Now I know about my wife's sexuality.

Those who have followed my post are aware that my wife and I had a less than normal marriage for 45 years. 38 of those years were spent in a permanent threesome with her best girlfriend. We have not had intercourse since either of us can remember. I only asked my wife if she thought about being bisexual last year and she said that she never thought of it. I do not know where to post this so I will do so here as I have to say it.

Tonight I gave her a very emotional and heart felt Birthday card that had us both crying (still no orgasm for me to night). She finally opened up to me about her sexuality for the first time in our marriage. I know it sounds strange but for us, our marriage was the only normal we knew.

I guess the bombshell was that she fantasizes about females, not men. She was not attracted to women prior to our marriage but then again, she was a virgin when we married and she had little experience with men. I did set her up with the husband of a friend so that she could experience another man but she did not like it and told me that I would be the only man in her life. She also says that if I die before her, she is done with men and will live with a woman. We discussed this further tonight over dinner.

She loves sex with me, but never liked it much when we were doing wife swapping with other husbands. She was doing that for my benefit. She likes our sex very much but misses having a female around too. Throughout our threesome, my wife and our g/f really never had sex together without me in the room, even if it was to watch. Due to that, I always assumed that she were insecure with her sexuality and I was right. Now that she is older and facing surgery that is more than minor, she is opening up to me more. Despite our crazy life, she never wanted to talk about sex.

She also told me that she never gave our alternate lifestyle, a second thought. She reminded me that she was virgin and what she learned about sex was through me and her g/f so everything seemed normal to her. That I know, because I feel the same way. She also told me that she prefers the companionship of a woman over a man as a female is a kindred spirit. My wife is much more emotional than logical and will defend her position based solely on how she feels about it, whether true of not.

We had a good talk and for the first time in 45 years she told me about her feelings about her sexuality. I asked why she did not like intercourse and she said that she likes oral and gentle sex, which I knew, and intercourse felt rough and aggressive to her. She just did not like it. I did not mind because the trade off was having sex with two women and for a while, her g/f threw me a pity one now and then but not in the last 13 years. I do not know if you can even call it intercourse because it was done in a painful and dominating way and she would pull off of me or just move a little until I fell out of her, before I had my orgasms. Like my wife, she was no fan of letting a man ejaculate inside of her.

I guess I am having a hard time understanding why I am the only man she enjoys sex with. She certainly has lots of orgasms with me and love a still penis. However, now I know why she only wants to use her vibrator to reach her orgasms. She thinks about women. It all makes sense now because she never wanted me to talk during sex. I suspect that was because it interfered with her fantasy. Did she pretend I was a woman? I did not ask because I did not want to hear the answer. I think she would have lied anyway to spare my feelings. She left it vague. She thinks of girls when she fantasizes. Does that mean when she is alone or when she is also with me. I think both, because it now makes sense why she did not want me to speak when she was using her vibrator.

I do not know how to take that because I sometimes think about our girlfriend dominating me when I am having a hard time getting hard. Maybe it is a sometimes thing like it is with me. Now I know why she does not want me to masturbate and likes chastity. She knows that I am thinking of other women like she is. She is fine with me looking about it but not having sex with them in my mind.

I know she loves me deeply. Thee is no doubt about that at all. She does like sex with me. Once she had 17 orgasms in a three hour period, quitting only because she was too sore to have more. I assume that since she has orgasms within 2-3 minutes, when I am allows to play with he,r means sexual attraction. She likes to tease me and watch my penis grow from the mere touch of her hand. She also likes performing oral on me.

My wife is not keen about me telling others all about our sex life. She has always considered that very personal but I have held it in since I was 14. What guy loses his virginity to two women in a threesome? Not as hot as it sounds. Complete opposite of hot to me at the time. I do not even know why I am posting this here. It does speak to why she enjoys chastity. It allows her to just grab a vibrator and think f women without having to worry about my pleasure. She is having the best orgasms of her life. So much so that she does not want them that often because they hurt with their intensity.

I think my problem is that during our entire marriage we just lived it as we did. We never viewed it as abnormal. In fact sometimes the two ladies would get on the dance floor to dirty dance with each other and then touch and kiss each other to the delight of the guys and the dirty looks from their spouses. We enjoyed our marriage and lifestyle. Never a problem and never a complaint from all parties, even the cuckolded husband who we met a few times. I know that I would not stand for it , if my wife was making out with another guy right in front of me. I was more used to having sex with married women who hid it from their husbands so this was a novel and not understood relationship that they had.

I have conflicting emotions about just what my wife feels about males and females. Her actions and words seem to indicate that all things being equal she rather marry a women. Does that diminish her love of sex with me? Based on what she told me previously my guess that it has nothing to do with sex. Last year she told me that she gets aroused by the person, not what sex they are. Now that I know she only fantasizes about women, I am not sure if her attraction to me is more or less than her attraction to women. Perhaps it is because our g/f is no longer with us and she misses her like I do.

This is way too long but I do not care if anyone reads it as it is cathartic just writing it. I know she loves sex with me but not other men. Never even talks about them like she does women. This is all really much ado about nothing. It just affects my view of our relationship. I used to feel like I was a man who she loved but now feel like I am a person, who happens to be male, that she loves. Subtle difference but a difference nonetheless as it changes my viewpoint of things. I kind of feel that if she did not have a girlfriend for most of our marriage, it may have been different.

I just went from, hey I am so lucky that I have a wife that also likes girls, to I have a wife who loves women and me. I do not know if you see the difference as I do.

 

Talked to my wife and told her how my view of us had changed. She took me into the bedroom, teased me for an hour, told me to follow her outside (we have a lot of property on a corner that has a 6 foot wall around it). The moon was bright and she continued to tease me on the lanai. Kept edging me and then told me to lock it up until tomorrow.

I could tell that she was really into me and no one else. No fantasizing. Her body got moist and she could not breathe through her nose, something that always happens to me when aroused. I was not horny, until she made me so. We talked some more and told me that her desire for a woman does nothing to diminish her sexual attraction to me and said for being so silly I have to massage her feet tomorrow and buy her some new dining room chairs that we saw today and she liked.

My wallet may be lighter but I feel better. Sorry for the long post above but she caught me by surprise and I had to re-adjust my view of her. I told her that is what happens when you do not want to talk about sexual things. She mumbled about something doing the talking right now and I kept quiet after that.

 

First, thanks for even reading my long post. It was just something I needed to get off of my chest. My wife made sure that I knew that she found me sexually attractive last night through things her body did that she has no control over.

I think that my wife feels more comfortable about her sexuality now that we talked, because for the first time, at breakfast, she said she would love to get into the pants of a well known lesbian chef. I reminded her that she was a lesbian and she said, so what. Just a subtle shift from hunting in a pack that can eat what we killed to hunting and eating alone. Pardon the metaphor.

I do not feel threatened but rather am glad that she is not hiding things from me as my mind tends to imagine things in a vacuum of knowledge.