I would like that if it was because she wanted that. Sometimes she gets overly excited and gives me an orgasm because she wants to have me orgasm with her.