Hello Esteemed Members, Well, our 90 day experiment had a premature end at day #35. My keyholder and I were having some communications issues causing a rare, but heated, argument. Luckily, we resolved them promptly. It was good to get some things out in the open. Turns out that our mutual use of sarcasm as a "humor" tool was a bit too sharp for both of us. As for the chastity period, I had a moment of weakness during our "heated" period. It seems the moment the "purpose" of chastity is removed, the desire to remain chaste evaporates. In other words, the moment I felt my keyholder wasn't concerned about chastity and I was similarly angry, the desire to remain chaste totally went away. As a result, I just was left there for the day with a full prostate and no "apparent" reason to abstain. So with little fanfare, I popped in some porn and yanked to a pretty good (but not great) orgasm. Perhaps most interesting for me to learn was how fragile the desire to remain chaste really is. I am amazed at how having true meaning to chastity is such a strong motivator. Take that away for any reason and the simple urge instantly becomes overwhelming. Oh well, we are going to be fine and I am sure we will begin another chastity period in the near future. Meanwhile, it's time for a break and let some emotional healing occur. I can certainly say to all of the members out there: The full-month milestone is truly a different place than the first few weeks. Your mind changes and is effected in some fascinating ways. I STILL recommend that all men try to be chaste as long as they can. You will learn a lot. David
thank you very much for sharing david! E/evryone here W/who is human, winks, very well understands the trials and tribulations of maintaining a healthy and respectful relationship whether it be simply vanilla or a little on the kinky side. Mistress Watchful has kindly shared Her Own experiences in this. i myself experienced a 3 month period during the summer which i call "being lost". as T/they say . . . shit happens. Mistress Michelle likes to use a phrase i introduced Her to that goes . . . "it is what it is". life in all it's twists and turns. very best wishes and luck david, thank you.
Dear David, Be please to know your not the only one with the "use of sarcasm as a "humor" problem. I have had that same discussion many time's over the last 20 years with my wife. I too get very sharp, and use verbal abuse way to often according to the wife. I usually don't notice, but the more I use, the easier it flows out. Glad to hear you "resolved them promptly". Chastity is important, just way less important than Marriage, Love, and Life. It is very easy to get overwhelmed when locked and your mind thinks others are not interested in it. "Perhaps most interesting for me to learn was how fragile the desire to remain chaste really is. I am amazed at how having true meaning to chastity is such a strong motivator." Couldn't agree more. I feel that unless you have walked in someone's shoes, you cannot begin to understand them. The emotional feelings that Chastity can bring to one's mind set is unbelievable. I live my life with that motto. Not judging anything anyone likes till I have tried it. Gee maybe that's how I came to this point in my life, Locked in a Chastity Belt dressing up as a woman!!!! Won't change a thing, other than starting much earlier in life. I know that my mind set changes soon as the lock clicks. I start to think about what I can do to please, what I do that doesn't please, and what would happen if I was locked for real and my actions dictated my release and orgasms. Just stopping a moment and thinking about one of those stops the bad habits that I have grow to use. I am writing a Contract to spell out what is going to happen with Tanya, what will happen for poor behavior, and punishments for not honoring, worshiping, and severing my Wife the way I should have been for years. Hopefully we can included Chastity in the next 20 years and of course Tanya. Good Luck, it will all work out for the best, just give it time and remember what is truly important. Missy Tanya
David, I sympathise, and I hope it goes better next time. Still 35 days seems like a very long time to me - perhaps I'm a wimp! And Missy Tanya - I'd love to see that contract when it's done. I like contracts! Steerpike.
Thank you all for the terrific support. Miss Tanya summed things up well and I am grateful for the understanding that our community has shown. My keyholder and I are definately on the mend and both agree that EACH need to improve our carefulness in our language with each other. After a few days letting the hurt go away, I am guessing I will be locked back up. As an aside, I took personal advantage of this unplanned break. I went ahead and masturbated 4 times in the last two days. I wasn't trying to be passive-aggressive or anything like that, instead I was just figuring that if the clock is starting back at zero, might as well make sure I was fully empty. Thanks again everyone. And good luck to ALL of us chaste males in our quest to be better at serving. David
Oh david.... I have seen it all before, way too many times in this house! As cks rightly said, it is all written in my journals here somewhere! I don't know what was said or how it was said, but I think you might find that it was all just "in the heat of the moment". I've thrown HUGE wobblies about not wanting to do "this" anymore, and its "all about you, not me" ad infinitum! Do I mean it? At the time, HELL YES! When I've calmed down.... hmmmm.... that's where I am (again) now. I still have that feeling in my belly that I want pet locked up, I want to be in charge, I want to do full T&D, but I'm so scared that it will all go so terribly wrong again. The damage that was done previously will take a long time to leave me. It's all about building up confidence and trust again. Good luck. :animal0008:
Oh david.... I have seen it all before, way too many times in this house! As cks rightly said, it is all written in my journals here somewhere! I don't know what was said or how it was said, but I think you might find that it was all just "in the heat of the moment". I've thrown HUGE wobblies about not wanting to do "this" anymore, and its "all about you, not me" ad infinitum! Do I mean it? At the time, HELL YES! When I've calmed down.... hmmmm.... that's where I am (again) now. I still have that feeling in my belly that I want pet locked up, I want to be in charge, I want to do full T&D, but I'm so scared that it will all go so terribly wrong again. The damage that was done previously will take a long time to leave me. It's all about building up confidence and trust again. Good luck. :animal0008:
Thank you for the reassuring words Mistress Watchful! It is delightful to hear the woman's perspective. In particular, I liked your comment on healing. I am sure my keyholder and I will soon be back to proper denial of orgasm and intercourse. David
david: Many have already said it but I too suffer from bigmouthsarcasmitis. LOL It has been a way for me to make a point in a less than confrontational way. Only problem is my dumb but failed to realize it does cause confrontations some time. In regards to not feeling the need to be chaste when in troubled times I totally relate. Communication is key as you are already aware. I have the same problems if we get in a quarrel or if she just acts like I am not here night after night then I feel what is the point of being locked up only to be ignored. There are obviously other issues that need resolved when this happens so we try to take a break and make a fresh start. Now as fars as the 35 days. That is no small chore at all. Just remember to pamper her and she will continue the tease and denial. However be careful for what you wish as many on here will tell you. Once they get a taste for that type of control you are at their mercy for many days to come. Mistress Watchful do not fear as that time will come again soon. You know if you follow your own advice, through that communication all will be good again.
Dear Xcitex2 (Mel's Toy) You clearly have walked in my shoes I can see! I completely resonate with what you have said. Sarcasm is often just used for expedience, yet can be hurtful without knowing it. And once the feeling of being "forgotten" is sensed, the desire for chastity blows right out the window. Thanks again for the comments. David